AN: Hey everybody, sorry for the long wait on the update. Before we get started, Reviewer Replies!
mekyaku: Yes, Tobuken Taiho is a punch version of Tobu Shigan. I'm very glad you enjoyed the Bluejam scene, it took quite a few tries to get right. Yes I'm quite familiar with FGO, I've tried rolling for Quetz and Old Man Li but haven't gotten either yet sadly. I do have Lancer Li, but he kinda gets a hard backseat because Kagetora is awesome and Cu was my first servant. Bones is indeed the type to trip people out with his moves, although I don't know that he'll mimic any particular out of series fighting styles. Thank YOU for your kind words, I'm very glad you're enjoying. :D
LucasVAMP: But...he is a pirate? He just hasn't joined the Strawhats yet because earning Reiju's trust meant more to him. Glad you're enjoying though! :D
Xanxouz: Glad you're enjoying! The bar scene and Bluejam battle were quite difficult to get exactly right, so I'm glad you enjoyed them. :)
GJO1088: Eh, pink and orange are close enough to red for me. A lot of so called 'redheads' I knew growing up were really just a highly unappealing orange, so if they get to qualify as redheads, I say Reiju, Koala and Nami do too. Lol, who said that was the first time Bones had killed somebody? Yes it really is one of Cross's biggest flaws, for all that he claims to see the big picture, he's totally blind to how much blood is actually on his hands. Bones on the other hand is acutely aware of it and has no problem with it. Regarding Bones's knack for running into important people, well, I had to keep his sections interesting somehow didn't I? Oh yes, Bones is unintentionally SUPERB at pissing people off. One could say he has a way with words...specifically the WRONG way. Yes Bones and Robin are going to find each other to be QUITE a handful. :)
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Chapter 3
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"Hey Captain, didn't you say you hated some Shanks guy?" Cabaji asked as he read the front page of his newspaper.
"With a flashy passion," Buggy confirmed before realizing something was off, "Why?"
Cabaji turned the paper around, "He made the front page stopping some rampaging dragon called Kaido."
"Gimme that!" Buggy demanded as he snatched the paper away and began quickly reading through the article that took up the entire front page.
He made it about halfway through the article before stopping, all the color draining from his face before rushing back a hundredfold as he loosed a roar that shook the entire town, "SHANKS'S BOUNTY IS WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
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Three hours later, Reiju actually sat down panting as she slid the cutlass she'd stolen from one of Buggy's crewmen back into its sheathe, "So that's what the Roger Pirates were like? That guy was a monster!"
The surrounding area was littered with bodies and buildings that had been smashed down by the two brawling Devil Fruit empowered pirate captains. If not for her iron skin, Reiju was certain she'd have died several times over due to the sheer number of opponents. She and Zoro had each been worth easily twenty of their opponents, but there had been far more than forty and they had all been excellently coordinated. I've seen special forces units that weren't that well organized, Reiju mused wryly, it's a shame he came after us the instant he realized we were here. They would've made fine allies.
"The Roger Pirates?" Zoro asked as Nami's head whipped around, "That guy used to sail with the pirate king?!"
Luffy sat bolt upright from where he'd laid out flat on his back in the middle of the now thoroughly demolished town, "That guy sailed with the King of Pirates?! No wonder he was so strong!"
Reiju nodded, "Bones says he used to be best friends with Red Haired Shanks, so I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that he was able to fight like that. What I want to know is what the hell set him off like that? Did someone mention his nose?"
"Yeah, what was up with that? There's no way that was his real nose was it?" Nami asked while dabbing at one of the cuts she was covered in, wincing slightly as the pain flared.
"It was," Reiju replied, "Bones said so."
"You keep talking about Bones," Nami mused, "Who is he?"
"Some oracle that got her out of a tight spot," Zoro replied as he pulled off his bandana and started wiping blood off his katana one after another, completely heedless of the numerous wounds which appeared to not be bothering him at all even though an ordinary person would probably be on the verge of death, "He had exact knowledge of the last big fight we were in down to the last hit and predicted Luffy getting caught by that giant bird that dropped him next to you, even if he was a cryptic bastard about it. I'll laugh about it later, but it scared the crap out of me when it happened."
Nami froze and then sat forward, "Wait, how did you know that Luffy landed right next to me?"
"And then he beat up three guys chasing you, you fed him, declared yourself a thief who steals from pirates when he asked you to join his crew and requested his help swindling Buggy which led to him being in that cage and nearly getting blown to smithereens," Reiju rattled off, "Am I wrong about any of that?"
Nami sat back wide eyed, her mind visibly racing. Then, "So, an oracle huh?"
