A/N: This chapter begins the same day the last one ended.
Also, one of the scenes was derived from a fan comic by the amazing artist Makanidotdot (used in my fic with permission). They've got lots of amazing Beifong art on Tumblr and I highly recommend having a look!
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Sokka was so distracted by his own thoughts and worries – including the minor earthquake from that morning – that he almost didn't notice Toph leaning against the wall around the corner from the school's front doors.
"T?" he said, going to her. "What are you doing out here? They'll be starting any minute." Then he got closer and saw how pale she was. "Are you okay?"
"No," she muttered. A hand went to her forehead and she grimaced. "I can't– I can't go in there like this. I'll never make it through a speech. Not really in the spirit of 'Careers Day' to throw up all over the kids."
"I think we need to talk," he said heavily, fearing the worst. "I think you owe me an explanation."
Her jaw instantly tightened, then she turned and retched into the bushes. "Why are you here?" she asked afterward.
He sighed; of course she wasn't going to make this easy. "Because I promised Lin I would be, just in case you didn't make it."
"Right," she said bitterly. "You figured I'd flake."
"Looks like I made the right choice."
"I'm here, aren't I?" she growled, then immediately winced in pain. "I felt fine all day, then I got the worst goddamn headache of my life and now I can't stop puking. I can't even walk straight."
"A headache? Really? That's what you're going with?" It was impossible to keep the scorn out of his voice.
Her lip curled in disgust. "You think I'm lying? You don't fucking know anything."
"I know you didn't go to work this morning," he said through gritted teeth. "And I know there's something you're not telling me."
Her face relaxed a little, but into exhaustion rather than calmness. "Ugh," she groaned, leaning her head back against the wall with her eyes closed. "Now is not the time. Are you going to go in there or not?"
"Do you promise to stick around and actually talk to me afterward?"
"Fine."
"Alright." He took one more long look at her, unable to stop a frustrated sigh, then went inside. They had already started, he soon found, so he slipped into the classroom quietly and stood in the back of the room with the other parents.
The sound of the door closing drew Lin's attention and she turned around eagerly. Her face fell when she saw him, which hurt a little; she'd clearly been expecting someone else. On the other side of the room, Aang caught his eye, giving him a quizzical look.
The teacher came over to Sokka while the kids listened to a man talk about his job as a Cabbage Corp's treasurer.
"Is Chief Beifong coming?" she whispered.
"She can't make it, so I'll speak for Lin instead."
He waited patiently in the back of the room until his turn came up near the end. The whole time, he stared at the back of Lin's head, full of resentment that Toph's impulsive choice had led to her letting down her daughter. Why couldn't she have waited another day, at the very least?
"Next up is our very own Councilman Sokka," the teacher said finally, "who's here for Lin."
He strode to the front of the room, flashing an encouraging smile at Lin. Her response was more of a pained grimace.
"Hi, kids. As your teacher said, I'm Councilman Sokka, and I'm from the Southern Water Tribe. That's why I wear blue. Now, you all probably think I have the most boring job ever, being a politician, and well, you're probably right." All of the other kids – and some of the adults, too – laughed. "No, no, I'm joking. I get to do some fun stuff. While I do spend a lot of time in meetings and doing paperwork, I also get to talk to a lot of really interesting people. Did you know that I'm close personal friends with Fire Lord Zuko?"
He managed to speak about his job for another minute or so, giving a brief overview of lawmaking and court trials, then the teacher asked the kids if they had any questions for him.
"Are you Lin's dad?" the first one piped up. Out of the corner of his eye, Sokka saw Lin stiffen.
"Well, no, I'm not her dad. I'm her uncle. Did you know that Avatar Aang is also Lin's uncle? Pretty cool, huh? I mean, not as cool as me, but close!"
There was another ripple of laughter while everyone glanced at Aang, who gave Sokka a withering look. He seemed to be suppressing a smile, though.
"Where's Lin's mom?" the next kid asked. "And why doesn't Lin have a dad?" The light mood of the room shifted palpably and Lin slumped down in her chair, face turning bright red.
Sokka cleared his throat softly, feeling terrible for her, and decided to ignore the second question. "Ah, well, Lin's mom is a little under the weather today."
"What's that mean?"
"It means she's not feeling well. So I'm filling in for her so she can rest and get better." He saw Lin furrow her brows, her face a mix of confusion, worry, and anger.
"Well, I think that's enough questions," the teacher said quickly. "Thank you, Councilman Sokka."
He gave a little bow while everyone clapped, then returned to the back of the room so Aang – the only person who hadn't spoken yet – could have his turn.
"Hello, children," he said with a smile. "I'm so glad to be able to come and talk to you today. I bet most of you are probably wondering just what it is that an Avatar does all day long. And the answer is—lots of different things! Sometimes I fly on my bison, Appa, to other towns or cities and help people with their problems. Some days I spend at City Hall meeting with our city's leaders, like Councilman Sokka. And of course, if any Spirits decided to visit Republic City, it would be my responsibility to talk to them and make sure there is peace. Basically, it's my job to make sure people get along with each other, and with nature, and with Spirits."
