Destiny Begins

by Milui Elenath

Chapter Two

Merlin had walked back to the camping ground and found without surprise that 'Anna's' tent was gone. He had half talked himself into believing he had mistaken some other dark-haired maid for Morgana and yet his heart disagreed. He had not mistaken anyone else for her in his many years nor had he felt such anxiety in all his imaginings of her, not even in his crazed time in the Caledonia woods. This violent agitation, this pain and fury had only returned when he had lain eyes upon the real deal.

And she was gone, already gone! He had nothing to go on. A spell uttered at her tent site revealed no footsteps to follow, nothing but a circle of counter magic. There was nothing for him to do but watch his back and wait. Perhaps listen for the magic she was sure to do.

He was at home again before he began to properly think about the magic he had felt from her earlier and the evidence he had seen in her tent. Whose blood had that been? It made him furious to think that she was out there doing who knew what.

In bed that night he was restless and the morning did not bring relief. Every thought was of her and every moment brought a new unanswered question. How could she have survived Excalibur? Where had she been all these years? What had she been doing?

He rose at dawn, wondering if he could find a more powerful locating spell somewhere among his scrolls. He bent over the floorboards and dislodged several before hauling out a crate. He stood, coughing from the dust when movement from beyond the window caught his eye. Ordinarily, he would not have seen movement outside from his position. With the curtains half-drawn, in hindsight, he was not sure that in actual fact he had seen anything but if he did not see it with ordinary eyes then he had felt or seen it in some other way. There was a figure beyond, he was sure. Staring his way, calculating, up to who knew what? Merlin wrenched back the curtain to confirm it and across the street, hurrying away, he caught a glimpse of a dark-haired woman. He had no doubt it was Morgana!

Merlin turned on the spot, he could not lose her again. He thrust himself toward his front door without taking into account his surroundings. His eyes noticed the scroll crate a second before he might have collided with it, his attempt to avoid it by jumping succeeded in keeping him upright but the edge of his foot had sent box and scrolls skittering. Merlin shot an exasperated backward glance at them, clumsiness didn't appear to be something magic or time could cure, but his focus had already shifted back to the figure outside. Hurriedly he swung around the corner of his vestibule and yanked the front door open, catapulting out of it. The door clanged behind him as he ran to the corner. The street before him stretched empty, barren of all signs of life and magic. Once again it was too late. She was gone.

He stood, perplexed. Why would Morgana come here if she was only going to leave? Maybe she had never been there at all. Maybe he was going mad. Again! His hand went through his hair in despair. Or perhaps that was Morgana's plan. To taunt him, to torture him? If it was he could not show weakness and if it was not and he really was crazy then it did him no good to agonise over it. He straightened his body and returned to his front door and willed his hands not to tremble as he shut the door behind him.

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The morning wore on, no further visitations occurred outside. The scrolls proved unfruitful, several cold cups of tea had been deposited forgotten on shelves and Merlin sunk into his chair in defeat.

"So that's it then," Gaius' memory chided Merlin, "you're going to let her run wild?"

"I don't see as I have much choice." Merlin retorted, "besides I'm not sure it's my problem anymore."

"Not your problem?" Gaius sputtered. "I taught you better than that."

Merlin sighed. Gaius or Gaius' voice was right. If Morgana was up to something it was his problem, it was his fault. "I haven't found anything that would help find her." He said helplessly.

Gaius persisted, "well sitting around here moping all day isn't going to make her materialise any faster, either. Why don't you go out and look for her?"

"What's the point, she doesn't want to be found."

"Doesn't she? Seems to be a bit of a risk then to be hanging outside your door. Maybe it's you who doesn't want to find her."

Merlin was silent a long moment. He could not deny it. He'd given up too easily yesterday, this morning too and the scrolls they'd been an excuse. Anything as worthwhile as a locating spell would have been committed to his memory.

"Alright," Merlin relented, "you're right Gaius, you always were."

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Merlin, his youthful looks unfettered by spells, had wandered the streets. He'd turned about a few times sensing he was being watched but he did not catch sight of anyone resembling Morgana. His magic had stretched out for signs of her but if she was there, he could not detect where. Yet there was something, on and off. He was certain she was still nearby.

It was unnerving. Several times he'd almost turned for home, he was too old for cat and mouse, he told himself. If she wanted to be found then she knew where he lived, let her come to him, his pride urged. But it wasn't really pride, Merlin acceded, it was cowardice.

