Edward was strongly planted at my side as we walked the short way back to my father's house. I held my chin up and looked straight ahead of me, trying to fight the tears that that were already falling that had come from seeing Jacob in the woods just now. Had it not been for Edward's strong hold around my waist, I would have broken down right there. But his strong grip also made me realize that I had another task immediately ahead of me. Charlie. As we approached the door, Charlie immediately appeared in the doorway. He had been watching from the window. His face was a lighter shade of purple and the vain in his forehead seemed to have a pulse of its own.
"Isabella Marie Swan! Get upstairs NOW!"
"Charlie!" I wanted to explain that I had finally seen Jacob and hopefully he would see that as a reason for my being late, knowing that he knew of my agony over the whole Jacob situation.
"NOW YOUNG LADY!"
I looked up at Edward and he only nodded. Looking at me I could see the concern yet calm in his steadfast eyes as he raised his eyes to where Charlie was standing. I knew I would see him in a few short moments. I stormed past Charlie without a word and stomped up to my room and slammed the door. Charlie only briefly looked at Edward before turning and slamming the front door as well.
I was angry this time. I had a perfectly good reason to be where I was and the fact that I didn't even have a few moments to register what had just happened in the woods much less let the sadness settle was destroying me. I felt as if I didn't have an outlet, under Charlie's new rules, to properly vent. To properly sort out my emotions that have accumulated over the past few weeks. I was in a cage. I broke down instantly on my bed. Suddenly the tears just seemed to overflow. I was sobbing and it actually felt kind of good to let this out. I quickly scanned my room for Edward, but he was nowhere in sight.
"Bella?" I heard Charlie's restrained voice from the other side of my door. That's why Edward had still not come into my room. I must have been so absorbed in my own thoughts and my sobbing to not have noticed the squeaking of the stairs on Charlie's way up. I went to the door to let him in and returned to sit on my bed and hug a pillow. I made no attempt to wipe the freefalling tears from my face.
"Honey? What's going on with you?" I could tell from his voice that he was more concerned with what was bothering me right now than the fact that I had been caught in the woods just now with Edward.
"Charlie, dad, I'm sorry I was late! But 15 minutes is hardly something to stress out about!" distress showed in my voice. I was hoping to use my tardiness to distract him from yelling at me about what now sat in our driveway.
"No Bella, I'm not talking about that. Ever since Edward came back, you've returned to your regular self." I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "And now I see you like this, and it's as if he were gone all over again. What is he doing to you?" I could hear the anger and frustration building in his voice, but not over the motorcycle!
"Dad, it's not Edward. It's Jacob." Suddenly a light went on inside his head illuminating something that he had forgotten about.
"Jacob is a far better friend than that Edward!" The rage was returning to his voice. "…And a motorcycle, Bella? What on earth are you thinking? Do you want to get yourself killed? I am surprised at you….OUTRAGED! You've heard me talking about all the accidents that have happened with trucks not seeing motorcycles on the highway! You're only a teenager! What on earth made you think that you could handle something like that?" He was yelling at the top of his lungs, apparently he hadn't forgotten about the motorcycle.
"I've only been on it a few times. I was hoping to get in some more practice so that I could handle it. Not like there's any chance of that now. I've never even ridden it on main roads!" My voice was becoming louder.
"You shouldn't be riding it at all! Where did you get that thing anyway?"
"Someone was giving them away for free in their front yard and I took th…it! over to Jacob's to see if he could try to salvage it." I had almost said 'them'! "I just thought it would give us something to do."
"Bella, I know there isn't much to do in Forks, but you're a smart girl, I'm sure you could've come up with something more sane!"
"It just seemed like a good idea at the time."
"A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY! BELLA I'M EXTREMELY DISAPPOINED IN YOU!" From the look on his face I could tell that being this angry with me was really upsetting him. He paced up and down my room in almost utter desperation as he thought of what to do. I was much too upset seeing that agonizing look on Jacob's face as I was leaving him in the woods to really care all that much what happened to the motorcycle, or me. "Did Edward have anything to do with this?" He was hoping that I would say yes and further his suspicions about Edward.
"No dad, this was while he was (gulp) …away. This was entirely my idea." Somehow the truth suddenly felt liberating. I felt a kind of truth to it. But I knew that the freedom this liberation gave me wouldn't change the fact that I was still forbidden to leave the house. That would be a problem.
"You're not keeping that bike, Bella, and that's final! I absolutely will not allow it!"
"Dad! Don't you even think that maybe it might be beneficial if…" I tried to say in a last ditch effort to change his mind.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" he had cut me off. I could not only see the anger and frustration in his face, but now also the hurt. I think that's what hurt me the most. "I can't do anymore tonight, Bella. I need to think of….something. Edward is not to come over until this whole matter is settled."
"BUT DAD! He had absolutely NOTHING to do with ANY of it!" I was outraged! I would not let him take Edward away from me and be ok with it.
"Bella! I mean it!" And with that, he turned and went out the door closing it behind him. I know he wanted to leave and calm down before pursuing this any further, before his temper returned clouding any chance of rational thought.
I panicked. The air suddenly left my lungs and I started gasping for air. I was hyperventilating as the emotion from earlier welled up inside of me putting a vice on my heart. I couldn't breathe. At that instant, Edward was at my side. He had come in through the window without a sound. He was sitting on the bed facing me. His eyes held deep concern and sympathy for me as he put his cool finger to my forehead to sweep a wisp of my hair behind my ear.
"I promise you Bella, we will get through this." He held my face in his two hands looking me straight in the eyes. His cool, sweet smelling breath was instantly calming. I exhaled loudly as all hope left me.
"Your car!" I instantly remembered that his car was still out front!
"I already took it back." He said calmly. "Don't worry, everything is going to be ok." And as he said that he brought his cool, stone like lips to mine and the force was just light enough to make me fall limp in his hands. I had no appetite that evening and did not bother to venture down the stairs for the remainder of the night. Edward could see how this rift between Jacob and I was affecting me. He knew if he stayed to hear me vent he would only get upset about me trying to save a friendship with a werewolf, so he left shortly after promising to meet me in the morning once Charlie had left for work. It was actually better this way. I needed to sort everything out and think of a plan to see Jacob. But he wouldn't want to see me, and that was part of the problem. In the woods he had said that we couldn't be friends anymore. How could it have come to this so fast? We had been the best of friends and now this. It was too much to bear. I knew in my heart that I was not going to let go of Jacob. I would find a way, even if he did count me among his enemies, though I wasn't a vampire just yet.
I got up and turned out the light and was going to go to bed. I stumbled around my room in the dark looking for my pajamas and clumsily pulled them on. This night I didn't even bother with washing up for bed. I was much too upset. Suddenly I didn't care anymore about Victoria or the Vulturi. The only thing that mattered to me right now was Jacob. I climbed into bed, turned on my side and curled up into a ball tucking my head down. This was my safe haven, a place to think. My best friend didn't want me anymore. This wasn't the first time I had felt this in the past two weeks. Would I ever be able to escape this feeling of unwantedness, ever? I took deep breaths in and out to calm what was left of my nerves. With a few tears squeezing their way out of tightly shut eyes, I soon fell asleep.