The second he paused, several kids raised their hands to ask questions. A few parents did, too. When he'd finally gotten through all of them, Sokka raised his hand. Aang gave him a look and sighed.
"Yes, Councilman Sokka?" he said apprehensively.
"I just have one question, and it's extremely important and relevant. In your opinion, which is more fun: penguin sledding or riding wild hog-monkeys?"
Aang waited for the laughter to die down before responding. "Well, that depends entirely on which of my friends come along with me," he said with a dry half-smile. "I'd much rather ride wild hog-monkeys with you so I can watch you scream like a little girl."
Everyone laughed again; even Lin glanced at Sokka and cracked a smile. At least he had cheered her up a little bit.
After that, the teacher wrapped things up for the day, handed out some worksheets to take home, and finally dismissed the kids to their parents. Lin gathered her things slowly, her head bowed and shoulders slumped.
"Ready to go?" Sokka asked her with forced cheerfulness, his heart aching to see her so despondent.
"Yeah. I guess."
"C'mon, your mom's waiting for us outside."
Her head snapped up in surprise. "What? She's here?"
"Yep. She came, but just wasn't feeling well enough to talk to the class so she asked me to do it."
That worry crept back into her face. "She's been sick a long time. Is she ever going to get better?"
"Of course she will. It's nothing you need to worry about." It suddenly occurred to him that there would be no easy way for him to have a long, serious conversation with Toph once they went outside. She had probably realized that from the beginning. "C'mon. Let's go."
Toph was acutely aware of Sokka and Lin coming outside. She hadn't moved from her hiding place, just around a corner from the front door, except to sit down. Lin came over to her while Sokka hung back with Aang and Tenzin.
"How did it go?" Toph asked, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her skull and the vertigo that accompanied it. "Did Uncle Sokka crack some good jokes?"
Lin just stood there in silence for a few seconds. "You promised," she said finally, voice quavering.
"I know. I…" She sighed in resignation; there was no coming back from this failure. "I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I was here the whole time. I would've come inside if I could."
"It doesn't make me feel better. Everyone else's mom or dad was there."
And yet, stubbornness prevailed. "Uncle Sokka was there for you." You weren't alone.
"He's not my dad and everybody knows." She took a shaky breath and Toph knew tears were just around the corner.
"Hey. C'mon. No waterworks."
She cuffed her lightly on the shoulder but it was too late. Lin sunk down, leaning into her, and started crying. Waves of guilt assaulted Toph but she didn't have a chance to properly comfort her daughter. The nausea rose suddenly and she had to turn away, though only a little bile came up, burning her throat and mouth.
"Why have you been sick so much?" Lin asked in a ragged voice, sniffling.
Toph wrapped her arm around Lin's shoulders and pulled her close. "Are you scared? Or just mad?"
"Both."
"Well... You can be mad if you want, but don't be scared. I'll get better soon. I promise."
"I don't believe you," Lin whispered.
The words cut deep, but Toph knew she deserved it. My own kid doesn't trust me anymore. How the fuck did I get here? "What are you scared is going to happen?"
Lin took a couple of sharp breaths. "Mudao said his gramma was sick for a long time then she went to the hospital and died there." Her voice caught at the end and she once again dissolved into tears.
"I'm not dying. And I'm not going to the hospital. Sometimes people get sick but it doesn't always mean something bad. It's a normal part of life, just like how you got sick a couple weeks ago and then got better."
Lin went quiet for a bit, still sniffling softly, and wiped her snotty nose on Toph's sleeve. "Are you leaving again after we go home?" she asked finally. It was a surprisingly weighted question coming from a five-year-old. It said, Why can you go to work but you couldn't keep your promise?
"I have to. I have a lot of work to do." Especially after my little trip outside the city...
Of course, it wasn't that simple. She had promised Sokka an explanation and wasn't sure how to follow through with it. That seemed to be the theme of the day. By that point, Aang and Tenzin had left and he was lingering in the schoolyard alone. Waiting. But he approached them when Toph struggled to her feet.
"Are you going back to work?" he asked without preamble.
His chilly attitude puzzled her; shouldn't he be happy about this? As far as he knew, he was finally getting what he'd always wanted. Unless he was way off with his suspicions... But she couldn't think of any alternative conclusions. More than likely, Katara had told him. The gossipy bitch.
"Yeah, after I take her home."
"Can I come by later? To talk?"
"Alright," Toph said, nodding. She was honestly a little relieved he'd come up with a solution so quickly. As much as she did not want to have this conversation, at least she wasn't breaking another promise today. And anyway, the sooner it was done with, the better. "Five-thirty. Check in with Lanfen when you get there."
