Destiny Begins
by Milui Elenath
Chapter Nine
"Aithusa!" Morgana called anxiously as she ran ahead.
"I am here Morgana," The dragon's voice echoed in Merlin's mind, it was the same telepathic method Kilgharrah and the druids had used long ago.
Merlin's mouth went dry and his muscles tensed. Aithusa still lived which meant his choices remained. There would be no easy way out and a wrong step might result in his vision coming to pass.
He stepped into the cave and saw Morgana ahead of him had used magic to illuminate her path. He uttered a spell of his own and a flame danced in his hand. As his eyes adjusted, he could see the walls were dry but the air suggested there was moisture somewhere beyond.
A little further and the path they were on turned and opened into a larger space.
There was a firepit laid with wood, a chair, some pillows and a rug but the rest of the expansive space was clear or would have been if not for the large, white dragon that occupied it.
Aithusa.
She lay stretched upon the cave floor, lifting her head slightly at their coming. She was not quite the size Merlin expected. She was several metres smaller than Kilgharrah had been and there was still a misshapen bend along her back. Her breathing was shallow and audible.
Morgana ran to the creature and threw her arms around the dragon's neck. She laid her head against Aithusa as she openly wept. "I've brought him, Aithusa. Merlin has come. All will be well now. . . soon." She stroked the dragon comfortingly. "All will be well." Morgana thought it as much as she spoke it aloud but Merlin saw that she wept as if her world were ending.
He watched the scene in astonishment and awkwardness. Morgana's tenderness was yet another sign that he'd been right about the change in her. Yet he had to confront the fact that Morgana had always held affection for Aithusa, something of her kindness had always remained. Morgana had repressed it, he had dismissed it but it was still there. However, she was lying to Aithusa, promising the dragon that all would be well when the power was not in her hands.
It wasn't certain it was in his hands either but seeing Aithusa in the flesh definitely made any choice he faced regarding her life or death far more impacting. He had forgotten – how he didn't know – how magnificent dragons were to behold. How their presence radiated power and how enthralling their eyes were.
Aithusa's blue eyes lifted to him at that moment. "Merlin, great warlock, last of the dragonlords" She spoke gravely into his mind and she bowed her head to him. "I'm glad you have come."
For a moment Merlin faltered before he bowed in return. "It's good to see you Aithusa."
Aithusa's gaze did not waiver and she continued to speak only from mind to mind. "I am surprised to hear you say so but pleased."
Merlin was quick to respond. "I never harboured ill will toward you Aithusa, not truly, but I do have trouble understanding why everything happened."
The dragon nodded, though her head did not lift much. "I imagine you do. I would like to explain if you are willing to listen."
"I am," Merlin said.
"Then come sit," Aithusa indicated the chair and she lit the fire with a puff of breath that did not appear to tax her.
Morgana had already slid to Aithusa's feet by this point, leaning her head against the dragon, her eyes half closed. She looked drained.
"Your wound still pains you, Morgana," Aithusa said sadly.
"Don't worry about that now," Morgana said hurriedly and some look passed between the two that Merlin did not understand.
"I see," Aithusa responded.
Merlin noted the dragon sounded displeased.
"Well," the dragon continued, "you should rest in your chambers, Morgana. Merlin and I have much to talk about."
Morgana's eyes opened wide and he shook her head. "I can rest here. I don't wish to leave you."
"It will be but for a small time," Aithusa placated. "You need your rest for the days ahead."
Merlin wondered what Aithusa meant by her statement and was sure the dragon's tone had changed, sounding eldritch and ominous.
Morgana showed no reaction to the tone but neither did she appear ready to comply.
The dragon nuzzled her. "Merlin will watch over me, until my time and much needs to be said. Revisited," Aithusa said meaningfully. "I thought you would prefer not to be present."
Morgana dropped her head in resignation. "Alright, but you'll call me if you need me?"
"I will," Aithusa said.
"Merlin," Morgana switched her gaze to him and gave Merlin an imploring stare, "you'll keep your word?"
"I promise." He said it simply. Merlin was mindful of the vision, of how quickly he might need to make choices and he did not want to promise more than he could give but he had already told her that he would let her know before he did anything.