The next morning I had woken up with my face frozen in place from the tears that had dried there the night before. I quickly took a quick shower and got dressed grateful that Edward kept his word and didn't decide to sneak into my room and see me like this. Once downstairs I made my way to the kitchen and was starting on a small bowl of cereal when I heard the stairs squeak. Charlie entered the kitchen with an exhausted sounding, "Good morning." He started shuffling around the kitchen. I could tell that he had stayed up pretty late thinking about all of this.
"Good morning" I said, my eyes never leaving him anticipating him to say something about what was to be done about my new punishment. He had grabbed a banana out of the refrigerator, went into the hallway, grabbed his coat and gun holster, and went out the door without so much as another word. This made me miserable. I didn't like to see Charlie like this. He was like this because of me. After I heard the cruiser pull away, I got up to throw the rest of my cereal in the sink and was starting to head towards the hallway when the doorbell rang. My heart instantly felt an ounce lighter as a small smile crossed my lips and I opened the door. Edward was the cure I needed. He had been looking down the street after the cruiser but turned to face me when I opened the door and a calm and sly smile stretched across his lips. I instantly threw myself into his arms and shut my eyes getting lost in his embrace.
"How was your night?" He said softly into my hair.
"Urrrrgggg, I've had worse."
"Oh, Bella." He whispered again as he continued to hold me. He knew that he personally had something to do with the worst of those nights. "We better go. We don't need Charlie to hear about you being late for school."
"Where's your car?" I asked in surprise seeing the totally vacant driveway. Charlie had walked the motorcycle onto the far end of the backyard covering it with a tarp and tightly wrapping it in twine before going to bed last night. It had made me wonder whether he was going to be using it as a gift for someone, someone whom he may have wanted to suffer a bad accident on the very highway he patrolled. But that was not in Charlie's nature. I knew he just didn't want to have to look at it.
"Have you already forgotten? You're no longer allowed to see me until Charlie's arrived at a fitting punishment." He said with disbelief that I could have forgotten so soon.
"Oh right, that." I turned my eyes contemplatively towards the ground as we headed out to my truck. In an instant, Edward swooped me up and had me standing up against the passenger door of my truck, his hands on the window on either side of my head.
"Bella" he whispered into my ear. His icy breath on my earlobe made goose bumps rise on the back of my neck. "We're not going to worry about Charlie today, ok? Not anyone or anything." I felt his nose trace the outline of my ear. When he brought his eyes to mine I could see that he was dead set on making today as worry free as possible. He let a sly smile creep to his lips before kissing me lightly on the forehead.
Once we were both seated in the truck, I was surprised at the speed he was driving. We couldn't have been going faster than 40 miles per hour! "Edward! What are you doing? You MUST be sick or something. Are you feeling ok?" I asked in utter shock.
"Are you opposed to this?" he asked looking at me sideways with a slightly raised perfect eyebrow. "Well if you insist, I could go faster." He was saying as he started accelerating on the gas, my truck wheezing and roaring louder.
"No, no! This is fine!" I said as I watched the needle on the odometer go back down to 40mph.
"Bella, I don't want you worrying over anything today, ok? Not while I'm here, at least until you get back home tonight." Edward said to me with seriousness in his lovely eyes.
"But Charlie's hardly speaking to me! He's never been like this! This is really, really bad!" My words came out faster than I had expected them to. I realized that I was just waiting for an opportunity to say something about this.
"Bella, you know that while he's at work he's going to be thinking about this. He still doesn't know what to do about all of this. He feels really badly about it, but it won't get any better until he's come to a solution about your punishment. So, if only just for today, let him do all the worrying! Ok? Please? For me?" He added with a coy smile and warmth showing in his eyes. How could I say no? At least in class today I could think about it all I wanted without him ever knowing it. I just had to remember to control my facial expressions so as to not give anything away.
"Ok" I said under my breath as I exhaled. I threw him a small smile hoping that he would see that I would try to if only for him.
"Today I'M going to be human!" He said with a huge grin across his face, he was obviously proud of himself. I gaped at him in disbelief. "Close your mouth Bella, please! You're attracting flies." He said waving his free arm at imaginary flies.
"So that explains the 40 mph!"
"Well, not only that, but I wanted us to have some extra time alone, before the first bell rings." A grin was still on his perfect lips. As I looked out the window I realized that we were already in student parking lot. Even for 40 miles per hour, we had still made it in record time, in a non-human, Edward kind of way. Once Edward had turned the engine off, he strolled around the front of the truck, big grin across his face, pumping his arms as if trying to move faster, faster than human speed would allow. Although I was still preoccupied with Jacob, I tried my hardest to stifle a laugh. I quickly covered my mouth and lowered my head, hoping my hair would cover my expression. Edward had opened up the passenger door and was standing there with his arms on the doorframe, more like posing. "What are you doing? Is that a smile I smell?" He asked coyly.
"I thought you were supposed to be human today?" I said accusingly.
"I am!" He smiled as I got out of the truck. We walked to our first class while Edward tried his hand at adolescent school gossip. It was much too easy for him because all he had to do was relay everything he was hearing in people's heads. This wasn't exactly in keeping with his day of being human. But he had already made a fantastic effort, so I let that fact slide.
I do have to admit that I did get a kick out of the looks he was getting from everyone as they overheard bits and pieces of what he was saying. It wasn't that they were shocked at the gossip they were hearing, most of them already knew it anyway, it was that it was coming from Edward. They looked on with dumbstruck faces, jaws on the ground, at the one who was more likely to dig all of our graves using an actual teacher for a shovel than participate in school gossip.
At lunchtime Edward had filled his tray with all his usual untouchable food. But what was different about lunch today was that he actually ate half of it.
"Even an insane person couldn't handle this much dirt in one sitting." He said appearing to be completely grossed out, but managing to force a smile that would suggest that he enjoyed it nonetheless. "Mmm, delicious." He choked as he failed to deliver the corresponding facial expression.
"Edward, I asked you not to…much for my own sake than for yours!" I said thinking I was tasting dirt in my mouth.
"But you have to admit, I can put on a show." He said oblivious to the fact that back at their usual table, Alice and Jasper were staring wide eyed and open mouthed as if they had just witnessed someone murder himself with an ice cube, or in Edward's case, a fork and knife. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful as Edward was still feeling the after effects of the whole eating dirt situation.
"Vampires get heartburn too?" I asked incredulously.
"Similar" was all he could utter under raided eyebrows as he looked to be stifling a burp.
The drive to work was to be our last moment together until Edward sneaks into my room tonight after homework. I glanced at him with an appreciative smile as he commenced to driving his usual Edward speed. "I really love you, you know that?"
"I know you do. I love you too." He looked at me with all the love in the world in his eyes. I felt the chill of his hand as he ran his fingers through my hair with his free hand. I grabbed his hand and held onto it, my fingers intertwining with his. As he let me out of my truck, I instantly reached up on my toes and threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with as much vigor as he would allow. As he kissed me in return he lifted me up until my feet were no longer touching the ground. Though the moment was over much too quickly, it was nice to know that he appreciated me as much as I appreciated him. We were the perfect match, and one way or another, I would need to become immortal so that we would continue to be so forever.