Seeing Morgana face to face was a terrifying concept, he didn't know how he would react. What he might do and he had an overwhelming certainty that all he need do to avoid her was retreat. She would not seek him without some kind of concession on his part. That was what this game of cat and mouse was really about.

He wandered a little longer and came across his favourite café. A cup of hot chocolate, a piece of cake, that was just what he needed especially if he was in for a further afternoon of wandering about.

Entering he nodded to the barista who knew him, ordered his usual and then for a moment Merlin lingered at the display case before ordering a cake. There'd been a time when food was all he needed to cheer him after a long day of saving Arthur and not being appreciated for it. Gaius always seemed to have a knack for having some hot meal at hand just at the right time.

Merlin trudged to a corner table and sat, he stared at the cake. Food didn't have the same effect now . . . well not quite as much, he grinned, cutting into the slice with the provided fork and watching the chocolate icing ooze deliciously. His hot drink arrived shortly after; he savoured the warmth but he was unable to relax. Instead, he felt much like someone holding their breath, waiting to exhale.

"Merlin." A voice spoke from beside him.

Merlin breathed out. He did not need to look up to confirm that it was her, he did not object as she slid into the seat opposite and he found himself surprisingly calm in tone. "Morgana." He nodded.

Their eyes met, appraising, acknowledging the truth of their identities and all the history that had ever flowed between them. There was no uncertainty, this was Morgana Pendragon in the flesh at last.

She settled herself, placing a cup of tea on the table and appearing to be completely at ease. All trace of the fear she exhibited yesterday was gone or hidden.

"You're looking well," she said. "Young." The pointed remark established that she, without a doubt, had recognised him yesterday even with the aging spell.

"Yeah well you know what they say, you're only as young as you feel," Merlin spoke flatly.

"The goatee suits you." Morgana continued.

There was little in her face or tone to suggest her feelings or her intent, whether polite or some ruse to get him to relax his guard. Either way, Merlin suddenly found he had no patience for her pleasantries and was certainly in no mood for more games. "Why are you here Morgana? How are you here?"

"How?" She raised a brow. "Come now Merlin, you didn't really think I was dead, did you?"

"I certainly hoped you were." He returned harshly. Centuries had not dulled his grievances, could not, he would not allow it.

Morgana's mouth pressed together in a hint of displeasure but otherwise maintained her civility. "Yes, well you tried often enough. Still, I did think the great sorcerer Merlin or should I say Emrys? Might have figured out I was alive by now. Didn't the Fata Morgana tip you off? Or rumours from Denmark? Or at least, surely you read the old stories of Camelot and had to wonder at their implications?"

Merlin's eyes narrowed instantly. "You! You were the one perpetuating the myths!" For a long time he had wondered why it was and how the stories of Arthur and the others had become retold and changed and morphed and retold again.

"Me?" Morgana scoffed. "Hardly. Do you think I'd paint Arthur as the greatest King that ever was? Please."

"You might if it suited some twisted purpose of yours." Merlin retaliated.

She bristled and Merlin was slightly cheered that he seemed to have offended her.

Morgana tossed her head. "I can't imagine any purpose that would be served by such a lie. Nor would I portray poor broken-hearted Mordred as a villain. Though I do confess that Guinevere's legacy does not displease me and it cheers me to no end that the great Uther Pendragon is all but forgotten."

Merlin could not fault her on her last point but still, he scowled. "You always had it in for Gwen."

"Not always," Morgana said sombrely.

"Gwen was kind and good to you, I never understood how you could -."

"Still you defend her?" Morgana interrupted; her poise forgotten. "Over a thousand years old and still so naïve!" She stirred her tea vigorously regaining herself. "You credit Gwen with kindness, with goodness but she was kind when it cost her nothing. Good when it suited her purpose and furthered herself. Think Merlin when once do you remember her sticking her neck out for others without prompting? What risks did she take for Arthur? For Camelot? For you? For me? None. She did what was best for Gwen. She was a fraud."

Merlin was taken aback. He shook his head sadly. "You remember things differently than I do Morgana."

"No," Morgana shook her head certainly. "I opened my eyes and saw what was there. She fooled me too Merlin but I had the courage to acknowledge it."

"You saw what you wanted to see Morgana." Merlin retorted. "You became filled with hate and jealousy because she had something that you could not even take by force."

For a moment a scowl took over Morgana's expression but then just as quickly her face conceded, she shrugged. "You're right. I was jealous of Gwen."

