A/N: This is a very long chapter. It's also pretty intense, so buckle up. Seriously.

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

"Ok," Sokka said, tracing his finger across the map. "If we keep up this pace, we can be in Gaoling for New Year's."

"Hm..." Toph mused, sitting cross-legged in front of him, her head propped up in her hand.

"Hm? What does that mean?"

"Just trying to decide if that's really what I want."

He rolled his eyes dramatically; she'd been flip-flopping for two weeks. "Make up your mind! I mean, we're headed in that direction, anyway. It would be silly to be so close and not visit. You haven't seen your mom in ages."

"I know. Ugh. I know." She sighed and jutted out her lower lip. "Fine. I guess we'll go for New Year's. Maybe we'll get lucky and my father won't be there."

"Don't count on it."

"Hmph. Well. Let's go. I'd like to make it to Siang by noon."

As he had often done during the last couple of weeks, Sokka surreptitiously watched her pack up. The clothes she had taken to wearing for travel weren't what he was accustomed to seeing her in and it was a little strange for him. Though layered for the autumn chill, they were uncharacteristically...form-fitting. Well, she was nearing eighteen, after all. He was just going to have to get used to this grown-up version of her.

A couple of times now, he'd caught himself in the midst of wondering just how grown-up she really was. Though they had discussed the last year and a half of their lives at length, she hadn't mentioned any romantic partners. And he hadn't asked. Frankly, he didn't really want to know. Thinking about her in that light made him a little uncomfortable.

"Ready?" she asked, interrupting his study of her.

"Er...yeah. Let's go."

They abandoned their campsite and hit the road, traveling steadily southeast. The days slid by, Sokka's heart feeling a little bit lighter with each one. Something about her presence was like a balm on that raw hole in his chest.

Every time they reached a village or town - never cities - Toph would bend something to stand on in a crowded space, hands on her hips, and start shouting about metalbending. The responses varied, but she would inevitably draw a crowd and find a decent handful of interested earthbenders. Many had heard of her; some fell at her feet in abject reverence. A few times, she had to earthbend overzealous admirers out of her way.

Sokka greatly enjoyed watching this process. With new students in hand, she would take them to a suitably clear area and spend a day or so teaching. She was really in her element here - literally. Yelling at perfect strangers who readily begged for more, watching the rare few who actually got it by the end of Toph and Sokka's brief time in the area – her face would light up in triumph. That smile... He would watch her, waiting for it. The remedy for his pain.

He also started noticing things. Things like...how she had this rich, earthy scent that put him in mind of a grassy field after a summer rain. Or how she would tuck a piece of loose hair behind her ear when she was interested in what someone was saying. And he noticed that, though her hands were tough and calloused and could throw a solid punch, they also had long, elegant fingers with enough delicate precision of movement to create beautiful and complex shapes with her space bracelet. It was a habit he had observed on nights when she had trouble falling asleep, the moon and stars illuminating her just enough to tell what she was doing. Pretending to sleep, he would watch her and wonder how he'd never noticed all those things before.

Of course, he also noticed the more typical, mundane things, like how her clothes clung to her body and drew attention to the more feminine aspects of it. Ever so slowly and with much reluctance, he was forced to accept that he was attracted to her, which was bizarre at first, until he got used to the sensation. And why shouldn't he? He was a young man and it was a perfectly natural response. She was nice to look at; it was just a fact. There was no harm in acknowledging it.

If things were different - if he didn't still have that gnawing pain in his heart from losing Suki - he might have even been tempted to flirt a little, just to mess with her, of course. Well, she'd probably just laugh and punch my arm. And that's if I'm lucky. More than likely, she'd catapult me into the air.

In any case, it wasn't worth risking making things weird between them. They had spent too much time apart - his own fault, in many ways - and now things were finally looking up. It was better to shove any involuntary feelings aside. Maybe in a few years, he could sift through them. Maybe.

Except...she was making it difficult. Not that she was doing anything on purpose; she was just being herself. Often, her jokes were quite crude and suggestive. That was nothing new, but he found they sounded different coming from the mouth of an attractive young woman than they did from a snarky kid. A lot different.

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

He was doing it again. Did he think she couldn't sense his stares, how his body oriented towards her, how his heart raced? He couldn't possibly be that oblivious. Could he? Weeks of this, she'd put up with, trying to keep her flirtatious behavior from becoming too heavy-handed out of respect for his grieving process. He was obviously developing some interest, but... Nothing. He didn't encourage her and he didn't tell her to knock it off. He just stood there like lump.

Suddenly she couldn't stand it for a second longer and impulsively stalked over to him.

"Ok, that's it!" Toph said forcefully, pushing up the earth beneath her feet so that she was on his level. "Either stop acting weird, or do something!" She jabbed her finger into his chest to accentuate her point.