"You really didn't have to be human for me." I said to him sincerely, but appreciating his effort.
"It made you smile didn't it?" He said confidently, he didn't need to wait for an answer.
"It also made me almost vomit! You should've seen your face when you were eating that Twinkie! I've never seen anything like it!" I suddenly recalled the ghastly looks of everyone who noticed Edward almost wincing in pain as he took his first bite. "You don't have to be human for me. You're perfect the way you are."
"As are you!" he said to me with conviction in his eyes as he tried to clue me in on his hint at me staying human.
"I'll see you tonight?" I asked hopefully.
"I'll be there with bells on." He said in a matter of fact tone of voice. I stopped and stared at him not knowing if this was intended to be a joke. His sly smile meant that that was no way possible. I grabbed my work vest and shut the truck door. He had left me at the curb in front of the store and was beginning to walk around the corner where I'm sure he would vanish into the woods to that great white house. His stroll was model-like, leisurely. It looked as if he were shooting a scene in a movie.
"Edward" I called as I was reaching for the door of the store. He stopped and slightly turned with perfect grace it was almost hard to tell that he had even moved at all. "Thanks, for today." He looked at me with a serious face, the first I had seen all day. His eyes were tensed if only for a brief second before he threw me a calming smile and disappeared around the corner.
My shift had passed pretty uneventfully. Since it was a slow day, I spent most of the time taking inventory. Mike was close on my heels eager to talk about Edward's strange behavior today at school and also offering his own versions of the rumors. I avoided him by pretending to be so consumed in my work that I didn't hear him. I kept asking, "Hmm? What did you say?" In fact, I repeated it so much that he eventually tired and retreated to the shoe department.
When I pulled up to my house, I saw Charlie's cruiser in the driveway. I took a deep breath before leaving my truck and heading into the house. Who knows what would await me there. When I walked in, I smelled the strong smell of pizza. There was a large open box of pizza sitting on top of the kitchen table. "Help yourself, Bella." Charlie called from the living room. He had a game on.
"Hi dad." I said as I peeked into the living room to assess the situation. His face was blank and without taking his eyes from the screen raised a slice of pizza in salutation. He was into the game. Once I had my slice of pizza, I went to join Charlie in the living room. We watched the game in silence without as much as one look to one another.
"Bella, don't you have some homework you need to be starting on?" He asked casually without turning away from the television screen.
"Yes, I just wanted to know if you…"
"Not yet Bella" he said cutting me off. I could tell from the intense way he was watching the screen that it was more than just the game that was on his mind.
"Oh." I wish he would decide soon, I hated that things were like this.
"Bella, would you please just go upstairs and do your homework?" He said to me
quietly with apprehension in his eyes. I hated that things were like this. But I know that it was entirely my fault. I had hurt him. I probably deserved whatever punishment Charlie chose. I didn't dare think that he might do what I hoped he wouldn't, and that was to make me stop seeing Edward.
"Yeah dad, sure." I turned and went up the stairs. Once my homework was finished I decided to take a long, hot shower. If Charlie hadn't banished me upstairs I would have tried calling Jacob. I doubt he'd want to talk to me but still I wanted to try. I will try calling him tomorrow after school and before Charlie gets home. Once I was out of the shower and had put my pajamas on, I jumped onto my bed and sat with my legs crossed in front of me. I put my elbow on one knee and rested my chin in my hand. I wanted to talk to Jacob…I needed too. And if he wouldn't speak to me, then I'd just have to go out to La Push and find him. But how I would get out of the house was a problem.
"Is this a bad time?" The smooth and velvety voice said to me, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. He was standing just inside my now open window. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up just under his elbows and jeans that were perfectly faded in all the right places. His black designer shoes were not something that he picked up in Forks. Anyone passing him by on the street would not have stopped to think that Edward was only in high school judging by the way he dressed. I wondered if I would have this sort of fashion savvy if I were a vampire. His topaz eyes shined brilliantly against the black of his shirt as he stood there casually looking at me with a heartbreaking smirk on his face.
"Edward" I had said under my breath in utter relief. It's always in the first moments when we're together that I forget everything. He cleanses me of all my thought, all my preoccupation. It's precisely those things that make it feel like I haven't seen him in weeks. I get to start all over again when I see him. It's as if I'm brand new.
He didn't move as he stood there only but to hold open his arms for me. I raced from the bed and into his arms hugging him tightly around the waist. I rested my head against his stone like chest and breathed him in. If I knew how to sleep standing up, I would have fallen asleep right there. His wrapped his arms around me and then started to stroke my hair. In one fowl swoop, he ended that perfect moment and had us sitting on the bed.
"Alice says to say hello. She feels bad that you have to go through this. And wants you to know that she's here to spring you any time you want." He said with a lighthearted, yet concerned smile on his face.
"Please thank Alice for me. But her services are not required. I would accept ALMOST any punishment for things to go back to normal." The intensity showed in my eyes as I said 'almost' knowing that Edward understood what I had meant.
"She's worried about you, you know. She thinks that at any moment, you're going to snap. She's just waiting for you to throw something through a window or something." He said chuckling to himself. His eyes turned serious before he added, "You're not going to though, right?" I looked at him in disbelief before he let out a soft laugh. "Because with your luck, if you DID throw anything through a window, you'd probably forget to let go and go flying out of the window yourself."
"Thanks a lot!" I said playfully socking him in the arm. I realized that was a bad move on my part because it hurt my hand.
"That's why I am going to be keeping a close eye on you, because I can't have that." He said as he pulled me closer to his steel chest. I laid my head on his chest and I could feel the cool of his neck on my forehead. His skin was so smooth and so naturally fragrant that I felt as if I was being hypnotized. He rested his hand on my face and with his thumb, traced the outline of my mouth. He lifted my face towards his and stared into my eyes with intensity. "You're my life, Bella. The world would not exist for me if you weren't in it. I don't think you realize just how much I love you." And with that, his lips slowly made their way towards mine. When I could feel his lips softly press against mine, I wrapped my arms around him and twisted my fingers in his hair. Just as I tightened my hold on him I felt his cool hands lightly slide up along my back and up along my arms grabbing me by the wrists and pulling them from him. I was unable to free my hands as he had pinned them in my lap. He sat there stone-like as he stared at my pinned hands. "Bella, if you should ever decide that I'm a danger to you, or that you're life is threatened just by being around me, I hope that you would tell me."
"Edward, we've been through this. YOU are all I could ever want, threat or no threat, danger or no danger." I said trying to look into his eyes that were still strong on my hands.
"Just…promise me…that if you were to ever feel that way, that you would tell me." He slowly raised his eyes to mine.
"I'm telling you that that won't ever happen." I said as I felt his hands slowly releasing my own.
"JUST…PROMISE me." His eyes were intense. I had the feeling that something more was going on behind his eyes that I didn't know about.