Sora was waiting for them at the house. Toph quickly mixed up some ginger water and headed back to the station, trying not to think about how Lin was freezing her out. Yet another thing she was going to have to deal with. I just can't catch a break.
Despite her headache, which had lessened but not completely gone away, the rest of the afternoon slipped by far too quickly. Before she knew it, Lanfen came by to tell her that Sokka was waiting for her in the conference room. Toph took a few big gulps of her ginger water, hoping to settle her churning stomach, then slowly made her way there. She went in silently, closed the door, and sat down at the table. All her pre-planned words danced through her mind; hopefully they would come out in the right order.
"Are you feeling any better?" Sokka asked softly, a pained tension in his voice.
"A little."
"I'm kind of surprised you're up and about, to be honest. I remember what it was like when…" He trailed off with a deep sigh. "I wish you had at least talked to me first."
Toph frowned, completely baffled by the comment and the obvious anger behind it. "What are you talking about? You weren't even here when I was pregnant with Lin. And why would I be bedridden? I just had a headache. Granted, it was a terrible headache and I would've preferred to be in bed, but that wasn't an option. I know I disappointed Lin, but at least I tried to be there. Fucking story of my life," she added with a sigh. "And it's only going to get worse. I guess you figured that much out. Or Katara ran her mouth about it."
Sokka was quiet for several seconds, though his heart had started beating wildly. What was that about?
"What– What were you doing all morning?" he asked finally.
"I left the city," she replied, still confused. "Went up into the mountains. I needed some time to think, away from everything. It's always so noisy here."
"So you didn't…ah…" He coughed awkwardly. "It's…still there?"
Toph blinked a couple of times before she finally realized what he was saying. Spirits, no wonder he was acting so cold towards her. But why in the world had he jumped to that conclusion? "Yes, as far as I know. But–"
"I don't suppose I get any input?" he said, a distinct edge to his voice.
She couldn't help but be annoyed by his implication. "It's my decision," she snapped, "and I've already made it."
"Toph–"
"I'm keeping it."
He exhaled forcefully. "Oh."
"But there's something you need to know." She cleared her throat and took a second to put her thoughts in order. "The night you ended things between us, I made a series of poor choices which have left me with a very inconvenient doubt."
The silence that followed was oppressive. It sucked all the air out of the room and Toph could feel a pressure building in her chest.
"What–" His voice choked a little, heart racing. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I got blackout drunk and woke up in someone else's bed."
"No…" He took a couple of uneven breaths. "I can't– But– Who?"
She shrugged. "Just...some guy. A nobody. Don't even know his name."
"I– I can't– fucking believe this! How could–"
"Oh, get over yourself," Toph spat, irritation winning out over shame. "You are the one who ended things. We weren't together anymore. I'm a grown woman, and I can do whatever the fuck I want with my personal life. I don't have to get your permission. I may be pissed off at myself, but you have no right to be mad at me."
"But...why...?" he muttered, a pleading note in his voice.
"Why? Fuck, Sokka. I didn't do it on purpose! I was upset and I drank too much and it just...happened. Believe me when I say: I would take it back if I could–" Her voice broke and she inhaled sharply, her mood shifting abruptly to self-pity. Suddenly, tears were spilling from her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Fuck these hormones.
As she fought to stay in control of herself, those hastily built and still fragile walls began to crumble. She missed her best friend, missed being able to talk to him, as much as it hurt to open herself up emotionally. "I don't want to fucking do this again. I've already decided I will, but I don't want to. It's too hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't want to go through it all again. It's too fucking hard."
"I– I'm...sorry," he whispered. His elbows hit the table hard and sent an image back to Toph through the stone floor—a haggard pose, head held in his hands. "I want to be a dad, but not like this. Whether I'm responsible or not, I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be."
"I don't want your pity." She almost wished he'd go back to bitter anger.
"It's called sympathy. I've known you for twenty-five years, T. We've been friends, lovers, partners, ex's, weird combos of all of those. I've never not loved you, in one form or another. When we die, we'll probably find each other in the next life and do it all over again. Sorry to say, but you're stuck with me, and you get my sympathy whether you want it or not."
"Stop..." Toph mumbled, wiping her face. "Stop with the romantic bullshit. You're only making it worse."
"Look, I know you're sad. So am I. I miss you. I didn't want things to end between us. I really didn't. My feelings for you haven't changed."
Her lip curled in disgust. Was he really doing this again?
"Wait," he said quickly before she could rip him a new one. "Please, just let me finish. What I'm trying to say is that, no matter how bad things get between us, we always find our way back to each other. And I don't mean romantically. I can see now that that's not a road we should go down again. We took it too far. But I don't see why we can't have everything else. That close bond we've always had."
"Right," she said bitterly. "Because things went so well the last time I let my guard down and opened up to you."
He exhaled forcefully. "Okay. I deserved that. Clearly, we need to set some boundaries. If this kid is mine, we're going to need to figure out how to coexist peacefully."
"And how exactly do you intend to prove it one way or another?"