Their faces were close enough that she could feel his breath. The couple of seconds that passed seemed to drag on into eternity, then suddenly Sokka's strong hands wrapped around her head and his lips pressed against hers. A jolt rippled through her body, all the way down to her toes, igniting the fire. Was this really, actually happening?

She couldn't breathe. Every thought flew out of her head, every bit of her experience in these matters may as well have never happened. She was wet clay and he could have molded her into whatever shape he liked and she wouldn't have put up a fight.

The moment stretched on, but was over far too soon. Like thunder, it had shocked her senses and was still echoing around her mind even though the contact was broken.

"Well. Alright then," she said, unable to form a more coherent thought.

"Is that not what you meant by 'do something'?"

"I didn't think you'd actually do it."

He suddenly stepped back and turned away. "Honestly...I was just as surprised as you were."

Toph returned to level ground, crossing her arms unhappily. She didn't like where this was going.

"I- I'm sorry," Sokka continued, his voice tight and full of regret. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what got into me. I wasn't thinking."

Not having a clue what she could possibly say to that, she opted to stalk off into the trees. Her mind was a confusing jumble of emotions, but anger and frustration seemed to be prevailing at the moment. He was the one who'd kissed her! And then just took it back like that?!

But that was a stupid reason to be mad at him, she berated herself. He didn't owe her that kind of affection. Obviously, he was still grieving, and probably would be for years. The love of his life had died in his arms; the last thing she wanted was to be the watered-down replacement for Suki. She just...wanted him. Physically. She wanted to be his best friend, but with...perks. But she didn't want to be his Suki. The idea of being in a...'relationship'...was unappealing. There was too much expectation that went along with that, as she had already learned with Satoru.

Had it been crazy to think that she could just be a welcome distraction from his pain? Was it the opposite for him? Did he look at her, realizing there was desire there, and see Suki's ghost? Regret filled her. What if he left because of this? What if their friendship didn't survive?

An hour later, after a good long walk to calm down, she braved the campsite and wordlessly sat across from him at the fire.

"Hey. Um," he mumbled. "I'm really sorry about earlier."

"Yeah. Me, too." In more ways than one.

"So...are we good?"

She forced a smirk, knowing it was what he was looking for. "Yeah. We're good." And she thought, dismally, that that would be the end of it.

Until the next day, and the days after that. He could pretend to be uninterested all he wanted, but he couldn't control the beating of his heart. So...she waited.

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

Sokka returned to their camp overlooking the village just as the last sunlight was fading. He considered Toph, sitting wrapped in a thick blanket by the fire, and his conflicted feelings threatened to overwhelm him. "Happy birthday," he said placing a flask in her hand as he sat down next to her.

She made a slightly annoyed sound. "I told you not to." Her hands traced over the flask. "Really? I thought you were done with this stuff?"

"C'mon. It's a special occasion. Isn't eighteen a significant milestone in the Earth Kingdom?"

"Only if you're planning to marry me off to someone." Her words made him cringe, but before he could figure out what to say that wouldn't ruin the light mood, she continued. "Anyway, turning eighteen doesn't magically make someone an adult. As far as I'm concerned, I've been one for years now."

"I only recently realized it," Sokka said dryly, the words tumbling from his mouth without thought. Why did I say that?

"I noticed."

Spirits, what have I done? Is she ever going to forgive me for kissing her? I'm such an idiot. The one good thing in my life and I'm apparently determined to ruin it.

"You trying to get me drunk or something?" Toph continued after taking a swig.

The comment made him blink. What was she playing at? "I trust your ability to moderate yourself," he said lamely. How else was he supposed to respond to that?

"Hm."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Sokka tried to surreptitiously look at her face without moving his body too much and drawing her attention, but her hair hung like curtains, concealing her expression. What in the world was going through her head?

Before he could wonder for too long, she began talking about the next stage of the journey. Practical stuff, which was a relief for him. They chatted easily for a while, passing the flask back and forth, until he was feeling a little buzzed.

"Did you just make a joke?" Toph said in response to a dry remark from him.

"What's so strange about that?" Sokka asked with a frown. He had always been funny…

"Nothin'." She shrugged and let out a belch. "So did you get me a present for my birthday?"

He turned to her with an amused, quizzical expression - a habit he had never been able to break no matter how long he knew her. "Uh, yeah, this drink. And I thought you didn't care about your birthday?"

"I don't." She turned, leaning forward, and jabbed him in the chest with her finger, a silly expression on her face. "But you seem to."

She then reached up and gently tugged on his goatee. His eyebrows shot up and he put his hand over hers in what was meant to be defensive gesture, to halt her. But once he'd done it, it sure felt like something different.

"So much for you moderating yourself. Lightweight."

"I'm not drunk," she scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically. "I'm just...comfortable."

Their hands slowly dropped but Sokka didn't let go. He was torn. The drink had dulled his previous reluctance and the desire for physical contact was beginning to push past the pain and guilt that had stopped him before. But...it was Toph. His best friend, barely into womanhood. What right did he have? When the buzz wore off, would she have regrets? Would she hate him, feel taken advantage of?