"The first thing we've seen wrong in his predictions was Buggy going full on Roger Pirate like that," Reiju nodded, "And he had an exclusive warning about not making Buggy get serious because even he's not sure what all Buggy's actually capable of beyond having the potential to be one of the world's most powerful pirates hiding behind that goofy exterior. Judging by that fight," she glanced around at the wreckage of nearly half the town, "I'd say it was a pretty fair assessment. Oh, and Luffy, don't tell anyone here that we're pirates unless you want to have to run."
Luffy flopped back onto his back, "I'll be quiet." Then he raised his head back up and looked around, "Hey, did we get any of that treasure from Buggy?"
A big smile suddenly lit Nami's face, "Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" She suddenly hefted a sack of gold and money that had to weigh easily double what she did from behind the destroyed wall she was sitting on and hugged it like a kid with a teddy bear, "So. Much. TREASURE!"
"We should leave it for the people here to rebuild with," Luffy declared flatly before flopping back onto his back, completely heedless of the sudden expression on Nami's face.
Nami turned utterly crimson immediately and shrieked, "WHAT?!"
Reiju thought about it for a second and then stood up, "Nami? Can I talk to you for a moment?"
Nami turned her attention on Reiju, "IF YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME GIVE UP MY TREASURE THEN NO!"
"It's not about that," Reiju replied dryly, "Although I do think the Captain's right. Most of that probably belonged to the townspeople here anyway."
Nami flinched at that and grudgingly set the bag down before standing, "F-f-fine. What do you want to talk about?"
Reiju jerked her head off to the side, "Something you don't want anyone else hearing about."
Nami blinked in confusion and then went from slowly fading crimson to ghostly pale as she understood what Reiju meant, "Oh. Um, lead on."
Reiju nodded and led Nami a little ways away from Luffy and Zoro. Reiju figured they could both still hear her, but there was no need for Nami to know that. She laid a hand on Nami's shoulder, "Nami, I know what happened to you. I haven't told Zoro and Luffy, but I want you to understand that we're going to help you okay?"
"You can't," Nami declared sharply but quietly, "Even as bad as Buggy was, he's still nothing on Arlong."
Reiju nodded, "Bones said you'd think that, and he also said we'll prove you wrong."
"So what?" Nami asked quietly as she leaned back against the wall and looked at the ground, her orange hair falling forward to obscure her face, "He doesn't know what he's talking about. Has he actually seen Arlong? Has he seen what happens to anyone who challenges Arlong?"
"Yes, yes, and yes," Reiju replied simply, earning a shocked look from Nami, "Arlong is a fishman from the halfway point of the Grand Line. By Bones' estimate he is a sixty to eighty million beri combatant. He is beyond any shadow of a doubt one of the strongest pirates currently in the East Blue. Would you like to know something though?"
"What's that?" Nami asked quietly, still unable to meet Reiju's gaze as hope started to cut through the fog of dread in her mind at the mention of Arlong.
"I'm from the North Blue, and I've fought in the Grand Line," Reiju declared, "Luffy and Zoro? Zoro could beat Arlong by himself if he was in good condition and knew Arlong's tricks, which thanks to Bones, he will. Luffy? Luffy could go in completely blind, unarmed, half cocked, and goofy, and still win."
The declaration hit Nami like a punch in the gut, because there wasn't the slightest waver or doubt in Reiju's voice. Reiju smiled gently, "And before we get there, we'll be picking up the finest sniper in the East Blue and my brother who is as strong as any of us. What's more, you've also got me. Luffy, Zoro, Usopp and Sanji would win, even without me handy. I'll let you in on a little not so secret," she raised her hand and thick viscous maroon colored poison started dripping from her palm, "I've got an ability of my own, and mine's a lot more directly deadly than Luffy's. One touch from me and Arlong'll be dead within half an hour."
Nami stared at Reiju's hand for almost a full minute, her eyes slowly widening as her jaw started to drop, "Poison?" Then her eyes flickered to Reiju's hair, "Pink…"
Reiju nodded and Nami's hair stood on end in terror as she shrieked, "POISON PINK?! YOU'RE POISON PINK?! I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER!"
Reiju sighed, "Yes I am, no I'm not, and try to keep your voice down. It's not something I like to think about. My father pays the head of the World Economic Journal to fictionalize us to make our presence more shocking and terrifying. The whole 'ruled the entire North Blue for sixty six days' thing makes us a good, easy, acceptable villain for nearly a quarter of the world too. I don't have my Raid Suit or any of my weapons from Germa sadly. I was sleeping in the nude when Bones teleported me to the East Blue to help me escape, so I don't even have the clothes I had there."
Nami took a second to process that and then, "Wait, so he moved you while you were naked?"
