"Un-fucking-believable," Toph muttered - again - as she reclined in her office at the Academy.
"...Do you want me to keep going?" Ika asked hesitantly.
Toph sighed dramatically. "I guess. Don't think it can get much worse."
"I do realize that you will not likely take this suggestion seriously, but I ask you not to write it off immediately. You have your future to think about, after all. The post-war unrest will settle and you may find yourself searching for some semblance of normalcy. It would be unwise to reject this offer without consideration. As always, know that I love you and look forward to seeing you again one day soon." Ika finished reading the letter and neither of them spoke for several long moments. "Would you like me to write a response now? Or do you want some time to think about it?" Ika asked.
Toph laughed bitterly. The whole idea was absurd. A marriage betrothal? To someone twice her age? Her parents couldn't possibly think she would ever agree to that, even if it was merely an arrangement for a few years down the road. They just couldn't stop trying to control her. And that letter may have been penned by her mother, but her father was most certainly the one behind it.
"I think I'll let them sweat for a while. Remind me in a week. Are there any more?"
"Just a couple of bills. I can deal with those myself."
"Great," Toph said, getting up. "I think I'm going to go for a walk." It was getting late, but darkness was a non-issue for her and she wasn't even a little bit tired. These days, with her limited responsibilities, pushing herself to be tired enough to fall asleep quickly was her major focus.
A while later she arrived at her usual haunt: her lavabending training site. It...still hadn't been going well, despite the fact that she had more time than ever to devote to it. Nothing but wild fury had been able to summon the lava, and she knew it would take more emotional control to be able to do anything useful - and safe - with it.
While her initial plan had been to channel the anger from her mother's letter, her thoughts had turned toward bitterness on the journey. She was more depressed than angry. With hands dug deep in the earth, she tried to draw out the anger once more. How dare they try to control her? They claimed to love her but treated her more like a pet than a human being. She couldn't just be her own person, and her decisions were nothing more than a constant source of shame to them.
To Toph's annoyance, several tears leaked from her eyes. That really wasn't what she'd been going for. With a huff, she withdrew her hands and sat back on her heels. Thinking about her parents wasn't helping. Why couldn't they see her the way her friends saw her? Sokka had never once questioned her chosen path. In fact, he had often encouraged her to pursue her passions. Thinking of him, the bitterness faded and made way for a tingly warmth, tinged with frustration. Her instinct was to shy away from the feeling, shove it back in the ground where it lived always.
But...an idea began to form. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but at this point, she was willing to try anything. For the first time in a while, she allowed herself to become totally immersed in the full force of her adolescent cravings. She held him in her mind, every inch of his form imprinted on her memory through seismic sense. She thought of every hug, every innocent touch. His warm hand on her shoulder, or gripping her forearm. That time he caught her from falling in the water and accidentally copped a feel. The memory made her smile, but at the same time lit a fire that rippled all the way to her toes.
Finally, having saved it for last, her mind danced around the most recent - and poignant - memory. She had to be careful here, because there were other things she didn't want to think about. Blocking everything else out, she dragged out the hazy but powerful impression of his weight bearing down on her. Soft mattress beneath, him sitting on her thighs. Strong arms holding her down, his scent all around her, covering her like a blanket.
Memory blurred and shifted into something more. He leaned forward until his cheek was next to hers, legs straightening so their hips were pressed together. Could he actually want her the way she wanted him? It seemed that he did. The pressure vanished from her shoulders; one of his hands trailed across her collarbone...then down further...
Toph's fingers dug into the ground involuntarily, her back arching as a soft noise escaped from her lips. A shiver started in the pit of her stomach and forced itself out in a wave of heat that radiated through her body into the ground. And she held on. Held on to that feeling and breathed into it, making it grow and throb, an almost unbearable ache. Blood roared in her ears. All that existed was heat and blood, a pulsing that began inside her and spread for miles in every direction. Heat. So much heat.
Too much heat, and still increasing. What was she doing?!
With a snap, she reached out with her senses. A strangled scream got stuck in her throat: There was a massive wave of lava rolling toward her, inexorable and intent on destroying everything in its path. The next few moments seemed to last forever, time slowing as she shifted and twisted. She ran, pushing the earth up beneath her feet to give her speed.
