I do not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the characters, equipment, or locations written in this fanfiction. The purpose of this fanfiction is merely for the non-profit enjoyment of other readers. If requested by Gainax, Hideki Anno, or other parties which represent aforementioned objects in this story, I will remove it promptly.
Chapter XXIII:
"I'm not surprised you're banning me from NERV," I sighed, leaning against the wall of the light rail car. "What is it this time? Did the psychologist wet himself?"
"You threatened to murder civilians with the Eva!" the aged man coughed out hoarsely, trying to look intimidating. However, Fuyutsuki was far beyond his prime. I wondered if an infinite existence in a nursing home as divine punishment in Instrumentality would be enough to get him off my back, when Tabris grinned in amusement of my comment. "The Sixth Child, Kaworu Nagisa, has been chosen as the pilot for Unit-02."
"Unit-02?" I asked in confusion. "You don't trust him with Unit-04? Or is Asuka mastering that Eva?"
"Pilot Soryu," Kouzou started, rubbing his forehead in an attempt to relieve stress, "is... indefinitely hospitalized." That wasn't supposed to happen, and something seemed off. The paranoia came back as I considered the scenario might require the German girl to make some amazing recovery of her mental faculties at the verge of vegetable life. Gendo would clearly be more than willing to carry out a medically-induced coma, but I was wondering if that were the real cause. "She would be classified as comatose, but she keeps repeating one word."
"What word?"
"Why are you privileged to know?"
"It is most unfortunate," Nagisa began, "Unit-04 is an impressive construct." Construct? Why did he choose that specific word? That was the same way I described the Eva. Nodding hesitantly, I started to feel a stabbing headache. Gripping my head in both hands, I shut my eyes tightly. Minor echoes seemed to whisper in my mind. Then I felt Kaworu's footsteps in the soles of my shoes, the thin gauge steel plating of the light rail car perfect for sensing movement. "Is something wrong?" Tabris asked. But it was worse, as I didn't hear it just in my ears, but his question rang out in my head.
"I think... you know what is happening," I spoke, breathing in quick gasps to keep the nauseous feelings under control. If anything, the rapid breathing just made me light-headed, bringing more nausea. I closed my eyes tighter, and just let my body slide to a fetal position on the floor. I didn't even want to think about who had put or done what on the aged floor I was lying on, as I was feeling too sick to think clearly. My head wouldn't stop pounding, and even the thought of whiskey just made me want to puke.
"Pilot Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked. That was the first time he didn't hesitate when using that particular surname to address me. Now I strongly regretted the chilidog and orange juice I had improvised for lunch that day. I was just about to ask for an ambulance when the stomach contents all came up, sliding towards the opposite end of the car as the train took a turn. Fuyutsuki's black leather shoes were stained, as well as Kaworu's sneakers. "IKARI!" the professor's voice cried out, seeming to fade out into the background noise.
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At least the smell was gone. Whoever washed the bile out of my hair, I was hoping to thank them generously if I ever met them. Again I woke up in the same hospital room as before, an intravenous drip supplied to my right arm. "Why do you keep coming by?" I grumbled, running my left hand over my face as the major stood over me. "I'm not your favorite pilot, after all."
"What happened?" Katsuragi asked the same question again, but now in a more pleading tone. Okay, so her catch phrase for me wasn't "don't you dare", but "what happened?" It wasn't much of an upgrade, but it seemed to fit my role perfectly. I went from the troublemaker to the bizarre character in a situational comedy. I should have chosen the name Murphy. "Susan? Can you hear me?"
"Is it safe?" I asked. "This needs to be secret." My vision was still hazy, but now both eyes were open, the stereoscopic effect helping me realize Katsuragi was turning her head left and right. She nodded, which brought back a slight feeling of nausea, but it passed. "Disable Unit-02 and Unit-04. Lock them down in bakelite."
"Why?" she asked. Misato's breathing became panicked. "What aren't you telling me?" Remembering my mistake from before with the hidden cameras in the detention cell, I mouthed the words "Nagisa", and "Angel." Misato couldn't believe it, or at least I didn't think she could. "You... you lie!" she cried.
"Where is... Asuka?" I groaned, touching the left side of my face. The feeling seemed to be coming back, and I noticed after a few attempts that I could at least twitch the upper eyelid. Misato shook her head sadly, a few tears trickling down her cheek. "Will she recover?" I asked. Again, Misato shook her head.
