MARCH 12th, 2015

YUSUHARA JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL

1:10pm:

*RIIIIIING!*

Slightly startled, Shinji awoke from his short-lived nap by the abrasive noise the school bell produced. He was disoriented for a few seconds, his sudden jolt accidentally yanking one of his earphones off. He quickly paused his music, which was playing on his S-DAT music player he carried around all the time, and looked around to better understand what was going on.

Of course it didn't take long for him to remember where he was; his uninspiring middle school, woken up by a bell not too far from where he sat. All around him, every student was saying bye to their friends and began their return to class. For him, he only ever did the returning to class bit.

Everyday while on his breaks, he sat on the floor leaning against a corner. No one to talk to, just him and his music. And he liked it that way. It was the only time of the day he truly felt he had for himself. He loved to space out and forget all his troubles for a little while. But now he was fully awake again, and the dread every school day brought him had come back in full swing. He looked up at the partially-overcast sky.

'Got to come back to the real world, I guess...'

He stood up and wiped the back of his pants of all the dust and dirt collected from sitting on the dirty pavement. He let out a long yawn as he mentally prepared himself for the tediousness of having to sit around, listening to a teacher go on about the same old spiel for the rest of the school day.

Shinji Ikari, aged 14 at the time, was known to the rest of his classmates as 'the gloomy one'. He was always seen sitting alone, never attempting to establish any friendships with those around him.

He walked back to his class, but not before placing his earphones back in and playing the rest of the track he had paused on.

Shinji entered the building his designated classroom was in, following the mass of students heading that same direction. The overwhelming sound of crowd chatter had always bothered him, which was partly the reason he always had his S-DAT on him, in case he ever wanted to block all the noise out.

He never thought he could identify with all their nonsense, he just didn't see the point. Though he always felt empty because of it, he also found a sense of ease in his own isolation. He was used to this bland routine. Even if it hurt him, he felt safe with it.

He finally returned to his seat, just as the teacher began to give out his instructions.

"Now, I will be handing back your graded essays." He said, referring to that day's topic of careers. "A job well done, class. I must say, a few of you have turned in some rather... interesting entries. But just as long as you envision yourselves doing something in the near future, you should do just fine."

The teacher walked in between the students' chairs, handing their papers back to each of them so they could see their grade. When he passed by Shinji, he pointed to a note he left for him in red ink, right next to a rather low score.

'See me after class' it read.

This confused Shinji at first. His grades were usually never that low, and the teacher's note implied that he not only did poorly on the assignment, but was in some kind of trouble for it. Though the more he thought back to what he actually wrote down for the essay he turned in, the more it made sense.

'Guess these assignments aren't about honesty after all.' He thought as he sighed. 'They ask for your opinion on something, but it has to adhere to some kind of unspoken rule. They don't really want our honest thoughts... they just want something they've heard a million times before.'

Shinji held some kind of resentment for the world. He was never outward about any of it, of course. All of his criticisms and hatreds for whatever or even whoever he was around was only ever heard by himself from within the depths of his mind. These thoughts were shared with no one else, as he had no other person that he shared them with. Most of his classmates could've sworn that they never saw him talk much at all outside of being asked to read something out loud for the class.

It was why school was what he hated most about his everyday routine.

'Soon, I'll be out of here... in my own little world, not having to deal with-' He frowned before finishing that sentence in his head. '-everything.'

3:15pm:

The final bell rang, and every student on campus hurriedly left their seats and made their way out the door without hesitation. Shinji remained seated as everyone left, waiting for there to be no one else as he went to talk to his teacher.

He had a feeling he knew what was coming. The low grade, plus how seriously the teacher was looking at him gave Shinji the hint that he must've done something terribly wrong.

'I messed up again... somehow. Guess that should just be expected of me by now.' Shinji mused as he approached his teacher.

His teacher at his desk while looking very much unamused. It seemed the work Shinji turned in wasn't just unsatisfactory, but rather upsetting. Shinji himself didn't see what the big deal was, since he had written an honest answer. But of course, being the one that wrote it, he saw no flaw. And while his teacher was upset at him, there was a also great deal of concern he felt for the boy.

"Ikari, please sit." The man said to him while pointing to the chair placed next to his desk.

Shinji dragged the chair and faced it towards his teacher, seating himself on it after doing so. The teacher gestured at him asking for the assignment back, to which he reached into his backpack for immediately. As he handed the paper back to the man, he was already dreading the inevitable scolding he was about to receive.

"Mind explaining to me what your thought process was when writing this answer of yours down?" He asked with crossed arms.

"What's there to explain? I think it's pretty straightforward." Said Shinji dismissively. "Was my answer really so bad that you need to discuss it with me?"