"Sure…fine." I said hoping that that was enough to make him happy. But with what I had already been through since meeting him, I would go through so much more for him, in a heartbeat. I suddenly remembered the look in his eyes as he left me in front of the store after school. "Does this have anything to do with your look earlier?"
"I was hoping you wouldn't have noticed. I didn't want to say anything; I didn't want to alarm you for no reason."
"What's going on? Did Alice see something? Is it Victoria?" The surprise in my tone was surprising to even me.
"No, Alice hasn't seen anything. Victoria has SOMETHING to do with it."
"Tell me." I said seriously. Hesitation spread across his face.
"Today, being human for you made me realize how much I would go through to keep you happy. And, it didn't do anything for my reputation." He said throwing a smirk on his face obviously trying to keep things light. "Keeping you safe, is my ultimate goal, I love you way too much to let anything happen to you. So you can see why it may be hard for me to just sit around and wait for her to just show up. I meant what I said when I said that Victoria isn't going to be alive for much longer."
"You've been hunting Victoria?" I said unaware of the volume in my voice.
"Shhh. I've only just started today…while you were at work. That's what I left to go do." I looked at him with eyes wide open. I couldn't do anything but continue to sit there like that, looking like some kind of idiot. "She's not anywhere around here. I was looking for any sign of her but haven't found the slightest trace. I just wanted to make sure you were as safe as possible."
"Charlie!" I said, my eyes getting wider.
"He's ok too. I checked on him today too. I've been all over town and even the surrounding areas. She's not anywhere near here. And if she does come, I'll know."
"You know, this would be much easier if I were just one of you!" I said rolling my eyes. It was the most obvious conclusion that could be made at this point. "If you want me around for as long as possible, I see only one way to remedy that!"
"And have you ruin our fun? You know that Emmett has made a sport of this, you know that don't you?"
"It's just that…all this work…for only ME! It's ridiculous! I wish you would just stop." I said with sleep coming into my eyes.
"It's for ONLY you, that we would do this. I've told you, they all love you, Bella."
"If I were like you, I wouldn't keep having to put them out like this. Instead of trying to keep me alive, I could already be living forever…with you. If the Volturi do get me at thirty, what kind of normal, full and "long" life will I have if I've only got 12 years to begin with? I wouldn't even begin to experience a fraction of what you have experienced in that amount of time. I'm already more than half way there Edward! How does that make any sense to you when we could be both living together, forever?" Sleepiness was making me brave.
"And what about your friend, Bella? Have you stopped to think about how this change would affect your relationship with Jacob?" He was bringing out the big guns now. I didn't fail to notice that because I instantly felt the pain of it around my heart.
"Oh I don't want to talk about Jacob." I said under my breath. The tiredness was getting to me, not to mention the pain from the realization that Jacob and I would officially be enemies once I became one of the Cullens. I knew I had to use all the human time I had to reconnect with my friend.
"You need to sleep." He said as he started pulling down the covers on my bed and was moving me under them.
"Don't go!" I panicked.
"I'm here. I'm not leaving you. Sleep now." He was lying down next to me on top of my comforter. I turned my head to face him, to breathe in his scent, to feel safe. He softly brushed his fingers against my hand before holding it in his and intertwining his fingers with mine. With that, I closed my eyes for the next day.
The next morning with Charlie had passed just as the one before it, same with the evening. It would continue to be that way for the next few days, and maybe even a few more after that. Edward continued to be my saving grace over those days, keeping things as light as possible. I really appreciated that. Before I knew it, my mood had significantly picked up some.
On the morning of what would be the fourth day of awkwardness between Charlie and I, he came into the kitchen while I was in the middle of my bowl of cereal. "How could you let me down like that Bella? After all I've told you about all the motorcycle accidents we've seen around here." Charlie said to me, tiredness in his voice.
"I'm sorry dad. I think I was just trying to distract myself. I was set on sorting things out and I guess I just got overly confident. Maybe in my newfound strength I overestimated myself for once." I said with almost a chuckle.
"Honey, this is just too much. From now on, you go to school and go to work, then home…for another month." That sounded reasonable to me. "As for the bike, I don't want it here. You're not keeping it. Do whatever you have to to get rid of it, give it to Jacob or sell it, I don't know. Just do it fast. You have one week to get rid of it, after that I'm…. I'm getting rid of it." Suddenly as he said that, a light bulb turned on in my head.
"I'd really like to see if Jake wants it." I said sounding hopeful. It would give me an excuse to go up to the reservation to see Jake. "I think it's only fair since he's the one who did all the work on it." I hadn't mentioned to Charlie that even though Jacob was the one to fix it up, I was the one who had supplied all the parts. He didn't need to be any more disappointed than he already was. And as it was, I already felt horrible for hurting Charlie the way I had.
"Ok, that's fine. Just let me know beforehand when you decide to go up. I don't want to come home to find you just missing one day." Charlie said, with a sense of normalcy returning to his voice.
"Ok dad."
"And as part of your punishment, you are on house duty. When you are not at school or at work, you're going to be taking care of the house. And make sure the fridge is always stocked." Charlie added. Those were jobs I had already enlisted anyway. I would just have to make sure I did an extra good job so that Charlie noticed. I wanted him to feel confident that he had chosen the proper punishment.
"But that would mean…."
"Yes, you can go to the market as we need. But you need to clear that with me first." He said pointing his finger at me showing me that he was serious. "And I think it would be best if Edward didn't come over during the month either."
"BUT DAD HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! HE WAS JUST AS OPPOSED TO THE BIKE AS YOU WERE!" I couldn't help shouting.
"Bella, your punishment requires you to focus on what's important: school, work, and this house." He said in his normal voice.
"Edward IS important! To me!" I said with desperation in my voice.
"And YOU are important…to ME, Bella." He said softly. Suddenly I realized what he was saying. He had seemed to think that I had lost track of what was important, and that was ultimately, my family. As important as Charlie was to me, I became aware of how obsessive I've become of with Cullens. I think that that may have affected him because it showed in his eyes.
"Ok dad." I said at the weight of what I just heard. He had chosen a proper punishment after all.
"You better get going; you're going to be late for school." He said as he headed into the hallway to grab his coat before going out the door. I could tell he also felt bad.
"See you later, dad." And with that, he turned and closed the door behind him.
The days that would follow that conversation, things were pretty much back to normal around the house, especially my relationship with Charlie. I felt so much more confident and happy knowing that things were ok with us, as long as I adhered to my aforementioned routine.
Now that things were settled at home, I had turned my focus to getting out to the reservation. Now that I had the ok from Charlie to go, I just had to come up with the best strategy possible to get Jacob talking to me again. Over the past several days, I had called Jacob everyday as I got home. Charlie was barely talking to me. I wasn't going to let the same thing happen with my best friend. Every time, Jacob's dad would answer and he always said the same thing, "Jacob doesn't want to speak to you, Bella. It's for the best."
"Then would you please just tell him that I called?" I said as I started to get annoyed.
"Yes, Bella. Goodbye." He hung up. I was not going to get anywhere like this. I had no other choice but to pay an unexpected visit in the hopes that I would catch Jake at home.
