The Trouble With Guys

by EGB Fan

A smooth talking teenage boy has just moved in across the street from the Venkmans, but there may be more to him than meets the eye. Could it be anything to do with the recently arrived incubus?

3. Chapter 3

Extreme Ghostbusters: The Trouble With Guys

Part 3

Cameron Doherty had been running all his life. But only because he was dragged. He had never been allowed to have a real friend. It wasn't until he was eight years old that he had convinced his mother even to let him go to school. She had done a good job of teaching him at home, it seemed - good enough so that he wasn't drastically behind the other students. But even then he wasn't really allowed to have friends. His mother hardly ever let him go out, and when she did he wasn't allowed beyond his own front yard. The first time that thing had tried to come into their house he had finally understood, to a degree, why he was so cosseted. He had only been nine at the time. It didn't occur to him to ask why the demon was following them.

"Mom," said Cameron, as they sped onto the Brooklyn Bridge. "Mom, please, I really think those guys can help us."

Alice shook her head firmly. "They can't."

"They're Ghostbusters."

"Trust me, Cameron, you do not want to get into a conversation about this with any Ghostbusters." She glanced at the rear-view mirror. "Are they still following us?"

Cameron twisted in his seat. The extremely conspicuous converted hearse was a little way behind them now, trying to nudge its way past all the other cars on the bridge.

"Of course they're still following us. Why don't I?"

"Oh come on, Cameron - isn't it obvious? They might not see you as the victim here. Don't you remember all the things you've done over the years? That boy who collapsed off the climbing frame? The fire in the gymnasium?"

"You said none of that was my fault."

"And that girl in our kitchen… What the hell were you thinking?"

"Her name is Jessica," Cameron said tartly. "And I still don't understand what happened to her. I never would have done anything like that on purpose."

Alice sighed, her knuckles blanching on the steering wheel. "No, honey, I know you wouldn't."

"So why did it happen? You know more about me and all the shit that happens to me than you've been letting on, don't you? You know why this demon's so interested in us."

"In you, Cameron. He doesn't care about me."

"Well? Tell me!"

"Oh, honey. You could probably figure it out if you really wanted to."

Cameron shook his head. It had never made sense to him and it still didn't. He decided to change tack, saying beseechingly, "Mom, it'll find us. It's probably following us right now. Please just stop the car and let's talk to those Ghostbusters back there."

"We're in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge, Cameron - I can't just stop the car."

"And when we get off the bridge?" bristled Cameron. "Then what?"

"Cameron…"

"Mother, will you stop the goddamn car!"

The car stopped. Just like that. The engine gave out with a short, sharp fizzle and steam started to rise from under the hood.

Alice took her hands off the steering wheel and gestured to the windscreen in despair. "Cameron!"

"Oh." Cameron's jaw dropped. "Sorry."

Alice swivelled in her seat, wondering why no other cars had crashed into hers yet and why no impatient motorists were hooting at her. She half expected to see a huge pileup surrounding her car. What she saw, however, was that every other car on the bridge had stopped as well.

Cameron shook his head incredulously. "I couldn't have done that."

Alice gave no answer, and Cameron turned to look at her. He saw at once that she was slumped back in the seat, her eyes closed and her mouth hanging open slightly. Starting to panic, Cameron put a hand in front of his mother's mouth, and sighed deeply when he felt warm breath against his skin. He also noticed a pulse beating steadily in her neck.

After diagnosing Alice as being still alive, Cameron's next instinct was to climb out of the car. He looked around him at the stationary vehicles. As ever, all kinds of people were using the bridge: truckers, boy racers in sports cars, families in people carriers - there was even a hearse taking someone to be buried or cremated in Manhattan. And they were all asleep - every driver and every passenger. At least Cameron hoped they were asleep, and not in a similar state to whoever was in the back of that hearse.

Speaking of hearses… Cameron looked around, and saw that the Ecto-1 was - of course - still some two hundred-odd yards away. Not that there was much chance of the occupants of the car being awake (they would have got out by now, surely), but apparently it was the closest thing around there to help. Cameron started to run.