"He was quite surprised about it," Reiju noted, "A perfect gentleman about it though. Offered me his shirt and jacket the instant he realized I didn't have any clothes on and asked me to cover up while he refused to look even though he very much wanted to."
"Sounds like a really great guy," Nami mused, then something else clicked with her, "Wait, you said we're going to get your brothers?!" A starry eyed smile graced her face, "All four of them?! With those four monsters there's no way we'll lose! Oh, are they single? I could kinda go for the bad boy thing!"
Reiju grimaced, "Not all four. Yes they're single, but the only one you'd want to even consider trying a relationship is the one we're going to get. You know him as Stealth Black."
Nami blinked and then stars erupted in her eyes anew, "Stealth Black?! We're going to get Stealth Black?! He's my favorite one!"
Reiju smiled faintly, "Ah, try not to hype him up too much in your mind. If he's anything like the other three then he's a total dork. Absurdly strong, very intelligent and quite handsome, but a dork."
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Several hundred miles away, Sanji was snapped back to reality by a sneeze in mid-swoon over the latest customers to sweet talk him into letting them go without paying. The customers in question, a pair of somewhat attractive blondes who were both wearing shirts which were unusually flattering to their figures and rather revealing at that, didn't notice. They were already on their way out the door laughing at him.
Sanji felt a teeny little crack form in his heart as he overheard the one he'd seen before tell her friend, "See? What did I tell you? He's so desperate!"
"What a dork," her friend laughed, "Too bad, he's a total hunk, but there's no way I can take him seriously with him acting like that! And you said he's like that with every girl that comes in?"
The door swung closed behind them and Sanji was approximately the same shade of white as the table cloth as he stood frozen, staring at the door. Other than being pale as a ghost, only the very slightest twitch of his face gave away how upset he was as he turned and almost mechanically began to collect the dishes.
"HEY SANJI! WHAT THE HELL?! DID YOU JUST LET THOSE TWO BROADS GO WITHOUT PAYING?!" Patty demanded as he rushed out of the kitchen. The look Sanji shot him cut off his tirade in its tracks and Patty suddenly became acutely aware that he was within striking distance of Sanji's subtly steel lined dress shoes.
Even more than that, he realized something was very wrong. Sanji normally didn't get the hearts out of his eyes and the pink fluff out of his head for at least three minutes after a good looking girl sweet talked him. Once a girl put the charm on him, talking to him was usually useless until he realized they were gone a few minutes later.
Right then though? The young sous chef was completely sobered up and looked ready to kill the next thing that crossed him.
It wasn't the loud, flamboyant and largely harmless fury he usually had with the other chefs, this was the very rare and incredibly dangerous look Patty only ever saw on the blonde's face when food was wasted. Patty gulped slightly as Sanji turned back to collecting the plates and then, "Ah…well, um, do ya need any help carryin' those?"
"I've got it. See to the next table," Sanji replied in a terse quiet voice that let Patty know immediately that whatever he had just missed, it had not been good.
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Nami thought about that for a moment and then shrugged with a small smile, "Eh, I can live with a bit of dorkiness if he's handsome and sweet."
Reiju nodded slightly, resigning herself to seeing Nami's idolized version of Sanji utterly squashed when she met the real deal. It certainly would be for any of her other brothers after all. Then she raised an eyebrow, "Oh one more thing, don't bring up Germa. He ran away when he was a child because the rest of our family was utterly horrible to him, I've only just found out where he is. They all think he's probably dead, and he'd probably prefer to keep it that way.
"Oh, and he can't turn invisible," she added, "The reason the others were horrible to him is because he didn't have special powers like the rest of us. My understanding from Bones is that he was a late bloomer but still never manifested the invisibility like he was supposed to. If I'd had any warning I was going to be transported I'd have grabbed the Raid Suit that was meant for him before he left Germa. That would've let him do it, but as it stands, he doesn't know it exists and I don't want to upset him with the knowledge that it does and we don't have it."
"He can't?" Nami pouted, "Well that sucks. He's still crazy strong and tough though right?"
Reiju nodded, "Like I said, Bones swears up and down that Sanji's as strong as Zoro and Luffy, and I think you've seen enough of them to know how strong that is."
"You sure do put a lot of stock in this Bones guy," Nami mused, "Where is he anyway?"
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…
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Bones sneezed for the third time in fifteen minutes and growled as the force of the sneeze caused his shoulders and head to ache. It wasn't really surprising that such sneezes would be painful given that they sent everything nearby that wasn't weighted down flying. If they weren't sitting on the picnic blanket, it would've been draped over somebody's head.
"Point that air cannon somewhere else!" Koala snapped as she put her hat back on, "Geez! How do you even begin to sneeze that hard?!"
