AN: I'm going to warn you right away: I might not be able to update tomorrow. I'm going to Hershey Park to see the Nutcracker. Fun, right? Though I'm all paranoid about the fact that I'm cough really loud at one of those quiet parts and piss off the audience. You know how ballet people can get. Not that I'm dissing them, because then I have a good number of people would kick my ass. It's times like these I realize exactly how much I'm immersed in musical theatre. And it makes me very happy.

Anyway ... You guys are insanely awesome, do you know that? Three major landmarks: this story has reached 100 reviews and 5000 hits (and passed), and last chapter had the most reviews of any chapters yet (most chapters get more reviews as time goes on and new readers pick up the story, so this really was an accomplishment). This is all thanks to you guys. Thank you so much – you really do roxer my boxers! By the way, isn't that an awesome saying? Props to Alice for teaching it to me.

Random fact: Robitussin DM? NASTY! You guys were so sweet, with your wishes for my betterness. I am doing better, thanks very much.

Finally, I'm very sorry to all those who are sad or who are angry at me because I gave Abby AIDS. I know some of you felt it was predictable, and some of you thought it was too many people with AIDS, and some of you were just sad because another character you like (hopefully) is going to die. And I'm very sorry. But this was how I planned the story, and for what I've got in my head, I really can't change it now. I was kinda sad to do it myself, because I'm really liking Abs. But if Jonathon Larson had let that stop him, where would any of us be? Thank you to all my reviewers (again). Hey, anons!

socogal – (ducks alarm clock) Hey! Oh, look, food! Chocolate good! I'll take water, please. Too sick to drink anything else but orange juice, and OJ and brownies don't mix. Ew. That is kinda nasty. But I thought all the hints and stuff had been putting on the strain long enough. Besides, I know I hate it when authors put off something big like that. Hint, MiSs HoLlYwOoD, hint! ANYWAY ... Speak for yourself. I happen to like the Crunch more than chicken, I just thought it didn't say "romance." And I think Mark's fetish is cute. I'm getting better. Thanks for the love. Really? My friends too! Well, not about my writing. About my talking. I'm insanely random, plus I can make any conversation turn into a discussion about Rent. Check out the fic "You Know You're Obsessed With Rent When ..." – it's hilarious and scarily true. I love Joanne, too. I'm a big MoJo fan, and I hate it when Mo ends up going back with Mark. That, along with Mark/Roger, will never happen in this fic. And it was very critique-ish, thank you.

megs – Oh, thanks! I'm sorry I made you sad. And am going to make you sad more. But hold on for Chapter 14. There will be more happiness, I promise!

So ends the longest AN ever – the second!

Disclaimer: If I owned Rent, even though I love my Dave, Angel would never have died. I would've offed Gordon or Steve instead. I mean, they're cool, and all, but they aren't Angel.

Monophobia

Mark pushed himself away from her. He couldn't think right. "No. You aren't. I never saw you take..."

Abby shook her head and sniffled. "I wouldn't let you see."

Mark stood up slowly. "How could you not tell me? God, didn't you think I deserved to know?"

She looked at him sadly. "Of course I did, Mark. But I've only known for a little while. I didn't know how to tell anyone. I didn't know how to tell you. Everyone you know ..."

Mark couldn't hear that right now. "I know they do," he told her harshly. She pulled back, hurt. He sighed hugely and dropped into the armchair next to the couch. The next few moments were silent, except for a few crying sounds (sniffing and gasping and the like) that Abby tried to muffle with her hand. Finally Mark asked in defeated voice, "How?"

"My boyfriend." She glanced at him, then looked back down at the couch and started picking at it. "He was cheating on me, well, with more than one guy. I mean, he left me for one specific guy, but before that there were, um," another tear ran down her cheek and her voice dropped a little, "there were a lot of guys. Experimenting, he said, or whatever. One of them gave it to him. He called me when I got back from Rome. He ... he told me I'd better get tested too. So I did. And," her voice wavered, "I was positive. That was the real reason my parents kicked me out. Said I had brought shame on the family, and that they needed me to leave them for a while. So they could figure out what to tell people." She looked back up at him finally. "Mark, I never wanted to hurt you."

Mark laughed cynically. "Yeah. No one ever wants to hurt me. They just do."

She looked stung. "I love you, Mark. I know it's only been a couple of weeks, and it's early to say that, but I do."

"Don't say that," Mark spit out. "How can you tell me you love me after you just admitted you lied to me? When you hid something that huge from me?"

She began to cry again in earnest again, in big, gulping sobs. "I'm so sorry, Mark. I'm so, so sorry. I hate this! I hate that hurt you!" She wiped her eyes, then turned to him and asked softly, "Where does this leave us?"

Mark put his head between his hands. "I don't know Abby. I don't know." He just couldn't process it. He needed time. "I think ... I think you should go now. I'll come to you ... I'll tell you when I know what I want to do"

The room was silent for a moment. Then quietly, she replied, "If that's what you want, Mark." Her footsteps echoed hollowly, and the door closed with a quiet thud that was full of disappointment and emptiness.