Straight into an invisible wall.

"What the…?"

He swung round. And then he saw it. The demon. The one that had been chasing him all this time. It was perhaps twice the size of an average man, only semi-visible and hovering above the bridge on an impressive wingspan. Cameron was suddenly terrified. Whatever courage he'd been able to muster left him just like that. He stood and gaped.

Well? The voice was in his head. Yikes.

"W-w-w-well what?"

We meet at last. It sounded a bit like James Earl Jones. You are very good at hiding.

It sounded a bit like James Earl Jones.

"Yeah, sure," said Cameron. He hardly dared ask the question, but then again he didn't really want to beat about the bush. "What do you want with me?"

You don't know?

"No."

Cameron. I am your father.

He burst out laughing. He just couldn't help it. Then his face rearranged itself into an expression of sheer panic and he said, "Shit, that's not funny!"

What do I want, you ask? I want you to teach you how to use your powers.

"What if I said no?" Cameron asked cautiously.

There is no choice. Your mother has bent you to her will these last fifteen years.

"Sixteen," he couldn't help saying. "I'm sixteen next month."

Now it is my turn.

"Hey, no way." Cameron started to back away. He had only one thing on his mind now: reaching that goddamn Ghostbuster car. "I don't have any powers."

You do.

"So what am I supposed to do with them?"

Why, fornicate, of course.

Cameron pulled a face.

Come with me. I will show you.

Suddenly he felt himself literally being lifted off the ground and dragged laboriously towards the demon. He started to struggle, screwing his eyes shut as he tried to block out his surroundings and break free of the invisible net.

"Let me go!"

That, by some stroke of extremely good luck, did it. The demon cried out, and Cameron landed on the ground with a moderately painful bump. He opened his eyes wide, just in time to see the demon make an impressive back flip into the water below them. Knowing he couldn't miss the opportunity, Cameron ran.

As predicted, Dr. Venkman (oh yeah, way to impress the potential girlfriend's father) and his friend (Cameron decided he would find out the guy's name if he came out of this the other side) were as sound asleep as everyone else on the bridge. But there was a faint sound coming from inside the car. Cameron pulled open the passenger side door, and realised that it was the two-way radio.

"Egon? What the hell are you doing out there? Talk to me, damn you!" came a high-pitched Brooklyn accent.

Cameron picked up the radio and wondered what to say, quickly settling for, "Er, hi."

"What?" the voice came back to him. "Who the hell are you?"

"I - "

He heard another voice in the background, a faint scuffling noise, a short burst of static and then a new voice said incredulously: "Cameron, is that you?"

Cameron blinked. "Jess?"

"Hey, it is you! Cool! Cameron, listen, is my dad there?"

"Er, yeah, he's right here."

"How is he?"

"Oh, he's fine. Absolutely fine. He's asleep."

"He's what?"

The Brooklyn-accented woman spoke next: "So you're Cameron, huh? You've caused an awful lot of trouble, you know. What's going on out there?"

"Oh God, I don't know. This demon - "

A new voice interrupted him: "Hi, Cameron. My name's Kylie."

"Hi, Kylie," Cameron said robotically.

"Ok, now tell us what's going on."

"I'm on the Brooklyn Bridge. There's a demon here. It's sent everybody to sleep. Except me. It says it's my father."

"It's what?" Kylie sounded immensely put out by this news. "What else did it say?"

"It said… um… something about teaching me to use my 'powers'."

"Well that makes absolutely no sense. Why would an incubus care about -?"

"Maybe it's not an incubus," Jessica's voice was just audible.

"I think I've thrown it off the bridge somehow," Cameron ploughed on. "It doesn't seem to have come back up yet."

"Cameron, that's brilliant!" It was Jessica again now. "You're so clever! Hey, maybe you can break the spell and wake up my dad and Egon!"

"Oh, Jess, I don't know about - "

"Of course you can! You're half demon!"