Bones tried to rub the stars from his eyes, "Sorry Cuddles, they've always been like that, and they've only gotten stronger here recently."
"Cuddles?" Koala asked in a warning tone.
"You're small, adorable and look cuddly," Yamato explained as she petted the ears of the five-hundred pound tiger she'd tamed half an hour earlier and was now using as a pillow, "He gives nicknames to his friends. If you don't like it, he'll change it."
Bones nodded and cracked an eye as the stars finally faded, "Have you got another nickname you'd prefer?"
"Just call me Koala!"
Bones grimaced, "I may have to. I really don't know you anything like well enough yet to come up with a nickname that's anything less than extremely flirty and affectionate. I'd rather Sabo not kill me when he wakes up. Don't know if he could but don't wanna find out either."
"What makes you think I can't?" Koala asked irritably.
"Simple," Bones answered and was suddenly gone. Koala grudgingly noted that his speed was actually very impressive, even with her Observation, she'd only just seen the blur.
After a few minutes of silence, Yamato looked over at Koala, "I think that means he likes you too much to ever fight you and is pretty sure he can outrun you."
"Is he always this annoying?" Koala asked grumpily.
"Nah," Yamato replied as she stretched and looked up at the sky, "He means well, he's just apparently crap at talking to girls he likes. He's fine when it's just me and him, but the instant a girl he's attracted to enters the picture, he's utterly hopeless. I think it gets worse the more he likes them.
She sat up and looked Koala in the eye, "He saved a princess the other day and even though he had no intentions other than to help her, he still managed to constantly piss her off so bad that like half of what they said to each other was her threatening to kill him and him convincing her not to. He frustrated her to tears even though he absolutely adores her, and he was utterly furious with his own inability to convince her he was trying to help. They finally split up after like half a day together and I honestly think if I hadn't shown myself when I did, he probably would've sat in the boat crying his eyes out for the rest of the day."
"Seriously?" Koala asked, "Was it really that bad?"
"Oh yeah," Yamato nodded, "And the worst part is that she was actually starting to like him too, but the circumstances had her so freaked out that she couldn't trust him even though by the time they parted ways she wanted to so bad it hurt."
"Wow," Koala grimaced, "What did he do?"
So Yamato proceeded to explain the situation between Reiju and Bones. Meanwhile, in a different port town than the one they'd been in the day before, Bones bought a guitar.
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…
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Three days later, on a sleepy little island ringed by rocky bluffs, the security staff of a large and ostentatious mansion found themselves befuddled, "Um, I wasn't aware anyone had called for a doctor, Miss…?"
"Reiju," declared the professional looking young woman with pink hair and blue eyes that seemed to be daring them to challenge her while also warning of extreme pain should they do so, "I was not called. Rather an upstanding young man in town mentioned that there was a patient in need of my assistance here. Are you trying to tell me that there is not a young blonde woman here whose health has been in a precarious state for the last fourteen months?"
"Well, yes, Miss Kaya has been quite under the weather since her parents' passing last year but…"
"But nothing," Reiju snapped imperiously, "Show me to my patient."
"You might wanna do what she says," Nami mused in her nurse's outfit, "Doc's from the Grand Line and she can get kiiinda scary when people try to keep her from her patients. She takes her Doctor's Oath very seriously."
"What is the meaning of all this?" A tall bespectacled man demanded as he approached from within the manor grounds before asking Reiju, "Who are you? If you are trying to sell something we are not grk!"
"Go to sleep and get out of my way," Reiju ordered the bespectacled butler coldly as the two guards wondered when exactly she had moved to stick a needle into the butler's shoulder. Reiju turned back to them with a terrifying look in her eyes as the butler collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut, "Would anyone else like to attempt to stop me from upholding my medical oath?"
"No ma'am, we'll go let Miss Kaya know you're here right away!" the two guards chorused as they bolted for the manor.
Once they were gone, Nami shot Reiju a slightly frightened look, "Um…so what exactly did you just stick him with?"
Reiju smirked slightly, gently twirling the syringe between her fingers before sticking it back into the bag of medical supplies she'd picked up in Orange Town, "Oh…nothing much. Just an approximate dose of anesthetic, judging by his height and body type. I was able to prepare several different dosages in Orange Town. Assuming I guessed his weight right, which I usually do, he should be out for about an hour."
After a moment of silence Reiju offhandedly asked if Nami knew that apples contained deadly poison.
Nami took a second to process that, then remembered they had been eating apples for three days and went ghostly pale, "The apples were poison?"