"I figure it'll be obvious eventually."
"Well. I wouldn't get my hopes up, if I were you."
"I was first," he said stubbornly. "Seems to me that I've got a pretty good chance."
"I wish that were true, but I can say with some certainty that the odds aren't in your favor." She shuddered at the hazy memory, then let out a bitter laugh, remembering a conversation from months ago. She'd been a different person then, full of eagerness and foolish hope. "I can't believe I was dumb enough to actually convince myself that I was too old to get knocked up."
"I guess you were blessed with an overabundance of fertility."
"Blessed? Or cursed? I'd gladly give it away to someone who wants it."
"Seriously?" He sounded completely shocked. "You'd really give your child away?"
"Huh? I didn't–" She thought about what she'd said and shook her head. "Not the kid, Meathead. The ability to effortlessly spawn."
"Oh. Well, it doesn't seem very effortless," he said with a weak chuckle.
"Not this part, no. The first part is easy, though. Way, way too easy. It's a cruel fucking joke, is what it is."
They were both quiet for a few seconds, Toph trying to figure out what might be going through his head. She prepared herself to say the things she knew he wouldn't want to hear.
"So…" he said heavily, interrupting her thoughts. "What happens when everyone knows? Is this mystery guy going to show up and try to claim this kid?"
"I doubt it," she mused, wondering if maybe she shouldn't preempt Satoru. Go to him first. "But if he does, I'll make sure he knows he's not welcome."
"Do you really have that right?" The petulance in his voice surprised her. Wouldn't he want her to do that?
"Yes. I do," she said firmly. "Because I'm the one who has to give up my body."
"Is that what you did with Lin's dad, too?" He actually had the nerve to sound indignant now. "Chased him away so you wouldn't have to deal with him?"
"You wanna know about Lin's sperm donor?" Toph spat, suddenly furious. "Fine! I told him she wasn't his."
"What?! That's–"
"I told him she wasn't his, and he didn't even question it. He didn't want to. He was perfectly content to believe the lie and disappear." It was close enough to the truth, at least. The real truth was…problematic. "And I lied because I knew it was what he wanted."
"I– Wow..." He was quiet for a second, then continued on in a more diplomatic tone. "I'm sorry. He sounds like a real jerk."
"Well he wasn't. He was a really decent person and I was upset when he left, but he would've been a terrible father and we would've made each other miserable if he'd felt obligated to stick around. And he would've made Lin miserable, too. So go ahead. Tell me how I'm a horrible mother who makes horrible decisions for my life and my daughter's life."
"I wasn't going to. In fact, I think you did that one right."
"Yeah, well..." She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms stubbornly. "I'm not looking for your approval."
"You asked me for my opinion, and I gave it to you. Just take the compliment, sheesh."
"Whatever. My point is that I don't want this random guy butting into my life. I'm used to being on my own and I have too much other shit to be stressed out about without him adding to it. I really do not have time to take weeks or months off to have a fucking baby. I feel like I barely spend any time with Lin, as it is. I have no idea if I'll be able to get Sora to come back full-time. And then there's you. It doesn't even matter that it's probably not yours. Everyone's going to think it is. They'll probably jump to that conclusion no matter what we do or say."
Saying it all out loud was making her seriously rethink her decision to go through with this pregnancy. She still wasn't entirely sure what had led her to do so, though she knew both Lin and Sokka factored into it somehow.
"So what?" he said. "I'd rather be a father to someone else's kid than not be one to my own, so I'll probably resign any–"
"No!" she interrupted severely. "You love being a Councilman, and you love being Chairman even more. And you're good at it. Do you think you'll be so easily replaced? If by some miracle we manage to avoid a scandal, I'm not going to let you throw it all away and turn the city upside down on the off-chance that you're the father." It was her weakest argument, she knew, but she planned to work up to the better ones.
"You don't get to make that choice for me!" he growled. "You go on and on about how it's your kid and your life, but you didn't get pregnant by yourself. And you don't get to tell me what choices to make for my own life."
"I'm not telling you what you do, I'm telling you why it would be stupid to do it!"
"Why would it be stupid? You think I love this job so much that leaving it would make me that miserable? Because I don't, and it wouldn't. I would be perfectly happy and fulfilled just staying home and being a dad."
Her jaw dropped open at his implication. She hadn't been expecting that particular nugget of idiocy. "Have you lost your goddamn mind? Do you honestly think that resigning would mean that you get to move into my house and be a full-time parent? Seriously?? You think quitting your job would magically make everything all better? Do you even remember why we were fighting all the time? It wasn't just about our jobs."
"I know that–"
"I trusted you and you fucking hurt me, Sokka. I am not doing it again. If you really want to resign, I guess I can't stop you, but don't expect it to change anything between us." She knew how harsh she was being but it didn't matter. She was a woman on a mission.