"Apparently so," said Cameron. "But he's all demon."

"Cameron." That sounded like the woman calling herself Kylie. "It sounds like you're doing pretty well. A team is going to come out there and help you - just try to hold him off as best you can."

"But if you guys come out here, won't the demon just -?"

The radio was blasted out of his hand. Cameron jumped up from his crouching position and spun round, expecting to see the same entity as before hovering over him. But he didn't. It was a man, hollow-eyed and pale, wearing a formal looking tailored suit. Cameron eyed him warily.

"It's me." It spoke in the same voice, this time moving its lips.

"Where did you get that body?"

"Hearse."

"Oh, eww!" Cameron stumbled backwards until he was pressed up against the Ecto-1.

"You are fortunate," the incubus continued. "Your mother passed on to you a body of flesh and bone. A beating heart. And I, my powers of seduction."

"Yeah," muttered Cameron. It didn't really explain the fire and the kid on the climbing frame, but it made some sort of sense where the Jessica incident was concerned. "Could come in handy."

"So you will come with me?"

Cameron shook his head. He slid down the side of the car and took a seat on the road, saying firmly, "I like it here."

"Oh yes?" The demon raised its eyebrows, or rather the dead man's eyebrows. "What was that woman saying to you? I know that voice. She is the woman with those weapons who caught me off guard and damaged my form."

"Well you were probably trying to seduce her. It serves you right."

"They like it," said the incubus. "More often than not." It sat down opposite Cameron. "We can talk here if you like."

"She said you're an incubus. Are you?"

"Yes."

"I thought incubuses killed women after sleeping with them."

The incubus nodded. "I have that power. I hardly ever do it, though, and certainly not deliberately. I'm not so bad."

"So my mother was one of your victims."

"Clever boy."

"And you've been following me all this time," said Cameron, no longer hesitating. He wanted to stall the demon until help arrived, but perhaps more than that he just wanted to know. "Why bother?"

"You are of use to me."

"How?"

"You have that effect on women too. The draining effect. Or you could have, if you would learn to control it. But you have a beating heart, as I say. You don't need to take any of their life force. So where do you think it goes?"

"Something tells me you're not going to say they get to keep it."

The incubus smiled. "No. It bleeds straight into me."

"Right." Cameron nodded slowly. "I see. And you know this, do you? Even though I'm still a virgin?" He didn't add that he'd never even so much as kissed a girl before.

"Well," the demon said, "you can take a little, possibly even without so much as touching them. I felt it the moment your mother first put you to her breast."

"Mom breast-fed me for a year. Was I draining her life force?" Cameron asked, alarmed.

"Oh, hardly. But I felt something. And now it's getting stronger. There's a girl, isn't there? When you were with her yesterday, I could feel exactly where you were. I saw her leaving your house in an ambulance. What happened?"

"She fainted."

"Ah yes, I see. She seems an odd choice, when you can have any woman you want. Not ugly, but not exactly what you might call pretty either. She'll have a beautiful body, though, when she is fully grown. How old is she? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

"I don't know."

"Did you touch her?"

"No."

The incubus's eyes shone. "Then imagine how much of her life energy you would have bled into me if you had. Why didn't you?"

"Because," Cameron said slowly, "she was unconscious and anyway I wouldn't try to do that with her even if she was awake because even though I don't know how old she is I think she's a way off eighteen."

"Is that the age of consent here?"

"Yes."

"Five hundred years ago I seduced brides of fourteen," the demon said wistfully. "These laws… who makes them? Many women are sexually mature at eleven or twelve. Some are emotionally ready at thirteen, others at thirty. It's far more personal and individual than something like theft or murder - hardly something to make a universal law about."

"I set fire to a gym," said Cameron, eager to get off the subject of seducing underage girls. "When I was ten. By accident. Just by looking at it. Why is that?"

"Was this gym causing you distress?"

"Well, sort of. I hated my gym teacher. It got us out of the lesson."

