Chapter 3: Tired of teenagers?

As they traveled along, D distracted himself by slipping back and forth between dimensions and exploring the range of his abilities. When he concentrated, he could almost see into Lefty's thoughts- but after several minutes of that exercise everything became painfully garbled, and he was forced to think about something else. He was dimly aware of the existence of the rest of his body, but he couldn't clearly 'feel' the rein in his right hand, or the stirrups under his feet, or anything like that. He could, however, look at a tree and know how many rings were in its trunk. He could catch the scent of a bird aloft and know its altitude and airspeed, what sort of trees it had perched in lately, and even whether it was male or female. He could determine distances and densities and just about any measurable characteristic. He merely directed his focus, and suddenly he knew.

There was one thing, however, that he didn't know, and couldn't figure out. It was a very faint smell, just a trace really, but it simply wouldn't go away.

It was actually vaguely pleasant, but not knowing what caused it was beginning to bother him. He was about to break down and ask Lefty about it when a load groan interrupted his train of thought.

"Uhhg! That's it, I've had enough! I'm walking the rest of the way."

Lefty stopped the horse, and clumsily swung his leg over the saddle to climb down, getting his foot caught in the stirrup. Muttering all sorts of impolite things about saddles and stirrups, he finally shook his foot free and made it to the ground.

"What?" D asked, puzzled. "Why?"

Lefty turned his palm over to glare down at D. "If you must know, my back's killing me and my ass is so sore I don't think I'll sit down again for a week!" Lefty exclaimed, obviously disgruntled.

"It hasn't even been two hours," D noted. "If your back hurts it's because you were slouching. If you sat up properly, like my body is used to doing, then you'd be fine."

"Riding along like this is not only uncomfortable, it's boring," Lefty complained. "If I was myself right now I'd be snuggled up in the other dimension watching reruns."

"Reruns?" D asked.

"You mean you haven't found your way to my living room yet? Jeez. The remote should be on the coffee table; you can watch whatever you want."

"Remote? …You mean you have… a television in there?"

"Yeah, is that so weird? What, you think I just float around in your memories all the time? Gets depressing. So I watch a little TV. But anyway, what on earth do you do, to avoid dying of boredom hour after hour riding this stupid horse?"

"I… I just don't think about it, I suppose," D replied quietly.

Lefty rolled his eyes and groaned again. "How much farther is it to the town, anyway?"

"An hour's ride," D informed him.

"Fine! I'll try sitting in the damn saddle your way." He climbed back up into the seat. "You'd think somebody would go to the trouble of inventing a saddle with some kind of back on it," he muttered. "Something with some lumbar support… something like a recliner, yeah, with cupholders and maybe a little fridge in one of the armrests…"

"…you want a reclining saddle with armrests," D repeated, dumbfounded.

"Wouldn't you?"

"No."

"Well, you're a masochist." Lefty finally figured out how to settle his weight on his feet in the stirrups, and sat up with his back straight. "Oh, what do you know. This does feel right after all."

D only just barely managed not to say 'I told you so.' The horse began walking again at a smooth, efficient pace. Realizing that at any minute the reins would settle across his face, D decided to retreat into the other dimension to look for that television.

"Hey hey hey!" Lefty said urgently. "Where you going?"

"Somewhere quiet," D muttered.

"Come on, D, don't be that way! Stay here and keep me company for a while."

"What?"

"You heard me. I told you I'm bored out of my mind already, and it's kind of lonely out here."

D completely missed the sincerity in Lefty's voice and narrowed his eyes beady black eyes. "What were you hoping for, steady traffic between a dilapidated town and that vampire's lair?" he asked coldly.

"No, just some conversation." It was a quick retort, but sounded slightly hurt all the same. D pondered that for a moment, recalling Lefty's previous statement: It's kind of lonely out here. Ever since switching places with Lefty, D realized that he had been constantly aware of the being he was attached to. Even in the other dimension, he still knew that Lefty was there, through the white-noise hum of thoughts and actions taking place in the real world. But when he'd been in his own body and the parasite disappeared, he had ceased to be aware of its existence entirely. It went away, leaving him alone-- meaning that when D slipped into the other dimension now, Lefty was all alone… for the first time in a very, very long time.

"All right," D said after a moment. "What do you want to talk about?"

"The town! We should have some kind of plan. I don't want us to get chased off by a pitch-fork waving mob."