I had gotten clearance from Charlie to go up to La Push the following Saturday. I could see in his face that he was tempted to invite himself along, if only for the ride, but he knew that I had probably wanted to talk to Jacob. And besides, this was my punishment and not a social call. It was just as well since the sky didn't look too promising on that Saturday morning. The sky was cloudy and awfully overcast. Rain would be falling at any second.
After I had finished eating breakfast with Charlie that morning, he started giving me instructions about how long was acceptable to be gone. I had no problem with that given that recently, my conversations with Jacob have not been all that long. The only thing that was concerning me was how long it would take me to track him down, or how long I had to wait around for him.
I left once the bike was loaded safely onto the bed of my truck. I left in my jeans, a long sleeved shirt and heavy coat since the possibility of rain seemed promising. It was a long, slow and dreary drive up to the reservation. My truck seemed to have thundered up the road louder than usual. Maybe it was because I hadn't been driving it as much that it just seemed louder to me. The forest around me was lush and green. If something were hiding in the bushes right off the road ready to come at me, I would have not noticed. It seemed a lot darker under the canopy of the tall trees due to the overly overcast day. I hoped that it wasn't a bad omen.
I tried to think of the good that could come out of reconciling with Jacob, but all I could see was Edward's angry face when I told him I was going up to the reservation. Werewolves may be his natural enemy, but they aren't mine. Jacob was my friend, and that is what I was going up there for. Although it was a lot easier to see Edward's face than it was Jacob's because it already seemed like an eternity that I had seen Jacob.
The forest seemed darker than usual today, so I tried to think happy thoughts as I drove toward the reservation. It was a good thing that Victoria was being hunted on both sides of the boundary lines, even if her hunters were at odds with each other. But still, the atmosphere this morning brought goose bumps to my skin.
Once the trees started to part, I was able to catch small glimpses of the reservation. When I got close enough I was able to see that there were hardly any cars out today. The place kind of looked…deserted. I looked for an inconspicuous spot to park my monster of a truck. I chose not to park it immediately in front of Jacob's house this time in case he tried to give me the slip. I was going to try anything to better my chances of meeting with him today.
I decided to park along the side of the local store. If I were going to be waiting very long, I would need some munchies. I took my time in the store, casually perusing the isles and taking a glance out the glass doors every once in a while in case I happened to spot Jacob. Once I had decided on a small bag of chips and soda, I went back to my truck. As I put my snacks into my truck, I realized that maybe I should stop by Jacob's backyard make shift garage. I decided to walk, that way I could take advantage of looking around as much as I needed to without having to concentrate on the road had I been driving. The walk to Jacob's house was pretty quick and uneventful. I slipped around the side of his house. Hopefully I had gone unnoticed. Sometimes Billy likes to peek out from the curtains covering the front window. I walked up to the garage and was not all that surprised when I noticed that Jake was not there. But why would he be? He was no longer the same Jake I had come to know over the summer. Now that he had his new role, I didn't know if he'd ever be able to hang around in his garage as he had done before.
All of a sudden, something hit me. Why was I being so sneaky about all of this? I had come up here with the specific purpose of finding Jacob, and even Charlie knew that. I shook my head at my momentary lapse and walked up the steps onto the porch of Jacob's house and rang the doorbell. Nothing. I tried to see if I could see anything through the window, but the house looked empty. I rang the doorbell one last time, waited, then left.
I turned and walked back to my truck rather quickly because for some reason, I had the feeling I was being watched. It was a good thing that the reservation wasn't so big because it wouldn't take me that long to get back to my truck. But if Virginia was the one who was watching me, even if I ran to my truck, I'd be dead before the idea of running even entered my mind. And on a day like this, when the reservation seemed so remote, the odds were in Virginia's favor. I closed my jacket tightly around waist and walked as quickly as I could, concentrating on the ground beneath me so that I wouldn't fall.
Just as I thought I was getting closer to where I had left my truck, a dark figure circled me so quickly that it seemed like only a shadow. Maybe it was a shadow cast by the dark clouds above. Still, it had happened so suddenly that I got spooked and made an attempt to run only tripping on the uneven ground and was starting to make my way towards the gravel in a free fall. Before I could even stretch out my hands to break my fall, I felt two very strong and very big arms catch me around my waist and pull me upward back onto my feet. Once I had balanced myself, I was trying to straighten out the images that were still swirling about me. Once my vision stabilized, I found myself looking up into the restrained face of Sam, the leader of Jacob's pack.
"What are you doing here, Bella?" His voice was stern.
"I'm looking for Jacob." Suddenly there was a huge knot in my throat. Even though I had come to know the softer side of Sam, his dark face towering over mine was nothing short of intimidating. The clouds that framed his face were darkening by the minute. I could hear softly rolling thunder in the distance.
"You shouldn't be here, it's not safe." He said, almost a warning.
"Is it Vict…" I began to ask, my eyes widening.
"No, we have found no trace of the red haired vampire. Go home, Bella." His tone was serious yet unalarming.
"I can't…not until I see Jacob."
"He doesn't want to see you. He's made himself clear. You better go."
"Not until I see him…you said you've found no trace of her? So you've been looking for her?" I could see in his eyes that he knew something that he didn't want me to know. "You've been out hunting her?"
"You must leave now." He grabbed me by the arm and started to escort me back to my truck. I tried to shrug him off, and only failed against the strong grip of his hand.
"I can't! I've arranged with Charlie to come out here to see Jacob, and I'm going to see him. Look, I'm already in enough trouble as it is. Please don't add to that by making this trip seem like a lie." He softened his grip enough to allow my arm to slip out of it. "Look, Charlie's life is at stake just as much as mine is, so if you know anything I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me." He considered the desperation in my eyes before he spoke.
"Jacob's not here. He's out looking for her." He said speculatively for there was worry too in his eyes.
"But you said that you've found no trace of her."
"He's just trying to keep you safe. He wants to be able to find her well before she finds you." My eyes widened in horror. I looked away before he could notice.
Edward! He had said the same thing. What if their paths should cross somewhere where they aren't protected by the rules of the treaty? They fight. Paris falls. Suddenly my pulse started to race, it was suddenly hard to breathe. I couldn't think about this. Not now. I had to concentrate on the task at hand. When I turned my eyes back to him, he was looking somewhere else. His eyes looked busy, as if he were involved in some kind task right at that moment. I turned to see what he was so focused on. About 50 yards from where we stood…was Jacob. He was standing almost perfectly still. As far away as he was, I could tell that he was slightly trembling. He seemed to have acquired more mass since the last time I saw him. His face was tired, sad, his expression almost unreadable. He stood there with his arms down at his sides and seemed to be communicating with Sam. Though his head was slightly lowered, his eyes were intent on Sam. After a moment, Sam nodded and turned back to face me.
"Someone will accompany you home." He wasn't offering, it was an order. He was telling me not to leave without an appointed escort once I was through here. As he turned to leave, I nodded in return with a half smile, grateful that he didn't turn me away before I got to do what I had set out to do. I turned to face Jacob, my heart all of a sudden feeling light and immensely happy. I noticed now that he was only 20 feet away from me.