Morgana lifted herself from the ground. "I will return with food in a little while." She gave one last look at them before she continued further into the cave. Merlin did not watch her go but turned his attention back to Aithusa. He saw that her large dragon eyes rested upon Morgana's retreating form pityingly.
Aithusa sighed sadly. "She will find the path ahead difficult." It will not be easy for her to be betrayed once more. She will take my death particularly hard."
"Your death?" Merlin's throat constricted. Did Aithusa know what he'd been considering? Did she expect him to hasten her death? Had she sent Morgana to fetch him here knowing this would be the outcome? And had she now sent Morgana away to spare her? Was the time upon him?
Aithusa shifted her large body and settled her stare fully upon Merlin. "No doubt Morgana has told you what I said to her, that you could save me."
Merlin nodded slowly, "because I'm a dragonlord."
"The last of your kind," Aithusa confirmed, "as am I."
The silence was heavy. Merlin tensed, was she going to ask him to save her after all? He had not yet tried to discover her illness, to see if he even could heal her but if he could how could he say no? Could he really let a wondrous creature like a dragon die if it was in his power to save her? But Arthur, the vision, could he ignore that?
Merlin stared into the eyes of the dragon, they were so full of life and depth. He shifted in his chair uneasily. He had not had the luxury in his long lifetime of shying away from difficult decisions. He knew it was better to plunge ahead rather than hesitate, delaying was an agony of its own. He decided to be as honest as he could, Aithusa deserved it. "I don't know if I can prevent your death," Merlin began –."
"Why should my death bother you, great warlock?" Aithusa broke in.
Merlin's mouth felt his heart quicken, startled by the dragon's directness. He didn't know what to say. She was the last of her kind, that should be reason enough however it didn't seem to be an answer worthy of such a moment. Neither did it fully express how he felt. "Magic," he said, at last, finally pulling his thoughts and feelings together. "It has all but disappeared in this world. As far as I know, you, Morgana and I are all that is left of it."
"Have you never wondered why Merlin?"
"Of course," Merlin answered, "but I do not know why it has disappeared. Do you?"
"I do not," Aithusa said, "but I have my suspicions. I believe magic has sustained you at the cost of all else in the world."
Merlin felt his brows raise. "Are you saying you believe that magic has disappeared from the world in order to keep me alive?"
"I am." The white dragon confirmed. "Magic can not disappear Merlin unless life does. It's just that you have required most of its focus."
"Me? Why?" Merlin leaned forward toward Aithusa. Merlin had never considered before that his magic had increased as creatures of magic had decreased.
"Destiny," Aithusa intoned gravely.
Merlin frowned and sat back against the chair.
"You seem displeased by my answer," Aithusa pointed out and it seemed to Merlin as if she was slightly amused.
Merlin folded his arms. "In my experience destiny tends to be a double-edged sword and overrated."
"I see," Aithusa said, "and what do you think about prophecy?"
"That," Merlin levelled, "it is nothing but trouble."
The dragon rolled her shoulders. "I can understand your feeling for it was prophecy that has caused much misunderstanding. It is prophecy that has led so many astray and yet perhaps it has a way of working itself out."
Merlin was doubtful. "What do you mean?"
"It has shaped my life and may yet still," Aithusa answered promptly. "You said earlier you wanted to understand, allow me then to speak of the past before we speak of the future and choices."
Merlin nodded, he was eager for all he could learn and to delay any choice he might make. It seemed to him that Aithusa had become as wise as Kilgharrah – if not quite so cryptic and a dragon's presence was no thing to underestimate or take for granted. He stridently ignored the part of him that warned he might be making things difficult for himself . . . impossible even.
"As I said," Aithusa continued, "prophecy shaped my life. All dragons are born with the knowledge of their ancestors. So it was, Merlin, from the moment that you called me forth from my egg that I knew that I had a great destiny to live up to. It had been prophesied that I would be called upon to bring about a great kingdom of peace and fairness, that was why my egg was chosen to be hidden by Ashkanar."
Merlin remembered the tomb and the traps laid. He had thought that such protection was due the last dragon egg but now it had extra pertinence.