The teacher didn't respond as he brought the paper up to where he could read it, adjusting his glasses while he was at it.

"'I've never had any cherished dreams or ambitions.'" He began, quoting Shinji's answer back to him. "'I don't envision myself seeking a career or profession. That's why I can't really picture myself doing anything in the future. So far in all my life, things always happen as they had to happen. And things will probably continue in the same way.'"

He then looked back up at Shinji as if to confirm with him that his answer was not only unsatisfactory in terms of what was required to pass the assignment, but very bleak and depressing. Shinji was unfazed, and waited patiently for this moment to be over.

"So?" The man asked.

"So what?" Shinji asked back.

His teacher placed the paper back onto the desk and removed his glasses. Getting through to the boy was never easy, and it was strictly because Shinji made it such a task to do so. He was a decent student, but as a person he was difficult. The teacher could see that this was not only something Shinji had no problem with, but that it was a preference of his.

"Imagine you're me,-" He began. "-you give your students an assignment that should be an easy A. You don't expect much other than one kid with big dreams for their future... and then you receive something like this."

Shinji still failed to see what the problem was.

"At first, maybe you assume your student is just being lazy and turned in an answer that doesn't really qualify as a proper answer... until you look deeper into it."

Then came that inevitable part of the conversation Shinji had expected before even sitting down.

"I'm sorry, but this kind of answer isn't appropriate. Now, whatever it is that you go through on a day-to-day basis is none of my business. And I understand that people often let their emotions affect their work, whatever it may be. It's only natural. But out there in the real world, a mindset like this will not suffice." His teacher explained to him.

"What did you want me to say, then?" An upset Shinji asked him, showing signs of his impatience. His teacher was slightly taken aback.

"Hold on now, I didn't want you to say anything... I just needed an acceptable answer from you."

"Well what counts to you as acceptable? You assigned us a simple question. I answered honestly just as everyone else did, so I don't really understand what this is all about." Reasoned Shinji.

"This is about your career, Ikari! About what you want your life to be! Not some pity story of what it's like right now!"

Shinji felt a little anxious at how his teacher had raised his voice at him, but kept at it with his flat demeanor.

"You could've given me any other answer, literally any kind of small job or aspiration... anything other than this would've gotten you a passable grade. But no. You choose to pity yourself instead of doing what needs to be done. How are you to go on living your life if-?"

"I'm sorry, but I just don't care." Shinji said abruptly. "I don't aspire to anything."

His teacher sat there at a loss of words, not really sure what he could even say to ring some sense into the boy's head.

"I- um... Ikari, you-"

"I don't look forward to the future. So I never really cared about aspiring to something I know won't really change anything." He added. "Things just happen, and I'm okay with that. I've been getting along fine just doing what I'm told to do."

Shinji gulped nervously before adding one more detail.

"Honestly, I wouldn't care if I died in some kind of freak accident... because I don't see anything good awaiting me in the future."

The teacher was speechless now, stunned by Shinji's brutal honesty.

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" He asked in utter shock. "What kind of outlook on life is that? Do you expect things to just come to you? Because you're right, nothing awaits you in the future. You're the one who has to work for what you want, and if you never try you'll surely never make it."

Shinji was not at all on board to have this conversation anymore.

"You need to have the will to live... life doesn't just 'happen' to you. It doesn't happen to anyone." His teacher added.

A silence followed that last a long 30 seconds. Shinji looked down impatiently and refused to even say anything to him. He was being stubborn and he knew it, but he wasn't about to let this man or anyone else get too close.

"Look you've made your point already. My answer wasn't sufficient... my bad. But there's not much I can even do about it anyway." Shinji finally said back to him.

The teacher narrowed his eyes at the boy and sighed.

"Is that going to be your attitude about it, then?" He asked. "Fine. You're dismissed, Ikari. But from now on you take your assignments seriously or your grades will start to drop."

Shinji was already making his way to the door before his teacher's sentence was even finished.

"Noted. I'll see you tomorrow." He said as he dismissed the man.

"Ikari, wait." He said, stopping the student in his tracks.

He was definitely in no mood to stick around any longer, but figured this last call wouldn't amount to anything that important or overly-long.

"Yes?" He asked.

"You didn't really mean that, did you?" The teacher stopped. "I mean... why, Ikari? What is it that's made you think like this? Are you depressed? Is everything okay at home?"

At first Shinji didn't know what to say to him. This kind of question seemed too personal, especially coming from a teacher whom he was never even that fond of to begin with.

"I've seen you sitting alone out there during breaks. Quite often, actually... and if I'm to be honest with you I'm concerned." He told his student. "Especially now, after what you just told me."