"Your move, Snoozles."

His self-control was near to breaking. Why was she doing this? She'd been so mad after the kiss. It didn't make sense. He brushed the hair out of her face to get a good look at her eyes, hoping for clues.

"Toph... I'm not sure this is a good idea..."

"Neither am I. But we obviously both want it and I'm tired of fighting it. Maybe it's a mistake, but I'd rather know for sure than wonder forever."

She gave him no time to process those startlingly forthright - and not at all drunken-sounding - words, instead pulling him into a rough kiss. The last vestige of his inhibitions fled with the revelation that she'd actually given this some thought, and he leaned into it with reckless abandon.

A small hand began tugging on his belt, spurring a fresh surge of guilt, and tears dripped down his face unbidden. Toph paused and leaned back a little, her calloused thumb brushing across his cheek. "Please," she murmured, a quality in her voice that was totally new to him. "Just let me ease the pain a little. It's not the same as forgetting. Do you think she'd want you to be miserable forever?"

Sokka was speechless, utterly shocked that she would bring up Suki here and now. A sob threatened to escape his chest and he tried to let his breath out slowly. And yet, as Toph's words rattled around his mind like red-hot coals, the emotion behind them resonated with his deeply conflicted feelings. She was practically begging him, as if she needed the physical contact and intimacy as much as he did. Was she really so lonely?

He pulled her into a fierce hug, desperately wanting to feel her lungs expand with breath, her heart beat inside her chest. She was here, she was real, she was very much alive. Why was he fighting this? No one in the world understood him better. Why did I shut her out for so long?

He forced himself to loosen his grip and pushed her back enough to see the mild confusion and vague disappointment on her face. Who was this creature in front of him? It was like he'd never really, truly looked at her before. Or rather, never let himself - not in this way, at least. What he was feeling had been there for a while, he saw now, whispering away in the back of his head, ignored and suppressed. Stubbornly denied. Forbidden.

Wordlessly, he reached up to free her hair from the band that kept it contained. Her eyes widened a little as it came tumbling down around her shoulders, a thick mess that blended into the darkness behind her except where the firelight glinted off, turning it into burnished gold. A mischievous smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, and the next thing he knew, she had tackled him backward onto the ground.

"Wh-! Toph!"

She just laughed, her hair all around him and falling in his face.

"Yeah, ok, I get it," said. "Hair down was a dumb move. You've made your po-"

But she cut him off with a kiss. "Stop talking."

Heat. Too much heat.

Toph's gasp shifted from pleasure to sudden panic and her whole body jerked involuntarily. "Fuck!"

"Wh-? What? What's wrong?" Sokka stammered, his voice full of concern.

She pressed her palms to the ground. Yep, it definitely felt hot. Or was it just her imagination? "Feel the ground."

"What?"

"Just do it."

There's was a brief pause, then she felt the vibration of his hand in the dirt. "It feels...warm."

"I thought so." She tried to steady her breathing and not think about what could have happened. Perhaps doing this outside had been a bad idea.

"T, I'm really confused..."

The moment was ruined, she realized with a defeated sigh. Anyway, it was too risky to keep going. "Lava," she muttered.

"What?" he asked, moving to cover them with the blanket and settling himself at her side, his head propped up on his elbow.

"Um...remember that time you found me out in the valley and I said I'd been lavabending? And I said I'd quit for good?"

"You mean do I remember that time you went missing and I spent hours looking for you? Yeah, I remember."

"Well…" She wasn't quite sure how to explain this. "Before that, I'd used anger to lavabend. It was the only way I could do it. But that time, I tried something a little different. And the result was me flattening an entire hill."

"I'm...not sure where you're going with this."

"The ground was hot, Meathead. Connect the dots."

"Are you- Are you saying that you were out there fooling around with someone? Wait, is that why you spent the whole night out there?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "No. I was alone. It was just me and my...very active imagination."

"You were just a kid..." he said awkwardly.

"I was fifteen."

"Yeah," Sokka scoffed. "Exactly."

"Give me a fucking break. You think I don't know how many times you went off alone to pleasure yourself when you were fifteen?"

"Wh-!" He coughed and cleared his throat. "But- That's different. I'm a guy."

"So what?"

"Ah...You know what, never mind. I think I'll stop while I'm ahead."

"A wise choice."

"Ok, so, let me get this straight. The ground is warm because...I made you lavabend?" He sounded just a little too pleased with himself.

"I could feel it. It was coming."

"Well, at least one of us did," he said, earning him a swift jab. "I'm kidding! Well, I mean, sort of. It's ok. There's always next time. Unless this lava thing is going to continue to be a problem…?"

Next time... she mused silently. Interesting. "Nah, give me a bed and I'll be good to go."