Aithusa resumed her tale. "You may think destiny a terrible burden for one so young but such a thing does not concern dragons as it does humans. We each have a destiny, great or small and so I was content at first to wait, to grow, to fly, to be in the world and see it but as I travelled, I heard things. Terrible things. I learnt of Uther's betrayal and the destruction of the dragons and of the dragonlords.
I was deeply grieved and I sought Kilgharrah at once, demanding of him why he had not exacted justice for our kind. But he did not answer, instead, he told me that the past could not be changed, the future was Albion. Those words seemed to hold importance to him but they meant little to me, my genetic memory had no mention of Albion only a kingdom of freedom to come and such a prophecy was vague. It seemed that having lain dormant within my egg hundreds more years of knowledge and prophecy had passed than I yet realised.
I tried to argue, to insist that we bring Uther to justice. I even offered to team up but Kilgharrah grew angry. He insisted that Albion was what we must wait for, that you, Merlin, had begun it and I must be patient to see what part we might play in it. He reminded me I was not yet grown, not yet able to speak the language of man. My time had not yet come.
At last, I agreed to leave Uther to you, the sole dragonlord. Yet I could not entirely reconcile myself to inaction and since the prophecy I held spoke of a seer whom I must protect I determined I would seek them out rather than waiting for our paths to cross.
I was silent about this fearing that Kilgharrah would dissuade me again. So young was I, so eager for the world and so keen to set things right in some way. I left immediately to search for the seer. I knew that I would recognise them on sight, though I did not know what he or she looked like. in a moment, and find her I did. Morgana Pendragon, great seer, last priestess, wounded, alone and in need of protection. I was overjoyed, it seemed prophecy had been right, she did need me! But far from protecting her, I led her to harm." Aithusa paused a long moment. "It was I who caused Morgana to be at the mercy of Sarrum. She could have saved herself but for me."
Merlin grimaced. "I did hear of that. I'm sorry it happened to you."
"It is good to hear you say that Merlin, to hear it from your own heart. I confess at our capture I remained hopeful you would hear of our plight. Of my plight. I was sure word of a dragon chained in a well would reach you, a dragonlord but as the time passed I lost hope."
Merlin felt compelled to clear his name. "I didn't know, Aithusa, I swear, not until much later. If I had known-"
"Fear not Merlin," Aithusa said kindly, "I have since come to understand that such word was kept from you."
"Kept from me?" Merlin puzzled. That couldn't be true. Who would have kept such a thing from him and why?
"We will get to that," Aithusa said, "patience great warlock, I have much to say and not much time."
Merlin just then noticed that the dragon was breathing uncomfortably but since she spoke mind to mind her speech remained unhampered.
"We saw nothing but darkness for months on end. I had not yet grown enough to speak aloud in your language but I understood Morgana and I heard the words of Sarrum. Sarrum spoke of Camelot, he loved to taunt Morgana with news of Arthur's doings, of the demise of sorcery. He talked about how he hunted those with magic, how he tortured and murdered them. How Arthur would do likewise. He told her that the kingdoms were uniting under Arthur and soon there would be nowhere to hide for any sorcerer. Sarrum took terrible pleasure in reminding her that she would be left until last.
Silently I begged Morgana to save herself but she did not. If she did not do as they asked, it was I they tortured. They assured her that if she used magic or tried to escape, I would pay the price. Morgana bore it, obeyed commands and only the occasional flare of anger in her eyes revealed to me that she still retained some will of her own."
Merlin was horrified but also amazed by Morgana.
Aithusa's tone was full of pity as she went on. "When Morgana cried for mercy for me, for herself, he sneered that her own brother had not thought her worthy of pity, so why should he? So often he told her how undeserving a creature she was, how not a soul had ever or could ever care for her. The things he said chilled me. I tried to comfort her best I could but grown deformed as I had, crammed in the well, I could not voice them."
Merlin said nothing but he shuddered. He had not known such things had happened. He felt his anger bubbling up and was glad to know that Sarrum was long dead.