Shinji could tell his teacher was asking out of genuine concern. The look in his eyes gave that away. But he still felt uncomfortable talking about such things.

"I thought you said what I went through was none of your business." He rudely responded. "Look, it's okay. You don't have to pretend to care. I'll be fine."

There was nothing his teacher could even think of saying to him now, having been truly dumbfounded by the boy. Shinji saw this as the perfect opportunity to leave. He made sure to get out of the classroom before his teacher had a chance to say anything else to him.

Since he had to spend extra time after class was over, the hallways were now completely empty. Shinji placed his earphones back in and tuned out. He was comfortable again.

'I wish the halls were always this empty.' He thought to himself.

3:42pm:

Though the sky was still somewhat overcast, the sun had been out for most of Shinji's trek home from school. He removed his buttoned uniform and left only his undershirt on. Every once in a while he'd feel a drop of his own sweat splash his hand. But while the heat was exhausting and being outside was never something he enjoyed all that much, at least he was away from others and alone with his music.

His favorite part of the day; the walk home, was almost over.

He walked along the Yusuhara River pathway, which had surprisingly lasted long despite the heavy flash flood that rushed down the river when Second Impact happened 15 years ago. Shinji always found the sight of the river to be peaceful when walking home.

Yusuhara was a relatively modest town. Not too big, but not too depressingly small either. Shinji's home was on the most northern end of the town, located at the dead end of the road in his neighborhood. The last stretch, though short, was always a bit of a drag for Shinji due to the slight incline. And on top of that, the sun's blasting heat made the walk all the more dreadful.

'This god damn... heat... so tiring. Of course it's not as cloudy now that I'm out here.'

Every day of his life was a routine of nothingness. He'd wake up early, go to school, do all his assignments and would often come home to chores. Shinji felt very much like his life wasn't even his own. But he never really gave it much thought. He was given things to do, and for him that was enough.

Shinji could see his uncle's house not too far from where he was. He wondered what kind of task they'd give him as soon as he stepped foot into the living room.

'If only I had just a few minutes to sit down and recharge. They're not the ones walking 20 minutes in the sun.'

He arrived at the front door and gave his forehead a long wipe with his arm. The combination of sweat and fluid from the air's thick humidity made his face all the more drenched. In a matter of just a few seconds, the air conditioner would help him cool down.

Shinji inserted his key and unlocked the door, twisting the door knob to finally go inside.

Upon entering the house he saw his aunt and uncle sitting together on the table, which he found unusual. The two were married and still functioned well as partners, but tended to keep to themselves. Even when Shinji wasn't around.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." He told the both of them. "Teacher wanted to have a talk with me about something. But I'm here if you guys need anything."

They both stared at him, hesitant to even say anything at first.

"Oh, is that so?" His aunt asked. "That's... that's fine."

Shinji closed the door behind him and stood around waiting for a chore to be given to him, but neither gave him something to do.

"Um... I guess I'll be in my room." He said to them.

"Yeah, okay." The uncle said.

Shinji was almost a little worried now. They were never this awkward around him and were often laid-back and direct with him about things. But something was different about them today. He noticed they were both looking at something that was on the dinner table.

'They're acting strange. Something's got to be up.' He observed. 'I hope it's nothing bad...'

Although he wondered what could possibly have his caretakers acting the way they were, he was relieved that he was actually able to take it easy after school. Especially after the talk his teacher had with him, which he still found himself having been annoyed by.

But none of that mattered now, as he was not only home but in his room.

He shut the bedroom door and threw himself at his bed. It was the first time in a while that he had gotten some time for himself immediately after coming home. Usually he'd have to spend an hour or two just on chores to help out the two heads of the house. Part of him felt kind of bad for his aunt and uncle, since they looked a shocked by whatever it was that got them acting weird. He thought of maybe offering to do a chore instead in an attempt to help.

But that thought quickly went away when he resumed listening to the music on his S-DAT.

4:07pm:

It had been a little more than a half hour since Shinji got home. He was still resting in his bed, but had gotten tired of his music for the time being. Now all he could hear were the sounds of the AC unit in his house whirring cold air through the vents.

His room didn't have much inside it besides his bare necessities. It was clean and really tidy, almost not resembling the room of a young teenager.

He considered picking up his cello to kill the boredom a little bit, but didn't really feel in the mood to play any music on his own. He didn't have any video games or a TV installed to entertain himself. Shinji never asked for those kinds of things because he wasn't all that interested in pastimes that didn't involve just sitting around doing nothing. Part of the reason he didn't is because he never felt like he truly deserved it despite helping around the house so much.

However, the downside to never having asked for much was exactly this; being bored to tears.

