Maybe It's Better This Way

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Here I am again. Seriously guys I love you. I'm blown away by your fantastic responses to this fic. I'm so happy you're enjoying it. And yes there will continue to be lots of Kandy moments, family moments and stuff about the past, ie. the abortion storyline!

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Chapter 4: Ten Years

'What's going on?' Ryan asked as he and Seth, finally awoken from their play-station battle by the smell of cooking, emerged from the pool house and approached Sandy who was stood at the grill.

'I'm making fajitas.'

They both rolled their eyes. 'Da-ad,' Seth whined.

'Everything's fine boys.'

'You said that this morning and we didn't believe you then so spill.'

'Everything is fine,' their mother added her two-cents worth.

'We're supposed to believe that?'

'Yes,' Kirsten said, frowning as the three of them subtly moved to stand protectively around the grill. 'At least until we've eaten…or rather, you guys have eaten, I think I'll pass on the fajitas honey; suddenly not so hungry,' she murmured, the smell of the cooking meat making her feel decidedly sick. She gave her sons a quick smile and beat a hasty retreat.

'Are you sure she's ok?' Ryan asked, 'I'm kinda worried; The Kirsten's never sick.'

'It's nothing to worry about,' Sandy told them, grinning at his wife who was inside setting the table and hummed to himself. Seth gave his parents consecutive disgusted glances, 'Not feeling reassured, really not feeling it.'

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'You not gonna eat anything?' Sandy asked his wife anxiously, following her round the table, his voice lowered so the boys, who were now in charge of the grill, couldn't hear him. She smiled at his concern, 'I just want a couple more hours without being sick.'

'Fair enough.'

'Look, if it makes you feel any better I'll have some milk…and Dr Pepper.'

'What? Not together?'

'Why not? I just really feel like it.'

Her husband shook his head, laughing. 'Here we go again, with Seth it was Tapioca pudding.'

'Don't mention it,' she moaned, putting a hand to her stomach.'

'But you love that stuff.'

'Well I don't now,' Kirsten snapped. 'Wait!' her face fell suddenly. 'Does Dr Pepper have caffeine in?'

'Um…I'll check.' Sandy retrieved a can from the fridge and squinted at the information printed on the can.

FLAVOURINGS: TRACES OF CAFFEINE

'Yeah,' he told her.

She pouted looking disappointed. 'Ok, so I can't have coffee and now I can't have Dr Pepper. I'd forgotten about the downside of all this.' She looked like she was about to cry.

Here we go. Sandy thought, thinking of how emotional she'd been when pregnant with Seth.

'What about iced-tea and milk?'

'No.'

'Ginger beer?'

'No!'

OK, now she was getting stroppy, he fought the urge to run back to the grill. 'Well…it only has traces of caffeine…'

'I shouldn't.'

'…and if you're diluting it with milk.'

Kirsten smiled, the tears dissolving from her eyes. 'I shouldn't really…' she repeated but she was already reaching for a glass. 'Maybe just this once.'

Sandy sighed with relief as his wife mixed her disgusting drink and sipped the beige liquid with delight. 'Try some,' she offered.

'Da-ad, think the fajitas are done,' Seth yelled from the patio. Sandy had never been so grateful to his first-born.

'What're you drinking?' Seth asked, wandering into the kitchen with the food.

'Uh…it's…'

'Some sort of detoxifying drink,' Sandy filled in quickly, 'now personally I wouldn't drink anything recommended by any of the Newpsies, particularly Taryn Kelsey.'

The boys laughed and Kirsten flashed her husband and appreciative smile before they sat down to eat.

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Seth turned to Ryan, 'I think the mystery is about to be resolved,' he said expressively. Kirsten glanced at Sandy and took a shaky breath; he reached for her hand under the table and squeezed it. 'We're expecting a baby,' she said.

Silence.

For once in his life Seth Cohen was actually speechless.

'B-b-bu..sh..pt..ch...wh-what?' he finally managed to pronounce.

'I'm pregnant,' Kirsten told him, eyeing her two sons anxiously.