"Jacob!" I said with excitement. As I made to go to him, he shuddered back a step. His head was lowered and turned away slightly, as if the sight of me repulsed him. He quickly shut his eyes and when he opened them again I could tell that he was hurt by his reaction to me. His face looked tired, pained. I knew why. It was because I wanted to become like the Cullens out of my own volition. He saw it as me choosing them over him. Choosing Edward over him. I wanted to make him see, and I only had this moment. Who knows when I would see him again, if I would see him again? I had to be bold and just say it. I had to get it out there now, before he disappeared on me again. This may be my last and only chance. "Jacob, I miss you." It worked. He was now looking me in the eye. I had to be as honest as possible in order to keep his attention, to keep him here with me. "I really miss you." He didn't say a word, but I had to keep going. I was nervous and didn't quite know what to say, but I had to trust what was in my heart.
"You're my best friend, Jacob. You're just about the only real friend I have in this town."
"You have friends, Bella…or have you forgotten?" His eyes were steadily focused on mine. For the moment, it didn't quite seem that he was himself. It was evident that that was something he was struggling with.
"What happened to us, Jacob?" The sky thundered a little more loudly than before.
"You've chosen…them." He lowered his eyes to the ground, hurt.
"Jacob, why are you making this about them? This is between you and me! You and me, Jacob! Not them!" The look I saw in his eyes was challenging. He didn't believe me. "What about me, Jacob? What about me?"
"You've made your choice, Bella. There isn't much I can do about that."
"That doesn't change the fact that you are still my best friend!"
"I am not your friend, Bella." He looked down and closed his eyes in pain. "You know what you are to me now." He meant that now I was his enemy, despite the pain that showed in his face. I had to get off the subject of me being his enemy, because if it was left at that, then we really had no chance of saving our friendship.
"I'm not mad about the bike anymore." The sky thundered more loudly overhead. "In fact, Charlie's making me get rid of it…and since you've put in all the labor on it, I thought I'd give it to you. You're the only one I'd want to have it." I tried to peer into his face, but he was still looking down to the side.
"I don't want the bike, Bella…I want…you." It slowly started to lightly drizzle. At that instant, my heart broke for him and I couldn't stop the tears that had formed from falling. Neither of us moved. We held our positions as we looked at each other through the rain.
"Please take the bike, Jacob, please? That's the only way I can walk away from this with any kind of happiness." I said unable to stop myself from crying. "You keeping it would make me happy."
"Well I'm going to have to disappoint you then because I can't accept it. In fact, you should probably take mine back as well." He said looking straight into my eyes this time, his eyes welling up with tears.
"NO! Absolutely not! That bike is yours and there is no way that I'll ever accept it back, EVER." The rain started to fall more quickly and more heavily now. Still, we continued to stand there unmoving. The sky was almost as dark as it would have been had it been evening. The tears started falling more quickly and I was sobbing. It felt as if we were talking about so much more than just the motorcycles. "That bike has been yours, and I won't take back what's already yours." He didn't say anything. But I could see in his eyes that he understood my point.
"Take your bike home, Bella. There's no place for it here. It'd be too painful to look at."
"But will you at least keep yours? Will you Jacob, please?" I pleaded.
"Yes." He said after a moment of silence barely in a whisper.
"Jacob, I don't want you to stop being my friend. You've helped me through so much! It was because of you that I was able to smile again. It was as if, I was able to feel again when we became friends." I said through the rain as it drenched my hair and face. I had to speak louder than usual to be heard through the pouring rain.
"Bella, I can't…"
"No, Jacob! You have no idea what you've meant to me…what you still mean to me. I have NEVER had a friend like you before, never! I won't let you end this Jacob! You can't!" And with that I ran through the rain and into his arms and hugged him as if my life depended on it. I didn't care if he didn't hug me back. I wasn't going to lose my friend. But just as I got into his arms, he hugged me back just as fiercely.
"I don't want to be your friend, Bella. I don't want to be just your friend." He said crying into my hair. It pained him to refer to me as just a friend when what he was feeling was already so much more than friendship. I held onto him as tightly as I could, fearing that if I let go, he would be gone from me forever. "I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be your friend!" He kept repeating. As cold as the rain was falling around us, being in his arms was as warm as being wrapped in a warm blanket that I didn't want to take off.
"Jake, please don't do this." I begged him still wrapped in his embrace. "Please? Do it for me! Will you, please do it for me?" I was crying so hard it was hard to get the words out.
"I can't, Bella. I have no choice. That's just the way things are! It's the way things are! They cannot be changed."
"Jake, please! No!" I cried into his shoulder while gripping him tightly.
"I promise to try my best to keep you and Charlie safe." It sounded like his final word to me before parting forever.
"NO! You can't do this! Please!" He took my face in his hands and held it in front of his.
"I love you, Bells. I've loved you since the day we first met on the beach." His eyes were closed as he softly kissed me on the forehead and rested his cheek there. It sounded like he was at peace with the decision he was making. He looked at me before he spoke again, "Stay! Stay here with me! You will be safe here. I won't let anything happen to you." He had suddenly tried in desperation to get me to stay with him, to choose him. A last ditch effort.
"Jacob, I…can't." I said through my tears thinking of Edward.
"It's that bloodsucker!" All of a sudden he started trembling. He stepped away from me as he tried hard to control it. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists before speaking again, "All he ever does is hurt you! Don't you see that? How can you be so blind? You call that love?" He started trembling more fiercely as before. He had stepped even further away until he had gotten it under control.
"Jacob, it's not like that." I pleaded one last time. My hair was plastered to my head and rain continued to fall on us though not as hard as before.
"It's done, Bella. I can't do this anymore…I'm done. You've made your choice." He angled his body away and looked down at the ground. I knew that as long as he maintained these feelings for me, that I had no hope of recovering my friendship with him apart from choosing him over Edward. I stood there crying almost uncontrollably.
"Jacob." I cried barely in a whisper. That was all I had left in me.
"I love you, Bells." He said to me with a half smile on his face before turning to leave. His eyes as he smiled at me were the same warm, soft, friendly eyes that I remembered during our summer together. Then instantly, I heard what sounded like a sob, and before I knew it, he was trembling violently as he ran into the forest.
"Jacob, wait!" I yelled after him, but it was no use, he was gone. "JACOB! PLEASE!" I was left there, where he had left me, crying so hard I couldn't focus on anything around me. That was it. My friend was gone. All that I had over the summer was gone, just like that. The hole I had felt in my chest had returned and its edges were searing, burning my insides. I collapsed onto the muddy ground and cried as I looked at the part of the forest that Jacob had disappeared into. He was gone, that's all I kept thinking. He was gone. My best friend was gone. Just then a pair of arms were under my arms picking me up and standing me up on my feet. I turned around not expecting to find Jacob, but anyone who could ease this misery. Even Victoria would be an almost welcomed sight, but it was Embry. He was looking down at me with a sympathetic face. His eyes were warm and concerned.
