Aslan could remember the night Susan established that she would differ from her family and from any other monarch of Narnia. He knew that whatever He could and would do, this daughter of Eve would react unlike her siblings would. Every time He looked back to the memory, He was also reminded that it was one of the reasons He hailed her as The Gentle.
"No one is told any story but their own."
It was the first night of peace and it was spent in celebration. He had walked amid His people, basking in the warmth and the optimism of a new age. The Deep Magic had finally breathed unhindered. The Deeper Magic had flowed as it had always been. Narnia, the land itself, had sung a song He hadn't heard before and to this He listened intently.
His to-be monarchs had asked Him variations of the same question, and He had answered the same way.
"No one is told a story but their own."
To this, Peter bowed and accepted, thought it was an echo of the chance and power he was blessed with to make his own story. His dear Lucy, understood it as a child of her eyes of wonder would. Of the mysteries of the world that she would understand later. Edmund had been meaning to ask and Aslan knew of all the possibilities. He understood when the young one just nodded, thoughts of overstepping and gratitude pushing back his doubts.
"They are mine." Susan Pevensie, yet to be crowned, had looked at Him with blue eyes tinted by the great fires. "They've always been and will be mine."
A silence followed caused by His surprise. Of all the possibilities, she took that choice.
"I'm sorry. That was presumptuous of me."
"No. Speak your mind, Susan."
She took a deep breath and her gaze returned to the celebration. He knew, even without watching that she sought her siblings. Peter who was caught between an arguing Mrs. Beaver and Oreius. Lucy who was being taught by Tumnus and a group of fauns a dance. Edmund bundled up and sitting close to one of the smaller fires, resting against Phillip's side.
"My parents, the war, and that world," She started slow and soft, chewing her words and making sure they sounded right. "They are mine. They are a part of my story. I may not like aspects of them, but they are mine. They are my beginnings. This is why I need to know."
She paused to follow Peter with her eyes. The older brother moving to approach Edmund, bearing a tray of food and a pillow. A calm came to her and he could feel it. "Especially—"
A pause. Peter sat beside Edmund and nudged him with his shoulder.
"Especially, if it is your plan to leave us under Narnia's care. I doubt it is the other way, for we are but children. Heroes they might think us, but children still. Then, Narnia will be my story too and I will be hers. But I need to know what would happen to what I left behind, given that I have the chance to know."
Narnia's song had shifted back then.
"Why do you think it so, Susan?"
It had been one of Susan's surest moments.
"I choose it to be so, Aslan."
Narnia made a decision back then too, hailing Susan Pevensie as her Queen before He could even crown her.
Through all Susan's experiences with time travel and world jumping, she only felt and summoned her unbridled anger once. The first time. It didn't come immediately, but when it did it was too much for her too young, too small body to contain. It leaked out of her every pore and wheezed with every breath. Her insides were in constant fever that demanded action. It wasn't because of her sudden disability of a too small body. It was the last thing to sink in.
Guilt. Fifteen years of peace was nothing compared to a bondage of hundred years before. Panic. Their layers upon layers of contingency plans weren't tested to this extent. However, they should work for a few years. A few years too few compared to the hundred years of winter. Fear. Fifteen years was too short for all the possibilities of what could happen after they're gone. Anger.
Anger.
She should've been more adamant in telling her siblings to let the chase rest. She should've been more thorough in making contingency plans. She should've foreseen this. She should've just stayed, maybe the Lion would've given them more time. She should've begged that that wish wasn't needed with all that they already have so much. So many 'should've' incidents went through her mind in quick cycles.
The anger sunk with her heart when Narnia's song quieted a month later.
Susan now felt the anger, but she bridled it and buried it as deep as she could. Why? There was no longer any use for it. She buried it under layers of grief, calculated smiles, unspoken guilt, and a small spark of curiosity.
"I had plans, you know." She rested her arms against the banister of her room's balcony. The cooling breeze a signal to the dying daylight. She had done nothing notable after she excused herself from Harry. She wandered around the mansion for a few moments, only to end up back in her bed to catch up with her sleep. "I promised to help Holly with some of the costume designs for the kindergarten theater show. I wanted to bring Mulligan to the sea. The trafficking was my mission to do as soon as I was back. There was also an assassination in the lineup. SHIELD was to send its information on the London bomb scares. Arthur wanted me to check on the new sniper upgrades."
She chuckled and then turned to the Lion that lounged on the balcony banister. "I doubt they would need my opinion now. Outdated as I am, at this point."
"I'm sure you do not believe that, my Queen." How Aslan could still look majestic while balancing His large form and resting on the banister, Susan believed only Lucy could understand. "You will be the last to discount the use of the old ways. You will also fight for said use with tooth and nail to prove it."