"That hasn't happened in a while," D commented.

"Yeah, they were waving laser rifles last time. The point is, well, I'm starting to feel a little nervous. I can't remember the last time I talked to any, uh, non-immortal people, so it'll probably be awkward. Do you think it'd be better if you talked to them? You're the one with the soothing voice after all."

"…you're planning to let me talk to them? From here?" D asked. Lefty looked down at him for a few seconds, and something like disappointment flickered in his eyes. The people on the frontier had seen plenty of freakish creatures, but a talking face in a dhampir's palm really was pushing the limit.

"Yeah I guess that probably won't work," he said dejectedly, turning his eyes away.

D sighed softly. "I don't think you'll have a problem talking to them," he said at length. "…Your personality has always been… a lot closer to human than mine."

"Huh… for some reason that almost sounded like a compliment! Thanks, D." Lefty beamed at him, but suddenly his eyebrows flinched. Did he actually look… embarrassed? D hadn't known his face was capable of so many expressions. "That reminds me," Lefty said anxiously. "When we get to the town, I'm gonna have to be 'D', right? I'm gonna have to tell people that I'm you."

"…that much should be obvious."

"Um, right, right, of course. So is there anything I need to know, you know, about being you, before I go and totally ruin your reputation?"

D frowned. "If you're so nervous about interacting with people, perhaps we should turn around, and head for the Capitol."

"Nuh-uh, buster. I'm gonna make the most of this situation, and get this poor beautiful body of ours some much-needed action!"

"…" D said to express his well-subdued horrified disgust. At last he murmured: "…you really shouldn't."

"Give me a break, D! It's been four hundred years since you even made eye contact with a girl who wasn't possessed or entranced or zombie-ized!"

For a long moment D didn't reply. "…I know I won't be able to stop you," he said at last in a very low, reluctant voice. "But please… just… no teenagers."

Lefty laughed so loud it began to frighten the horse. "Tired of teenagers, are you? Well aren't you the picky one! I guess it can get a bit messy when they fall for you. Fragile girlish emotions and hot young bl- cough er, uh- emotions and all that. Yeah, I guess I can see why, uh, more 'adult' ladies might be better-"

"…no married or betrothed women either."

"Aw, why not? The scandal's half the fun!"

"Please." The wrinkled little face had probably never worn such a grim, heartbroken expression.

Lefty closed his eyes. "You know you really depress me when you use that tone of voice," he muttered gruffly, and opened his eyes again, looking out eagerly at the terrain in front of the horse. "All right, get lost. Thanks for the conversation, but scram. I've got plenty to think about now. I just might manage not to die of boredom before we get there."

Without a word, D sank back into the other dimension.

"eh heh heh," Lefty chuckled to himself. "Ahem… I am the greatest, deadliest Hunter of all," he rehearsed aloud. "I am the legendary, mysterious son of the Vampire King. I am Vampire Hunter D! Fear me, miserable ignorant peasants-- ...no, that's all wrong, that's not D at all. I shouldn't want them to 'fear' me… 'respect', maybe… let's see… no, that doesn't have the right ring to it either…let's see…hmm…"

Lefty's confidence in his new 'identity' grew with each passing moment. By the time he reached the town, he could barely contain his excitement.

There was music coming from the town's only saloon. With great care, Lefty dismounted and tied his horse to the hitching post out front. Moments later, his faint shadow fell across the tavern's double doors.

Inside the saloon, a handful of citizens of the frontier town of Morsburg were taking a break from the heat of the day by washing down their midday meal with a few draughts of cold beer. Suddenly those who were facing the door choked and nearly dropped their mugs. Those who were facing away from the door suddenly felt the backs of their necks prickle, and spun around, half in shock, half in curiosity.

Standing in the doorway, taking off his hat, was a tall, broad-shouldered figure in black. He had tall black boots, a sweeping black cloak, and long dark hair framing a pale, smooth face. The power of his presence was downright uncanny.

Lefty swept his gaze around the room. His eyes flashed, and he gave the people a broad, dazzling smile. "A-hem!" he cleared his throat most artificially, making no effort to suppress his gleaming grin. And he introduced himself with a well-rehearsed command.

"Worship me, mortals!"

A/N: lol- FORGIVE ME, D! (and forgive me, readers, for not replying to reviews lately- I love each and every one of you for reviewing! I will catch up with replying soon, I promise!)