Toph's attention jerked around, sensing frantic footsteps approaching. Was that Kori?
"Toph!" Yep, definitely Kori. "Toph! You need to come to Republic City with me!" she said, panting.
"What's going on?"
Kori had to stop and lean on her knees to catch her breath. She must have run all the way up the hill. "I- I'm not sure. Suki sent an urgent hawk. It was non-specific, but she said to come ASAP."
Toph turned to the yard full of students, worry blooming in her chest. What if something had happened to Sokka? "Penga! Take over. I've gotta go to Republic City for a bit."
"What's going on? I want to help!"
"You can help by staying here and keeping these lily livers in line."
Penga sighed. "Oh, alright. Be careful!"
"Okay, let's go," Toph said to Kori.
Five minutes later they arrived at the station, where the train was waiting for them and emptied of any other passengers. "So you've got no idea what's happening?" Toph asked once they were aboard and she'd caught her breath.
"The message just said to come now, with you, and to be ready for a fight. It was marked as an emergency."
"I guess we better prepare ourselves for something really nasty. Do you know if Aang and Katara are there?"
"I think they're still in Sau Sang. I doubt Suki would be asking for us if the Avatar were there, anyway. Oh, don't look at me like that. I just meant that he would probably have dealt with it by now and she wouldn't have bothered to contact me, knowing it would take some time for us to get there."
Toph bounced her knee nervously. She kept trying to force the worries about Sokka's safety from her mind, but it was hard. He was a grown man. She knew he could take care of himself. Still, he would do anything to protect Suki, even if that meant putting himself in danger. "This is taking too long," she said, standing abruptly. She positioned herself in the middle of the car and lifted her arms. Extending her senses to the metal of the wheels and tracks, and the earth beneath them, she willed the train to go faster.
"Toph," Kori warned. "Be careful. I don't think this thing is built to go this fast."
Toph ignored her. She knew what she was doing. She could feel everything. Besides, there wasn't anyone else on this train besides the conductor. Speed was more important than safety. If anything happened to Sokka, she'd never forgive herself for not agreeing to spend more time in Republic City. Thoughts buzzed through her mind viciously. The speed of the train was exhilarating. All of the stress of the past few weeks fueled a strange sort of calm, a trance that she could not escape from. Didn't want to escape from.
"Toph! Toph, slow down! We're going to crash!"
Kori's terrified voice finally broke through, disrupting the peaceful moment, and Toph realized with alarm that the train was shaking and shuddering dangerously. Immediately she pulled back, rapidly slowing it down. "Heh...sorry…" she said, a little embarrassed.
"What the fuck was that?!" Kori cried, her voice higher than usual.
"I…" She didn't even know how to explain the weird trance she had been in. She just shook her head lightly and sat down.
"Are you sure you're up for this?"
"What do you mean? I'm fine."
Kori didn't respond, but her silence was deafening. Toph sighed and sat up straight. She was fine. She just had a lot on her mind. Fortunately, she didn't need to think about any of that because the train was coming to a stop. They had arrived, and she could smell the smoke.
"What's going on?!" Toph bellowed.
"What took you so long?" Sokka shouted back. "Three explosions in different parts of the city. We don't know why. Afterward, all hell broke loose. People fighting in the streets. On your left!"
But Toph had already noticed. The man was flying through the air before Sokka had finished his warning.
They drifted apart, losing themselves in the fight. It was complete chaos. She didn't think any of them knew why they were fighting each other, though she was sure those attacking her, Sokka, and the city guard knew what they were doing. She couldn't help but feel like adding to the fighting was just making the situation worse, and tried to focus on disabling anyone she came across. There weren't enough on her side. She kept getting distracted, trying to keep track of the numbers and the fighting, trying to stabilize the buildings around her that shifted dangerously on their foundations. The explosion must have caused some structural issues. Where was Sokka? Was he okay? Yes- he was just over there.
She shook her head. Focus, Toph.