Reiju gave a small snort of laughter before explaining quietly, "No, just a fun bit of trivia. The apples were fine. The seeds on the other hand actually are rather poisonous if you eat enough of them. Thanks to my ability, I can metabolize it safely and even alter its chemical structure to produce different effects, such as timed release and triggers. It's actually one I'm quite practiced with since apples are my favorite. Oh look, the good one."
Nami followed Reiju's gaze to see a very distressed looking gentleman with white hair that reminded her inexplicably of a sheep hurrying out to meet them with the two guards.
"You must be Merry," Reiju declared warmly with a kind smile that caught Merry and the two guards completely by surprise, "I was informed that you were by far the more reasonable of this estate's two chiefs of staff. I am a doctor and I've been informed that the head of the house is in poor health. I'd like to offer my services. I am an expert in matters of toxicology and a fair hand at treating most other ailments as well."
Merry took a second and then, "I see. Well, um, may I ask to see your credentials doctor?"
Reiju sighed, "Unfortunately most of our belongings were lost in a pirate attack the other day. My assistant and I managed to escape on one of the life boats, and we grabbed some of my supplies as we were fleeing, but most of our supplies went to treating the victims and all of my paperwork was in my luggage."
A pained grimace twisted her face into a twitching mess that looked nearly on the verge of tears, "Two hundred and forty nine pages of thesis…torched!" The way she forced the word out was almost a squeak, and if Nami hadn't known she was lying through her teeth, would've had her asking about it later.
"A pirate attack you say?" Merry asked with immediate concern, "Around here? Oh, and my sincere condolences about your thesis."
Reiju wiped an honest to gods tear from her eye and took a deep breath, "Yes, One Two Jango and the Black Cat Pirates attacked our ship a week ago a little ways north of here. We were very lucky to escape."
"Doc's been trying to bury herself in work to keep from thinking about it," Nami explained, "She's been going around from town to town helping everyone she can. She hasn't even been charging!"
"Which my dear assistant hates dreadfully," Reiju grimaced.
"Your services are worth millions of beris and you're just doing this for free?! I know you're upset but have you lost your mind?!" Nami screeched as her face turned crimson and her orange hair seemed to suddenly combust.
"We've had this argument a lot recently," Reiju stage whispered to Merry with a cheeky grin.
Merry laughed rather nervously. Nami's rage was a fearsome thing to behold, "Aha, I, ah, I see. Well, we've had numerous doctors examine Miss Kaya since she fell ill, but perhaps you can find something they can't. It certainly can't hurt to allow an examination right? Oh um, what did you do to Klahadore?"
"A minor anesthetic," Reiju replied easily, "He'll have a nice hour long doctor prescribed nap which will then turn into a natural sleep. He should wake up this evening, but if he wakes up sooner, then try to get him to sit down and take it easy. His body should not naturally wake up in less than the next four hours. If he wakes up and is immediately alert, you need to keep a very close eye on him because it means his circulation is badly overclocked. That vein I saw twitching in his eyelid is a sign of significant hypertension and he does seem like the type to get too worked up unnecessarily. I know it's likely pointless to tell him to take it easy a little, but I've seen younger men than him work themselves up until their hearts give out. I had one man get so worked up he actually gave himself a seizure. Sometimes if I'm nearby I can save them, but far too often I'm not, and sometimes they're simply gone by the time I arrive. He seemed like a very dedicated gentleman, I'm sure you'd hate to lose him."
"Oh, yes of course, and I do apologize if he was rude to you, he's just so very overprotective of Miss Kaya and…" as Reiju and Merry walked towards the manor, Nami would almost never have guessed that the pinkette had poisoned the tall man being dragged away by his coworkers.
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…
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"Are you really sure this is going to work?" Usopp asked as he lined up the shot atop a log nearly a meter thick.
"Reiju says it'll work, so it will," Zoro replied simply, "Just make sure we don't miss."
"Shishishishi, Reiju sure is smart isn't she?" Luffy chuckled.
"Well, I know I never would've thought to turn a rubber man into a rubber band," Usopp mused, "Alright, a little to the left, about a hand's width higher…perfect. Alright, now just let me get off the top of this…"
Usopp slid off the top of the sharpened log Zoro had made out of a tree bigger around than he was and the corresponding launcher stand he was adjusting to Usopp's specifications to sink the pirate ship that was hovering on the horizon. Usopp stepped clear of the two outstretched rubber arms and Zoro did the same, "Alright Luffy, make absolutely sure you kick the dead center of the log okay?"
"Shishishi, no problem!" BOOOINGPOWFWOOSH! Usopp watched in awe as the log sailed out of sight, only to reappear a moment later in his spy glass, slamming through the side of the pirate ship.