"So that's it?" His voice shook with indignant anger. "You're just going to cut me out of your life and struggle along by yourself with two kids, one of which might actually be mine, and I get no say? What about Lin? What about this kid? Do either of them get a say? Are you really so bound and determined to deprive both of them of a father?"
"Stop fucking twisting my words!" she spat, slapping her palm on the table. "I'm not cutting you out of our lives! I'm saying that the rules that kept us apart in the past, the rules that made us have to sneak around, aren't the only issue. I am not over what happened, not even close, but I've accepted that it's over. You don't get to take it all back."
"I don't understand what any of that has to do with me resigning. I'm not suggesting we get married or even try to be a couple, but that doesn't mean we can't coexist. What I'm trying to say is that I want to claim this kid, ideally before someone else tries to. I want to take responsibility, and I can't do that if I'm on the Council."
Toph put her head in her hands, groaning in frustration. "You– You are so blinded by this fantasy in your mind that you're not thinking it through! If you take credit for this, there will be a scandal, whether you resign willingly or not. I could lose my job if the rest of the Council thinks the public has lost faith in my integrity."
"I think you're exaggerating just a little," he scoffed. "No way would you be replaced over that."
"You don't know that! You're just guessing! And even if I'm not, what about the kids, living with that shadow over them, everywhere they go? What about Lin? You think this wouldn't affect her? It would be one thing if we were married and you were raising her as your own, but she's been told over and over again that you are not her father. It has been relentlessly drilled into her. What happens when all of a sudden a new kid shows up and calls you Dad? How do you think that will make her feel?"
"I have no problem with Lin also calling me Dad."
"That's not the point!" Toph exclaimed, gesturing wildly. "She knows you're not! She's only five years old and she already has a complex about it. She feels like she was abandoned, unwanted. And how can I tell her any different without lying to her? If you do this, she's always going to compare herself to her sibling, who has a 'real' dad. And we don't even know if it's true! Do you lie and tell this kid you're its dad? Do you say you might be, making both of us look bad and confusing both kids?"
When he didn't have an immediate retort, she knew her carefully rehearsed words had made an impression. Just to drive it home, she added her final point in a calmer voice, knowing this one would have the greatest impact.
"I can't even begin to imagine dealing with the stress of raising two kids that rotate between two homes, trying to schedule our lives around that, each of us trying to parent differently and competing to be the one they like better. I know I'm not the greatest mother, and I'm sure there are many fuck-ups to come down the road, but I am begging you, Sokka. Give me a fighting chance to give their lives an ounce of stability."
He was quiet for a long time—so long that she almost got impatient and asked him what he was thinking about. Then his fist hit the table and she jumped, startled.
He exhaled heavily. "What exactly are we supposed to do, then?" he asked finally, a defeated note in his voice.
Toph understood; she knew him well enough to know that, while he'd never admit it, he didn't really want to resign. He'd do it if he had to, or if it meant he would get what he wanted, but some part of him would regret it. He was probably even a little relieved that she'd talked him out of it.
"We lie. We lie our asses off and hope people buy it. We keep our distance from each other in public, just like we have been since you became a Councilman."
"And you'll promise to come to the Island often so I'll be able to spend time with the kids?"
"Of course. I'm sure I'll stay there the first couple months, anyway. You can get your fill."
"Okay," he said with another deep sigh. "You did make some good points, T. I won't deny that. But...I still can't help but feel like none of this is fair to me. Why do you get to make all the decisions, with no compromise, while I just have to sit here and take it?"
"Fair? You wanna talk about 'fair'? I'm the one that has to carry this kid in my body while it drains the life from me, then endure hours of excruciating pain to get it out. Months of sleepless nights, raw tits, endless diapers. Don't you fucking lecture me about 'fair'."
"I'm not diminishing the difficulties of all that, because I know it's not easy, but those things are all temporary. Some of it I could even help with. The pain will fade and be forgotten, and the nights will get easier, just like they did with Lin. But I have to live with your decision for the rest of my life. Figure out how to live with the fact that I have to silently watch what could be my own child grow up fatherless."
"What do you want me to say?" Toph grumbled, tired of going around in circles. "Trying to make me feel bad about it isn't going to change the situation. If you had a better solution, you would've said it by now."
He let out a frustrated sigh. "Can you at least promise me that we'll tell this kid one day? When they're old enough to understand the complexity of the situation and be discreet about it?"
"Fine. But you don't get to decide when that is."
"We'll decide together."
She sat back and rubbed her temples, the dismal reality setting in. He'd clearly already made up his mind about the 'truth', as he saw it, and she knew it wouldn't be the last time he would insist on joint decision-making.
Usually, when Toph got home from work at a reasonable time, Lin would jump up from whatever she was doing and run over for a hug. Today, though, she stayed on the floor with her drawings.
Great. If she hates me this much now, how much will she hate me in a few months? "Hi, Lin," she said pointedly.
"Hi."
Toph sighed and went to the kitchen to talk to Sora.