Susan rolled her eyes at His statement.
"And, you'll win."
Her shoulders shook as she contained another bout of chuckles. The anger that wanted to lash out and ask its questions slithering further to the depths, understanding. Questions would rarely get her straightforward answers, for the Lion rarely gives them.
"These lands already have their own set of heroes, gods, and knights. What need would they have of me? What would they get out of being my story?" She reached out and stroked his mane. "My story feels stretched too far, too long and too broad at this point."
"This world in time may have heroes, gods, and knights, but it lacks a Narnian when it will direly need one. In return, I believe a Queen would need heroes, gods, and knights, would she not?"
Will direly need one. That made Susan wonder. Her mind preparing for the guesswork.
"I was ready to live my life there, Aslan."
"We both know that you're readier to die for your cause or survive through the motions of your day to day, than live said life."
"I was so sure I'll figure that one out with time."
Aslan rumbled a laugh and Susan didn't stop her smile.
"Make your happiness here, my beloved Susan. Always onward, aren't those your words?"
"This will be the last time."
"This will be your last world."
The relief that flooded into her wasn't for those she lost and left behind. She was sure that they've found their happiness and peace in Aslan's country. Narnia wouldn't allow anything otherwise, and she got the impression that her siblings would be grilling her former workmates for stories. The relief was for those that she could still possibly leave. A meddling god wasn't a variable that could be controlled in an equation.
"Then I'll give happiness another try."
"That will be enough."
"Pardon?" Susan blinked at Harry. "You want to what?"
"As we said, we want to accompany you to the activities you've planned with Captain Rogers as substitutes. A Kingsman a day."
"Why?"
She didn't expect this when Roxy and Eggsy showed up at her doorstep. She knew that it got Eggsy excited and Roxy thinking, but the first that her mind latched on was training. Some would think it would be too soon given how she 'time traveled' but to her, to her body the days just carried on. She's adjusting on that part, as one would with timezones, but it also sought the routine she had even with the emotional toll. All she could think about the moment Steve disappeared was to get back to active duty as soon as possible. To act. To do something familiar. She didn't picture standing in Merlin's lab as close to dumbfounded as a Queen would allow amid relative strangers.
She didn't consider this possibility and it bothered her that they were the one reaching out first and in this way. She was still a person of suspicion, especially in terms of loyalty. A layer in her mind was already going through patterns of subterfuge and without prompt, built counters for them. She might not even use them, but it was a good learning activity to do.
DOWNSIDE OF SUCH ACTIVITY:
1. The sincerity of a person is often considered last.
"You don't have to do it." She looked at them one by one.
"It'll be like a get to know each other activity. Icebreakers, innit?"
She arched an eyebrow at that. "So, would this still be under the mission protocol?"
Hit.
Eggsy tried not to jerk but there was a pause in his movements and a flicker of a reaction in his eyes. His body moved, just a bit, to Harry's direction. Roxy stiffened. Merlin and Harry looked like the revelation was nothing but a talk of the weather. She hid a smile at that.
"Look Susan, we want to do it. Today was supposed to be dancing, but instead you spent it in your room doing god-knows-what." Roxy was openly annoyed, while still toeing around on how to interact with her. Her choice though, Susan liked. There's always an incentive in being straightforward. The nuances though made her wonder if Roxy was aware of what she's doing. How if the situation was different, Roxy's answer was an appeal to both Susan's logic, emotion, and even trust. Mostly her logic. It also had an undertone of steel, which she admired. Susan was tempted to tell her that whatever she was doing was indeed known by God. "I'm supposed to drive you there, remember?"
To Roxy, Susan Pevensie was a curiosity. She had a few ideas of where that stemmed from.
"We know that what you've planned with Captain Rogers is special. We do not aim to disrespect it. We could do something different." Harry was right, to a degree. It was her chance for a semblance of a transition of sorts. An activity where she wasn't as desperate as she was during her previous visits. "But, I do wish to dance with you."
To Harry Hart, Susan Pevensie was the found lost sheep, to be protected even more. She found that a bit concerning.
"Come on. We want to do it. We really fucking do." Eggsy almost reminded her of Peter. Almost. It might be the similar edge on their smirks. It may also be the boy's charm. He was also the first to continuously reach out to her and make her smile. "It's like a welcome party, eh? You want to know the people you're gonna work with, don't ya? We want to."
To Eggsy, Susan Pevensie was a kindred soul. She's yet to figure out why.
"We?" She aimed her question at Merlin with a smirk implied. She moved her body a bit forward in interest. She knew and wanted that he detect it. She wanted him to take the bait of the challenge.
His shoulders shifted back and he leaned deeper to his chair. His elbows settled on the armrests. His lips thinned for an instant, while the crease on his forehead stayed a bit longer. Movements anyone would miss if they weren't looking for it.