"You have a lot of power, in spite of being half human. You have many problems with controlling it, but I can teach you how to channel all of it into manipulating women to make them your lovers."

Cameron raised his eyebrows. "That's terrible."

"I mean no one harm, Cameron. Most women adore the feel of me inside them, and they suffer no permanent ill-effects. Look at your mother. She is quite well."

"It's rape."

"How can it be rape when a woman cries out with delight? I am better for many of them, you know - for the ones whose husbands are selfish or ignorant. You could be too."

Cameron was a teenage boy, and just for a moment there it sounded good. He hadn't much experience with girls, largely due to his mother forcing him to live like a hermit his whole life. He had often noticed girls, however, in recent years. But last time, of course, his (entirely innocent) designs on one Jessica Venkman had very nearly got him arrested. It would probably be wise not to invite that kind of trouble again.

"When you said I had no choice…"

"I'm not going to go away. You'll give in. Come." The incubus rose to his feet. "I am not a fool. I know the ashen-faced woman is on her way here to help you."

"I want to stay," said Cameron. "I don't want to leave Mom. What can, um… Kylie do to you anyway?"

"She has those weapons."

"You're scared of her."

The incubus bristled visibly. "I am scared of no woman."

"Well then. Sit down. Tell me more about myself. Mom never told me about you."

"I gathered as much." It sat down again, first glancing over its shoulder. "Yet when I revealed to you who I was you didn't seem altogether surprised."

"I wasn't. Well, I was, but nothing surprises me that much anymore. I've had a demon following me my whole life. I apparently have magical powers. Why shouldn't the same demon that's been following me be my father?"

x x x

Jessica had absolutely insisted on going along, and so had Janine. Jessica was therefore particularly put out when Janine was handed a jumpsuit and a proton pack and she herself was left behind with Eduardo and Rose. Janine left Eduardo her car keys with which to do the school run - Conchita and the twins would have to be picked up. Then she, Kylie and Roland set off in Roland's Mustang.

"That's amazing," said Kylie, when they arrived at the bridge. "When we've been here before and all the cars were stopped there were at least a few people running around and screaming, but now it's like the whole place has died."

Roland stopped the car, knowing there was absolutely no point in trying to weave through all those stationary vehicles.

"So what else have you done here?" asked Janine. "Akira, those things that ate metal…"

"Trolls," Roland provided.

Janine nodded. "Of course. Look, there's the Ecto-1." She pointed to where the sirens were visible above an ostentatious little silver sports car. "So where's this Cameron?"

"Let's go look for him," Kylie said simply.

The armed trio started to manoeuvre their way around all the cars, vans, trucks and whatever else was on the bridge, occasionally glancing inside to marvel at the people all sitting there, sound asleep. At one point Roland stopped to sneak a look at a car engine.

"I don't believe this," he said quietly. "If the engines all look like these, we'll need several dozen mechanics to get these things moving again."

"Never mind that now," hissed Kylie. "Look."

Jessica would have been furious if she knew how quickly Janine lost her composure (because of course she would never do that - they should have taken her along instead). Janine ran over to the Ecto-1 and fell in at the passenger door, which was open beside Cameron, exclaiming, "Egon! Wake up! What's the matter with you? Don't do this to me again! I love you!"

"Um, look," said Cameron, getting quickly to his feet. "You're a Ghostbuster, right? The incubus is just - "

"I told you," the incubus interrupted in low tones. "They can't do anything to me. Now. Let this be your first lesson. You can have that one."

Cameron followed the demon's pointing finger. It was directed at Kylie, who was staring down at the ground in utter dismay and disbelief. Cameron took a few cautious steps forward until Roland's unconscious form came into view between the hearse (with a now open coffin inside it) and a people carrier filled with two parents and their six children.

"Cameron?" Kylie caught sight of the anxious looking teenager, and jogged over to him. "Hi. I'm Kylie. We talked over the radio."

Cameron nodded. "I remember."

"Are you all right? Did it hurt you?"

"No. But I think he's about to seduce your friend."