The intense heat receded and she collapsed, more exhausted than she'd been in a long time. Pressed to the ground, she could feel what she'd done. And it was far from over. An enormous mound of lava was rolling outward, flattening itself and covering everything around it. Toph was still in its path. Forcing herself up on shaky legs, she began circling the area, walling it in with rock. It took forever, and when she finally finished she fell to the ground, too drained to even contemplate walking home. Her eyes closed, mind empty of everything, and sleep took her.
Toph woke to the blistering summer sun beating down on her. It took her a moment to remember that she'd passed out in her little corner of wilderness, well outside the city. She wondered what time it was and tried to determine the position of the sun from its warmth on her face. It had to be at least mid-morning. With a groan, she struggled to her feet. Her students would be wondering where she was.
A quick survey of the area left her stunned. The aftermath of her little experiment was worse than she'd originally thought. A wall of rock - her own doing - encircled what was once a decent-sized hill, but was now a flattened and still-smoldering field of hardened lava. She had to do something about it before someone saw. It wasn't something she wanted to try and explain.
As she worked to force the mess deep into the ground, she reflected on the incident. What had she been thinking? That had been so stupid and reckless. But how was she supposed to know that those feelings she had summoned would be so much stronger than anger? It wasn't as if she had any real experience in that area, other than a few fumbling experimentations in the privacy of her bedroom.
Over an hour later, drenched in sweat, Toph rolled a final layer of fresh rock over the last of the cooled lava. A new hill had been created, hiding her miserable failure, and a resolution had formed in her mind. This was it. She was done. She was tired of failing to achieve any control and afraid of what might happen if she kept trying. Lavabending simply was not for her; she needed to focus on honing her earth and metalbending. That's what she was good at.
As she headed home, it occurred to her that she was at peace with the decision. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She'd been trying so hard to force herself to be something that she just...wasn't. Like her parents always had. It was freeing, in a way, to set that aside.
Running footsteps up ahead caught her attention, and they were coming her way. A few seconds later she realized it was Sokka. Memories of the night before swam into her mind and she felt her cheeks bloom with heat.
"Toph! There you are! Where the fuck have you been?" He sounded worried and a little angry.
"Uh…" She chuckled awkwardly. It had only been two weeks since the incident in Republic City, so his protectiveness wasn't totally unwarranted. "It's a long story."
"I'm listening."
For a moment, she wrestled with how much to tell him, but at this point she couldn't escape the feeling that she owed him the truth. It was better than him thinking she was having another mental breakdown. "I was lavabending."
"Really?!" he said, excited now. "You've figured out how to control it?"
"No."
Her short answer was followed by a long pause. He must've seen something on her face.
"Don't worry, T. You'll get it."
"No. I won't. I'm done."
"What-"
"Sokka," she interrupted, putting her hand up. "Listen. I've had a lot of time to think about this. I'm not...giving up because I'm frustrated. It's too dangerous. It's taking up too much of my time. And I want to focus on metalbending. I'm at peace with this, alright? I'm fine. I promise."
He was silent for another long moment. "You're really sunburned, you know. What exactly happened out here?"
"I...may have accidentally drastically altered the landscape."
"I don't see any lava?"
"I've just spent the last hour or so covering up everything."
"But why did you sleep out here?" Though he was calmer now, there was still an edge of frustration and worry in his voice.
"I exhausted myself trying to contain it. I just fell asleep on the ground."
"...Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm sure. Actually, I feel pretty well-rested. Best night's sleep I've gotten in a while." It was the truth. She had fallen asleep with an odd but deep sense of satisfaction. Relief, even.
"Well, it is almost noon. Ika was really worried. She told Kori this morning, who sent a hawk over to Republic City."
"How'd you know where I was?"
"I didn't, really. But I know you come out here sometimes to train on your own, so I thought I'd have a look around. I've been looking for hours."
The guilt she'd been suppressing finally overcame her pride and she dropped her head. "Sorry if I made you worry..." she muttered.
"You've been doing that a lot lately," Sokka said dryly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Come on, let's get you home. And call off the search party."
"Search party?" Toph rolled her eyes as they started walking. "Seriously?"
"What? You didn't think I was the only one looking for you, did you?"
"I'm tired of everyone treating me like I'm fragile. So I spent one night away from my bed! Big deal!"
"We all know you can handle yourself, T, but when you tell someone you're going for a walk after receiving an upsetting letter, and then vanish, people are bound to be a little worried."
Toph rounded on him angrily. "Ika needs to keep her fucking mouth shut about my private letters!" she spat.
"Would you chill? She didn't tell me what it was about, just that it upset you."