"I just put your dinner in the icebox. Should still be warm."
"Thanks. But, uh, I actually need to talk to you about something."
Sora's heart stuttered a little. It was almost enough to make Toph crack a smile. Though her nanny had done an admirable job of putting up with her shit over the years, the young woman still got nervous at even the barest suggestion of confrontation. It actually really worked for them; Toph rarely lashed out at people who refused to put up a fight.
"You don't need to worry. It's nothing bad. Well... Nothing bad for you."
Sora chuckled awkwardly, heart rate still elevated. "Okay. What's up?"
"Let's go into my office." Once they were inside with the door shut, Toph leaned against her desk with her arms crossed. "How would you feel about going back to full-time next year? With a significant pay raise."
"Heh. I'll be honest—I'm not super surprised by this question."
"I figured. Hopefully that means you've been giving it some thought."
"I have, and I'm open to the idea. Lin is pretty self-sufficient and spends most of the day at school, so I'm sure I could manage. Heh, unless there's more than one of them. I swore to myself I would never do that again, at least not alone."
"I don't think you need to worry," Toph said with a grimace. "Anyway, you have plenty of time to decide and sort out your schedule. And don't make any hard plans yet, because it's still in the early stages. Who knows what'll happen. I'm just telling you now so you can figure out what you might want to do."
"I take it Lin doesn't know yet?"
"No. I'd like to let her live in ignorant bliss for a little while longer."
"You never know," Sora said cheerfully. "She could be excited about having a brother or sister."
"I doubt it. She doesn't like change any more than I do."
"She's been in a real mood today, by the way. Did something happen at school? She clammed up when I asked her. Wasn't today Careers Day? I know she was really looking forward to it."
"Yeah," Toph sighed, feeling even worse about it than before. "And I missed it. So...she's pretty mad at me."
"Ah, don't worry. I'm sure she'll forget all about it in a week or so."
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Brrrriiiinnnngggg
Toph was so used to the sound of the telephone by now that she barely noticed it, especially since a technician had lowered the volume. She kept most of her attention on the report in front of her while Rinna got up to answer it.
"Chief Beifong's office." There was a long pause. "Oh, dear! Is she alright?" There was another pause and Toph frowned, worried that it was about Lin. "I see," Rinna continued. "Thank you, I'll let her know."
"Who was it?"
"Lin's school. Apparently, she got into a fight with another student–"
"What?! Is she hurt?!"
"No, but they need you to come get her."
Toph was dumbfounded. Lin? Fighting? It didn't make sense. In the few weeks since the Careers Day debacle, she had more or less returned to her usual self. There didn't seem to be any reason for her to act out.
"Was it an actual fight? Or just an argument?"
"They didn't say."
Toph took a deep breath, shaking her head in disbelief. "Okay... I guess I better go find out. Send a telegram to Sora telling her to come to the house at the usual time instead of picking Lin up at school. I'll be back around three."
She downed what was left of her ginger water and headed out. All the way there, she racked her brain, trying to come up with some reason that would possess Lin to get into a fight. Training sessions notwithstanding, she was the most timid, people-pleasing child Toph had ever met. She always did her homework, never talked back to her teachers, never stood up to anyone but Tenzin.
Everyone always went on and on about how well-behaved she was, which was a nice ego boost for Toph. The only thing she could come up with was that some other kid had started it and Lin had just snapped and defended herself.
She went straight to Shiro's office, finding Lin balled up in a chair, sniffling softly.
"Thank you for coming, Chief Beifong. Please, have a seat."
"What happened?"
"Well, from what we have pieced together, Lin and another student got into an argument, then Lin used earthbending to knock the other girl down."
"Huh. Well, it sounds like maybe she was provoked," Toph said stubbornly.
"Whether that's the case or not, I would think you of all people should know that verbal provocation is no excuse for assault. The other student is fine, in case you were wondering," he added petulantly.
"Assault?" she scoffed. "Please. They're five. Kids get into scuffles all the time. That's not assault. No one was hurt!"
"None of this is relevant, Chief Beifong. She was the aggressor, and at this school, we have strict rules regarding fighting. For a first offense, we send the child home and leave discipline in the hands of the parents. In this situation, I strongly suggest that there is some manner of discipline. If it happens again, we may have to resort to more severe measures."
Toph scowled at the implication. "You know good and well that she doesn't act like this normally. What was the fight even about, anyway?"
"Ah, well, perhaps it would be better for you and Lin to discuss that at home."
"Why?"
"I suppose you could say it's a...delicate subject," he said awkwardly.
She just frowned in his general direction, trying to figure out what he meant. Her mind went through the various possibilities. Maybe something about my personal life…? And then it hit her like a brick wall to the face. It was so obvious.
"Right. C'mon, Lin. Let's go." She held her hand out and waited for Lin to shuffle over and take it.
As they walked, Toph stewed on what to say once they got home. How should she handle this? Shiro clearly expected her to punish Lin, but the truth was...she was a proud mama. Her delicate little Buttercup was finally toughening up. About damn time.