"Right." Kylie readied her proton gun. "He got away from me last time, I'm afraid. I guess I'll just have to… oh I don't believe this!"

"What?" demanded Cameron, beginning to panic when he saw that Kylie had lowered her proton pistol and was now just gaping. "What's wrong?"

"Cameron." She grabbed his arm, not taking her eyes from the scene before her. "Tell me what that incubus looks like to you."

"Um." Cameron looked. "Oh my God! That's the blond guy in the car!"

"Right." Kylie nodded slowly. "Right, well, knowing you can see him too makes me feel a little better."

"Well, good, I'm glad," Cameron said, clearly flustered. "But don't you think maybe you ought to do something? Because it kind of looks like he's about to screw your friend."

He wasn't wrong. Janine was practically unconscious, slumped in the arms of the incubus, who was drawing her in for a kiss. Kylie took careful aim (it wouldn't do to kill or permanently maim Janine, after all) and sent a blast of proton fire at the demon's ankle. It cried out, letting Janine fall to the ground.

"Ooh." Kylie winced. "I hope that didn't hurt her. Go help her, Cameron."

"Right, ok," Cameron said uncertainly. "What's her name?"

"Janine."

Cameron ventured over to where Janine lay on the road, looking pretty much unconscious now. He shook her gently by the shoulders and said, "Janine? Can you hear me?"

The incubus was watching this scene with a look of extreme disapproval on its face. Kylie shot another blast of proton fire at it to get its attention. It worked, smacking the demon nicely on the right hand. The demon looked up, and its face broke into an unreadable smile as it started to walk towards her.

God, it still looked Egon.

"Kylie, isn't it?" It didn't sound like Egon, though. "I remember you."

Kylie levelled her proton gun on his chest. "Don't come any closer."

"Kylie, sweetheart, you seem distracted. Is there something you want to ask me?"

"Get away from me!"

"Go on, ask me."

Kylie shook her head. "Why didn't I see…?"

It raised its eyebrows. "Yes?"

It was coming closer. Taking a step back, Kylie said, "Forget it."

"Why didn't you see…? Ah, yes, I know what this is. Do you have a lover, Kylie? Is that it?" He wasn't looking much like Egon anymore. "Are you wondering why you didn't see his face when you met me before?"

"Piss off." She fired another proton stream at him, wondering how to get him out of that body and wishing a few more people were conscious.

"Well." He took the final steps that closed the distance between them, raising a hand and gently lowering her proton gun. "Perhaps he isn't the one you really want."

Kylie shook her head, pulling back slightly as he moved in to kiss her. "He is."

"Sure about that?"

His kiss was like hot, sweet syrup pouring down her throat and warming every last inch of her body. Kylie began to get the feeling of falling asleep. She tried to fight it, knowing that if she went down too the only person left awake to fight the incubus would be - yikes - Cameron. This demon was obviously very powerful; it evidently thought nothing of sending everyone on the Brooklyn Bridge to sleep. Well, why should it? It couldn't just send off a whole apartment block, as it had two nights ago - it had probably used its soporific powers on entire mansions and castles and such in the more distant past.

"Don't."

It seemed as though the sound of Cameron's voice snapped her out of it, but Kylie soon realised that it must have been because the demon was distracted. It took a step back from her and turned round. Kylie moved to one side and was rewarded with a view of Cameron standing against the grey sky, his dark hair rippling in the gentle breeze and his brow furrowed with anxious determinism (or perhaps determined anxiety). He looked, well, cute. He wasn't quite pinup material, but he was cute. Kylie thought she might have been quite taken with him herself if she was ten or fifteen years younger.

"Are you ok, Kylie?"

"Er, yeah." She was still feeling a little drowsy, but otherwise all right.

"Are you going to do something about this? Come on!" He moved over to Janine and nudged her arm with the toe of his shoe. "You people are supposed to be Ghostbusters!"

The incubus scowled. "Leave them."

"Come on, wake up!" persisted Cameron. He darted over to the Ecto-1 and started to shake Egon violently. "What's the matter with you? I mean come on, what would you do if I wasn't here?"