"Are you sure about that?" he asked in a bantering tone. "I'm a little reluctant to accept your confidence at face value."

"Yes, asshole, I'm sure. If that was your roundabout way of asking me about my sexual history, my only response is that your deductive reasoning skills need some work."

"Point taken. Next question: Who were you fantasizing about down in the valley that day?"

On the point of just telling him, a far more amusing idea popped into her head. "Hm. Why don't you guess? It's someone you know."

"Someone I know, huh? Oh, Spirits, it's not Aang is it?"

"Ew, gross. Of course not."

"Ok, good. Hm. I assume we are talking about a guy, here?"

"Yes, Meathead."

"Hey, just checking. You never know." He shifted a little and was quiet for a second. "Zuko?"

"Nope."

"Jingbo?"

"What?" she laughed. "No!"

"Ohhh, I know who it was."

"Yeah?"

"Satoru."

"Nope."

"Really? Huh. I was sure that was it…"

"It was you, dumbass."

"Wh- What?" he stammered. "Really?"

"I don't know why you're so surprised."

He was quiet for a long second. "Yeah, me neither. Huh. I guess I didn't realize you'd been madly in love with me for that long."

"Pfft. Get over yourself. I assure you, it's purely carnal."

"So you're saying you just want me for my body? Wow. Rude."

She knew he was joking, but still felt the need to defend herself. "It's not like that. You're still my best friend. I mean, I hope you are."

He grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it. "Always, T."

She pulled her hand away with a smirk, rolling her eyes.

"I had no idea, you know," Sokka continued.

"Oh, I know."

"Did it drive you crazy? Me being oblivious?"

She shrugged. "I learned to live with it. I knew you didn't see me that way and figured you probably wouldn't ever."

"Well..." He made a pensive noise. "I hope I lived up to the fantasies."

"Eh." More than I'm willing to admit, you meat-brained idiot. "It was alright."

"Please. I rocked your world. Don't try to deny it."

"You are so full of yourself."

"Ok...I have to know. Exactly how long have you had the hots for me?"

"Alright, Mr. Confident. I've got a story for ya. Remember that time, in the Fire Nation, when we went to that village in the polluted river? Well-"

"Wait, hold on. You were twelve..."

"Shut up and let me finish."

"She said, without even a hint of irony in her voice."

Toph rolled her eyes and reached down to get him where he so clearly needed to go.

"Better?" she asked a few minutes later.

"Mm... Yeah."

"Let it not be said that I'm a selfish lover."

"I didn't think that. I was just giving you shit. Anyway, back to your story."

"Remember how you helped me into the boat, but I slipped and you caught me?"

"Um...I guess? Vaguely."

"Well...you groped the shit out of me."

"What?! C'mon, you were an actual child! There was nothing there to grope!"

"There absolutely was. Just because they were small doesn't mean they weren't sensitive. I was well into the throes of puberty by then."

"Wow. Well. Um," he stammered. "For what's it worth, it was an accident. One that I was completely unaware of."

"I know. I would have beat the shit out of you if I'd thought you'd done it on purpose."

"Why didn't you say something? Did it embarrass you?"

"Are you kidding? I was fucking twelve and you had just put your hand all over my hypersensitive pubescent tit." – He shuddered forcefully enough that she felt it through the ground. – "And I liked it. Of course I was embarrassed."

"So was that the moment, then? Did my fumbling hands destroy your innocence?"

"No. I had a thing for you before that. I just wanted to tell you that story. It may have been embarrassing at the time, but it's pretty funny in retrospect."

"Yeah, hilarious. Thanks for making me feel like a pervert."

"Don't mention it," she smirked, amused at his discomfort.

"Ok, but seriously. When was it?"

Toph rolled her eyes. "Why do you care so much?"

"I'm curious. It's going to bug me."

She sighed in resignation. "I guess...maybe it was when you touched my face."

"Huh? When?"

"It was a long time ago. We didn't know each other that well yet. You were telling me about color and you pushed my hair away from my eyes to describe them."

"Yeah, I remember now." He laughed softly. "So that's why you blushed, huh? I remember feeling bad for embarrassing you, but honestly I'd forgotten all about that until now."

"The only people who had ever touched my face before were my parents, and not since I was a little kid. Let's just say there were certain...sensations that I really didn't understand at the time." She reached out and her fingertips landed on his cheekbone. Slowly, they drifted across his face, matching the vague picture in her head with the far more detailed tactile information. "Then, well, the full force of puberty hit me and I started to figure out that I was at the mercy of my hormones."

"So am I as handsome as you thought I was?" he teased.

Toph tsked and pulled her hand away. "I was just curious."

"By all means, satisfy your curiosity. I don't mind."

He took her wrist and put her hand back on his face. As it continued to rove across his features, she rolled closer to him, chilly now despite the blanket and nearby fire. The ground had long since cooled. "You did good, you know. Telling me about color. You gave my world just a little more...depth."