Usopp stared for a moment and then went pale and gulped, "W-wow…you actually did it…I've never even heard of cannons making a shot like that…" then a nervously hopeful grin grew on his face, "but…we just did!"
THUNK! "Yep," Zoro replied nonchalantly as he dropped another log onto the stand, "Now make sure our aim's still right so we can do it again."
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…
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Meanwhile, a few islands away…
Sabo's eyes popped open and he glanced around, immediately confused about his whereabouts as he registered that he was in the back of a wagon. The countryside was a carpet of wild flowers beneath the most peacefully blue sky he could recall having ever seen. A gentle breeze caressed his cheek as he noticed a windmill on a nearby hill and he felt a surge of nostalgia, home…
Then Koala noticed he was awake and shot him a smile, "Oh good, you're awake!"
Sabo blinked, that wasn't nearly as emotional as I was expecting. I must not have been out long, "Hey, how long was I out?"
"Three days and a fight that nearly got us both killed," Koala snapped, "Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"
"WHAT?!" Sabo exclaimed as he sat bolt upright, "I MISSED FIFTEEN MEALS?!"
Before Koala could respond a raucous laugh burst out from behind Sabo, "That's exactly what Luffy would say!"
"Some ties run deeper than blood," another voice replied.
Sabo whirled and saw the back of two familiar heads driving the wagon, one looking over the back of the seat to grin at him. "You're…the two from the pub…" his gaze slid to Koala, "…why?"
Koala snorted at him, "They're actually the ones who saved us, and they brought us all the way to Dawn Island so you can see your family. Bones is still insufferable, but Yamato's cool."
The grin she shot the back of Bones's head made it clear she thought no such thing, but that was lost on Bones as he whirled with a horror struck and slightly hurt expression, "Whaaa…? But…b-b…Awww…" He turned back to face the front grumbling glumly, "Thought we were making progress. It's good you're awake by the way," he added, "According to the map we're almost to Foosha! Do you think I can talk Mayor Woop Slap out of his paper?"
"Not if he's not done with, wait a minute you know Mayor Woop Slap?!" Sabo asked.
"Minor side character, know the name, the face, a couple of notable traits," Bones replied tiredly.
"Side character?" Sabo asked with a note of concern over the idea that somebody would relegate another person, an actual person, to the status of 'side character'. It was a foul tasting thought, almost like calling someone 'slave' or 'trash'. There was something just, utterly dehumanizing about it.
"Long story short Sabo-kun, Bones there is New World grade bullshit," Koala explained nonchalantly, "I'm still not sure I believe him about getting yanked into a story book about our world from another world, but I currently don't have a better explanation, and his abilities have got New World written all over him, so for now I'm just classifying his entire existence under 'New World Bullshit'."
Sabo nodded, momentarily pondering that such an explanation was actually completely understandable and valid, "And Miss…Yamato was it?"
"Yamato-san," Yamato corrected.
"Yamato likes Wano's suffixes better than normal prefixes," Koala explained.
Sabo nodded and then glanced at the very clearly a beautiful (if very tall) woman in the front of the wagon, "I see. My apologies Yamato-san."
Yamato smirked lightly at him, "No prob, just don't go thinking I'm some girly girl. I'm not a girl, I'm Oden."
"Oden…" Sabo racked his brains quickly, "I've heard that name…"
"Infamous samurai from Wano, the rightful shogun, formerly the commander of the Whitebeard Pirates' Second Division, later sailed with Gold Roger on the Pirate King's final voyage, and would've taken down Kaido twenty years ago if he hadn't been tricked and killed," Koala explained quickly.
Sabo raised an eyebrow and Koala shot a smile at a pouting Yamato, "Sorry Yamato, we're almost to Foosha, he wouldn't have had time to hear the entire story."
Yamato sighed, "Yeah, probably."
"You're…Oden?" Sabo asked cautiously, Devil Fruit shenanigans?
"Specifically she took up his cause after his death and decided to be the hero Wano needs," Bones replied before Yamato could. Yamato shot him a glare that evaporated when he added without even sparing a glance, "Dunno about Wano, but I'd rather have one Yama-chan with me than nine Odens. Yama-chan and Oden-sama would be nice, having both would definitely be the best-case scenario, but if I had to pick one or the other, I don't think Oden-sama would disagree with me wanting Yama-chan around."
Sabo noted Yamato's shocked look and the embarrassed blush that bloomed in its wake before shooting a questioning glance at Koala. Koala made a face and laid her hand flat before tilting it from side to side in a noncommittal gesture.
Sabo shot a glance at Yamato and then turned his gaze back to Koala quirking an eyebrow.
Koala made a slightly agonized face and then one of resignation with a dismissal hand gesture.