"I will go... disable the Evas," she started, turning towards the door.
There was one other possibility to deal with Kaworu. I knew keeping the Eva from him would simply lead him to another course of action to get what he wanted, which could be far more difficult to predict. "Wait a minute," I cried out, reaching for the major. Misato looked back at me, an excited, nervous smile on her face. Was it hope? Hope for what? "Hide Unit-04 in Terminal Dogma, and the minute there is trouble, send me down there."
Misato's smile faded. "Then, you will need this," she said, handing me her cellphone. "You still don't carry yours with you, do you?" I shook my head. The major stumbled out of the room. I thought I could hear her start to sob again before the door closed. Whatever was going on, I was just so tired. I was tired of being angry, tired of having to fight other people, and mostly tired of having to deal with other people. I was too tired to care about what their problems were.
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The headache was gone, which gave me the time to think that all I really wanted was a nice dinner, and a quiet evening drive on some windy country road in California with Asuka, Hikari, and Kensuke. Shinji had too much baggage for too little spine, and Rei was just cold. Asuka, Hikari, and Kensuke, I suppose I could deal with, if I didn't put the fear of God into them. Now I knew what Soryu meant when she said it would be convenient to be friends with Rei. True friendship would not come my way, not in this world.
There was a knock on the door. "Come in," I called out, another phrase I made sure to memorize in Japanese. Maya walked in, a false smile on her face. Joining her was Doctor Reynolds. We chatted for a few moments, before coming to the subject of what else was wrong with my body. "What is it this time?"
"The left side of your face, if you've noticed, is starting to work again," Reynolds began. "I talked to the physician who treated you, and they told me that side was twitching while you were unconscious." I nodded. That didn't seem too bad. "But we have a problem."
Ben held up a penlight to my eyes, studying their lack of reaction. "The pupils are not dilating. Why aren't you squinting? It should be too bright." I shook my head. For some reason, the light level, regardless of what it was, seemed perfectly fine to me. "Something really wrong is going on up there, and the neurologist insists on more extensive tests."
"Great," I grumbled.
•••••••••••••
Two hours of tests, and it wasn't as bad as I expected. It was worse. At least I could give up the eyepatch, as neuromuscular control slowly came back to all of my face. I almost didn't notice Lieutenants Makoto and Shigeru walk behind me in the target range to the armory. They must have been surprised to see me down there, the modified AR-15 assault rifle heavy in my hands, the drop in weights to the buttstock and foreend helping stabilize it for match competitions. I was in a sitting position, legs crossed, giving me good bone support for my left arm. It took a few more seconds for me to notice Ibuki was with them, the woman leading the way.
I was glad to see she was taking her own survival more seriously. It still sickened me sometimes, remembering what happened to her. I always wondered how she could think and feel about herself the same as she did before. I had the same doubts and unsettling feelings around Ritsuko as well, but Maya was different. She was pure, innocent before that trouble in Nevada, and the very thought of those corpses made me want to hurt them again. "Susan?" Maya asked. She waited until I squeezed off a few more rounds before she tapped my shoulder.
I toggled the action selector to safe, and set the rifle aside. "Just sighting in a new scope," I answered, nodding to the weapon. Rather than the carry handle above the charging handle, this match grade AR-15 had a picatinny rail set up. This made it easy for the new variable power 40 millimeter scope to be mounted. "Bore-sighting is far easier on an AR-15 than a Kalishnikov," I continued.
"P-pilot Ikari?" Hyuga stuttered, watching me take a long swig from the bottle of whiskey. It was disturbing me how much I was becoming reliant on the buzz from alcohol, but it is the only thing I could do to stomach everything that had happened in this world. I just glared at the man, making him squirm. "We... we heard things... how you tried to kill some girls at school."
I just took another swig, the bottle nearly empty.
"You... you were going to kill people... with the EVA..." Aoba grimaced, his voice barely above a whisper. "You would actually do that? Actually target the shelters?"
"Yeah," I grumbled.
"How-how can you say that?" Makoto gasped. The lieutenant gripped the collar of my black tactical vest, jerking me up to stand. "We are fighting to protect those people!"
"Hyuga!" Ibuki cried. However, the man did not let go. "Susan, please," Maya contiued. "The Suzuki family, they use those shelters, too! What about them?" My cold, distant stare seemed to answer her question as the woman folded her arms near her stomach as a defensive posture. Her face pulled down into a sad, dejected form. "You would... hurt them too? Your friends?"