Aithusa continued. "Then one day, wondrously Morgana and I found we could hear each other's thoughts while we were in contact. Such joy we had and such pain as we communicated. Morgana was already crazed by the time I reached her mind; how could she not be? One year of darkness, nothing but her own thoughts and the words of Sarrum. Her mind rippled and folded in on itself. Fear and grief had become hate and with shock, I saw it was your face and Arthurs that she held in her memory with the most vehemence.
I was confused by this. I hid from Morgana my knowledge of you, certain that you, a dragonlord, had been deceived by this Arthur. For what kind of man leaves his own sister to the Sarrum?"
"Arthur wouldn't do that!" Merlin broke off as the dragon stared pityingly at him.
Merlin shook his head. "No, Arthur couldn't have known."
"We must not be too harsh on the young Pendragon King," Aithusa said. "I do not think he was aware of the man's cruelty to such an extent as it was but still yes Merlin, Arthur knew."
Merlin shook his head. "I would have known. He would have told me." Aithusa must be wrong or lying. Arthur couldn't have possibly kept it from him.
"Would he?" Aithusa asked, "And what would you have urged him to do had you known?"
"I would have urged him to . . ." Merlin didn't know. Back then he certainly would not have wanted to leave Aithusa in a well. Not as a dragonlord and not as the young, kind-hearted man who cared about innocent creatures. But would he have been willing to risk freeing Morgana for Aithusa? Merlin bit his lip, he might have but there was more to it than just the righteousness of freeing Aithusa. Merlin realised that he would also not have let Arthur leave his sister in such a place, he would not have allowed Arthur to live with doing such a thing and yet – and YET Arthur had. Merlin swallowed hard.
"He knew what you would urge him to do Merlin. Alas for all of us you never got the chance."
Merlin was speechless to think Arthur had kept something like this from him. Arthur hadn't known he was a dragonlord or known of his past conflict with Morgana either but Arthur had known Merlin well enough to guess that he would not have approved of leaving Morgana and Aithusa in a well.
"I see I have disturbed you great warlock. Surely your faith in the great Arthur Pendragon is not shaken to learn that he did not always live to his full potential?"
Merlin shook his head again defiantly. "Arthur was a great king."
"Sometimes Merlin," Aithusa agreed, "but do you not allow yourself to think that he had not quite grown into the role? That perhaps he was only just beginning?"
Merlin frowned, he wanted to shout at Aithusa and deny it but Arthur's time had been cut short too soon and a part of him agreed. Merlin frowned harder.
"Within the well," Aithusa continued her story once more, "I found that Morgana's thoughts were fixated. She was convinced the only path for her, for sorcerers everywhere was for her to claim the crown of Camelot. Then and only then would she would be safe. Magic would be restored, none would dare come against Camelot and her kind and mine would no longer be hunted. I believed it. Why shouldn't I? Morgana was a seer from a prophecy of old, a high priestess and she had no knowledge of Albion or of any great future hope other than what might be wrought by her own hands. There was no prophecy known to her or me that gave us options. With our new found ability to communicate we planned our escape.
Escape we did and we sought allies and knowledge and to regain our health. My body never did grow straight and so I had no voice and Morgana remained half-mad from the years of evil torment. Finally, we came to Ismere where next I saw you.
Your actions puzzled me exceedingly, your confusion over my misshapen body and your obvious concern led me to believe that you had not learnt of our plight. Yet there you were in league with Arthur, plotting against Morgana and I feared you, feared your orders and your intent. Still, I kept from Morgana your magic and your ties with me for I was still bound to the sacred bond between dragons and dragonlords. I held hope that you would redeem yourself or that some explanation would become known to me.
Morgana's failures and her actions at times dismayed me but I was not privy to all she did and there were many who followed her whose hearts were pure. They had seen nothing but persecution and saw no recourse but war.
I was as shocked as Morgana, perhaps more, to discover you were Emrys. The sorcerer that had brought much fear to Morgana and whom she said was destined to kill her. I determined that you were as much my enemy as you were hers but I could do little about it. You were a dragonlord, I was ready to tell her but then she spoke of taking your magic. I saw this as my reprieve, you would be a dragonlord no more and I need not break my silence on a sacred matter.