"If you weren't here," Egon murmured sleepily, "we wouldn't have this problem."

Cameron blinked in surprise. "You know about that?"

"My PKE meter never lies. You're a cambion, aren't you?"

"I'm a what?"

"We'll discuss this later." Egon climbed out of the car. "Oh good, you appear to have weakened the incubus. Now, I'd like you to try and wake some of my colleagues."

"Did I…?"

"You broke its spell, yes," Egon said impatiently. "You have some supernatural abilities of your own which I shall discuss with you at a later date, if you so desire. But in the meantime, if you wouldn't mind…"

"Right, right." Cameron sprinted round to the other side of the car and began trying to revive Peter.

Egon went over to Kylie, and was slightly disappointed to find her doing no more than chewing her bottom lip, evidently wondering what to do.

"Look," she said, indicating the incubus, which was apparently preoccupied with trying to keep itself together. Literally. "It's losing control of the cadaver."

"Not for long," said Egon. "Well, I wouldn't think so. It's powerful. Cameron may have woken me, but he's just a boy - and look, Venkman isn't budging."

"We have to get it out of that body. Would you like me to shoot it?"

"Please."

The truth was that, deep down, Cameron didn't really want to wake Peter. He was a little afraid of hearing the stay-away-from-my-daughter speech, or at best the what-are-your-intentions speech, and this hardly seemed like the time or the place. After a few seconds he just gave up, going over to Roland instead. He crouched down where the Ghostbuster was lying and shook him, gently at first but then more violently.

"Hey," he said, when Roland's eyes fluttered open. "You have to go shoot the demon."

Roland nodded, getting unsteadily to his feet. "Right, sure."

So that left Janine. Cameron didn't bother standing up; he crawled over to her and gave her a sharp nudge.

"Janine!" It took him a few seconds to remember her name, but he got there in the end. "Come on, wake up!"

Janine woke up much more suddenly than the others, sitting bolt upright with a gasp of surprise and demanding immediately, "What's going on?"

"We're still fighting the incubus." He took his hands off the ground and sat on his heels.

"Ah-ha," said Janine. "So you must be the fabled Cameron."

"Wow, no one's ever called me fabled before. To my knowledge," he added.

"Listen," Janine went on. "Do you know how old Jessica is?"

"Um, no."

"She's thirteen."

Cameron looked extremely surprised. "She is?"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"No, no, of course not." God, he would have been better off with Peter.

"She's mature for her age, in some ways, I know," said Janine. "Maybe even mature enough that some people might forget she's only thirteen. But of course, you would never forget a thing like that, would you?"

"No, never. Look, shouldn't you maybe -?"

"Are you listening to me? If you put one foot out of line where she's concerned…"

"Janine, you don't have to do this. I understand."

"…I'll do much worse to you than he ever could." She indicated Peter.

"Yeah? And what about her brother?"

"Oscar isn't the violent type. He's got nothing on me."

Janine knew she should probably be helping with the whole incubus situation, but she didn't want to move until Cameron looked sufficiently scared. In truth she was a little bit concerned about some of the questions Jessica had asked her that morning. That girl was growing up too fast, and the last thing she needed was a sexually mature(ish) boyfriend to encourage her. Janine couldn't see the attraction herself, but realised that probably had something to do with the fact that she was in her mid-forties rather than her mid-teens.

The incubus, meanwhile, was having an even worse time than Cameron. When he had felt his sleep spell weakening it had thrown him, and he had been momentarily unable to sustain his form. He had been very aware of Kylie's eyes on him as the flesh on his hands and face started to sag, and he was just regaining control when the proton stream hit him. Now he had three proton streams punishing his body, and he felt the cadaver beginning to slump to the ground, leaving him behind.

"Cameron!" called Egon, as the boy was gallantly helping Janine to her feet in spite of her protestations. "Wake someone else up!"

"What?"

"Just do it," snapped Janine.

