Disclaimer: I would claim to own these people, but the creepy guy with the torch is still outside my window… The red fluffy slippers and Modern-Shakespearean English are mine! Sadly, Phantom of the Opera is not.

Dedication: To Flamebug and Duckweed, my first responders review-wise. And to Puppyelf, who finally has an account! Use it to review me. :)

A/N: I'd tell you a joke, but I'm too lazy to change the rating. :) On with the story…

Breath… Breath… I think I cracked myself up with the last chappie…. Making Basta scared, confused, creeped out… It's all fun!

But today's chappie isn't about fun…

Of Hot Soup and Traveling Salesmen

"No! How many times do I have to tell you? Torture him, and then kill him!"

Yet again, Capricorn was patiently explaining the simple facts of life to his minions.

This time, an anxious outsider watched well… anxiously.

"I sell evil laugh potion," he offered.

"Quiet thou yap, foul beast," snapped one of the Black Jackets, listening with intense concentration to Capricorn's puzzling monologue.

"To whom doth thou speaketh the name of 'foul beast'?" inquired the salesman. "Methinks I had takeneth a bath yesterday…"

Capricorn was at the point of throwing his hands up and running dramatically form the stage… I mean square.

If anyone was surprised to be speaking fluent Modern-Shakespearean English in the middle of Italy, they didn't show it.

The foreigner mentioned evil laugh potion again. Couldn't he just SHUT UP?

"Whoever else the devil bargains with, he does not bargain with traveling salesmen!" Capricorn shouted, voice hoarse. "Unless, of course, they're paper goods makers… Better to have them on your side…"

Wandering away, Capricorn reminded himself never to tell that the real reason he wanted all copies of Inkheart burned was that its pages were so sharp.

No, it would simply not do to be seen protecting society. No one would ever respect that kind of villain.

Speaking of respect, a group of his maids were giggling, he had an uncomfortable feeling about the subject…

Resa looked as if she would die with laughter.

So what if his red fluffy slippers were shaped like bunnies?

Aarrgh!! Even the mute are laughing at me! He rushed back to the salesman who, thanks to his early efforts, was being tortured and not killed.

"Do you take credit?"

OoOOoo

"Maybe you're trying too hard." Basta was looking at his master with concern.

Capricorn, himself, blue in the face, and coughing, was much to busy to notice.

"Nonsense! I will get my money's worth out of this potion if it's the last thing I do!"

Basta thought it best not to mention that Capricorn hadn't actually paid any money for the potion.

Instead, he said, "I'm sure you would laugh if you let me torture Dustfinger," for about the hundredth time.

A highly irate Dustfinger took this opportunity to throw a black cat in his enemy's path and push a ladder over on his head.

Resa glanced at him incredulously.

"What?" he shrugged. "How else was I supposed to get him under a ladder?"

Capricorn stared down at his unconscious sidekick. How he got fangirls…

Sighing, the evil villain made his way toward his lair, massaging his throat. He really needed some hot soup. Maybe his mother could make some.

He'd just have to ask for poison testing, first…

Trudging up to his house, Capricorn thought he heard… laughter.

Despite his increasing sore throat, he began to sing "Music of the Night" at the top of his lungs.

Then, Sword Pen decided that she couldn't bear to hear him butchering Erik's solo…

Anywho, if anyone was surprised to see Inkheart's esteemed villain running up the path singing "Wheels on the Bus" at the top of his lungs, they didn't show it.

A/N: Ah, Dustfinger/Resa! I couldn't resist. Blame Duckweed, who I was PM-ing when I realized how to put Resa in.