But you are the great warlock Emrys, Merlin of legend and as you know you returned, magic in full and sent me away from the battle of Camlan. Flee I did but when you did not strike me down I began to wonder what this meant. Why had you shown such mercy? How baffling it was.
I sought Morgana but I could not find her and then I realised why, she was dead or dying. I was alone again. The final dragonlord had sent me from him and Kilgharrah had mere hours of his life left in him. I could feel his life force ebbing away. I did not know then that Morgana had been stabbed by Excalibur, had I known I would have hastened the old dragon's death in order to save her but –"
"I thought her wound, um," Merlin ducked his eyes, embarrassed. "I thought I was the cause."
"You are but Kilgharrah powered Excalibur for some hours. She would have died but for the Sidhe."
Merlin had thought Morgana was already dead when he left her but apparently not. "You took her to the Sidhe?" It was what he'd tried to do for Arthur, to take him to Avalon.
"No, the Sidhe had come to Morgana. They knew who she was and you had angered them quite a bit. They were more than willing to help your enemy for a price."
Merlin waited. Whatever they had done, whatever bargain Morgana had struck it seemed to have been faulty. For Morgana still suffered.
Aithusa's tail moved in an agitated manner. "They were unable or unwilling to remove your magic. Their bargain was only to keep her alive until the dragon passed."
"What was the price?" Merlin was concerned that any bargain with the Sidhe was dangerous.
"She has never told me perhaps she will tell you."
Merlin breathed out scornfully, "I doubt it, she doesn't tell me anything without a fight."
"She has less fight in her today," Aithusa noted pointedly, "you can not forgive her?"
Merlin knew he was being rebuked for his attitude and he knew from Aithusa's perspective it was probably valid. Morgana was mad or half-mad by the time she committed most of her more terrible acts but, not all. "There's a lot to forgive," Merlin said.
"We all made mistakes, great warlock," Aithusa said, "that is clear but we have come almost to the end of the tale of times past. I came here and after a while Morgana found me. We hid from you, we lived quietly, secretly and then we began to hear rumours that Camelot had fallen. What happened to you we did not know but Morgana knew from the wound in her side that you still lived.
After a time we began to hear of stories being told of Camelot, of knights of old, of you Merlin, the great sorcerer and of Morgana la Faye. At first, neither, Morgana nor I understood how it was that so many tales did not resemble the life we had known but as time passed I began to realise what they were." The dragon paused before continuing softly, "I think Morgana knows as I but she does not want to face it."
Merlin was astonished to hear they had any relevance. "What are they?"
"Possibilities that were, prophecy of what could have been, what should have been," Aithusa stated. "Something went awry Merlin. Something that needs to be set right and you must do it."
"Me?" Merlin squeaked, "how exactly am I meant to set things right?" As soon as he said it Merlin regretted the question. Was this the point where Aithusa would finally demand he kill her? Or was she asking to be healed? Nothing yet pointed his way to avoid the vision.
Aithusa, however, did not answer him. "I wish to give you a gift. Something I feel will help you with setting things right. Morgana will know what to do with it. She will be unhappy I gave it to you." Aithusa mused. "Will you fetch that bowl?"
Merlin looked around and saw that there was one on a nearby table, with fruit in it. "This one?"
"Yes," Aithusa said. "Remove the fruit we will only need the bowl."
Merlin put the fruit on the table.
"If you would Merlin, place it here by my head."
Merlin did so, wondering what sort of gift required a bowl.
Aithusa's gaze locked with Merlin's. "I told Morgana you would save me, I hope my faith is not misplaced. Farewell Merlin, tell Morgana there was no other way."
Merlin was confused by her words but the dragon was moving to position her head over the bowl. From her eyes she squeezed two tears, they trickled over her scales and fell, fell, fell into the bowl.
Merlin cried out in alarm, "No, Aithusa no!" It was his vision, it was happening. "You shouldn't have, you shouldn't have!" Merlin moaned coming to her side, horrified.
Aithusa however, was lying her chin gently down upon the ground, her breath so shallow as to be silent, her eyes closing.