Merlin was surprised by Morgana's open concession but Morgana had turned her face to the window as she spoke again. "The loyalty she received for one thing," Morgana's voice was soft.

Merlin's mouth parted slightly.

Her eyes snapped back to his and she laughed hollowly at him. "You thought I meant the queenship?" Morgana tossed her head. "Oh yes, the Lady Morgana filled with jealousy for the crown of Camelot." She leaned across the table; her eyes boring into Merlin's. "Did it never occur to you that I hated Gwen for what she gained so easily? She did not deserve the crown but she deserved even less the loyalty and love that was given to her."

Merlin felt there was something more in the statement than he understood and a large part of it, accusation, aimed squarely at him.

But Morgana had dropped her gaze. She shook her head and stared gloomily into her teacup before lifting it to her lips. "You'll never understand. You never did."

She looked lost. Despondent, even vulnerable. The way she had so many times before when he'd wanted to help her - but that time was past, he told himself firmly. His heart was not so easily swayed as it had been then. "Is that what you came here to do Morgana? Talk about Gwen? Reminisce about old times."

Morgana's entire countenance focused on him furiously. "Would you rather talk about the woods of Caledonia?"

Merlin felt the blood drain from his face, she knew about that! Probably had laughed as he lost his mind. He stood up roughly. He wanted no more of this but Morgana's hand had darted out and held his wrist firmly.

"Wait, Merlin! Wait. I'm sorry. Really I am." Her tone suggested she was sincere. "I should not have said that." She looked distant for a moment. "I, of all people."

Merlin could tell she was berating herself for some reason but he didn't care. Her apologies held little weight with him. He pulled his wrist free.

"Please Merlin," she implored, "I came here for a truce."

Merlin raised his brows. "A truce?" he said disbelievingly. Whatever Morgana was up to he was certain a truce was not it.

"After all we are the last two humans on the planet with magic."

Her voice was coaxing, reasonable and Merlin was aware that pangs of loneliness were urging him to respond in kind.

Morgana continued. "We can't avoid each other forever."

Merlin was having none of this manipulation. "We can try. It's a big planet."

Morgana sighed. "This was a mistake."

"Clearly. Well, I'll be going then." Merlin took a step towards the door but Morgana was faster, scrambling from her chair she stood in his way. "You haven't changed a bit, Merlin."

"Why should I?"

"You have no regrets, do you? None."

Merlin ignored the question and gritted his teeth, he had plenty but he wasn't about to acknowledge them.

They stood silently opposite one another. Still, she scrutinised him, searching his expression, trying to penetrate his soul or his mind but he was not going to allow her to see any weakness, He stared back coldly.

Finally, she relented and shook her head. "Nothing I've said means a thing to you. Aithusa was wrong."

"Aithusa?" Merlin started. If there was something Morgana could say that would pique his interest it was Aithusa. "You've seen her? She's still alive?"

It was Morgana who was shuttered now. "I'm not going to tell you where she is if that's what you're thinking."

"Why not?" Merlin demanded. "You said you came for a truce. You brought Aithusa up."

Morgana studied him a moment. She seemed to be deciding something. "I will die or kill before I let anything happen to her."

Merlin was outraged. "I'd never harm Aithusa!" he lowered his voice beginning to notice patrons glancing their way. "I'm a dragonlord. Charged with their care."

Morgana huffed. "I've seen how you care for those who trust you, Merlin."

Merlin clenched his jaw, he knew what she was getting at, the poisoning. It did Morgana no good to bring up that old grievance. "Look Morgana I don't know what you're playing at and I don't care. There's no Camelot and no Arthur to protect anymore, so do your worst or if you really want a truce stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours. As for Aithusa, she never had anything to fear from me, never will."

"Glad to hear it." She glowered back.

He huffed. "Goodbye, Morgana." He turned on his heel catching at the last moment a pained expression that flickered across Morgana's face. He knew suddenly that she was remembering the last time he had spoken those words, that moment in which he stood over her, bloodied sword in hand, watching what he thought were her last breaths. His intonation in bidding her farewell had been the same, the same finality, the same dismissal.

Once Merlin might have felt some guilt but he had carried that guilt a long time and she had caused too much pain. He thought of the death of Gwaine, of what she had done to Lancelot, of Arthur, the many who had sacrificed themselves to thwart her for the sake of Camelot. Empty sacrifices in the light of history. He did not hesitate as he stepped further from her. He did not look back. He was determined to be done with the past.

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