Maybe It's Better This Way

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Gawd, dunno what this chapter is gonna be like…it was 'Parent Formal' last night where your college 'parents' (and extended family) try to get you drunk by chucking corks in your wine and making you down it. I corked a lot of people back though, including my 'granddad' who is head of security…maybe that was a bad idea!! Anyway, as you can see uni is kinda crazy but I'll post up the rest fast because it's all done!

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Chapter 26: Tomorrow

Kirsten woke in a very good mood; her husband could vouch for that. But even as she forced him out the shower after round two so she could actually wash, his smug smile giving her her own sense of satisfaction, she could feel her spirits sinking. Even with his kisses still burning her skin, the exhilaration only just fading she felt the creeping tendrils of the depression she had been flirting with and succumbing to over the past couple of months. Despite not being certain that she had all the shampoo out of her hair Kirsten fled the bathroom and the haven it gave for muffled tears. She wasn't doing this again. She wasn't letting this happen.

Damp but dressed; a few minutes later she was in the kitchen attempting to banish her blues with bagels and the banter of her boys. From what she could hear as she approached, Sandy was beginning his interrogation about their sons' weekend.

'If this is about the pool filter…' Seth was saying.

'What about the pool filter?' she asked, entering the kitchen.

Her son's face blanked quickly, 'Uh, nothing. Good morning mother dearest. You're looking very well this morning.'

'Hmm, thanks.' Kirsten answered, smiling as her husband nuzzled her neck whispering, 'I wonder why.' She tried to fight the blush brightening her already glowing face but failed. She coughed into her coffee, nudging her husband and turning to Ryan, the smirk on his face letting her know he was definitely a step ahead of Seth.

'How are you Ryan? Do you happen to know anything about the pool filter?' The smirk dissipated almost immediately as he struggled with a suitable explanation. Smirking herself, Kirsten leant against Sandy, his mood not noticeably dampened by her chastisement if the lustful looks she was getting were anything to go by. Seth and Ryan exchanged frantic glances and she smiled wickedly at them, the icy clutches of grief and panic receding; warmed by the hot coffee and being at the heart of her family. 'Well?'

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'Where's my daughter then?' Caleb demanded, striding into the house not having waited for anyone to open the door. 'Oh, so you did come home,' he said as he saw Sandy. 'Thought the pair of you might have gone to Berkeley and not made it back.'

'Obviously not' his son-in-law pointed out, not-so subtly blocking the way into the kitchen.

'Well you are a little old to elope.'

'We're already married.'

'Well it is something you always threatened; heading back up north. Why, I don't know…'

Kirsten caught her husband's eye as he glanced over his shoulder at her, both thinking guiltily of the conversation on the plane. Her father took advantage of Sandy's lapse in guard duty and sidestepped round him into the kitchen. She buried her head in the newspaper, loath to give him the time of day without making him work for it. Caleb however, knew how to play the game; he reached into the cupboard for a mug and poured himself some coffee, movements unhurried, demeanour calm, apparently patient. He settled back against the counter and surveyed his daughter, watched in turn by Sandy.

She turned the pages slowly, feigning interest in the features when really she wasn't reading a single word, sneaking glances at the two men through her eyelashes. Eventually she couldn't take it any longer.

'What Dad?' she snapped and Caleb chuckled. She glared. 'Did you just come here to drink our coffee and laugh at me?'

'No,' he said, smiling because she had called him dad. 'I wondered how you were.'

'Hmm.'

'Ki-irsten?'

'How are things at the office?' she asked, changing the subject.

'You shouldn't be worrying about that,' her father replied.

'Oh please, let me worry about something. The biggest decisions I've made recently have been what take-out to have and what to watch on TV.'

'Well…' Caleb glanced at Sandy for confirmation that this was okay.

'Dad, Sandy, you're doing it again. I am capable of having this conversation. Sandy, don't you have things to sort out…case to prepare for?'

Her husband narrowed his eyebrows but took the hint, apparently excusing himself to the study but probably only really round the corner.

'Things are pretty good,' her father continued. 'We have a part-time CFO; Tim Harper and I've been dabbling.'

'Sounds like you're coping without me.' She kept her tone polite, impersonal, professional.

'If you want to come back you can.'

'You sure?' She couldn't help but ask; he wasn't exactly begging her to return or even demanding it.