Footsteps rapidly approached from behind and she earthbent her attacker into the air. She had meant for him to easily clear her, but he'd somehow twisted and the angle was too low. The man skimmed right over, too close, and Toph's head exploded in pain. Every muscle in her body lost its strength at once and she fell hard onto her back.
There were so many sounds around her. Shouting. Furious bending. Swords and knives slashing. Sometimes she thought she heard her name, but she was lost in her head. There was too much. She couldn't do it all. She was just a kid. How could people expect her to do everything? How could she expect herself to do everything? She was just a kid…
"Toph! No…! Fuck! Toph!" The unknown voice was desperate, panicked.
Something pressed against her chest in an overly familiar way, but she was too confused to be indignant. She reached a hand up, barely able to manage it, her fingers touching soft hair.
"Oh, thank the Spirits! I thought you were dead!"
"Hehe…" she chuckled. "Dead…"
Who was talking to her? Everything was so distorted. All the sounds. The pain. Suddenly the ground vanished beneath her and she gasped. Her head spun; she couldn't tell up from down. No ground, no sight. She tried to struggle, tried to regain her bearings, but her arms and legs still lacked any kind of strength.
"Stop squirming," the voice said, grunting with effort. "It's me." It wasn't his voice that she finally recognized, distorted as everything still was, but his scent. It was familiar and warm and overpowering.
"S-Sokka?"
"Who else, dummy?"
"Where did the ground go?" Toph asked, the words coming out strange and slurred.
"Huh?"
"Where. Ground. Go."
"...Just try to relax, alright?"
"Okay." She let herself melt into him, savoring the feel of his arms pressing her against his body. He smelled so nice, even though he was sweaty.
Some time later - either a few minutes or a few hours, she really couldn't tell - Toph felt a soft bed appear beneath her. And then...a blessed coolness on her head. Ah, yes, that's where the pain was. There were voices around her but she didn't really care.
"Is she going to be okay?"
"Shh, just let me work."
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"Look, I know I'm not your sister, but I'm a perfectly competent healer. Now shush!"
A warm hand enveloped one of hers and gave it a light squeeze. Suddenly, an urgent need to remember something very important came over her. There was something… What was it? The Academy. She'd left them all alone. And...she needed to get to the refinery. And she was going to be late for a training session with the task force. So much to do. Did the bill for the cleaners get paid? She tried to sit up. Why was she lying in bed in the middle of the day? So much to do...
"Whoa, hey, relax. It's alright. Just lie down." Who was that? How dare they tell her what to do! "Hold her down. Spirits, she's stronger than she looks."
Suddenly a hulking weight pressed her back onto the mattress, her shoulders pinned down by strong arms. She picked up Sokka's familiar scent once again, hanging over her, a good portion of his weight on her thighs. Well, this was turning into a nice day, after all.
"Hehe…" she chuckled, shifting her hips mischievously.
"Toph. Be still." His tone was not as playful as she was hoping for. He sounded quite stern, actually. "What's wrong with her?" Now he sounded worried.
"Head injuries can make people act strangely. She's probably not fully aware of what's happening."
Toph sighed, annoyed. Why were they talking about her like she wasn't even there? Worse, actually- like she was a child who couldn't understand what they were saying. It was incredibly frustrating. But...she was rather enjoying Sokka looming over her like that, even if he didn't seem to be enjoying it. It had still been his idea.
"Sokka! I just heard! Is she alright?"
Oh great, Suki had decided to show up. Wonderful. Surely Sokka would leap off of her now. He couldn't let Suki see them like this. Except...he didn't move. Had they broken up or something?
"Don't worry, she's going to be okay."
"She's delirious and keeps trying to get up," Sokka said.
"I'm blind, not deaf," Toph slurred.
"What did she say?"
"I think she knows we're talking about her."
"Fuck off," Toph muttered to no one in particular.
"That, I understood," Suki laughed.