He sat there for a while, hating. He hated her for not telling him. He hated Maureen for not telling him, because, he realized, she probably knew. He hated the boyfriend, for cheating on her, like Maureen had done to him, for leaving her for someone else, and mostly for giving her AIDS. He hated her parents for kicking her out and making her feel ashamed of herself when she had done nothing wrong. But more than any of that, he hated himself. How could he have done that to her? How could he say those things? How could she have lied? Why did this have to happen? What was he going to do?

"Marky? Abs? I'm sorry; I'm going to be gone in a ... Mark, what happened?" Benny sat on the couch next to him. "Did she not show? What's going on?"

"Abby has AIDS, Benny," Mark informed him bluntly.

He could hear his friend take a sharp breath. "Mark, I am so sorry."

"She went all this time and didn't tell me. How the hell could she not tell me?" Mark looked up, angry.

"Don't tell me you're mad. I mean, she hid it, yeah, but it wasn't that long. I mean, you didn't, uh..." Benny stumbled for the right words.

Mark looked away. "No. Not yet."

Benny recovered. "Well, then, I mean, why is it you're so mad? I mean, she was probably scared, you know? Like Roger was. Well, still is, but he doesn't let it take over him anymore. I can understand why you'd be sad. But ..."

"Everyone leaves!" Mark burst out, surprising himself. "You left, Maureen left, Angel left, and Mimi, Collins and Roger are all gonna leave. Joanne even left, when she and Mo broke up. No one stays with me!" It was quiet for a minute as he processed what he had said. Finally, he added. "I guess I just always thought, when I found someone that I, you know, loved, I would finally have someone who would stick around. Be with me when everyone else was gone." Bitterly, he laughed. "Guess I can't even have that."

"God, Mark. I didn't know." Benny was pitying him. Great.

"I'm going to bed," Mark said abruptly, and strode to his room quickly before Benny could say anything else. He locked his door and curled up on his bed. I'm getting to be just like Roger, he told himself. That wasn't a comfortable thought. He drifted for a while, thinking about everything and nothing. AIDS, family, love, friends, life, and death. He couldn't seem to focus on any particular thing. He heard Roger knock on his door a couple hours later, which was odd because he thought that he and Mimi were working late shifts at the bar. He didn't answer.

He must have drifted off, because the next thing he knew, someone new was pounding on the door. "Mark! Mark, I'm not going away! Let me in!" Maureen. Great. He rolled over and checked his clock. Two in the morning. He groaned. He really didn't want to deal with the vengeful diva when he was so damn tired. But he knew Mo, so he knew she wasn't going to give up.

Reluctantly, he got up and slowly opened the door. "Maureen, I know you're..." He was taken aback as she grabbed him up in a hug. "Wait. You aren't mad or something?"

Maureen pulled back and shook her head empathetically. "I know what it feels like, to have someone you pull away from you. I'm sorry for both of you. But Mimi and Joanne are with Abby, Roger and Benny aren't sure what to do, and Dave and Collins don't know yet. So you need someone more."

He flopped back down on the bed. "Can't hurt, can it?" His forehead wrinkled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She sat next to him and shrugged. "She needed to tell you herself."

They sat there in silence, Maureen's head on his shoulder, hugging him tightly. Finally, he shifted and started to lie down. "I'm going to go back to sleep."

She started to get up, then seemed to hesitate. "Can I stay here with you?" He shrugged and lifted the covers. She snuggled down next to him. Suddenly she giggled. "It's been a while since we've been in this position, you know."

"Thinking of taking advantage of me?" he joked half-heartedly. Then he sobered. "A lot changes in a few years, huh? You're married to a woman and I'm dating your cousin. Was dating your cousin. I don't know."

"I know what you mean." She seemed serious, for once. "And we found Angel. Don't forget Angel."

He grinned sadly in the darkness. "How could I forget her? How could anybody forget Angel?"

"I don't think you can. How she could see the good in anybody." Maureen's tone was filled with double meaning.

"I'm no Angel," he reminded her softly.

"I think you are," she told him just as quietly. After a minute, she added, "Please at least try to forgive her. She's really crazy about you."

He thought it over for a moment. "I don't know if I can. I think I'm going to try."

"Good." Maureen wriggled further next to him. He was starting to fall asleep when he heard her whisper, "I miss Joanne."

Mark smiled a little bit. "I miss Abby."

She laughed. "She's only been gone for a few hours!"

"I know." He paused. "Does that mean I'm really pathetic?"

"No, sweetie," she whispered. "It means you're in love."

He didn't know what to say to that. Eventually her breathing evened, telling him she'd gone to sleep. He wasn't far behind. The last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness was Abby's face as he told her he didn't think she could love him.

AN: If you're wondering, the title means "the fear of being left alone." The Phobia List is the coolest thing EVER! I'm really not sure about the reaction to this, but of course I hope for positive feedback. I broke my short chapter stretch with a very long one, my longest yet, I think. Very cool. Though part of the length may have to do with my insanely long first AN. Oh well. Love? Hate? Please review!