Along the way, a powerful need for ice cream came over her. Yes, that was just what she needed. And, well, opportunities to spend one-on-one time with Lin would become rare soon enough. Maybe a mother-daughter outing would help make the upcoming conversation sting a little less.
"Where are we going?" Lin asked. "We're not going home?"
"Not yet." A few minutes later, they arrived at an ice cream parlor. "What do you want? Chocolate?"
After a brief pause, Lin said, "Yeah."
Toph dug in enthusiastically as soon as they sat down but she could tell Lin was just sitting there. "What's the matter? You going to eat it or not?"
"Am I in trouble?"
"I haven't decided yet. We'll talk at home. Now eat your damn ice cream."
"Okay…"
Toph sighed. This was her idea of quality time? She could do better. "Hey," she said with a sly smile, holding her spoon up and bending it back. "Catch."
"Huh?"
"Open your mouth."
"You're gonna miss," Lin said with a giggle.
"Ready?"
"Ya."
Toph snapped the head of the spoon forward, letting fly a big glob. Lin shrieked, but she was laughing.
"You hit me in the face!"
"Your mouth is on your face, last time I checked."
"You missed my mouth."
"Close enough."
"Okay, my turn," Lin said.
"Hm? You gonna bend your spoon, then?"
"Open your mouth."
Toph obeyed, amused, wondering what Lin would do. Probably sit there and try her damnedest to bend the spoon. Maybe this was just the motivation she needed. But Toph's thoughts were rudely interrupted when a small hand, full of her own half-melted ice cream, was shoved into her mouth.
"Wh–?" she spluttered, coughing and gagging. "Did you just put your gross hand in my mouth?"
"Hehe," Lin cackled, now sprawled across the table. "I didn't miss."
"Blech. Disgusting."
But Lin just laughed and laughed. It was infectious, and soon Toph was laughing too. The walk home was quiet but peaceful, though her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Lin skipped along at her side, singing little songs from school that seemed to be part of a game. Occasionally, she would stomp and send chunks of rock flying off into the bushes that lined the sidewalk.
Once home, she took off as soon as the door opened.
"Hold up. Where are you running off to?" Toph asked.
"Bathroom. You got ice cream all over me and it's sticky."
"Fine. But come back in here when you're done. We've got some stuff to talk about." She took off her armor and sat heavily on the couch. Leaning back in an attempt to get comfortable, she laced her fingers together over her stomach, which was already starting to poke out a little. This kid's gonna have a serious sugar problem if I keep giving in to these cravings.
A minute later, Lin walked slowly out of the bathroom and climbed up on the couch next to her.
"Alright," Toph said. "Let's hear it. What really happened today?"
"I didn't attack her. I mean, I didn't throw anything. I just…tripped her a little. Made the ground go up under her foot, and she fell over. She didn't even get hurt or anything, just ran crying to the teacher and tattled."
"Why did you do it?" No answer. "Did she say something about me?" Toph prodded.
"Yeah…"
"Tell me."
"She said– She said her mom said you were having a new baby," Lin mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. "I said she was stupid and didn't know anything, and she said it was true and everybody knows."
Toph closed her eyes and sighed regretfully. "Well... It is true." She waited for Lin to say something but was met with more silence. "And I was going to tell you soon. Just...wanted to wait for the right time."
Lin suddenly drew in a sharp breath, a bit of loose snot rattling around in her nose. "I don't wanna go back to school," she said in a shaky voice. "Everybody knows and the teacher will make me say sorry because Marika was right."
"Well, I guess you can come to work with me tomorrow. But only for one day."
"But it's boring there," she whined.
"I don't know what to tell you, Buttercup. There aren't a lot of options. Everyone's busy during the day."
"Everyone's always busy." With that, she finally broke down into real tears.
Toph sighed and pulled her onto her lap. Part of her wondered if Lin was milking this a little so she wouldn't get in trouble for what happened at school. "I never meant for you to find out this way. People in this city spread a lot of rumors about me. Just so happens that this one is true. I thought your classmates' parents would have the sense to keep their damn mouths shut a little while longer."
Lin sniffed and sat back a little. "I don't want a new baby. You said we won't have anyone else come live here. Just you and me, you said."
"I did say that, didn't I?" Toph murmured, surprised that Lin remembered. "Well, I didn't know this was going to happen. I'm not psychic."
"It was a accident?"
"Heh. It was...a surprise."
"It's in your belly now?"
"Yeah."
"But… You said that you need to have a man help you make a baby grow in your belly. So why is it a surprise?"
Toph exhaled slowly. "Spirits, kid. You've got a good memory. You're right." After a moment's thought, trying to figure out how to deflect, she just gave up. "Ah, fuck it. You really wanna know? You're gonna think it's gross."
"I wanna know!"