Toph's thoughts were finally starting to clear. Why the fuck was Sokka on top of her? Heat flared through her body and that deep ache in her gut became unbearable. It rippled out, her back arching slightly, body tensing all the way down to her toes. Fuck.
"What was that?" Sokka asked with concern. "What did you do?"
"Nothing!" a woman's voice behind Toph said. "I don't know."
"Sokka," Toph said, a bit more breathlessly than she intended, not to mention painfully aware of the heat in her cheeks.
"What is it?"
She had to force the words out through gritted teeth. "Get off of me."
"Are you going to be still?"
"Yes."
His weight vanished. She brought her hand up to press against her forehead, but her fingers touched cool wetness and she recoiled in surprise, thinking it was blood.
"It's alright," he said, "She's healing you. You got hit in the head."
"I remember," Toph replied dryly.
"That's good."
"Is it?"
"Yeah," he laughed. "It means your brain is okay."
She tried to sift through everything that had happened. She remembered getting hit and falling. Things after that were pretty fuzzy, just lots of noises and weird sensations. And Sokka sitting on her, his scent all around her... "Suki?" she said tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"I thought I heard you earlier. Just making sure I wasn't hallucinating." Toph spared a moment to wonder what she had thought of her boyfriend's compromising position.
Suki laughed. "No, I'm really here."
"Alright, I think I've done all I can," the healer said. "She just needs to rest now."
The cooling water disappeared from Toph's head, leaving behind only pain. With the pain came pressure. Not in her head, but in her chest. A huge weight seemed to be pressing on her, not pleasant like Sokka straddling her, but oppressive. She couldn't breathe.
"Toph?"
She clutched her chest, gasping for air. Why did it hurt so bad? A terrified sob tried to escape but got stuck. She couldn't get enough air.
"Something's wrong!"
"I think she's having a panic attack."
"Toph, just breathe. Calm down, just breathe. It's alright."
Just breathe? What kind of moronic advice was that? She was trying! Desperately! Someone sat her up and the pain in her head increased ten times. Strong arms wrapped around her shoulders. Her head was spinning, heart racing wildly. Not enough air.
"Toph," Sokka's voice said softly right next to her ear. "You're okay. I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you. Just focus on my voice, alright? Forget everything else. Just listen to me. Just breathe, alright? Breathe. It's just you and me. Nothing else."
She listened to his steady voice, holding onto that thought. Holding that lie in her head, imagining that they were the only two people in the world. Slowly, the irrational panic faded and she found her breath. Of course, all that served to do was fuel the sobs trying to escape her chest. She was a leaking, snotty mess, cowering against Sokka's solid form beside her. It was humiliating. She wasn't sure how long it went on, but eventually, exhaustion overwhelmed her. He laid her back onto the pillow and wiped her face with a cloth. And then...the blissful obscurity of sleep.
Her whole body tense with fear, Suki watched Toph gasp for breath. Sokka held her tightly, speaking quietly in her ear. It was hard to watch, in more ways than one.
"I think it's working," the healer whispered.
She was right, Suki saw. Toph had caught her breath but was now wracked by full-body sobs, her face buried in Sokka's shirt. Suki's eyes welled up with tears and she turned to leave the room. The healer followed her out, closing the door behind them.
"You alright?" she asked.
"It's hard to see her like that," Suki admitted, letting a few tears drop. She let out a little laugh. "She's such a tough little thing. She wouldn't want me to watch that." It was the truth, even if it wasn't the whole truth. "She's going to be okay, right?"
"She'll be fine. I think she was just really overwhelmed. It's good she's got him. Although...I gotta say, he does seem a little old for her. She looks pretty young."
"What?" Suki exclaimed, taken aback. "No! They're not- Actually, he's with me." She laughed awkwardly. "She's like a little sister. To both of us."
"Oh, phew! That's a relief."