It was a relief, but only a small one. "Whatever. She still shouldn't have told you."
"Yes, she should have. I asked her if anything had happened that would make you take off. It was relevant. Don't blame her, she was just trying to help."
Toph didn't say anything. He was being entirely too logical and it only annoyed her more.
"So...do you wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"Nope."
"Alright." They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. "I wish I could've seen you lavabend," he said suddenly.
"No, you don't. Trust me." The thought of him actually being there last night, all things considered, made her stomach churn. She could have destroyed the entire valley, and them with it.
"From a safe distance, of course. I bet it was really cool."
"I don't really want to talk about it, to be honest."
"Oh...alright."
She punched him in the shoulder.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"...Thanks for coming to look for me, Meathead."
‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›
"Ooh, look, there it is! I'm so excited!"
Toph rolled her eyes dramatically. Michi was one of her newer, younger students, and by far the most obnoxious one. Still, the eight-year-old metalbender was proving to be a quick learner and had earned herself a spot in this week's rotation at the refinery. It was her first time ever going to Republic City.
"Don't wander off when we get there," Toph said, feeling for all the world like a glorified babysitter. She was beginning to regret bringing such a young kid along. It wasn't worth the added stress. "It's easy to get lost."
"Look! It's Air Temple Island! Sifu, can we take a boat out there?! I wanna meet the Avatar!"
"We don't have time for sightseeing. Anyway, he's not there. He's still in Sau Sang."
"Aw…"
"Even if he was there, he'd be too busy for us."
"You're so lucky that you get to be friends with him," Michi said wistfully, not for the first time.
As she had the other times, Toph stayed silent. She and Aang weren't on bad terms or anything, but she so rarely saw him that she wasn't sure she even knew him anymore. They'd both grown up so much in the last year, and they'd done it away from each other.
Fortunately, Michi was easily distracted and now engaged in a conversation with another student about which one of them was better at metalbending. The corner of Toph's mouth twitched in amusement. That girl could wipe the floor with most of the other students here if she was focused enough. The problem was getting her to focus. Toph shook her head; even Penga had never given her this much trouble.
A telltale vibration suddenly caught her attention. "Hey!" she yelled. "What did I tell you guys?! No bending on the train!"
"...Sorry, Sifu," they mumbled together.
Toph sat back and rubbed her temples. It was too early for her to already be getting a headache. But there was no time to relax; the train was pulling into the station. Michi bounded out as soon as the doors opened. "Michi!" Toph called, hurrying after her with a frown.
"I'm right here, Sifu. Geez, stop worrying! You're as bad as my mom."
She had begged her mother, with many tears, to be allowed to come to the refinery. The woman had finally relented after Toph's confident assurance that Michi would be perfectly safe under her watch. Toph hadn't considered that the girl might be her own worst enemy in this situation.
"Hey, Toph!" a familiar bubbly voice rang out.
"Wow! A real Kyoshi Warrior!" Michi squealed, sounding awed.
"Is it just me, or are your turtle-ducklings getting younger?" Ty Lee commented as they set off towards the line of carriages.
"Don't let her out of your sight for a second," Toph said quietly. "And she's riding with you, by the way. I've already got a headache."
Ty Lee chuckled. "Sounds like Mama Turtle-Duck could use a stiff drink."
"I distinctly remember telling you not to call me that."
As if it wasn't bad enough that Ty Lee had started it, she'd gotten half her 'sisters' doing it too, now. She just laughed again, but their conversation was mercifully cut short since they had arrived at the carriages and were piling in.
"I'm Ty Lee," she said to Michi at the next one down. "What's your name?"
"Michi! Is it true that the-"
The carriage door shut, cutting off the rest, and Toph sighed with relief. It rankled with her that Suki thought it was necessary to have an escort, but today she was grateful for Ty Lee's presence, in spite of her obnoxious teasing.
"I can't believe you brought that kid, Sifu," Uzo said with a laugh. "I thought you were joking when you first said it."
"Like it or not, she's talented," Toph said firmly. She didn't like being questioned, despite the fact that she agreed with him. "She's only eight and she's kept up with you sorry lot, hasn't she?"
It took ten minutes to get to the refinery, and her headache had only just started to relent when the carriage door opened.
"-and then I ran and ran until I couldn't breathe. I was so tired I threw up all over him, but it was so funny because he was just in his underpants and-"
Toph tried her best to tune it out as they headed inside. One of the floor supervisors greeted them and took them into the processing area. "Is Satoru back yet?" she asked after getting her students started with various tasks.