"You think it's easy, just pulling the trigger?" Aoba started in his sarcastic, Earthly wisdom hippie voice. How in the hell someone like him ended up an officer, I'd never understand. People like him were the reason this whole organization had been allowed to get away with so much. People like him were far too used to criticizing actions, but never took action. They were observers, not heroes.
"It's never easy," I snarled, taking another swig of whiskey. "You take everything a person has, and everything they would have had." I slung the rifle over my shoulder, and squinted at him, pulling my jaw tight until I was clenching my teeth. The gaunt features of my face were far too masculine to give the desired curves and features which made a female my age cute. But if I were male in this world, it would have made me look tough, dangerous, and handsome. Instead, a female with my features and scars just looked like a bitter, mean goat.
"You would kill them?" Ibuki sniffled, "just like those soldiers in Nevada?"
"I would be 33 this December, if the me in this world were not already dead," I grumbled, disengaging the safety on the rifle. Taking another swig, I chucked the bottle downrange. Quickly I flipped the selector to full automatic, the rifle being an obsolete A1 variant, and just went at the improvised target. I nailed it after two squeezes of the trigger. The anger flared up again, and I let loose. The automatic fire echoed for seconds after I finally ran out of ammunition. "NOW I WON'T EVEN LIVE PAST FOURTEEN! Why the hell shouldn't I kill these people? They're nothing! They make Asuka, Rei, and Shinji climb into those things, risk their lives for them?"
The three lieutenants stood in shocked silence. "And you! All of you just let those kids get pushed around until they end up dead or thrown away for a more proficient Child. WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION ME?" I would have said more, but I shouted so much I nearly lost my voice. As it was, I was strongly considering the weapon in my hands. How easy it would have been. Just wipe the rifle clean of prints, and toss it away at the bazaar later tonight. It would be nothing for me to get away with.
Makoto was against the armory wall, the barrel in his mouth not five seconds later. I took his glasses away, more as a courtesy. They were just another object to weigh him down before his death. He didn't need them anymore. Shigeru tried to stop me, threatening to shoot. But I told him I was quicker, and Maya stopped him. Aoba didn't believe it, but Ibuki did. She knew, because she had seen it in Nevada.
"Chris!" a voice shouted to my right, coming from the range entrance. It was so long since I had heard my name, I almost didn't react. But I knew that tone, regardless of the name. It was the same I had heard in school, the same I had heard from friends and family, scared to death as to what I was capable of, trying in vain to instill discipline. It wasn't so much my transgressions as the fact I had little or no pity for my "peers". Somehow considering a person as nothing more than a system which can be turned on or off, made to live or die, was seen as inappropriate. Such creatures had no intellect, no value to me. They were merely obstacles, and death was just the final tool in my various means to clear the road.
"Chri-Susan... whoever you are," Misato called out softly. "Please, just..." What could this woman tell me to do? How did she have the right to stop me from doing what needed to be done? Hate, vengeance, the desire for power are all natural desires. "Just... please... for Shinji?"
"Damn it," I muttered, pulling the rifle away from Hyuga. Keeping the AR-15 in my hands, the barrel in the general direction of my new enemies, I simply stared straight back at their wide, tearful eyes. Such a name, such an insignificant noun for a boy, a failure, had stopped me. I thought back to the oath I had made with Unit-02, and my desire to set things right. How could I keep my word when something like Shinji Ikari's name could stop me from this?
Misato's warm hug and tear-streaked face had an effect, regardless of how I tried to block it out. I had to remain strong, distant, cold, but it wouldn't work. I knew what had happened meant something to her. It started to make sense. She was afraid. Katsuragi believed she could offer nothing to the Children, that she could not shield them from evil or stop them from destroying themselves. She couldn't help the others: Ayanami, Ikari, Soryu, or Suzahara. However, something as simple as preventing one person's death had given her hope that she could save me.
"You heard from Reynolds?" I asked. Misato nodded. "I'm just tired. Tell Nagisa and the Committee to hurry up. No more school, no more people. I want these Angels out of my head, and I want this whole goddamn world over with." Misato opened her mouth, probably about to say something like "But there's so much else to live for." But she was smarter than that. In the end she hadn't saved me, or the rest of the world.
She just saved one worthless, coward of a lieutenant who would die anyway.
End of Chapter XXIII
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