I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I own any part of SG1 or their spin-offs.

Xander: The Sacred Fellowship of Carpenters.

After the Hyena and Halloween Soldier incidents, Willow crafts a ritual to protect Xander against being possessed ever again. However, given the beneficial side effects of both possessions, she sets it up in such a way as to allow him to absorb any benefits a future possession might bestow upon him, while denying the possession any access to Xander or his body.

Time passes.

After season 7 of Buffy, and the closing of the Hellmouth, the Scoobies scatter to the four winds.

Buffy flees to Europe with her sister, taking an extended holiday around the Mediterranean.

Willow joins Giles in setting up the newly minted Slayers on the Cleveland Hellmouth.

Xander retires. The fight has just been too hard for him and on him. He retires to the part of America with the lowest supernatural population. Colorado.

The residue of Soldier Guy makes it easy for Xander to just mesh into the Colorado Springs area. With the Mt. Cheyenne complex nearby, much of the local region is populated by military personnel, or retired military personnel. With his eye and scarring, and with the way he carries himself, most folk he meets consider Xander to be 'their people'. Military, retired honourably, and they treat him as such.

In the higher concentration of military, Xander's Soldier personality surfaces, and the ritual Willow did on him begins to actively affect him. He exercises, he trains, and he begins to fit in even better.

Then it happens, a Gou'ald escapes into the area. On the run and in desperate need of a new and unidentified vessel, the Gou'ald attacks Xander. It wins, but only at the cost of it's current host being fatally wounded. Xander is no mere tau'ri. A better description would be hok'taur.

The Gou'ald enters Xander, and finds itself trapped. Unable to control Xander, it must await his return to consciousness.

Several hours later, Xander awakens to find himself in the custody of the USAF. In a sealed observation room. His injuries have been treated, though he remains strapped to the bed.

Once his watchers notice he has awakened, an air force colonel enters accompanied by a large black man and a small group of guards who continue to train machine guns on him.

"I am United States Air Force Colonel Jack O'Neil. We would appreciate if you would cooperate with us and answer a few questions."

"No promises, Colonel, considering I'm currently tied up and feeling a little persecuted here," Xander made a wry half-smile.

"Take it one at a time then, shall we?" O'Neil matched the restrained man's smirk. "Let's start with the easy one. Who are you?"

Xander took a moment to look around the room, pausing to consider the large black man, and the odd feeling he was getting off the man. Jafar. Within his torso lies an immature Gou'ald. A quiet voice within him seemed to supply. They mean to destroy me. Xander paused, and turned his full attention back to the greying Colonel. "Alexander Harris. Retired carpenter."

"Okay Mr. Harris…" O'Neil started.

"Call me Xander."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

Xander grinned, "I get the feeling this is going to take a while, and I keep looking for my asshole of a father when someone says 'Mr. Harris'"

O'Neil chuckled and nodded, "Well then, Xander, care to tell us what you were doing in the alleyway off Fourth at about 1845 this evening?"

Xander ignored the raging voice inside his head and raised an eyebrow at the colonel. "Why don't we just cut to the chase? I think we both know that this isn't about the psycho who attacked me in the alleyway."

"What is this about then?" Jack asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral.

"This is probably about the noisy little bastard, who is so Not A God," Xander chuckled, as the voice in his head grew more strident. "As I said Not A God, who seems to think he should be in charge of my body. Pffftt, like that's ever going to happen."

O'Neil's poker face dropped, and he moved over to beside his Jafar comrade, "Teal'c, the snake is inside him, right?"

"Indeed, I can sense it. As did Doctor Fraser's medical equipment." The stoic Jafar observed this Alexander Harris with new respect. "It is unprecedented for a host to deny an implanted Gou'ald."

"So. Planning to introduce your Jafar buddy to me?" Xander called out.

The large dark-skinned man approached the bed, "I am Teal'c, former First Prime of Apophis. I no longer serve the false gods."

"Good for you Teal'c. Great meeting you." Xander looked at O'Neil, "Any chance of getting this over with?"

"It's impossible. How?"

"Trade secret."

"What? Is this like a Freemasons thing? You carpenters have a secret society thing that makes you immune to possession?"

"Well, yeah. Remember, JC was a carpenter." Xander deadpanned.

USAF Colonel Jack O'Neil was a Special Forces veteran. There was very little he hadn't seen or done in his years of service. This totally gob-smacked him. His jaw dropped, as he stared in disbelief at the man restrained on the table before him. "WHAT?"

Xander managed to keep his straight face for a full thirty-seven seconds before breaking out in full-belly laughter.

Up behind the observation window, the other two members of SG1 and General Hammond were grinning; it was not often their favourite Colonel was caught flat-footed.

Jack recovered quickly. "Nice. You planning on levelling with us?"

"I suspect you don't actually have the clearance for me to discuss my end of things. I would need to make a couple of secure phone calls to check that out."

"I thought you said you were just a carpenter?"

"And Casey Ryback was just a cook."

"Ah, Damn it. I knew you were Special Forces."

"Something like that. Can I make my calls?"

"I'll have to talk to the General."

"No problem. In the mean time, any chance of some food and access to the John?"

"Gimmie a couple." Jack left the room.

Another idea that popped into my head. More may follow. Xander is just such an ideal patsy for so many flocked up situations...