"Come on, Bella. Let's get you home." He said to me softly. The rain had succeeded now to a soft drizzle.
"I can make it on my own. I'm fine." I said trying to collect myself and wiping my face free from any emotion that may have been still left on it.
"No, I don't think so. Besides, you heard what Sam said." He angled me in the direction of my truck and we started walking. His arms were around my shoulders to help me balance. We walked to my truck in silence. Once he had gotten me to the passenger side, he said to me as he held out his hand for my keys, "May I, Bella? You can trust me." I didn't say anything as I dug for my keys in my pocket and placed them into his hand. He had helped me up onto the seat and soon he was seated beside me in the driver's seat and we headed back to Charlie's. The first part of the drive home was relatively quiet, except for the sound of the rain. There were times when he would casually glance my way to see how I was doing. It looked like he had wanted to say something, but decided against it. I appreciated it since the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was talk especially when things were still fresh. I needed time to register all that had just happened.
When we were just about 15 minutes away from Charlie's, Embry finally broke the silence. "Bella, I wish there was something I could say…" I could tell that this topic had made him uncomfortable. But I appreciated his effort nonetheless.
"It's fine, Embry, really. You don't have to say anything." I said to him with a grateful smile.
"He just wants you to be safe, you know that right? That's all he cares about. He's been out almost every night hunting that red head. You'd think it'd start to wear him down, but he's remained vigilant. He won't stop till he finds her."
"Thanks, Embry." His kind words offered me some comfort.
"Just know that." His eyes were honest as he said that, and friendly.
"Thanks." I said looking down at my hands resting on my lap. I hadn't even noticed that we were parked in front of my house until he made to get out of the truck. He came over to my side to let me out. As he shut the door behind me, he handed me back the keys.
"Ok, Bella." He said and without knowing what else to say, he only smiled and turned to leave. He was headed towards the forest where I knew he would transform. As I watched him walk away towards the forest, I was suddenly reminded of Jacob doing the very same thing only moments before. I didn't want to miss my only chance of possibly relaying the last message he may ever get from me.
"Embry!" I shouted after him. Somehow, saying his name made me feel closer to Jacob. He turned; his hands were in his pockets. "Tell him that's it's not over, not by a long shot." He only nodded in reply. His face had gone from friendly to very serious. I'm assuming that he had known about my tentative plans concerning the Cullens. I took a deep breath at the complexity of the situation that was now highlighted on Embry's face. He turned quickly into the forest and disappeared.
I ran into my house and headed up the stairs as quickly as I could before Charlie stopped me to talk. I heard his voice call out from behind the crackle of his newspaper, "Bella, that you? How'd it go?"
"I got caught in the rain, I'm going to take a quick shower first." I called to him from the middle of the stairs.
"Ok, honey." I was relieved. I had wanted to change out of my soaked, muddy clothes before he could ask what mud puddle I fell into. The hot shower felt good. I stood under the stream and just let the hot water wash all my emotion away. When I was done I jumped into my sweats and towel dried my hair and headed down the stairs to join Charlie in the living room. "So what did Jacob say?" He said still absorbed in his newspaper.
"He didn't want it." I said pensively while staring at a hangnail on my finger.
"Really?" He sounded genuinely surprised. "Well, that's just as well, Sam probably wouldn't be too happy with Jacob owning a motorcycle.
"Oh, I don't know. Billy seems to have a lot of confidence in Jacob these days." Charlie suddenly looked up from his paper and studied my face for a long moment before finally speaking.
"So…did you find out why he's been avoiding your calls?" He asked cautiously.
"Well…he seems to have…sided with Billy's point of view concerning the Cullens." At that, Charlie put the paper down in his lap; he seemed disappointed that Jacob would take on Billy's silly notions.
"That's ridiculous! Why anyone would have something against the Cullens is beyond me! Well, maybe except for Edward. But they are good people!"
"Dad!" His comment about Edward had angered me.
"Well Bella, I'm sorry that something like this had to get in the way of your friendship with Jacob, he's been a good friend to you. But sometimes, people just…disagree." He sat there quietly for a second absorbed in some thought. I thought I saw his face get a little red. He genuinely looked upset. Maybe he thought that me having enough friends would occupy my time more so that I'd be less available to see Edward. "This is just upsetting to me, honey. I just want you to be happy here, and Jacob was…he was a big part of your happiness for a good while."
"But dad, I am happy here." I said looking into his face. "There's no where else I'd rather be, not even with mom and Phil. I'm staying here." Just then the phone rang and I jumped up to get it. It was the station for my dad. He was needed there and had to leave.
"Are you going to be ok, Bella?" He asked as he was grabbing his coat by the door.
"Yeah, I'll be fine, I'm going to do some homework…maybe eat something."
"Ok, I'll see you later then." He turned and walked out the door. This gave me the perfect opportunity to be alone and sort things out in my head. I had to get my emotions in check before I could deal with anything else that day. But first things first, I wanted to get the motorcycle out of the bed of my truck and under some cover from the rain. It was a lot heavier than I remembered it to be. I just had to do it slowly and carefully so as not to hurt myself. I was extremely careful with it. I didn't want to dent it or scratch it. I treated it as if it were Jacob himself. Once I had it safely in place in the backyard and safe from the rain, I got out my notebook and began thinking of what to put in the 'for sale' ad. I could understand why Jacob didn't want to keep the motorcycle for himself, it reminded him too much of our time together. I was beginning to feel the same way; the sooner I got rid of it, the better. Just looking at it reminded me of us standing in the rain earlier today.
I wondered what Edward was doing. He was probably worrying about me possibly being hurt by the werewolves. That's ridiculous, he knows Jacob is my best friend and would never do anything to hurt me…was my best friend. Maybe I should call Edward, maybe I would feel better, or maybe I wouldn't. Part of me didn't want to break this bubble that Jacob and I had created earlier today, the bubble that contained our friendship, and our closeness. Once I talk to Edward, that bubble will be broken and who knows when I'll get to talk to Jacob again. I wanted this feeling of closeness between Jake and I to last as long as I could hold out. It hurt me to know that being close with the one person whom I know I can't live without is killing, destroying my best friend. Destroying our friendship. Is this fair? This doesn't make sense. Why do things have to be like this? I've already been immensely lucky to have Edward, and to have him love me back, is more than I could ever dream of. But why should I have to sacrifice my friend for that? It's not fair. Why Jacob? Why not Mike or Jessica, or someone else I could easily live without.
Red motorcycle for sale.
Ok condition. New parts.
Runs great.
Contact Bella ….
I don't know about this one. Seems misleading somehow. Maybe I should try being more honest.
For sale:
Old red motorcycle.
New parts. Runs fine.
Contact Bella …..
Will take best offer.
Short, simple and to the point. I at least wanted to make back what I had spent on its parts. I didn't know how much these things usually go for. I only know that I didn't want to overcharge for it. I thought that was pretty fair. I would take whatever someone thought it was actually worth. Ok, I was happy with my ad; on Monday I would contact the newspaper about posting it. I ripped out the page with the proposed ad on it and left it on the kitchen table for Charlie to review. Maybe he'd be able to point out something I may have missed.