Cameron, beginning to tire of this now, made his way over to the hearse and began to shake the driver vigorously. His first instinct had been to go to his mother, but she was several yards away and this thing really needed to be wrapped up.

"WAKE UP!" yelled Cameron. "For God's sake, he's getting his ass kicked - he can't have that big a hold over you anymore!"

The hearse driver's eyes snapped open and, though Cameron didn't know this, so did several other eyes that had accompanied their owners to the Brooklyn Bridge that day. The incubus was truly weak now, no doubt helped by the addition of Janine's proton fire, and it cried out as its body slipped away from it. Kylie, who could boast more near-disastrous encounters with this demon than most, breathed out heavily. Finally they had the incubus, in its demon form, caught in four proton streams. And they could trap it.

Everyone who hadn't already done so woke up. Janine threw her arms around Egon while Roland collected the incubus-filled trap. Kylie, meanwhile, was suddenly slapped in the face by a realisation.

"Hey, Egon!" she exclaimed, stepping between Egon and Janine as they pulled apart. "I finally figured it out!"

Egon gave her a quizzical look. "Oh yes?"

"The incubus can't just take on the form of the man you most desire. It has to have seen your husband or lover or whatever in order to do that. That's right, isn't it?"

"Oh, well." He was obviously trying to sound tactful. "I don't think so, Kylie."

"Oh yeah? How do you know? You thought it was a psychic thing, didn't you? Mind-reading, thought manipulation - something like that. But it can't be, because Cameron saw you, Egon, when the incubus had a go at Janine."

"It did?" Egon looked at Janine. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," said Janine. "Did you see Egon too, Kylie?"

"Sure, sure, because it's a shape shifter. I'm right - I know I am."

"Well," said Egon, "perhaps. But it seems odd. The succubus doesn't work that way, and they're the same demon."

"The succubus is superior," said Kylie. "You know that. It's not just about sex for her like it is for him - it's about sucking the life out of the guy."

"Kind of like men and women in real life." Peter had now joined them. "So where's the demon kid? Have you blasted him yet?"

Egon frowned slightly. "He's gone to his mother, but he'll be back, and we are not going to blast him. Oh dear." He rearranged his face into one of sympathy and concern. "I get the feeling you aren't going to like this."

x x x

It was only a brief explanation that was given on the Brooklyn Bridge, and it didn't satisfy Peter. They all went back to the firehouse that afternoon, Cameron and Alice included, and it wasn't until after they had gone home that Peter sought out Egon in his lab and started quizzing him further.

"Ok," he said, "I don't get it. Kylie said that the incubus is an immaterial being."

"So it is," said Egon.

"So how could it make somebody pregnant?"

"I don't know."

Peter frowned slightly. "Is that the best you can do?"

"No," said Egon. "I've read about this phenomenon before - apparently it's possible for an incubus or a succubus to have a human hybrid child - but no one seems to have offered any reason why, or how it can be done. Personally, I have a theory."

"Go on then," Peter smiled indulgently. "Let's hear it."

"Well, this can't really apply to the succubus as well, but as far as young Cameron and his father are concerned: you are aware that the incubus has to inhabit a human corpse in order to do what it does. And you're quite right, of course - a dead man can't impregnate a woman. Unless, possibly, the corpse it used for Miss Doherty was so freshly dead that it still contained live sperm."

That might just be the first time Peter had heard Egon use the word "sperm". And it sounded funny. He couldn't help smirking slightly.

"Oh Venkman, grow up," said Egon, not unkindly.

"So," Peter veered the conversation back on track; "Cameron is essentially the son of a corpse. I wonder if there's any chance that will put Jess off."

"Well, I wouldn't know about that. But don't forget that Cameron appears to have some supernatural abilities - he's at least as much the incubus's child as he is the vessel's, possibly more so. It's actually rather intriguing. I hope Cameron will let me study him further - I'd like to find some evidence on him that supports my theory."

