Chapter 2: Stay out of my closet

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D found himself sinking backwards… into another dimension. Somehow, he was floating in a vast, empty space… but as he gradually got used to it, he realized that it wasn't 'empty' at all. Like ribbons of dye released into a flowing brook, wisps of his own memories slipped by all around him. Thousands of images, sounds, experiences—a grievous wound, a kind word, an icy fortress, an arid wasteland-- D felt vaguely dizzy as he drifted through thousands of years of his own history. He forced himself to focus, and soon became aware of actual objects floating past him, not just memories.

What was this? D managed to latch his attention onto a small bit of metal —it was the tiny piece of clockwork that had been 'lost' from that one horse that mysteriously 'broke down' the time D sought shelter at a the home of a kind old farmer who just so happened to have eight beautiful daughters. If D's nether-dimensional spirit had had eyes to narrow, he would have narrowed them then: the horse had been sabotaged, after all!

D released the bit of clockwork from his focus and turned to the next object. It was a matchbook, with an ancient phone number scrawled on it, from a pub in Dover-- What the-- ? Using all his concentration, D latched onto the matchbook and struggled back to the surface of the real world—the surface of his own palm.

"-kee hee hee," he heard Lefty giggle. "That tickles!" D realized he was pressed flat against a wall.

"What happened?" D was forced to ask. "Where are we?"

"Calm down!" Lefty said. "I'm just figuring out how to walk on your –er—my own two feet, that's all. I'm still a little wobbly but I'm getting the hang of it. Oops!"

D winced as he was scraped along the wall, and realized that his body was falling sideways. Even as he crashed to the floor in a heap, Lefty was giggling. He brought his left hand up before his face. "Oh man, I haven't even made it to the door yet, and I'm already having the time of my life. And I see you figured out how to move between the dimensions—kind of fun, isn't it? How come you never told me that it tickles like that when I appear?"

D scowled. "I guess I never noticed," he muttered. "But do you really live in …there? It's a mess."

Lefty rolled his beautiful long-lashed grey-blue eyes. "Sorry," he said sarcastically. "If I'd been expecting company, I would've swept up."

"And what is this?" D made a strange face, and managed to spit out the old matchbook. Lefty picked it up with his other hand, and smiled guiltily.

"Oh, yeah!" Lefty said. "I remember now. That girl from that pub in Dover gave you that. What was her name… Susan… Susan-Marie, maybe? Nice-looking gal. You were just going to throw it away—I decided to hang on to it for you."

"For Eleven Thousand years?" D asked incredulously.

Lefty shrugged, which was something that D's body hadn't done in a very long time. "So I'm a packrat," the former parasite confessed. "Kill me why doncha. It's not like I'm ever going to run out of infinite space. "

D scowled once again. "I don't even want to know what other kinds of garbage you've got floating around in there."

"So stay out of my closet, then!" Lefty sounded slightly offended. He turned his hands palm-down to the floor, and pushed himself to his knees. "All right now… I've got to figure out this walking business."

D grunted uncomfortably at the weight of the body above him squashing his face against the floor, but suddenly that weight lifted, and D went lurching through the air once more as Lefty rose to his feet. "There!" Lefty announced proudly. "This isn't so tough!" He managed to walk all the way to the door without stumbling.

By the time he reached the stairs at the end of the hall, he was feeling confident enough to jump down them, skipping two at a time. "Wonder if old Ugly switched bodies with that sweet little granny who let us in last night," Lefty muttered, making his way through the silent, deserted lower floor of the house. "Whoo. This place is still totally creeping me out."

"About that," D said quietly. "Yesterday you said you didn't trust this place. You said it was throwing off your senses." He paused for a moment, and then added in a somewhat defeated-sounding murmur: "I ignored your warnings. I should have listened. I'm sor-"

"Humph! You think my life sucks that much, that you're already having regrets after only ten minutes of it? You are one depressing little puddle of gloom, you know that?" Lefty was standing at the front door now. He wrapped his right hand around the doorknob, but paused a moment before opening it. "Hey, D." He smiled as he felt the face –which had so recently been his own—shifting in his palm.

"…yes?" D's soft voice said a second later.

"Before we go outside… are you sure this building didn't affect your senses at all? Hearing, vision, anything?"