'Too much information,' Seth groaned. 'I do not even want to think about how that happened…ugh…too late; I already have.'

'Shut up Seth,' Ryan muttered.

'I know it's a shock, but it's gonna be ok. Things are gonna change but some things won't. I love you, your dad loves you,' Kirsten told them, her fingers twisting her wedding rings agitatedly and her big blue eyes pleading with them not to be upset.

'You're our sons, both of you. This baby should not be any reason to feel less wanted, less loved,' Sandy continued.

Ryan took a shaky breath, 'That's great news,' he said trying to interject some conviction into his voice.

Sandy eyed his sons. 'Thanks Ryan. You okay Seth?'

'I can't believe you two would…' he burst out, biting back the tirade as he saw two tears hit Kirsten's plate. 'I just…need a minute to get my head round it,' he said storming out of the room.

'Yeah, me too,' said Ryan, getting up and heading to the pool house.

Sandy met Kirsten's worried eyes and could tell she was itching to follow them, he smiled reassuringly. 'Give them a little while honey, it took us all afternoon!'

Kirsten bit her lip, 'Fine, half an hour and then I'm going to go check…I…can't have them leave again Sandy.'

He tightened his arms around her as he thought of last summer, 'They'll be fine, it's just a surprise.'

'You can say that again!'

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'Can I come in?' Kirsten asked before she stepped into the pool house.

Ryan nodded but didn't move from where he was staring out across the ocean.

'This doesn't change what you mean to us Ryan,' she said quietly, aching to put an arm around him but afraid the gesture would be rejected.

'I understand if it does.'

'No it won't. I know we're not your real family and I don't know if Sandy and I can ever be your 'parents' but we see you as a son. You're Seth's brother as well as his best friend and I want this baby to have two big brothers.'

'Big brothers huh?'

'Yeah, like Trey was to you.'

'And he was the model brother.'

'Ok, maybe that wasn't the best example.' Kirsten backtracked looking flustered. 'I just meant, teach him or her things, look out for them, you know. I want you to be a part of this.'

She watched as her foster son continued to look steadfastly in the other direction. He wanted to believe Kirsten but he just couldn't. This was too big. This baby obviously meant a lot to her. A Cohen by birth, her own flesh and blood. And blood ran thicker than water…or at least thicker than ink and that was all that tied him to the Cohens legally. But does blood run thicker than love? What Ryan hadn't thought of was the emotional connection.

Kirsten paused, not sure what else to say. 'I'm sorry that things had to change when everything was just going back to the way things were…' Ryan half-smiled as Kirsten unconsciously used the same words as Seth. She looked worried he thought, worried about him. It was a strange feeling.

'I know better than to say 'if you need to talk' but we Cohens do love it, even those by-marriage pick up the habit, so if you do, I'll listen.' She turned to go. 'Or even if you just want a companionable silence…I'm here.'

'Thanks,' Ryan said, hesitating before continuing, '…and Kirsten?'

'Yes sweetie?'

'I'm happy for you.' His foster mother smiled and taking a chance she leaned forward and hugged him for a moment. 'Me too but I want you to be happy as well.'

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Kirsten knocked hesitantly on her son's door. There was no sound of weird emo music; a good sign. Pushing it open she found Seth sprawled across his bed, Captain Oats on his chest. They were obviously deep in conversation.

'I just…came to see if you were okay…' she began.

'Yeah mom I'm just peachy, not shell-shocked by the bombshell you just dropped at all,' he answered sarcastically.

Kirsten perched on the side of the bed, 'You always wanted us to have another child,'

'When I was like, six and that was a big brother to stop me getting my ass kicked.'

'Don't say 'ass' Seth,'

'The position of brother has been filled, kinda late, but Ryan fits the job description.'

'What about a sister?' she ventured and received a incredulous look,

'No, no way is this baby being a girl.'

'Well I'm sorry to break it to you but there's a fifty percent chance it could be!'

Seth frowned, 'I just don't understand why. Why you want another child now. I like it just us. What's wrong with me and Ryan? Are you trying to replace us because in a couple of years we'll be going to college? Plus, babies are so…ew. And I mean…not being insulting, but aren't guys a bit old for this? Why would you even want to?'

