Maybe It's Better This Way

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Hey my dears, here I am again. I came to a compromise over the conversation, it's not great but seeing as I wasn't going to write anything it could be worse. Then we get some fluff! Just had the shift from hell at work and have to be back there in 9 hours. So leave me a review and make me happy!

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Chapter 24: Two Hours

The long overdue talk had gone on late into the night, interspersed with tears and room service. It began with Kirsten insisting they sat where she could see Sandy's eyes, refusing to let him hide anything from her. A silence followed and they looked at each other. 'You wanted to talk,' he pushed and immediately regretted it as his wife struggled to hold back tears. Sandy looked away so he wouldn't have to meet the hurt, glassy orbs, her bitter response accosting his ears.

'Don't, Sandy. This is hard enough as it is.'

There was another silence, prickly this time, before she made her first, halting confession.

'I…lost my baby. She died.'

He gently corrected her. Exchanging 'I' for 'we' and 'my' for 'our'. Their eyes met again, both glistening and he held his hand out towards her. She took it, kneading her fingers into his, letting him know he was forgiven for his earlier words.

They talked, slowly at first; having difficulty finding the words. Kirsten admitted that she had wanted her more than she had realised. Sandy said he didn't know how to say how he felt. His wife began to name the emotions that had haunted her for the past few months, Sandy recognising much of what she said and telling her so. They had dealt with them differently but now it was time to face them together. They found common ground in those feelings, weaving the torn threads in their marriage back together, cemented by the tears they wiped from each other's faces and the love in the tender kisses they shared when the words ran out. They held one another and asked forgiveness; absolving themselves, each other and their baby of blame. It was no one's fault. It was just they way things were. Hours passed as they began to piece together their acceptance until, drained by the emotion, they fell asleep curled together on the bed that had heard so much of their pain.

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Saturday was better; a good night's sleep and some sunshine doing a world of good. Kirsten was obviously trying too, but not in the false way she did in Newport.

'Did anyone ever tell you how cute you are?' Sandy asked, laughing at Kirsten who had ice cream on the end of her nose as they walked along the quayside. She smiled bashfully, 'Maybe,' giggling as he bent forward to lick it off.

'Who was that?' he questioned, pretending to be jealous.

'Hmm, one of my admirers.'

'Well I can't argue with their thinking.'

'You're the only one I listen to.'

'I feel honoured.'

Kirsten poked him, 'I love you, you know.'

'I have that suspicion sometimes, not often but…' he trailed off as his wife kissed him to shut him up.

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The continued out of the harbour and along to the beach, Kirsten snaffling the remainder of Sandy's ice-cream while he took off his shoes.

'Hey!' he remonstrated when he straightened up. His wife smiled sweetly and offered him her shoes to carry.

'You know, after that nasty trick I think I should make you carry your own shoes.'

Kirsten's response was to flutter her eyelashes and he relented, catching her hand as he took them and pulling her towards him. She met his lips hesitantly, surprised when the kiss lengthened. These days he was usually hesitant, careful around her, not wanting to pressurise her into anything. For the most part she appreciated it but lately she'd surprised herself by feeling a little disappointed when he kissed her cheek rather than her mouth. Today however she was feeling tentative again, responding awkwardly to the hands caressing her body and the tongue gently yet relentlessly probing her mouth.

'Sandy what are you doing?' she asked, reaching up to capture his face and pull him away. However she knew the protests weren't simply because she was embarrassed to be making out like a teenager on a public beach, but because she'd felt something like a hint of what she used to feel like and that scared her. Or perhaps what scared her was that it felt so different at the same time.

Sandy immediately looked abashed, 'I'm sorry…I'm just trying to prove to you that things can go back to the way they were.'

'It's not gonna happen,' she said sadly. 'Things have changed.'

'But it can be ok again, we can be ok?' He could hear the pleading note in his voice, no longer able to hide his need for some meagre reassurance.

Kirsten looked into her husband's earnest eyes, drinking in the love she saw there and spoke impulsively.

'I haven't said this enough recently but I love you.'

She hadn't said yes but it didn't matter. These three words meant more than that. 'I love you.'

'Everything you've done Sandy, I appreciate it, I do. Thank you for putting up with me, I know I've been…difficult.'

'Oh honey I couldn't not. I need you as much as you need me. And you couldn't help it; you were just struggling to cope with it all.'

'What did I do to deserve you?'

'I don't know,' Sandy joked, 'but you pay your way.'