"High praise," he mused, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her against him.

With the fear of nearly lavabending, and then the resulting conversation, Toph hadn't had a chance to reflect on the experience that she had waited so long for. Certainly, there was a sense of relief, and not just physically. There had been some worry that it would make things weird between them, that he would regret crossing that line again, as he had with the kiss.

But it appeared that his hang-ups had vanished, or he had decided to ignore them. She hadn't missed that casual mention of things continuing between them. What had she done, or said, to cause the change? How and why had he so quickly relaxed into this new dynamic?

For a very brief moment, she was on the point of asking him. But no, it was best to leave those things unspoken. Otherwise, she ran the risk of this becoming something more serious than what it was.

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

Hitting the peak of the rise, Toph slowed and came to a stop. Below her in the valley lay a familiar spread of buildings.

"Well," Sokka said. "There it is." They both just stood there.

"This was a bad idea. Maybe we should just leave."

"They're expecting you now," he reminded her.

"I know, I know."

He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. With a deep breath, she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other, trying to ignore the anxious sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Honestly, this would probably be easier without Sokka. Her parents were almost certain to be judgmental about her traveling with him. She had even debated asking him to let her go alone. In the end, though, she decided his presence might at least deflect a tiny bit of their attention.

The guards posted at the entrance to the Beifong Estate appeared to have been alerted to her imminent arrival and allowed them passage without difficulty, though she had to wait to be announced before entering the actual house. As if she were just a guest. Well. I suppose that's the truth, she allowed.

They found her parents seated in the living room, as expected. What she didn't expect was for her mother to rush over and hug her. Poppy Beifong had not been an especially affectionate parent, in Toph's memory.

"Oh, Toph!" she said tearfully. "I have missed you so much!"

Chest tight and mouth dry, Toph returned the hug for an appropriate amount of time before pulling away. This felt weird. Her mother's familiar scent was filling her with a disconcerting array of emotions, nostalgia not the least of them.

"I missed you too, Mother." She cleared her throat. "Father," she said, nodding in his direction. "You both remember my friend, Sokka?"

"Of course," Poppy said in a friendly voice, though Toph thought it sounded forced. "Welcome. Please, both of you sit. Would you like some tea?"

The next half hour was full of awkward, stilted conversation about Toph's life in Yu Dao and Republic City, and her journey across the Earth Kingdom. Her father's disapproval was only thinly veiled, and poor Sokka kept trying to make jokes that no one laughed at. Well, Toph tried to.

Dinner was much the same, though her mother seemed to be making a real effort. "I understand your father is the Chieftain of the Southern Water Tribe, Sokka," Poppy said at one point.

"Yes, that's true. Head Chieftain, technically. It wouldn't have meant much a few years ago, but what was once a handful of villages is now a sizable city."

"And do you plan to follow in his footsteps?" Lao asked.

"Well... I don't know. We'll see. I'm not sure it's a hereditary title, though. My people chose him. Honestly, I don't have much of a stomach for politics."

"Don't pester him, Dad. Chief Hakoda's not going anywhere for a good, long time."

"I was only making conversation. It's good for a young man to know where his life is heading."

Toph cringed. He couldn't possibly have said anything worse. Sokka had expressed to her on multiple occasions over the last couple of months how much he hated lacking purpose in his life.

"Mom," she said abruptly to change the subject, "how is your greenhouse garden doing?"

As hoped, Poppy instantly launched into an effusive description of her latest hobby, mentioned in a recent letter. Toph somehow survived through the rest of dinner and dessert, opting to turn in early to escape from her father. It was a bit maddening, though, because she could do nothing but offer a bland 'goodnight' to Sokka before taking refuge in her old bedroom, which appeared to be wholly unchanged.

Lying there in bed, she began to burn for him. She could think of nothing else. Since her birthday, they had spent every night in each others' arms, abandoning their practice of camping in favor of sleeping indoors whenever possible. She had grown accustomed to his warm body next to hers as she drifted off.

After hours of failing to fall asleep, she slid off the bed and silently crept down the hall to the guest room he was using. "Hey," she whispered, climbing into his bed. "Wake up."

"Huh?" Sokka said in a sleepy voice. "Toph?"

"Who else would it be, dummy?" Sliding her leg over his hip to sit on him, she began laying light kisses up and down his neck.

"Wh- What are you doing?"

"Obviously, I'm seducing you."

"Here?" He seemed to be fully awake now. Go figure. "Seriously?"

"I can be quiet."

"I'm not sure that's true."

She smacked the side of his head. "Sometimes you gotta live a little dangerously. Makes it more fun. Now shut up and kiss me."

The next morning, Toph woke with a start. "Shit! What time is it?"

"Hm?"

The second her feet hit the floor, she knew it was too late. "Fuck."

Sokka yawned loudly. "What's wrong?"