Sabo blinked and then nodded before turning back to find Yamato and Bones watching them over their shoulders with bemused smirks. Bones grinned at Yamato, "Told ya they were a thing."
"Oh I could tell that at a glance," Yamato replied breezily, "More importantly, did you catch any of what they were saying?"
"Sabo asked if we were a couple and Koala said kinda-sorta-not-really. Sabo asked if she was sure because you're beautiful and clearly amazing and I'd have to be crazy to not notice, and Koala said it's complicated so she'd explain later," Bones rattled off easily, "But I'll save her the trouble by explaining that while I am incredibly attracted to you Yama-chan, we're still in the getting to know each other phase since we only met, what less than a week ago?"
"Five days," Yamato replied, trying hard to stifle the slight blush.
Bones nodded, "Right, five days." His eyes suddenly gained a far-off look, "I've been in this world for five days…God, my family must be freaking out." He shook his head after a moment and shot a glance and forced smile over his shoulder, "But that's enough about me, today's a big day for you eh Sabo?"
It was then that Sabo realized there was a very familiar village at the bottom of the hill they had just crested.
"Welcome home Sabo," Bones declared with a small smile. Then he glanced over his shoulder, "Sabo?" His head whipped back around and he saw a rapidly retreating figure in a top hat barely visible through the cloud of dust left in it's wake. Bones smiled, "Ha, well, it is a reasonable reaction. I was kinda hoping to get a picture of the moment for him. Oh well. On we go! Upsy-daisy Eeyore!" He gently popped the reins to spur the calm donkey that had been pulling the cart back into motion.
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…
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"Say ah," Reiju instructed gently with a smile. Kaya obliged and Reiju peered down her throat before gently checking her lymph nodes and pulse. Reiju nodded, "Alright, now we'll check for lung function. Take deep breath and hold it as long as you can."
Kaya took a deep breath and held it for what Reiju counted to be 35 seconds before letting it out. Reiju nodded, "Alright, good, good, please lift," she shot a glance at Merry, "Sir, would you mind stepping out or covering your eyes for a moment?"
Merry blinked and then his eyes went wide, "Oh! Of course." He stepped out and Reiju had Kaya lift her dress so that the stethoscope could reach the spot between Kaya's shoulderblades, "Alright, breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…breathe out…big deep breath…back out…" Reiju moved the stethoscope over to the other side and repeated the instructions before nodding and packing away her stethoscope. Nami was the only one who noticed Reiju take a quick lick of her fingers while Kaya's back was turned. Reiju raised an eyebrow as she shot a glance at Kaya but then smiled, "Alright Miss Kaya, that about does it for the physical exam."
Reiju sat back down and smiled as Kaya turned to face her, "Alright Kaya, I'm going to ask you some questions. Some of them may seem a little strange, but I think I've an idea of your ailment now so I need you to answer honestly for me, okay?"
Kaya nodded, "I'll do my best." Reiju nodded, "Alright and if you don't mind, I'd like to check your pulse while we go through the questions, just a little double check." Kaya offered Reiju her hand and Reiju accepted it, gently pressing her thumb to Kaya's wrist, "Alright Kaya, when would you say your symptoms started?"
"It was…last year," Kaya forced out, "Right after my parents…"
Reiju nodded, "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. How often do you do the things you did before you became ill?"
"Um…not often, I've, mostly stayed in bed," Kaya admitted.
"Are there any particular times of day when your symptoms feel reduced? When you feel just a little bit better?" Reiju asked.
Kaya thought for a moment and then blushed slightly, "Um…I'm not sure if it counts, but whenever Usopp comes by to tell me stories, I usually feel better."
Reiju smiled, "Okay, and when he's not here?"
"It's…like a cloud goes over the sun and the rain won't stop and the whole world's just gone gray!" Kaya spilled out in a rush, "Please don't tell me I can't see Usopp anymore! Klahadore already doesn't like him, if a doctor says seeing him is bad for me then they'll never let him in here to see me again!"
Reiju rose and tugged Kaya into a hug, "Shhh…don't worry. I'll say nothing of the sort. In fact, I think I've confirmed your diagnosis."
Kaya's eyes went wide, "You have?!"
Reiju nodded with a smile as she drew back, "I have. Mr. Merry? You can come back in now, I have a diagnosis."
Merry all but burst back into the room, "You do?!"
Reiju nodded, "It's quite simple. Kaya is clinically depressed, a sadness so profound that it actually affects her health and self-perpetuates if left alone."
Merry and Kaya's jaws dropped in unison.
"You mean, it's all in my head?" Kaya asked nervously.