But the healer's mistake only served to remind Suki of the uncomfortable image of Toph getting a little too much enjoyment from having Sokka hold her down in the bed. It wasn't his fault and he probably hadn't even noticed, oblivious fool that he was, but still... Toph was growing up, and Suki knew things she wished she didn't. There was a small part of her that wondered what would happen if Sokka ever figured it out. An even quieter voice wondered if it wouldn't be better that way.
Toph's footsteps echoed hollowly. Where was she? Something propelled her forward, like she wasn't in control of her body. There was a figure up ahead. A woman, kneeling and slumped. Utterly defeated.
"What's the matter, kid?" Toph felt herself saying, the words springing from her lips unbidden.
"He...took my bending," the woman said, her voice dull and lifeless, but familiar. "It's gone. What am I supposed to do? I don't know who I am without my bending." Suddenly she was no longer a woman, but a young girl.
Toph felt herself kneel down and press the girl's head against her shoulder. "Cheer up, Buttercup. There's more to life than bending. You've still got your sight, don't you? Your health. I'm not sure what's happened to you, but I know you're strong enough to get through it."
"But what am I supposed to do now?" the girl sobbed. "I've lost everyone and everything I care about. I'm all alone."
"You're not alone. I'm right here."
"No, you're not. You left."
"I'm always here, Lin."
Toph woke to the worst headache she'd ever had, the odd dream fading into the back of her mind. "Motherfucker," she grumbled, bringing her hand to her temple. The sound of her voice sent a painful shockwave through her, making the headache even worse. "Ugh…" Nearby footsteps let her know she wasn't alone. Please don't speak, whoever you are, she silently begged. But besides the approaching footsteps, the only other sound was a faint splash, then a wonderful cool feeling on her forehead. Whoever was there had draped a wet cloth over it. Any lingering grogginess was washed away and Toph's memory started to catch up with her.
She'd gotten hurt. Badly. Then she'd sobbed in Sokka's arms for who knows how long. A furious heat spread out across her cheeks and neck. The memory was mortifying. How many people had witnessed her meltdown? At the very least, Suki and the waterbender who'd healed her.
Why had that even happened? The healer had done her job, bringing Toph back from a state of delirium, and then...something had just snapped inside her. The weight of the past few weeks, the fact that she'd been so easily taken down as a result of that weight, distracting her at the worst moment. It had all just become...too much. She had broken, become a child again, wanting someone to hold her and tell her it would be alright.
"Sokka?" It hurt to speak, but she wanted to hear his voice.
"I'm here."
She winced in pain but was glad that it was him in the room. "Okay." That was all she could manage.
"I'll be right back," he whispered. There were soft footsteps, then a door opened and closed. She lay there in the silence for several minutes, becoming aware that outside this quiet room, the world buzzed with activity. It was muted, especially with her being in a bed, but she figured she must still be in the city.
Sokka returned and sat on the edge of the bed, then his hand slipped behind her head and gently lifted it off the pillow, the motion making her feel sick. "Drink. It'll help with the pain."
Toph choked down whatever was in the cup at her lips, trying not to gag. "Blech."
"Yeah, I know. But it'll help, I promise."
He set her head back down and readjusted the wet cloth on her forehead, then picked up her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Neither spoke for a while. Toph tried to clear her mind of the thoughts and worries that kept trying to invade. She tried to just focus on Sokka's steady heartbeat pulsing through her hand. The minutes slid by in peaceful silence until, very slowly, the pain began to fade.
"Sokka?"
"Yeah?"
"...Thanks."
"Any day, any time, T." How well he understood her with so few words. It made her chest swell with fondness and infuriated her to no end. She knew he would never see her as anything other than a kid sister. Suddenly annoyed with her train of thought, Toph pulled her hand away from his and tried to sit up.
"Careful. Are you sure you're ready for that?"
"I'm fine," she replied petulantly. "Where are we? Still in the city?"
"Yeah. This is the new hospital they're building. We thought it better to let you get some rest here rather than try to move you back to the Academy in your condition."