She ignored him, dressing quickly and slipping into the hall. Her father was sitting on her bed, holding something in his hands, though her seismic sense did not give enough detail to determine what it was.

"Why are you in here?" she challenged from the doorway.

"Why weren't you?"

"I got up early and went for a walk in the garden." It was a weak lie, and she knew it.

Lao sighed and stood, leaving whatever object he was holding on the bed. "Come into the study. Your mother and I have something to discuss with you."

Without another word he walked past her and left. Toph crossed the room and sat on her bed, reaching out. Her hand found a plush toy. A remnant of her childhood.

Sokka couldn't stand it anymore. He had to know what they were talking about. Obviously, Toph would know he was there, but if she cared she would surely do something about it. Armed with that rationalization, he crept down the hall to press his ear against the doors to the study.

"...eighteen now," Lao was saying. "It's time to put away your childish passions and plan for your future."

"How many times do I have to tell you?! I am planning for my future, and it certainly does not include an arranged marriage!"

"Where is this vehemence coming from? In the past negotiations, your refusals have been uncharacteristically diplomatic."

"I was trying to show you that I was already an adult, and knew how to behave as one. But I obviously should have been more blunt. I. Do. Not. Want. This."

"And what do you want, then?" Lao challenged. "To traipse around with that young man until you end up with child, and live a life of uncertainty and scandal?" Sokka's eyes widened. Obviously, they hadn't been as covert as he'd hoped. There was a prick of indignation, too, that Lao thought he would be so careless. "Would you marry him then, at least, or continue to be stubborn and willful?"

"He's got nothing to do with this conversation."

"Do you love him?" The question came from Toph's mother. Sokka's heart skipped a beat. "It would not be the worst match, considering his father's position."

"Ugh," Toph groaned. "You are making such a huge deal out of nothing! I am not getting married!"

"You didn't answer her question," Lao said.

"No!"

Hearing that hurt Sokka more than he thought it would. But why should he expect that from her at this stage, after only a few weeks? He was still trying to make sense of his own feelings. Besides that, she was talking to her parents. No way would she verbalize her true feelings to them, whatever they may be. But despite what she'd said before, he refused to believe there wasn't something real between them, something more than the physical.

"Not that it's any of your goddamn business!" Toph continued fiercely.

"Young lady, you will not speak that way to us! You are a Beifong and you will do your duty and accept this arrangement or, so help me, I will write you out of our will!"

"Fine with me! I don't want your fucking money!" The door flew open without warning and Sokka nearly fell over. Toph's fury shifted to him. "You had no right to listen!" she hissed, shoving him away.

"Toph- Wait-"

But she blew past him past back to her room and slammed the door in his face. A moment later it opened again. "In case it wasn't obvious, I'm leaving." Then she slammed it back shut.

Sokka hurried back to his own room to pack up his things. It didn't take long, which was fortunate because she was not waiting for him. Bag slung across her shoulder, she stomped out of the house, down the street, and finally out of Gaoling.

"Toph, hold up a sec," he said once they were back on the road, away from listening ears. No response. "Toph!"

"What?!" she yelled, rounding on him, the ground shaking as she planted her foot.

"What's your problem? Look, I'm sorry I was listening. I figured if you cared you would have yelled at me to go away."

"That's not the point!"

He'd seen her angry plenty of times before, but right now she was more furious than he had ever witnessed - face flushed, eyes bloodshot, trembling hands balled up into fists. It didn't seem to fit with what had happened.

"I don't think I'm the one you're really mad at, here," he said, a little hurt.

"You're going to tell me who I'm mad at now? Wow, taking a page from my parent's book there, aren't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ok, now he was more than a little hurt.

"I'm my own person, Sokka! I can be mad at whoever I want to be mad at, and not marry whoever the fuck I don't want to marry!"

"I can't believe you would compare me to them like that! I'm not exp-"

"Well then stop acting like them!"

"I'm not trying to control you! I don't know what I did to give you that impression, but I would really like you to tell me so I can fix this."

"'Fix this'? Fix what? We're not in a relationship! I don't know what you thought this was, but it's not that!"

All of the air left his lungs in a rush. So that was the truth, was it? Apparently, the last few weeks had been utterly meaningless to her. "Oh, I can assure you," he said with a despondent calmness, jaw clenched stubbornly, "I have no illusions about what I mean to you."

"I don't know why you would! I was very clear, from the beginning."

"You were," he muttered. And I was the fool who didn't believe you.

He had been so worried about her feeling taken advantage of. What a joke. He was the emotionally vulnerable one who had let his walls down for the one person he trusted most in this world. And for what? A few weeks of meaningless sex to satisfy her cravings? Some friend she was.

"I don't know what I was thinking, getting involved with you," he continued. "Letting you use me like that. I've always known you had a selfish side, but I was naïve enough to think you wanted me on this trip for some other reason than to be a toy for you to play with at night. Well. I'm done wasting my time. I've got better things to do with my life."