"Nothing," D replied. "To me it all seemed normal."

"And it still seems normal now?"

"I suppose."

"In that case--" Lefty couldn't resist cracking a wide grin. "You are in for a treat." He opened the door and stepped through it, graciously holding up his left hand so that D could get a good look at the world.

The change was gradual- just as the emptiness of the other dimension had slowly revealed its colors and textures- but it was truly amazing. Before long D's mouth was hanging open in shock. Information about his environment was there for his taking- there was too much of it- he wasn't sure how to process it all. Of course his senses as a dhampir were far better than those of any human, and D had always known that Lefty's senses were sharper than his own- but he had never imagined anything like this.

Lefty chuckled. "I bet the world is looking pretty psychedelic to you right now," he said sympathetically. "But don't worry, you'll catch on soon. I learned to walk pretty quick, after all."

"But the sounds!" D exclaimed. "I can hear- I can smell everything, too-- it's--"

"Calm down!" Lefty laughed heartily, glad to see D overwhelmed. "Let's go get Spike, ok?"

"…Spike?" D asked.

"Yeah. I just named the horse."

D pushed aside the assault of outside information and collected his thoughts. Where should they go? What could they do? It irked him that being trapped in his own hand forced him to think of himself as a 'they'. Lefty was opening the barn door; 'Spike' was sticking its neck over the low door of the stall, looking intently at its master. It nickered its standard greeting.

"We should head towards the Capitol," D reasoned calmly as Lefty cinched up the saddle. "To find someone who can switch us back."

Awkwardly, Lefty climbed up onto the horse's back. He stood up in the stirrups and sat back down several times, trying to find a comfortable, balanced seat.

"…Do you know how to ride?" D asked quietly, after several silent moments of observation.

"Oh, the reins I know pretty darn well," Lefty said flippantly. "But sitting up here like a… like a… uh…"

"…Horseback rider?" D supplied.

"Oh, that's cute," Lefty commented. "Making smartass remarks already? I'm impressed! You just might be better at doing my job than I am, D! Anyway, it's sitting up here that I've got to figure out. I don't think I'm doing it right."

D sighed faintly. "Keep your back straight, and your weight on the balls of your feet. You hold yourself up with your thighs."

"What! You're telling me I have to use muscles to ride this thing?" Lefty demanded indignantly. "Screw this! First chance I get, I'm buying you a carriage. I'll be riding in style! Actually, screw the carriage! They're way too easy to ambush. Somebody on this miserable planet has got to have the schematics for a Batmobile or something."

"Riding a horse is not a big deal," D tried to explain without losing his patience. "I do it almost every day, so--"

"Oh Really, D? I'd no idea! What else do you do everyday, I wonder? Wear a black hat, perhaps? I'm fascinated! Oh, tell me more!"

"…just tap with your heels and let's get out of here," D muttered.

They made it out of the barn.

"Hmm, the Capitol, eh?" Lefty pondered for a moment. "About ten days ride North of here, isn't it?" And he promptly turned the horse south.

"What are you doing?" D demanded.

"Jeez, keep your drawers on," Lefty said. "If we do find some nerd-wad in the Capitol who can help us, I'm guessing it won't be cheap. We just killed the vampire we were sent after, didn't we? I mean, we actually didn't, but he's dead, right? Seems to me like the citizens of Morsburg owe us a little money."

"You're going back to the town?" D asked incredulously.

"Yup."

D could tell from the sound of that one syllable that Lefty was smiling again. "We really shouldn't," he warned. "I have a bad feeling about it."

"Well isn't that something! I'm glad you have a bad feeling about it, because as the current owner and operator of this particular personage, I feel it is my duty to outright ignore any misgivings or premonitions of doom expressed by the mysterious entity in my left hand, and also to act contrary to its warnings and advice in all situations of potential danger, to the utmost of my ability, so help me god."

"I don't always ignore you," D grumbled quietly, sounding defeated once again.

They headed south.

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A/N: In the second book, D loses the scent of his quarry in the rain and wakes up Lefty for help. Lefty tells D to keep his drawers on (I must've laughed for an hour at that!) and then tells him exactly where his quarry is.

This little 'cheer-me-up' story has turned into a runaway locomotive in my brain! Drop me a review and let me know what you think of it so far! Thanks!