I decided to go upstairs to my room to see if I could get any homework done. For some reason, I wasn't as distraught as I had been earlier. Maybe it was because I was feeling something inside of me that assured me that this wasn't over between Jake and me. What killed me was what he said earlier, about him not wanting to be just my friend...and that he loved me. It pained me that I was the one who was causing him all this pain. Not only do I inflict pain on myself, but onto others as well. Great! I'm a hazard to everyone. I should be given a permit just to leave the house.
I had gotten my books out and placed them on my desk; but I for some reason went to sit down on my bed and look out at the sky beyond my window. It wasn't raining anymore, though it was still pretty overcast. It would probably start raining again soon. I quickly forgot about my homework. Suddenly the emotion that evaded me just a little while ago was returning in full force. I just wanted to sit there and dwell on what had happened on the reservation today. All I could see was Jacob. All I could feel were his arms wrapped tightly around me. I could still feel the warmth of his arms around me. If only there were some way to get through this without me having to give up one or the other. Surely, Jacob was out there hurting as much as I was. If there were some solution out there, wouldn't it be worth a shot? Just then the phone rang, when I answered I was still dizzy in thought.
"Honey? Will you be ok for dinner tonight? Looks like I'm going to be here a while."
"Sure Charlie."
Once I hung up the phone, I realized that it was only two in the afternoon. I still had a long day in front of me. I was tired, exhausted, and could probably use a nap. I laid against my pillow and was about to shut my eyes when the phone rang again. I picked it up.
"Bella?" The voice at the other end of the line was cool, sultry and a bit upset. It had given me goose bumps.
"Hi Edward." I could feel my heart start to race. It had seemed like so long since I heard his voice.
"Are you ok?" He sounded concerned.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" That seemed like a silly question.
"Alice had a vision, and I was worried."
"I'm great, I'm fine, couldn't be better. So you don't need to be mad at me anymore." I was upset by his disapproval of me going to La Push. I had argued with my best friend, it was this aspect that should've been upsetting to him, not the fact that I had went out there in the first place. Suddenly the doorbell rang. All this sudden business was slightly annoying me; at least it would keep my mind off of Jacob for a while. "Hold on, Edward. Someone's at the door." I put the phone down on my dresser and went down the stairs to the front door. When I opened the door, there stood Edward, on the phone…with me. He flashed me a gorgeous smile as he closed the tiny cell phone and came inside. Once the door was closed behind him, I jumped into his arms and just let everything fall away.
When he finally let go of me, he stepped back and eyed my ensemble from head to foot.
"Busy social life?" He said with a smirk on his face. I eyed him back with an expression that clearly stated that I wasn't in any kind of mood for jokes. I then went into the living room and plopped myself down on the couch. He followed and took a seat right next to me. In fact, he was sitting extremely close, all I had to do was lean my head three inches to the left and it would be in the dent of his neck and his shoulder. "I'm not mad at you, by the way." He added non-chalantly.
"Then why were you giving me such a hard time earlier about going out to La Push?" I asked him slightly annoyed.
"It wasn't that I was actually mad at you for going, I was more worried about your safety in an environment where I wouldn't be able to help you."
"I've told you, they would never hurt me. They're trying to protect me just like you are!" I didn't know what I had to do to make him see that. He ran his hand over his face in slight frustration.
"Jacob is young, and not completely under control." He said trying hard not to get too angry.
"But I'm still alive! That should count for something, don't you think?" I looked at him incredulously.
"Bella, it isn't only that. He doesn't have to kill you exactly, he can still hurt you." He said with concern.
"You must have forgotten that that happens to be a situation that I'm already familiar with." I said looking straight at him. I had him there. All he was able to do at that point was turn his head away to hide the look of defeat on his face.
"I'm bad enough! I just can't trust anyone else when I can barely trust myself around you." He lifted his hand and started playing with a strand of my hair between his long, perfect fingers. Then he quickly took my face in both of his icy hands and placed a cold kiss on my forehead. "I can't lose you, Bella. You are too precious to me." He said to me as he embraced my head to his chest.
"Too frail is more like it." I added, disgusted with myself.
"No, just fragile." He was much too happy to correct me. His smile was very honest and very loving. Yet, I still couldn't help but get just a little annoyed.
"That's just the problem! When you aren't trying to protect me from someone, you're trying to protect me from yourself! And sometimes that is just as bad! You have no idea how frustrating this is getting for me." I pulled my knees up to my head and hid my head in the hollow of my lap.
I felt him place his hand lightly on the back of my head to stroke my hair as he lightly called my name. When I lifted my head to look up at him, he was suddenly serious, and obviously a little sad.
"I had no intention of making this hard on you." He said with concern.
"No, I know, of course you didn't." I said sincerely. "Edward, you are the absolute greatest thing that has ever happened to me, ever! It's just frustrating how careful we have to be around each other."
"I could easily kill you right now if you'd rather have it that way." He said coolly.
"You could turn me right now and we would no longer have this problem, I'd be able to go anywhere and be able to take care of myself, how about that?" His eyes all of a sudden got serious and he put his game face on. He knew that this conversation was about to get heavy.
"You wouldn't be able to go out to the reservation anymore…you wouldn't be able to see your friend anymore, he wouldn't even be your friend anymore. Have you thought about that? If I really wanted to keep you away from them, that's all I would have to do really!"
"They are my friends, and would never hurt me! Why would you keep them from me?" It was too late to keep my expression from slipping as I thought of Emily, and her scarred face.
"And they are my enemies. Werewolves cannot be trusted, and from your expression just now, part of you believes that too."
"But Jacob is my friend." I was becoming sad. I loved Jacob too much to just let him walk out of my life, and also to let Edward try and turn me against him.
"Do you think he'll still be your friend if you were like me?" The concern in his voice seemed to be making a turn into anger. "He doesn't have that much self control!" As much as I hated all this negative talk about my best friend, Edward was right. I knew Jacob could not completely control himself, he had told me himself. Plus, I had seen glimpses of it with my own eyes. I found myself quickly angering in my defeat. "Bella, I was so worried about you today. Alice had a vision of you speaking with Jacob, she saw him…shaking."
"And naturally you thought of him hurting me."
"Well, what else was I supposed to think?" His voice had risen slightly.
"Did she see him change? Actually see it?" I asked with all the seriousness I was able to muster.
"No." He looked back at me with defeated eyes.
"See! You had absolutely NO reason to worry." I was dead set on making him see my point. After all, this was about my best friend, and he was worth it. "And if you'd just change me, then you'd never have to worry about me at all!"
"Do you honestly think that he wouldn't try to kill you himself?" Edward said as he got up from the couch and looked down at me. "I ALMOST VIOLATED THE TREATY TODAY!" He was fuming. His eyes were full of anger, but much more than anger, was fear. I looked up at him and into his face with my eyes full of tears. I knew what the treaty meant. It was the only thing keeping my boyfriend and my best friend safe from each other. It was what was keeping the Cullens in Forks. This treaty held the delicate and abnormal balance of my entire world, including everyone in it, together.