"Oh...he didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
"He's going to be staying at the Gaipan refinery for a while. He's heading up a project over there, could be months."
Toph frowned at the unpleasant and unexpected news. Satoru hadn't said a word to her about it, though he had acted really strange the last time couple times she'd seen him. He'd seemed...anxious about something. Granted, he hadn't been around much anyway, traveling back and forth between the two places. "Is my father here?"
"Yeah."
"Can you oversee them for a few minutes?"
"Sure."
"Especially the little, annoying one." She pointed to Michi. "Hopefully this won't take long." Her stomach in a knot, Toph headed up to her father's office. She pushed through the doors without even knocking.
"Toph?" Lao exclaimed, surprised. "What-"
"What did you do to Satoru? I really doubt this whole thing was his decision."
"Toph!" His voice was angry now. "You will not speak to me that way! You are always going on and on about how you want others to respect you, yet you barge in here unannounced and speak to me like that, without an ounce of respect or manners?"
She took a deep breath to steady herself. "Apologies," she said through clenched teeth, the word bitter on her tongue. "Will you - please - tell me why Satoru has suddenly taken up a long-term position in Gaipan? He said nothing of this to me, and I can't help but feel that he was coerced in some way."
"You're awfully familiar with that boy," Lao said.
The frown was clear in his voice and she gaped at him. "That's it? You sent him away because you think we're too close?"
"I did nothing of the sort. Satoru requested this assignment."
Toph's indignant anger died in her throat. He wasn't lying. "Why?"
"He said he had a lot of ideas for the refinery there and would like to see them put to good use. I was happy to oblige."
"I bet you were," she grumbled under her breath.
"He's a very talented engineer. I would be remiss to let that go to waste."
The casual praise, spoken so effortlessly, made her breath catch. It filled her first with surprise, then bitterness, and finally a grim understanding. Without another word, she turned on her heels and left. Lao called after her, but she ignored him. She couldn't deal with him right now.
‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›
As she approached the restaurant, Toph picked up the familiar forms of Aang and Katara waiting outside.
"Toph!" Katara exclaimed, giving her a friendly squeeze. "It's so good to see you! It's been way too long!"
"Hey, Toph," Aang said warmly, taking his turn for a hug.
"You got taller, Twinkle Toes. Do my feet deceive me, or are you taller than Katara now?"
"By nearly an inch!" Katara said with a laugh. "So are Sokka and Suki not here yet?"
"Haven't seen 'em," Toph said sardonically. A small creature suddenly appeared on her shoulder and nuzzled her cheek. "Hi, Momo. I missed you, too."
"Well, we should go in and get a table anyway," Katara suggested.
As soon as they crossed the threshold, a familiar voice rang out. "Guys! Over here!" Sokka called. "What took you so long?"
"We're not late! We said six o'clock."
There was a round of greetings and hugging before they finally all got to sit down. Toph made sure to get the chair on the other side of Sokka. As she sat, she noticed the hum of voices around them. Several people were whispering about how the Avatar was here. She shook her head, trying to tune it out, while a server took their orders.
"How've you been, Meathead?" she asked Sokka when the others were engaged in a conversation.
"What?" he laughed. "Since you saw me last week?"
"A lot can happen in a week."
"Yeah? Has a lot happened to you?"
"No."
They both laughed and he playfully nudged his shoulder against hers.
"Me neither. Any interesting developments at the refinery?"
"Nah. Satoru was always the idea guy, so without him around nothing new really happens."
"Hey! I thought I was the idea guy?" He actually sounded a little wounded.
"You still are." She patted his arm. "You're both idea guys. It's not a competition."
"Oh, Toph, you sweet, summer child. It's always a competition. I would've thought you, of all people, would understand that."
She had to admit- she rather liked the idea of Sokka fighting to be more important, in her eyes, than Satoru. Of course, she was quite sure he hadn't meant it the way she was thinking it.
"Are you serious?" he said suddenly, tuning into the others' conversation. "You guys telling me you just spent three months in the stinking armpit of the Earth Kingdom for nothing?"
"It wasn't for nothing," Aang said diplomatically. "Sau Sang is doing much better, now."
"'Better' is relative," Katara admitted.
"That's what I'm saying!" Sokka exclaimed
"So are you two back in Republic City full-time, or are you going back to Sau Sang after this?" Suki asked.