Merlin reached out his hands, she was dead! He hadn't even been given a chance, a choice. She was gone! She had used the last of her strength to give him tears. He stared in disbelief, everything seemed to slow down.
He heard Morgana scream, she must have sensed Aithusa's death from wherever she was. She came running and pushed him aside.
"Aithusa! No, no." Morgana buried her face against the dragon.
Numbly Merlin picked up the bowl that contained Aithusa's tears and put it to one side.
Morgana stood suddenly, "how could you do this Merlin?" She was incensed. "You promised me you would let me know before you did anything," her breaths were ragged and more tears fell. "I wanted to be here for her, I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted . . ." Morgana's voice broke, " and now I never will again."
"Morgana I swear, I didn't do anything. I didn't know she was going to die," Merlin protested helplessly.
"She was dying, you over-taxed her with your questions. You did nothing to help her!" Morgana accused. "Just go Merlin, just go. Break the bond and go, let me die. I don't care."
Merlin shook his head, "no, I'm not going." Aithusa's tears had been the first scene in his vision but the second had been of Morgana running from the cave and then of her death. Merlin couldn't let that happen.
"Suit yourself then!" Morgan snapped, she tried to push past him but he grabbed hold of her.
She pulled against him. "Let me go, I don't want to be anywhere near you right now Emrys."
She spat the word. He knew she was trying to rile him. She was lashing out and he had to remember that, no matter what she said he couldn't let her go. He couldn't let her walk out of that cave. This time he was going to change the vision, he was going to be different. He was going to choose the path he wouldn't have a few weeks ago. He would have let Morgana walk out of here. He would have let her die. "I'm not letting you go, Morgana. I can't let the vision come to pass."
She only paused a moment, "I don't care about your vision Merlin. I cared about Aithusa. Either break the bond or die with me."
Suddenly she stomped on his foot, Merlin's grip loosened and she ran.
Merlin stared after her in blinding pain. She had disappeared round the corner in the direction of the exit. Merlin ran after her. His thoughts were sprinting faster than he was. Maybe he had the vision wrong? Maybe he should let her go, let the bond finally take them both. Then he wouldn't go on and on . . .but no, magic wouldn't let him die, Aithusa had said so!
Magic would keep him from death until he set things right but Morgana would certainly die whether he broke the bond or not. She was too weak to repay him the magic and if she parted from him the distance would kill her. Either way, it was fulfilling the next part of the vision. Merlin didn't want that. Merlin couldn't bare that. It was high time he acknowledged that despite all their problems, all their history some ridiculous part of him had a connection to her. Something more than just knowing that she was the last bit of magic in this world.
He sped up and reached the exit. He felt cold as he saw Morgana by the gorse pulling her shirt from it where it had caught. Her eyes blazed, "stay away from me!"
"No, Morgana," Merlin said softly as he approached her, finally knowing what it was he had to do. He knew this was the right course, he could feel it. It was the most right he'd felt in a long time. "I'm not staying away."
She stood puzzled, he held her gaze unfalteringly as he took in her in his arms. She did not resist but stood stiffly. He brought her closer and let his head drop to her shoulders as she finally relaxed against him and cried. His hands pressed against the small of her back and his eyes lit with gold, solemnly he intoned, "ic rnuudbora forġifnes ic i behréowse." There was a visible glow from Morgana's body that drew out of her and disappeared into Merlin's hand.
Morgana gasped and shot her wide eyes to Merlin, he let her go as she took a step back, her hand flying against her wound and her eyes dropping to examine it but she did not get a chance. Her knees buckled, her eyes rolled, fluttered and closed. Merlin stepped forward to catch her before her body hit the ground.
He lifted her gently, returning to the cave.
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Author's note. Chapter Ten should follow quite soon – I'm excited about it. I really want to thank all those who have taken the time to log in and click follow, or to write a review or to favourite the story. It's very motivating to know people are enjoying it and it means a lot when the going gets tough in certain places. Never fear though the story burns within and HAS to be written. I do hope this chapter was not too much info – I am a bit worried it was a bit of a slog to read – hopefully not. Feedback is appreciated via PM or review.