'Would I be asking if I didn't?'

'I guess not…thank god. I've been bored out of my mind; daytime TV, trashy magazines, postal order catalogues… Please tell me you'll coerce Sandy into letting me come back this week. This past month has almost killed me.'

'With pleasure, there's nothing I like better than a good argument with your husband.'

His daughter frowned a patent Nichol frown and he relented. He was here to mend bridges and as accommodating as Kirsten was being at the moment he knew he was far from forgiven.

'Joking, joking. Actually I'm not, but I am with him on this one; you can come back but not full-time immediately.'

'What? When did you talk about this?'

'We've talked a few times.'

Kirsten looked shell-shocked. Her husband and her father actually talking. 'O-k so this 'keep-Kirsten-off-work' conspiracy, what does it mean?'

'Part-time indefinitely, fewer late nights and early mornings.'

'But…'

'No buts, Sanford and I have an agreement. I thought you'd be pretty happy.'

'I…I guess I am but, how is it gonna work? The company…'

'It's all sorted'

'But managing money, it's a five-day job.'

'Five-day yes, but not with twelve, fourteen, even sixteen hour days.'

'That's part of the job, it doesn't work otherwise.'

'It can.'

'There is no way I'm doing part-time.'

'Well, say…more flexible hours then. You'll have to fight with your husband about that one.'

'I still don't understand how this can work.'

'Well…' Caleb hesitated, knowing his daughter wasn't going to take the changes lightly. 'There'll be two of you; I'm keeping Tim indefinitely too.'

'Are you sidelining me?' the question burst out before she could stop it.

'No Kirsten, I'm just letting you have a life.'

Kirsten considered for a moment, her face mutinous, her heart fighting the other corner. It did feel as though she was being demoted, but, she reminded herself, it was what she secretly wanted. In those silent hours she'd promised herself she wouldn't compromise herself and her family again, not for work. It just shouldn't have taken the loss of her daughter to make her decide that.

'I can do full-time,' she pointed out, her voice a little bitter.

'I know that, I don't mean every other day or anything. Just, we'll take it slow, build back up and cut out the crap I made you deal with.'

'Dad!' The business-like façade dropped.

'It's true. You deserve proper hours with a start and a finish and a lunch break, that will no doubt be monopolised by your husband who has no concept of time management, but at least it'll be there. I know too often I sabotaged your breaks…'

'I think I can handle that,' she cut in before he could attempt anything like an apology. She didn't want to have to think about forgiving him.

And then there was Sandy to deal with. Agreement indeed!

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'I thought you were back at work today,' Seth said casually, surprised to find his mom home when he arose one afternoon mid-week. She looked up, a little guiltily, from the plants she was repotting. 'Uh, no…tomorrow.'

Ryan appeared beside them at this point, a frown creasing his forehead as he tried to work out whether he'd imagined Kirsten's briefcase standing ready in the hall earlier that morning. She felt his piercing blue eyes detect the lie and brushed the soil from her hands.

'You guys hungry? Seems to me like a late lunch is in order; your dad's in court all day so we won't see him any time soon. Hopefully he'll stop for takeout on the way home…' she was rambling but couldn't help it; desperate to escape their scrutiny. What would they think if they knew the state she'd been in that morning? She felt upset enough that Sandy had witnessed it with his big case hearing today. A case he really wanted to win but really hadn't given enough time to lately, because of her. And there she'd been, worrying him this morning when he really didn't need it.

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Sandy brushed a gentle, if somewhat damp, kiss across his wife's lips, smiling as she scrunched her nose at the water droplets falling from his hair.

'You're getting me wet,' she moaned. Usually she loved being woken up like this; the cold salt water a small price to pay for his kisses. But today when she was already awake and cold with nerves it didn't help things. Of course Sandy didn't know how badly she'd slept last night; she'd lain still, determined not to wake him. He didn't know that when he crawled out of bed earlier that morning she was already awake, staring at the dawn creeping over the ceiling, fluttering her eyes shut before he noticed. There was a tight knot in her stomach and irrational thoughts rushing round her head. She felt like she might be sick. If she didn't know better she'd call it morning sickness.

'Well I have been surfing,' he answered. 'Clear my head you know.'

'You're worried about this case aren't you?' she asked, sitting up and pushing her own fears aside.