Throughout his rant, her face had grown redder and redder with outrage. "So do I!" she exploded, the ground rumbling again. "And I don't need your help, either! I can manage just fine on my own! Have a good fucking life!"

They both stormed off in opposite directions, Toph diverting into the forest so that he'd have less chance of following her, if he was so inclined.

What a fucking...! Ugh! I hate him! I can't fucking believe... How could he say...?! Ughhh! Obviously, that year and a half drinking in the South Pole turned him into an insufferable jackass. I don't need him. I don't need that fucking drama.

Five minutes later the adrenaline had worn off and she fell to her knees, fingers digging into her scalp as if she could physically rip everything out of her head. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to tear up the ground and bury herself in it.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

Buh-bum buh-bum buh-bum buh-bum

Toph woke from a fitful sleep, the faint sound echoing in her mind but already fading.

"What is that?" she wondered aloud, still groggy. She put her hand flat on the ground but didn't feel anything. Whatever it was, it was gone. Or it had just been a dream.

Over the next week, she continued to hear it, usually just as she was waking up. The only thing she was able to liken it to was a rapidly beating heart. Sort of. When people's hearts raced like that, they also pounded. This sound was much lighter, like a small animal, but there were none in her immediate vicinity.

She was still a week away from Yu Dao and beginning to grow weary of the road, especially now that she was alone. Goddamn you, Sokka, she thought bitterly as she dug through her pack for something to eat. Her hand touched the bundle of rags she used when she bled, making her pause. How long had it been? She was nothing remotely close to 'regular', but she was thinking maybe it had been a while. Before her birth...day...

A sudden chill settled over her, resolving in the pit of her stomach. Full of dread, she reached inward for that sound that had become all too familiar in the last week, terrified of finding it.

Buh-bum buh-bum buh-bum buh-bum

Like a tiny, rapid heartbeat.

"No. Fuck. No!" Her hands began to shake and she balled them up into fists. "Get a grip, Toph! It's- It's nothing. It's just your imagination. You're upset about Sokka, and your mind is playing tricks on you. It's nothing. Just a memory of a bad dream. Quit freaking out over nothing."

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

"Stop pussy-footing around!" Toph yelled. "If we're gonna do this, then let's fucking do it!"

It was late morning, and she'd somehow ended up in a sparring match with four other students who had the audacity to think they could take her together. Suddenly that fucking sound that she was still stubbornly pretending didn't exist invaded her awareness. Because of it, she very nearly did not block the next attack. Stone shattered around her, the force making her take a step backward.

She was just one second too slow to notice the small piece that had rolled right where her foot was heading. It happened so fast. A sharp pain shot through her ankle, halfway up her leg, and she reeled backward. Then a sizable chunk of rock hit her square in the stomach, hard enough to finish the job.

With an audible whump, Toph hit the ground hard, the wind knocked out of her. The entire courtyard went absolutely silent. A second later it erupted in furtive whispers.

"No way…"

"I don't believe it…"

"How did he do that?"

Toph struggled to a sitting position, sucking in air painfully.

"Sifu, are you ok?" Penga asked, running over to her.

Furious, Toph shook off the attempts to help her up. "I'm fine. I just rolled my fucking ankle."

Trying to ignore the whispers around her, she limped off to her room with her face burning, gut aching, and ankle screaming in agony. She was never going to live this down. How had it even happened? Those fuckers weren't even that good. It was just a freak accident.

She got to her room and slammed the door so hard that her meteorite bracelet, sitting where she had left it on the dresser, fell off and clattered to the ground. She tumbled unceremoniously onto her bed, buried her face in her pillow, and let out a frustrated scream. Before she knew it, she was sobbing uncontrollably. It felt like her entire life was unraveling - again - and there was nothing she could do about it.

She clung to the throbbing pain in her ankle, basking in it, wishing she could stop crying. She hated crying. Toph Beifong was better than this emotional wreck. Slowly, she forced herself to calm down, the anger and pain dissolving into exhaustion, then crawled under the covers and eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

Flat on her back in bed, Toph dug her fingers into the mattress as her stomach spasmed with unbearable pain. People were all around her, shouting something, but it all seemed to be nonsense. Then finally, one voice resolved.

"Sifu Toph!" it called from somewhere unknown, dragging her away. "Sifu!"

Toph bolted upright in bed, clutching her stomach, the pain from the nightmare real. She was drenched in sweat, her sheets sopping wet.

"Sifu!" Penga said from the door. "What's wrong? I heard you shouting."

Toph leaned over and vomited on the floor before falling back onto the pillow with a groan. "Go to Yu Dao," she managed weakly. "Get a healer."

The pain came and went while she waited for what felt like hours. With every wave she had to grit her teeth to keep a guttural whine from escaping. She felt so weak, so dizzy, and wished she could block out the smell of bile and sweat and…something else. What was it?

Finally, Penga's worried voice returned. "She's in there."