To Merlin, Susan Pevensie was a threat. She relished the thought.
"We."
She bit her lip and tilted her head forward, her hair hiding her smile. Mischief skipped around her mind, browsing through options of how to pull a new reaction from the man. If she was indeed given a chance to stay longer, she would definitely enjoy figuring out his buttons. She internally sighed and opened her eyes. The amusement and excitement would be dealt with later.
"Shopping with Roxy for tomorrow. Ice cream with Eggsy the day after. Dancing with Harry." Now that she thought of it, she never really gave Merlin any reason to trust her. "An HQ tour with Merlin, to end it."
"I'm labelling it a date, Susan."
"I won't change my mind on that proposal, Eggsy."
She met Merlin's gaze and let a soft smile through. She remembered from experience, that if she did get his trust, he would be one great ally. Merlin looked at her with his own head tilted to the side. He's probably wondering all the possible reasons for her choices.
Sleep came easier to Susan that night and with it, grief stepped a bit to the side to let hope have a place.
"Calm down. Rox."
"I'm calm, Eggy." Roxy hissed from her place on the other end of Eggsy's old couch.
"Then stop damn shiftin'."
The old couch was an intriguing monstrosity that Eggsy picked up from a dump and dragged all the way to his HQ quarters. When Roxy first saw it, an armrest was ripped off and a part of the base could barely support the cushioning. The leather had been faded and torn. She had trained a gun on it just in case some rodents come out, or worse, cockroaches. Merlin be damned.
"I am not shifting." She kicked off her heels and folded her legs under to prove a point. The couch now sported a patchwork of old and new upholstery aside from the fixed basework. The missing armrest though was shaped into a guillotine's neck rest. It's an eyesore, but it's very comfortable. "I still can't believe you dragged this fucking couch here without checking for fucking mites. Merlin would've killed you!"
She thought she would never see Merlin's face broken between mortification, confusion, and murderous intent. Now the cause stood across Eggsy's bed as a sometimes footstool.
"Yeah. Yeah. I still have my neck and I should be fucking thankful." He waved his hand at her and shrugged, not even bothering to look up from his phone. "There's a reason I brought it around that time. Can we please just let this go?"
"Merlin still saw!"
"And I still have the couch." His fingers flew tapping across the phone screen.
"Who are you talking to?"
That took his attention. In three moves, he had locked, twirled, and slipped his phone back to his inside coat pocket. The fourth was his signature lopsided grin. "Mom. I was asking if she'd be okay if I bring Susan along for lunch."
"That's too forward for someone not your girlfriend. And isn't it supposed to be ice cream?"
"Harry said a Kingsman a day. Lunch is daytime."
"We just met her what? Four or five days ago!"
"I met Harry when he let me out the precinct and look where it got me. He looked like a damn shady politician back then too."
"This is different!"
He had the gall to shrug it off. She gritted her teeth. There's no talking him out when it comes to this. It wasn't even the matter of trust that bothered her. It was the awareness of plans brewing all around them. Plans of which she had no idea what the details were, but knew full well that they're being used as pawns.
"Stop shifting. Want me to come along tomorrow? Bag boy extraordinaire, at your service for a very affordable fee."
"Kingsman a day, Eggy."
"You know she won't mind if you bring her to the places you go to for clothes."
"She doesn't seem the type."
"You'll know that tomorrow. My services are still offered. Also, stop shifting."
"I'm not shifting."
"Yeah. You're not." He looked damn angelic saying that. The way he dared to mess with her was still something she slightly regretted in allowing. "You still shift a damn lot when sky diving though."
"Fuck off, Eggsy."
"You'll be fine, Rox."
His phone pinged and he damn smirked at her before pulling it out. An idea sparked in her mind. It might work. She pulled her own phone out.
"Fuck!"
"What?"
"I forgot it's Daisy's recital that afternoon."
"Wanna swap?"
"Nah. You really just need to relax and trust a bit."
"That's strange to hear, coming from you in relation to the events that got us here."
The page she was searching loaded and it was her turn to smirk.
"It's bollocks to stress over things out of our control."
"But there are things we can control."
Notes:
Thank you to all the wonderful people who spend their time reading, reviewing, and giving kudos to this.
Also, I guess this needs saying... I guess.
I ship Susan Pevensie with anyone and everyone that could give her happiness. So... yes, if you notice that things are getting shippy... that's me indulging myself. Also me trying to alleviate my need to write a separate fics for the said ships because I don't have the time or the luxury.
My profile is pretty much all... about... Susan just getting her happiness... in some way. Also, Anna Popplewell has a countenance of which you can ship her with anyone and it will look aesthetically damn pleasing.
She's just one of my girl crushes okay?