'Mmph' he answered non-comitantly, as though he could really deny it.

'Honey, you're gonna be fine,' she insisted, tugging him back down for another kiss and holding his face in her hands so she could look him in the eyes. 'You're gonna kick ass today my lawyer-man.'

Sandy smiled at the nickname she'd given him on his graduation from Law School. 'Don't say ass Kirsten,' he teased but the blue eyes, locked with hers, were serious and grateful. 'I better shower,' he'd said reluctantly and she had released him, flopping back against the pillow, wishing she could ask him for the same reassurance for today but not wanting to worry him.

'Honey, you're gonna be late,' he told her when he reappeared, surprised to see her still in bed. He heard her sigh and head for the shower. The warm water was comforting; she didn't want to get out. Didn't want to face the morning chill, the traffic on the way to the office, her father, the new CFO she had to share her job with, the whispers that were sure to whip around the building like wildfire on her arrival, the bottomless in-tray on her desk…the list went on.

She suddenly felt overwhelmed. What if she couldn't do this anymore? Kirsten buried her head in her hands, only for a minute, but it would be the moment Sandy chose to enter the bathroom. 'I brought you…' he began, hurriedly setting a napkin-swathed bagel on the sink when he saw her. 'Kirsten?'

'I'm fine,' she insisted, turning her face up under the spray. 'Just got soap in my eye.'

'Honey…'

Kirsten shook her head, climbing out the shower and avoiding her husband's eyes as she got dry. He didn't push it, brushing his teeth and pretending his wasn't watching his wife who was stood in their closet looking completely lost.

'You alright?' he asked through a mouth of toothpaste, the foamy mouth a comical contrast to his smart suit.

'I…can't decide what to wear.' Her voice was anxious, betraying the tears he knew were forming in her eyes. She pulled distractedly at the clothes in her closet, flipping along the rail and becoming increasingly panicked as she rejected things. 'I don't know,' she muttered frantically. 'I just don't know.'

'Hey, hey, it's okay,' he soothed, finishing up in the bathroom and standing behind her. 'You look gorgeous in everything and nothing.'

'That doesn't help Sandy,' she snapped. 'God, I'm sorry. Just ignore me.'

She headed back to the bedroom before the comforting hand reached her bare shoulder. Sandy glanced at his watch and bit his lip. He didn't have long if he was going to beat the traffic and he still had to find his lucky tie.

'You can go,' she said quietly from where she was sat hunched up on the edge of the bed, damp hair falling over her face, the slight tan on her slender body standing out against the white towel.

'And leave you like this?'

'I'm…I'm f-…' she struggled with the lie until her face crumpled, head dropping self-consciously. Sandy didn't hesitate in sitting beside the pathetic figure and easing the damp bundle into his arms.

'You'll get wet,' she protested through tears. 'I'm just being silly. I'm nervous, that's all.'

'Nervous? Why?'

'I don't know,' she admitted, fingers fidgeting absently with the towel, pulling at a loose thread and rubbing it between her finger and thumb.

'Kirsten, how long have you been doing this job? You could do it with your eyes shut…'

'I know, but…I-I…I don't think I'm ready to go back,' she admitted haltingly. Her husband drew back in surprise.

'But going back to work has been your main aim for weeks.'

'I can't,' she choked. 'I can't…'

'It's okay,' he soothed, 'you don't have to go now.'

'I do…this is stupid.'

'No it's not. It's the way you should have been in the first place rather than throwing yourself back into it so early on. You just take your time.'

'I'll go tomorrow,' she insisted.

'We'll see how you feel alright?'

Kirsten nodded and rubbed the tears from her face. 'I'm sorry. Now you're going to be late and I'll have put you off and…'

'I'll be fine but you're right that I need to go. You go back to bed for a little while, have a peaceful day and I'll be back as soon as I can…although that might be late this evening.'

'Okay.'

'I love you,' he said giving her a kiss and standing up.

'Wait!'

'What?' he asked, slightly confused when Kirsten stood up also rather than getting back into bed.

'Your lucky tie,' she said, taking it out of the dresser drawer and handing it to him. Her husband smiled. 'You're wonderful you know that?' Trust Kirsten to remember despite the state she was in. He really was lucky.

'I love you.'

'You're most wonderful wife in the word.'

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There you go. Four more left.

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