Kirsten threw her head back and laughed; real, happy, heartfelt laughter. It made her body shake and her eyes shine. She hadn't laughed like this in a long time and it was then that Sandy knew she was really going to come back. It wouldn't be immediate but she would. He could see his Kirsten in her eyes, hear her in the laughter, taste her in the kisses. His Kirsten was coming home.

'Oh Sandy,' she said breathlessly, tears of laughter at the corners of her eyes, 'you're crazy.'

'You love me,' he declared.

The wind caused her hair fly out around her and whipped away her reply, but he knew what she said. 'I do,' she cried out across the ocean, 'I love you, I love you, I love you.'

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'Where do you want to eat tonight?' Sandy asked.

His wife smiled and scrunched up her nose. 'I don't know,' she groaned lazily, 'you choose!'

He laughed; Kirsten hadn't even opened her eyes to answer, too busy soaking up the sun to concentrate. They were lying on the beach, Kirsten having decided on the current activity, or lack of it, and consequently Sandy was bored.

'You know I'll pick something you don't like,' he complained drawing patterns in the sand.

'Well don't.'

'But that's just like you choosing.'

She smirked. 'Go figure.'

He poked her with a sandy toe making her wiggle in protest. 'Just tell me where you want to go?'

'Mmm,' she murmured, rolling over to face him, her eyes teasing. 'How about we go some place romantic, like where you took me on our first date…oh wait, that wasn't romantic; it was the back of a mail truck.'

'There were candles.'

'Only after we'd finished enough bottles of wine to stand them in,' she retorted.

'Like you were complaining.'

'You were just trying to get me drunk.'

'Only a little. So you didn't like my wine and pizza?'

'Yeah I did, it was the two hour wait for it I didn't like.'

Her husband looked a little wounded and she hurriedly continued. 'But that didn't matter, we had fun.'

'Sure?'

'I agreed to a second date didn't I?'

'Yeah,' he admitted hesitantly.

'It was a great night,' Kirsten insisted. 'One of the best.'

'Really?'

'Yes really.'

'Wow,' he teased, 'and we didn't even sleep together.'

'Sandy!' she chastised, laughing again. Her husband interrupted the sound with one even sweeter to his ears, that of kissing her and Kirsten kissing him back.

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In the event they ended up eating at a fancy restaurant across town. Sandy figured that having roughed it at the diner and a picnic on the beach, Kirsten would appreciate it. You could take a girl out of Newport, but you couldn't take Newport out of a girl as they said. She had spent close on thirty years of her life there and as much as they said the years in Berkeley were the best of their lives Newport did have its moments. And silk sheets. Plus, he wouldn't say no to a decently cooked steak either.

Much to Kirsten's confusion her husband insisted on taking a cab there and, to her chagrin, walking back. It wasn't that far but she couldn't resist pouting for a good ten minutes, complaining about ruining her shoes and refusing to hold Sandy's hand. He just laughed and pointed out how many times he'd had to walk further then this, clear across campus, to visit Kirsten.

'Uhu,' was the unimpressed response, 'when you were stalking me that is. Once we were dating you cashed in on me being willing to walk it.'

'Not my fault my place had a better ambiance.'

'You think your mail truck had ambiance?' she asked incredulously.

'Not exactly,' he was forced to admit. 'But at least it didn't have an evil, spying roommate.'

'She wasn't that bad.'

'Kirsten! The whole reason we met was because your roommate was so awful that you spent all your time with that other girl who took you to the Halloween party.'

'I guess that was the silver lining…no don't start singing,' she warned but it was too late. Sandy was already halfway through the first line of Hi Ho Silver Lining and encouraging her to join in. He looked so happy, his face alight with a boyish grin which masked the lines and shadows that had crept into his handsome features over the past few months; she couldn't refuse.
After hastily scanning the empty street to make sure there was no one to hear her, Kirsten joined her husband singing the silly song, albeit in a softer voice. The melody of their voices twining together as Sandy began to harmonise reminded her of singing Seth to sleep when he was a baby. The three of them balanced on an old rocking chair, the only other piece of furniture in Seth's room beside his cot, rocking and crooning lullabies late into the night.

The memory caught her by surprise and she could feel tears beginning to make her voice waver. She swallowed hurriedly, determined not to spoil the moment. Today they were doing so well, being themselves, being happy and she wanted to keep it that way. Sandy reached for her hand and this time she accepted it, loving both the comfort it brought and the fact he knew she needed it. They finished the song and walked in silence for a while, enjoying the quiet night and each other's company. Suddenly Sandy stopped on a street corner and took her other hand to draw her towards him, smiling secretively.

'Why are we stopping?' she asked and at once knew why.

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Just Do It.

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