After a brief knock, the door opened. "I'll take it from here, child," a woman said. "Run along now." The door clicked shut and soft footsteps approached. There was a slight pause, then the woman went to the window and opened the shutter. Toph heard a very faint splash and the stench of vomit began to fade.

"My name is Alma. Can you tell me what's wrong?" A hand appeared on her forehead, then the sheet was pulled back. "Oh, my." Alma tossed the sheet down to the foot of the bed and lifted Toph's shirt up, placing a warm hand on her abdomen.

On the point of answering her question, Toph was halted by another wave of pain. A pitiful noise came out in the place of words.

"I'm going to assume this isn't a normal thing for you?" the healer said; Toph just shook her head. "I think you may be having a miscarriage. Were you aware of a pregnancy?"

The denial couldn't hold its own against such blunt confrontation. "I… I don't know," she muttered miserably, trying not to retch again. "Maybe." She took a shaky breath. "Is it- Are you sure it's…gone?"

"I'm afraid so. You've lost a lot of blood."

Blood. That was the smell Toph hadn't been able to identify, though it seemed so obvious now. She squeezed her eyes shut, a couple of tears leaking from the corners.

"I'm so sorry, dear," Alma murmured.

"Don't be," Toph asserted, blinking quickly. "I couldn't possibly be more relieved."

"It's normal to have some...mixed feelings." There was a sound of water pouring into a cup, then being stirred. "Here, drink this. It will help with the cramping."

Toph tried to sit up and gasped at the sudden, intense pain; she'd forgotten all about her injury.

"What's wrong?" Alma asked.

"I hurt my ankle earlier."

Alma moved the sheet to look. "Which- Ohh, never mind." There was a liquid sound of water being bent, then a soothing coolness covered the pain. "It's broken."

"I kinda thought it might be."

"It's not bad, though. Bones are easy to fix. How did it happen?"

"I rolled it while I was sparring. Stupid, I know. I was a little distracted…"

"Did you fall?"

"Yeah. Pretty hard. Also took a solid hit to the gut. I assume that's why…"

"Most likely, yes."

I'll have to remember to thank that idiot later... Toph mused wryly, thought the thought left her with an odd sense of discomfort. "I'm sure this goes without saying…" she added, her voice tight, "but I would appreciate your discretion."

"Of course, dear. It's all part of the job."

It made her think about Katara. She definitely didn't want her nosy friend to find out about this. She'd never hear the end of it.

While the healer worked, Toph sipped on her drink and stewed. Tentatively, she let her senses reach inward, searching for that sound. There was nothing there. It was over. The nightmare that she had steadfastly refused to accept for the last two weeks...was over. For the first time, she allowed herself to think about it. Really think about it.

That unreliable oaf had actually knocked her up. If things had gone just a little differently, if they hadn't argued, if she hadn't cut her trip short and come home early, if she hadn't gotten into that sparring match…she would've eventually had to deal with a very real problem.

Her father had been right. She had never hated him more than she did in this moment.

"Um…potentially stupid question…" Toph muttered, swallowing her pride for the sake of practicality.

"Let me guess: You want to know how to prevent this from happening in the future? Trust me, it's not a stupid question."

"I was under the impression that pulling out was enough."

"If the man is good at it, it's usually enough. Either he slipped up or you just got very unlucky." After that, she launched into a verbose explanation of every old wives' tale on the subject, from various herbs and teas that could be ingested, to acupuncture, to moon phases, to a bunch of other stuff Toph thought sounded like utter nonsense.

Whatever. It's not like I'm about to jump in bed with anyone anytime soon.

"There you go," Alma said a little while later, withdrawing the water from Toph's ankle. "Good as new. At least that's one problem easily solved. I'm afraid I can't do much for the other. You'll have some cramps and bleeding for a week or so, but I think you're past the worst of it, or will be by the end of the day."

Toph just nodded wearily. The drink was beginning to make her thoughts cloudy, which was nice. There were certain things and certain people she'd rather not have to think about right now. But Alma wouldn't let her sleep just yet. She helped her get cleaned up and dressed in fresh clothes, then flipped the mattress over to put new sheets on it.

"You're going to want to replace that," the healer advised. "This is just a temporary fix."

There was a knock on the door just before Toph was about to climb back into bed. "Sifu?" Penga's voice said through the door.

"What?" Toph asked, cracking it open a little while she leaned heavily against the wall.

"Are you ok? I was worried."

"...I have the flu. You probably don't want to get too close. I'm going to need you and Ho Tun to hold down the fort for a few days."

"Of course, Sifu. Whatever you need."

‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›‹¤›

A/N: Once again, I know, I'm a monster. Sorry :( I poured my heart and soul into this chapter, and it has a real, meaningful story purpose beyond shock value.

Also...the middle part of the 'birthday' scene does exist. Just FYI. It's on AO3, in my 'deleted scenes' work.