"Alright." She did her best to provide a basic but not too graphic explanation and, by the end of it, was holding back laughter at Lin's disgusted interjections. "Well, I did warn you."
"That's so gross!"
"You're a kid. You're supposed to think it's gross."
"But why'd you do if you didn't want a new baby?"
Toph rubbed the back of her neck; this was starting to get away from her. "Er, well, it's...fun. But only when you're grown up."
"Fun?" The skepticism in her voice made Toph laugh again. "Do you do that with Uncle Sokka? Did he help make the baby?"
Well, that sobered her up fast. Lin was too clever for her own good. "No. He's just a friend. Sex is for people who are...more than just friends. Boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Not anymore…" Toph mumbled, though she wasn't entirely sure Sokka had qualified as that during their most recent affair. Satoru definitely hadn't. Not that she was about to explain any of that to Lin.
"You did? Who is he? Is he gonna come live with us?"
"No," Toph said firmly. "He's nobody you know, and you don't need to worry about it. When I said before that no men were going to come live with us, I meant it."
"Is it the same man that's my dad?"
"No."
Her short answer was met with silence, as was usual whenever this topic was broached. She knew Lin was trying to come up with new questions about the man who had fathered her. Toph searched her mind for a distractionary tactic but was interrupted by the ice cream taking its revenge.
"Be right back," she said quickly, pushing Lin off her lap to hurry to the toilet. Ugh. So fucking sick of this shit.
When she returned to the couch, Lin sighed heavily.
"Is the baby making you sick all the time?"
"Yeah. That should go away soon." Fuck, I hope that's true.
"When is it coming out?"
"It'll be after your birthday, in the spring."
"What happens if it comes out now?"
"It would die."
"Would you be sad?"
"Spirits, Lin," Toph breathed, a little stunned by the blunt question. "Of course I would be sad. Just like I would've been sad if you'd come too soon and died. You almost did, you know. I had to stay in bed for weeks because you were so impatient." She waited for more questions, but Lin had gone quiet. "Is that it, then? Have you exhausted your curiosity?"
"Was I a surprise, too?"
Well, I walked right into that one. "Yep." She remembered the promise she'd made up on the mountain. Lie until I believe it, myself. "A good surprise, though."
"Well, that's a relief."
Toph laughed at the snarky tone. This fucking kid. Maybe she's more like me than I thought.
"Do I have to share my room?"
"Your room? You mean the room you never use?"
"I use it. All my stuff is in there."
"Actually," Toph said pointedly, rolling her eyes, "your stuff is in your room and in my room and all over the living room, and sometimes all over the kitchen. Anyway, you don't even sleep in your room, so why do you care?"
"Where will the baby sleep?"
"In my room, next to the bed. And I'll tell you now, it's gonna be noisy. You might decide you'd rather sleep in your own room."
"By myself?" Lin asked mournfully.
"Look, it's up to you what you want to do, but babies cry a lot. I'll have to get up several times every night to feed it." What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
Lin sighed dramatically. "I don't like this. I wish you hadn't met that man and did sex with him."
Toph snorted, relishing the thought of her saying something like that in front of Katara. "Oh, yeah? Do you feel the same way about how you were made?"
"What?" She sounded surprised by the question and didn't say anything else.
Great job, Toph. Way to give your five-year-old an existential crisis. A-plus parenting. "Listen, I wanna tell you a story."
"...Okay?"
"You remember how you asked me before if I'm ever gonna get married, and I said no, because I don't want to?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, there was a time, long time ago, when I was young and dumb enough to consider it. Someone asked me and everything."
"Who? My dad?"
"Ah, no. This was years before I met him. It was just…an old flame."
"You said no?"
"Yep."
"Why? You didn't love him?"
"I did... But...we weren't right for each other," Toph said with a sigh, beginning to regret telling this story. It was so depressing. "I decided I didn't want to get married, after all. So...we broke up, and I was pretty lonely for a while. Wanna guess what happened next?"
"You met my dad and did sex with him?"
Toph leaned back into the couch and laughed. "Oh, fuck, you're such a little smartass. I've created a monster." She wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes, trying to rein in her amusement. "Hehe. Well. What can I say? You're right."
"And then I was born?"
"That's the simple version. I'll spare you the gory details. My life changed very quickly after that, and I had to learn how to be your mom. Now things are going to change again–"
"I don't want things to change!" Lin interrupted fiercely.
"Trust me, I know. Honestly, I don't know what it's going to be like having two kids. I hope you two get along. But, you know, it's hard to picture my life without you. It's normal now. So...I guess, in a few years, maybe our new life will seem normal and we'll hardly remember this old life."
It didn't escape her that she was trying to convince herself just as much as Lin. She didn't want this even a little bit, but she wasn't about to admit to Lin how scared she was. Scared that two kids, on top of her job, would stretch her too thin. Scared that she would lose herself. In another five or ten years, would there be anything left of the old Toph Beifong, Greatest Earthbender of All Time?