'It just happened Seth, okay? Look, I'm sorry you feel like this…' Kirsten stopped, looking defeated. This was all such a stupid mistake, now she was going to alienate her son with a sibling ten years too late. She, who knew what it was like being a teenager with a baby sister, was doing the same thing to her kids. She really was turning into her parents, something she swore would never happen.

Seth didn't reply and she was about to leave when he sat up and flung his arms around her, 'You needn't be sorry,' he mumbled, noticing the devastated look on his mother's face, 'I should be a nicer brother.'

'You and Ryan are going to be the best big brothers, perhaps you could go convince him of that, I didn't seem to do so well.'

'Consider it done…so what were you drinking tonight? Dad was so lying for you.'

'Um…Dr Pepper and milk.'

'Eww mom, pregnancy cravings or what?'

'With you it was Tapioca pudding.'

'Ah puuuuuding!' Seth breathed rapturously, 'I always knew there was a reason I loved that stuff.'

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'So-o, mom and dad having a baby. Weird huh?' Seth said, flopping down on the pool house bed next to his brother.

Ryan didn't say anything.

'I see, the Ryan Atwood silent treatment. It's those two in there you should be doing this to,' Seth declared 'They're the ones who couldn't control themselves and have now foisted a sibling on us!'

More silence.

'Are you gonna talk or am I gonna have to babble to myself all night? This is big Ry, this is freakin' huge; if you don't start talking I could go on for hours!'

'Your mom said it wasn't gonna change things,' Ryan began slowly, 'but it will, I mean, it's a baby, a member of your family…'

'Our family Ryan,' Seth said quickly, realising what his brother was thinking.

'But…'

'You can say it Ryan but it doesn't mean anything. You're a Cohen in everything but blood. This kid is gonna be your brother…or sister…eug I hope not!'

'You sure your parents will still want me here, you know…?'

Seth's eyes nearly popped out of his head; 'RYAN! Are you crazy? Of course they do, to be soppy about it they love you, they want you here. I want you here. Think what happened when you left; mom was distraught, she and dad nearly fell apart and I tried to sail to Tahiti in a dinghy. We don't just want you man, we need you!' He leapt up dramatically, 'And so ends the impassioned speech by the infamous Seth Cohen.'

Ryan was studying his fingernails. 'Thanks bro',' he mumbled.

'Anytime, now let's go find the parentals; I'm thinking Cyril is sounding a rather spiffy name for this unfortunate child and I just have to see their reaction!' They were half way out the door before Seth stopped suddenly, 'Did I just say spiffy?'

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'For the record, it is totally gross that you guys still, you know…but in a way I think the baby thing's kinda cool. Another minion to mould!' Seth declared, leaning against the kitchen counter as they made popcorn and rubbing his hands together evilly.

'Don't talk about your brother or sister like that,' Sandy chastised. 'You alright Ryan? You're not saying much.'

'Since when does he ever dad?'

'I just don't know how good a big brother I'll be.'

Kirsten smiled, 'If that's all you're worried about we'll be fine. I think you'll be wonderful.'

'I can't believe you're thinking about that! There is so much more to this weird and wonderful development in our lives. Mom and dad are gonna be totally distracted, we'll get away with murder. Think of the possibilities Ryan, just think…' Seth trailed off, a look of pure ecstasy on his face.

Sandy raised his abundant eyebrows at his son, 'I am going to pretend I didn't hear that.'

As he spoke there was a muted bang from the microwave. Kirsten leapt towards Sandy as the boys began laughing. 'You boys go figure out how to work the DVD while I rescue the popcorn from your mother,' he said, shooing them out of the kitchen.

'Mom, I think you need medical help;' Seth called back, 'it's popcorn, how can you go wrong with popcorn? Popcorn Ryan, popcorn! You just put it in the microwave and wait till it pops.'

Ryan gave him a 'look', 'Now you're just talking for the hell of it aren't you?'

'Yeah, but come on, popcorn!'

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