"I think we've done all we can there," Katara said. "We've got plenty to focus on here, anyway. Zuko's going to be visiting soon, to meet with the Council about the proposed naval fleet, and Aang will obviously need to be present for that. The construction on Air Temple Island is, well-"
"Never-ending?" Toph suggested.
"I was going to say ongoing."
For a little while, they continued to chat about nothing in particular until Suki brought up the recent string of murders.
"Yeah, I heard about that," Katara said sadly. "Have there been any leads?"
"Well, we think it might have something to do with a newly formed gang. I don't think they're very organized, though. There's been a pattern with the murders, but so far no credible witnesses have come forward."
"Can we talk about something less depressing?" Aang complained.
Toph couldn't help but silently agree. She hated when the conversation turned to crime in the city, which was often. Just another reminder of her own shortcomings. As much as she felt compelled to help, she was reluctant to pick up those responsibilities again.
"Ooh! Food!" Sokka exclaimed suddenly. There was a bit of confusion while everyone tried to sort out what they ordered. "Aang, I think that's mine."
"Definitely. Do I even want to know what that is?"
"Skewered sabertooth moose lion!"
"Gross…"
"Cheers," Sokka said to Toph, tapping his skewer against hers.
"So, what have you been up to, Toph?" Katara asked, a careful note in her voice.
Toph could feel Sokka tense. He even shifted his elbow to rest up against hers in what she interpreted as some kind of protective gesture. But the enjoyment she got from direct contact with him was not strong enough to overpower her irritation, and she moved her arms to rest on her legs.
"Mostly Academy stuff. I've got tons of students, still. They just keep pouring in. I've got a pretty steady rotation with the refinery, and anyone who graduates and wants to help out in the city gets sent to Kori and Suki."
"Sounds like things are going smoothly."
"Yeah. I guess so." She wished they wouldn't talk to her like she was made of glass. The 'incident' had been months ago. She was fine. Why couldn't they see that?
"Your metalbenders are doing well," Suki said. "Lots of them are showing an interest in learning chi-blocking."
"They better not be neglecting their metalbending."
Suki chuckled. "Don't worry. They practice your drills every day, though we're still struggling with finding practical applications for some of them."
"They're not all meant to be practical. Some of them are just about keeping skills and technique sharp."
"Are you close to having any more graduates? We can always use more."
"I've got a couple who are close. Luon is doing really well and seems eager to join you. He's got a good head for leadership, too."
"That's good, because the two you appointed to share leadership are not getting along."
Toph huffed in annoyance. "Ugh! Seriously? Fucking Nato. I never should have done that. He's got too many problems going on at home. Maybe I'll rush Luon through and have him take over. It'll probably piss Nato and Yachi off, but they can fucking deal with it."
"Are you enjoying having a bit more free time?" Katara asked. "Are you still trying to lavabend?"
"Nah," Toph said, trying to sound casual. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? "I'm focused on teaching right now. What little free time I do have, I'd rather spend on inventing new metalbending techniques."
"Oh, yeah?" Aang said. "What sorts of things have you been working on?
"Well..." She ripped a piece meat from her skewer with her teeth. "Mostly I've been working on still bending."
"'Still bending'?" Suki asked.
"Bending without gestures," Katara clarified. "It's really difficult."
"I can do it with air and fire, using breath," Aang said, "but I can't do it with water or earth yet."
"It's been too long since we trained together, Twinkle Toes. I need to make sure you haven't been slacking."
"We'll have to set up a time to train together soon."
Toph nodded and swallowed her mouthful of food. "Only if you come pick me up. I'm not taking a fucking boat out to your little island."
"I've heard the Council's going to be setting up a ferry service," Suki said.
"Yep," Katara confirmed. "It'll be a while, though. Finishing construction on the main house is the priority, at the moment."
"Ugh," Toph groaned. "Why do I feel like that ferry is going to become the bane of my existence?"
"I'm sure you'll get used to it one day," Sokka said with a laugh.
"You underestimate how much I hate boats. And you overestimate how often I'll be willing to use it."
The five old friends spent the rest of the evening together, chatting like they'd never been apart. It was healing, in a way, for Toph. So often, she'd worried that she had grown apart from Aang and Katara and that nothing would be the way it used to be. But in this moment, everything felt right in the world.
‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›
A/N: Bit of a low-key transition chapter, I know. The plot will thicken very soon...