Chapter 2

Ned, Cookie, Moze, Phil, Tyler, and Joe were sitting in Mr. Matzger's classroom that afternoon for detention. Mr. Matzger was gone, so they could talk freely without having to worry about keeping silent.

"Man, I hate detention," sighed Cookie.

"Me too," Moze said. "This is going on my spotless record. I can't believe you goons got us into this mess!" she directed her anger at Phil, Tyler, and Joe.

"Actually, it was Ned who started talking," Phil said, glaring at Ned.

"Well I just wanted to say hi. I didn't want to carry a conversation about…pickup trucks and diesel engines…you big…fatty," Ned said.

Phil stood up and towered over Ned. Normally, Phil wouldn't harm a fly, despite his large size, but in this case, he wanted to use his size to intimidate Ned briefly. "Did you just call me fat?" he said in a dangerous tone.

"So what if I did?" Ned shot at Phil.

Phil started to grab Ned, but Tyler intervened and said, "Guys, guys, settle down. Let's shut up before Mr. Matzger comes back."

Phil and Ned grumbled to themselves as they walked away from each other. Phil called Tyler and Joe to one corner of the room, while Ned called Cookie and Moze to the opposite corner of the room.

"Hey, Ned, remember when you used to write a survival guide for middle-school? Why don't you make one for high-school? In it, you can have a section about dealing with big blowhards like Phil," Cookie said.

"I heard that," Phil called from across the room.

"Good idea," said Ned. "I'm on it…as soon as we get out of this class."

Meanwhile, Phil, Tyler, and Joe talked amongst themselves. "I hate guys like Ned. They start up lots of trouble and blame others for it. You two were there. You saw that Ned was the one who started all this by talking to us," said Phil. Tyler and Joe nodded in agreement. "I'm starting a project. It's a survival guide written in a standard composition notebook that gives students tips about how to survive high-school. I'll call it 'Phil's High-School Survival Guide.'

"Sounds good, Phil," said Tyler.

When detention ended that day, all six students returned to their homes. The next day was quite a day of conflict between the groups.

Tyler and Joe walked up to Phil's locker. "Have you started on that survival guide, yet?" Tyler asked.

"Yes, and it's finished!" Phil smiled as he took out a set of composition books.

Tyler and Joe looked them over and smiled. "Awesome, Phil," Joe said. "You know what? You should sell a bunch of these to other students."

Just then, Ned, Cookie, and Moze walked up. "What's that?" Moze asked, grabbing a composition book from Phil. Her eyes widened in shock. "Ned! Ned! Look at this!" She shoved the composition book into Ned's hands. Ned had the same expression as Moze.

He jabbed the composition book into Phil's large stomach. "You guys are writing a high-school survival guide! That was our idea! You stole it!" Ned shouted.

"No, you twerp, it was completely original. Phil came up with the idea," said Tyler.

"But Ned wrote a survival guide for middle-school. That makes him more qualified to write one for high-school," said Cookie.

"Well Phil is smarter, stronger, and funnier than Ned ever dreams he would be," Tyler smirked.

"You take that back!" Ned yelled. "I'll bet that I'm smarter than Phil."

"Okay, simplify 3x + 4 times 5x + 6," Joe said.

"Uh…uh…" Ned stuttered. He turned to Moze. "Moze, help me! I'm terrible at math."

"The answer is 15x squared plus 38x plus 10," Phil stated before Moze could help Ned.

"Correct, Phil!" Tyler said. "Okay, during the Revolutionary War, did George Washington win or lose the battle in New York?"

"He lost," Phil said.

"That's right," said Joe.

"What! I thought he won," Ned said with despair.

Before Tyler was about to ask another question, Cookie interrupted by saying, "This is getting us nowhere. I don't care how smart Phil is – Ned's declassified school survival guide kicks butt!" Ned and Moze shouted in agreement.

"Okay then…let's have a little contest," Tyler said. "Whichever side sells more books is the better author. Deal?"

"Deal," Ned said, shaking Tyler's hand. He then turned to Cookie and Moze. "Come on, guys, let's make some survival guides!"