The Academy… "Ugh. How long have I…? I've got to get back there. I left Penga in charge! It was only supposed to be for a couple of hours."
"Don't worry. Kori went to check on them. Everything's fine."
"How long have I been here?"
"You spent the night. It's midmorning, now."
"I have so much to…" The weight and pressure threatened to overwhelm her again, and she took a few quick, sharp breaths.
"Forget all that," Sokka said, gripping her shoulder. "You just need to let yourself heal and get better. You were hurt pretty bad."
"It's so humiliating…" she muttered. "Can't believe I got knocked down like that."
"It happens. They got in a cheap shot." He chuckled. "Sometimes I forget that you're not invincible. I swear, when I saw you go down…" He trailed off, the humor gone from his voice. "When I got to you, your face was a bloody mess and your eyes were open, unblinking. I thought-" His voice caught and he cut off suddenly.
"Ah, don't you get all sentimental on me, Meathead. I'm fine."
"Yeah. I know." Neither of them spoke for several long moments, then Toph's stomach grumbled loudly and Sokka laughed. "Hungry?"
"I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."
"Alright, I'll go find something. Sit tight."
After he left, she started feeling a bit dizzy so she lay back down and closed her eyes. How could she still be so tired after so much sleep? Memories of that strange dream began creeping in. Someone named...Lin? She felt like it was someone she knew. Did she have any students named Lin? And what was that about losing her bending? Only Aang could take away someone's bending, and he'd never do it to a kid.
Except...hadn't she been a grown woman at the beginning, and then turned into a little girl…? It didn't make any sense. Head injuries sure did make for weird dreams. Toph had felt like she was just an observer, not moving or speaking of her own free will. And yet, she had felt like herself, more or less, though the sentimental words she'd spoken seemed wrong. And she'd felt a strong connection to the girl. A need to protect her, like she was her kid or something.
The thought made her laugh. Like she would ever have a kid. Nothing appealed to her less. She imagined Sokka and Suki marrying one day, probably having a couple. That seemed like the kind of life he would eventually want. Even in the extremely unlikely event that things changed and he saw her differently in the distant future, Toph surely wasn't willing to give him that. No way. Their friendship notwithstanding, her feelings for him just weren't that deep. They were more carnal, fueled by adolescence. It wasn't like she was in love with him.
The door creaked open and Sokka's familiar footsteps returned. She felt her cheeks heat from what she'd been thinking about. That damn dream. How had it created such a bizarre train of thought?
"T?" he said softly. "You sleeping?"
"I'm awake."
"Still hungry? I got you some noodles."
"Of course I'm still hungry, you dunderhead," she said, pushing herself upright.
"Well, I thought maybe you wanted to sleep some more." He sat down on the edge of the bed and handed her a warm bowl and chopsticks.
"I think I've had enough of sleeping for a while," Toph said around a mouthful of food.
"You do seem like you're feeling better."
"Yeah, I am. That awful drink you gave me got rid of the headache."
Sokka was silent for a moment. She slurped her noodles loudly.
"Hey, T?'
"Yeah?"
"Are you…doing alright?"
"I just said I was…?"
"No... I mean…" he trailed off. "I talked to Kori. She told me what happened on the train."
The mouthful she had been swallowing went down with some difficulty, her throat suddenly tight. "Oh."
"And I saw you out there, during the fight. You seemed...I don't know. Off, I guess. Distracted. Just a step slower than usual. Is there something going on?"
She rolled her eyes. "You worry too much. Been taking lessons from Sugar Queen?"
"I'm serious, Toph. Look, I know you don't like talking about your feelings, but whatever is going on almost got you killed today." His voice had taken on an edge, something approaching anger.
"Nothing's 'going on'," she said with an annoyed sigh. "I just have a lot on my plate, alright? I'm not sleeping that well. Whenever I close my eyes, a bunch of things start popping into my head. Things I need to do, or remember. It's exhausting."