"Yeah, well, I hope he moves away," said Peter. "He knows now that Jess is only thirteen, and he still flirts with her - it's completely inappropriate."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much. Until Cameron learns to control his abilities, there isn't much danger of it getting… you know… physical."

Peter suddenly looked concerned. "Suppose it does," he said, furrowing his brow. "Would she be in any danger?"

"Perhaps," said Egon. "Just a little. But it won't come to that."

x x x

"Hey." Charlene, having left both of her parents downstairs with Peter and Dana, strolled into Jessica's bedroom. "You weren't at school today. Are you -?"

Jessica, reclining on her bed with a magazine, picked up a piece of paper at her side and held it up. It read: "I'M FINE".

"Oh, right," said Charlene. "Good. You wanna tell me what happened yesterday?"

Jessica shook her head.

"Don't tell me you've lost your voice."

"Of course not. I just don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not surprised," Charlene said wryly. "Your dad told us all about Cameron and the incubus incident, and I gotta say I don't think much of your track record." She lowered her voice slightly. "One vampire and one half-incubus."

"Cambion."

"Huh?"

"That's what you call somebody who's half succubus or half incubus."

"Who told you that?"

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Britney Spears. Who do you think?"

"So what are you going to do now?" asked Charlene. "Are you going to give things a go with Cameron, or are you going to move on to a flesh eating zombie?"

Jessica scowled. "Fun-nee."

"Sorry."

"Cameron isn't anything like Will. He's alive, for one thing. He's quite a lot younger than two hundred and twenty five, and he doesn't want to kill me."

"Oh, well, what more could a girl want?" A sigh of frustration escaped her lips. This girl obviously needed keeping an eye on. "What are you telling me, Jess?"

Jessica pursed her lips, wondering how much to divulge. She had already had the talk with Cameron, very briefly, after Egon had finished talking to him at the firehouse and taken Alice to one side, and Peter happened to nip to the bathroom. Basically, she was more smitten than it was cool to admit and he admitted that he liked her liked her. But they had a problem in that his mere presence seemed to send her to sleep. If they kissed, apparently it might even kill her (although they both suspected that Egon had said this chiefly to discourage any improper advances on his virtually surrogate niece).

Egon had promised to help Cameron with his demon half as much as he could, and hopefully send him on his way to a normal life and even normal relationships. "One day" was as specific as Egon had been and Jessica, impatient to go back into Cameron's house, intended to pester him about that the next time she saw him. In the meantime, they were going to pursue a relationship without ever touching or being alone together for more than a few minutes. It wouldn't be easy, but hey, being half demon never is.

"Well," said Jessica, "he's still going to be living across the street. I can hardly just ignore him."

"Does he know you're only thirteen?"

"God, what do you people think he's going to do to me?" Jessica asked testily. "You don't need to worry. There's even a chance he might have some embarrassing personal problems that'll make him want to keep his fly well and truly zipped."

"What kind of personal problems?" Charlene couldn't help asking.

"Well, like maybe he'll have inherited his father's double-pronged penis."

Charlene winced. "I shouldn't have asked."

"And anyway he's never had a girlfriend before, and I've been kissed twice. Properly. That makes me more experienced than Cam is."

So Cameron was now Cam, was he? Yikes. Charlene didn't say any more. She just looked steadily at Jessica for several lingering seconds.

"What?" Jessica asked irritably.

"You will be careful, won't you?"

"Of course I will. I got a whole packet of condoms in my desk."

"Jessica!"

"Well." She disappeared behind her magazine again. "That's what you all seem to think of me."

Charlene sighed. "No one thinks that, Jessica."

"Huh."

"Oh come on. Talk about touchy."

"I am not touchy." Jessica threw down her magazine and picked up the piece of paper on which she had summarised her general state of health. "Come on - pass me a pen and I'll teach you how to play the Orange Game. Janine taught it to me this morning - it's hilarious. First I need you to give me the names of five boys we know."

Preparing herself for the worst (it was already sounding pretty low brow), Charlene picked up a pen, sat down on the end of the bed and resigned to play the Orange Game.

THE END