"Your head and heart," Reiju replied simply as she extracted a pen and notebook from her bag, "Treatment will be a rather long process, but a simple one. I'm writing down a number of foods which have been proven by the finest scientists in the world to improve one's mood and vitality. Mr. Merry, I will be relying on you to ensure that they are incorporated into Kaya's diet frequently. Not all the time and make sure you change it up regularly. Routine is one of the worst things you can do in this state, as is staying in bed all day and night. You need to get outside and live. You can start small and ease back into it, a walk around the house, a walk in the garden and then into town. If there's anywhere you want to go," Reiju shot Kaya a smile, "Then why wait?"
"I know you're probably not feeling up to it right now," Reiju added gently, "but if you just wait for this to clear up on its own without taking matters into your own hands a bit, it'll hang around forever. Make yourself eat three times a day, even if you're not hungry. It doesn't have to be much, but your body can't bounce back if you don't eat. Starving yourself will only make you feel worse. Get up and go see your friends, make some new friends if you haven't got enough to go see. Find something you're interested in and dive into it. I know you may feel like you haven't got anything left to live for," Reiju finished quietly, "I know that's how I felt when my mother passed away and I lost my little brother at sea, but you have to keep going. They wouldn't want you to give up Kaya."
Reiju's eyes were watering slightly as she gave Kaya one of the most earnest beautiful smiles Nami had ever seen and then Kaya absolutely broke. She clung to Reiju like a lifeline and cried her eyes out for what seemed like a very long time, Reiju just calmly comforting her the entire time.
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…
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As Reiju and Nami strolled away from Kaya's manor an hour later, the deed to a caravel in tow, Nami finally mustered the nerve to ask, "So…I know you're an incredible actress, how much of that in there was real?"
"All of it," Reiju replied nonchalantly.
"So…your mom…" Nami asked hesitantly.
Reiju slowed to a stop and exhaled, "My brothers and I all have abilities. We're stronger, faster, smarter than normal people. Our skin is as hard as armor plating, and our hearts are as cold as stone. I can be your friend, I can place a value on your life higher than what I place on my own. I can do that easily. I can also turn around and kill someone I worked desperately to save only a few minutes earlier in an instant and not feel a goddamn thing other than some frustration at having wasted my time. My brothers are the same way, perfect killing machines. I remember what it is to be human, but my brothers never experienced it at all. We're no more people than a gun," she declared bitterly before continuing.
"That's a result of my father doing experimental surgeries on them before they were born, and me after. Our mother didn't believe in what my father was doing to us, and took experimental drugs to try to reverse what he'd done to my brothers. Those drugs killed her, and of the four of them, only Sanji was saved from what my father had planned. When Sanji wasn't a perfect killing machine, when he came out as a perfectly normal wonderful human, my father threw him in prison, locked an iron mask onto his head, and told everyone in the kingdom that he was dead."
Reiju took a deep breath, "Our brothers found out he was alive and began using him for a punching bag again until I was able to help him escape. That was the last time I ever saw him."
"So…what you said to Kaya…"
"The man who told me those words was the family physician," Reiju explained quietly, "He had tended to my mother in her final hours and was the one to discover what I had been doing when I was at my lowest point. He was the one who sparked my interest in medicine," Reiju closed her eyes, "He saved my life…" A tear slid down her cheek that she immediately raised a hand to hide, "And that monster killed him for it."
Nami was shocked silent by the admission, and they might've been there for a long time had not a very blood splattered Zoro asked, "Do I need to kill somebody?"
"If they made our friends cry then yes," an equally blood splattered Luffy declared.
"Um…wow, you guys are really over protective huh?" Usopp asked before turning to Nami, "Um, speaking of overprotective, ah…how's Kaya?"
Reiju exhaled sharply, "To answer all those questions in order," She raised her head and met their gaze, "Zoro, yes we are going to rain down fiery hellish vengeance if we ever get the chance. Usopp, yes Zoro and Luffy are exactly as overprotective as family should be, and Kaya's going to be just fine. She has a nasty case of clinical depression, but I've prescribed a treatment regimen and explained to her and Merry both what it is and how to fight it. She should make a full recovery Usopp. Oh, I also poisoned Kuro in a way that'll make it look like he had a terrible seizure, so that threat's been dealt with."
Then she raised the deed to the caravel she'd procured as thanks for her services, "And I got us a ship!"
Before Usopp could respond, one of the security staff from Kaya's mansion came racing down the road towards them, "DOCTOOOR!" He skidded up to her, "Oh thank god I caught you! It's terrible! Just like you said! Klahadore woke up too early and got angry and then he just keeled over!"
Reiju's expression turned deadly serious, "Let's go." If she hadn't just admitted to it, none of her crewmates would ever have guessed as she hurried away that she had been the one to kill the pirate captain turned butler.