"You're trying to do too much."
"I can handle it."
"Obviously you can't!" He clearly wasn't trying to keep the frustration out of his voice anymore. "You're the only one that can't see it." His words pierced her, her deepest insecurities dragged out and stabbed: Not only was she incapable, but she was blind to her own failures. He seemed to realize his mistake. "Agh, fuck. That came out wrong."
"No, no, I think you said exactly what you meant."
"What I'm trying to say is that you're so stubborn, so damn determined to prove to everyone that you can do anything, that you're trying to do everything. And you seem unaware of the fact that you're running yourself into the ground. What you're doing isn't normal. It doesn't make you grown-up. Being an adult means picking your battles and making compromises."
"Now you're just patronizing me."
"Man, I suck at pep talks." He dramatically smashed his face into the pillow behind her, his shoulder jostling hers.
"Hey, watch it! I got hot noodles here!" But she couldn't help but smile at his antics. He sat back up and she got the impression that he was studying her. His perceived scrutiny started to make her uncomfortable. "Why are you staring at me?" she asked coolly, taking another bite to distract herself from the blush that threatened to creep up.
"I'm just trying to figure out what to say next that won't end with you snapping my head off," he replied with a light laugh.
"Here's a hint: That wasn't it."
He sighed. "I think we should talk about how to lessen your workload a bit."
"We've already had this conversation," Toph groaned. "And I don't remember it going well. It's all gotten so complicated."
"So let's uncomplicate it. I've talked to Suki and Kori-"
"Oh, wonderful," she spat, rolling her eyes. "So glad to hear you guys got together to discuss my shortcomings."
"You're going to have to let go of a little of your pride here, T. The jig is up, you've shown your hand. Now fucking let us help you."
Her head snapped to face him, eyes wide; he didn't usually speak to her that way. A tense moment passed, then her irritation inexplicably deflated and she drew an unsteady breath. "I guess everyone saw my little...meltdown, then?" she said bitterly.
"I'm gonna be straight with you here. Seeing you like that...honestly shook me. Sometimes you show me a little vulnerability, but that...was different." He forced a little laugh. "I didn't know you had that in you."
"What, you mean the ability to turn into a blubbering snot monster? Yeah, that makes two of us. First time for everything, I guess." It was half-true. Certainly, it was the first time she'd had an audience for such an emotional display. The comment made him laugh, and her mouth pulled into a reluctant, begrudging smile.
"If it makes you feel any better," he said, "it was just Suki and Nakao there. That's the waterbender that healed you. And they left once you were breathing alright."
Toph's shoulders slumped; she didn't want to think about that. After a couple of long moments, Sokka cleared his throat.
"Anyway. As I was saying before, me and Suki and Kori think it would be best if you just focused on the Academy for a while, the Council be damned. Bunch of old farts expecting kids to solve all their problems for them," he grumbled under his breath.
"We're not kids," Toph asserted defiantly. "Especially not you."
"I know, but to them, we're all kids. Teenagers. Don't know why they can't find actual adults to lead their goddamn task force."
"Because they know. They've seen us in action, and they know what we're capable of. That without us, the Earth Kingdom wouldn't exist anymore. And it fucking terrifies them. We terrify them. Believe me, I know."
"Do you ever get the feeling that they're trying to keep us busy, on their terms, because they're afraid of what we might do if left to our own devices?"
Toph blinked. That hadn't occurred to her, not in such a clearly articulated way. She had occasionally had that nagging feeling that she was being pushed and pulled. Manipulated. Maybe that was why she clung so hard to her Academy. "Huh..."
"I say we stick it to them. Well, not me, because I don't have anything better to do than follow you and Suki around. But you? What you're doing with your Metalbending Academy and the refinery? And learning lavabending? That's important stuff. It's what you should be focusing on. Are you really cut out to be a glorified police officer, anyway?"
She laughed. "I guess when you put it that way…'