Shinji sighed.

'Maybe I ought to help out in the house today after all. At least it'll give me something to do...'

He left the bed and made his way back to the living room, wondering if his legal guardians were doing any better. Almost immediately, he saw that it wasn't the case at all. His aunt and uncle weren't sitting together anymore, but the strangely depressing atmosphere was still there.

At first Shinji didn't say anything since he didn't feel what was going on to either of them was his business and instead just looked around for something to do. He eyed the kitchen sink and saw a ton of unwashed dishes and decided to take care of that.

"Um... I'll be doing the dishes now." He said to them despite not being sure whether this would get either of their attention.

His aunt nodded to him while his uncle didn't even turn to look. After that conversation his teacher had with him, Shinji felt once again that he had messed up and let the people around him down again. He grabbed the sponge and dish soap and began work on scrubbing all the food residue off the unwashed materials.

As the minutes went by, Shinji found it painfully obvious that nothing was going to change unless he did some asking around. But he wasn't sure he was ready to do that. He was hoping they'd pick up on his curiosity towards whatever was going on and that they'd fill him in. But so far, no luck.

'I mean, what did I expect? How are they supposed to understand me if I don't make my thoughts clear?' He thought, partly criticizing himself. 'But then again, how am I supposed to understand them when they just keep me in the dark?'

Shinji wasn't sure exactly how he felt about his aunt and uncle. They were family, but he never felt close to them.

Moments like these reminded him just how much more comfortable being alone in his room was. He never talked to them out of familial love or in an attempt to bond with them, it was always out of necessity. Shinji learned to live like this.

But he still wondered what was going on with the two.

"So, uh... how are you guys? How's your day been?" He asked awkwardly.

It took a few seconds, but his aunt finally perked her head up. Shinji noticed this but pretended to keep his focus solely on doing the dishes.

"Nothing special. Just the same." She answered unconvincingly.

Her tone of voice had an obvious flatness to it. He knew she wasn't being genuine but chose not to ask about what exactly was going on. Still, he was worried it was something terrible along the lines of an eviction notice or a hefty charge.

"Yeah... same here." He said back to her.

Then the silence returned.

Shinji was a little annoyed now. Even though he knew they probably had their reasons for not speaking up, he felt that he had a right to know what was going on. And yet he didn't have the guts to ask them about it, since he wasn't sure if that would make them upset at him.

So he continued to wash the dishes and decided that if it wasn't for him to know, it wasn't for him to know at all.

A few more minutes passed, and now more than half of the unwashed dishes had been taken care of and put away. He had only three cups, one bowl, and a few utensils. Then he'd be done with this task he took upon himself to do for his caretakers.

'What's the point if they're not even paying attention, though.' He thought.

"Um, Shinji?" His aunt said to him.

Shinji turned off the tap water and looked over at her. Maybe now she was going to tell him what was going on, but he couldn't be completely sure. So he acted as if he wasn't even aware that either looked so down about something.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Um, a letter came in for you earlier today... while you were in class." She explained.

Shinji narrowed his eyes a tad, but continued drying the cup he had in his hands.

'All this gloominess over a letter?' He mused. "Oh? Well who's it from?"

There was another strange pause. Shinji heard a chair being pushed back, followed by the sound of footsteps coming towards him. He looked over at his aunt's direction and saw her holding said letter in her hand.

"It's-" She stopped.

Then it struck him.

"What's the letter about?" Shinji asked her nervously.

He had a feeling he knew exactly what kind of letter his aunt currently held in her hand, but never thought that he'd ever get one himself. People his age all over town were getting letters, and then they'd be gone shortly. With how much time had passed since his last birthday, he began to doubt he'd ever get one himself.

But there was another factor that lead him to believe he'd never receive one of these letters himself.

"Shinji... it's a draft letter." She finally said to him. His stare went completely blank.

He couldn't believe it, NERV was actually calling him up to fight in the war. This wouldn't have been much of a shock if he didn't know anyone in a position of power that could easily let him off the hook. But the fact that he actually did, confused him to no end.

"A draft..." Shinji mumbled as he lost focus on what he was previously doing. "...letter."

The loud shatter of the glass that was once in his hand snapped his wandering mind out of it. He didn't realize his grip on the cup had loosened and completely forgot he was even holding anything. Now he had yet another thing to worry about.

"I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't- I-" He tried apologizing.

"No no, it's okay. Just sit down for a while, you need a little time to take all this in." His aunt suggested as she rushed to safely remove all the glass shards from the kitchen floor.

"Okay... okay..." He said rather absentmindedly.

Shinji backed away in a daze as he looked for a place to sit. He hadn't even taken a look at the letter his aunt had placed on the kitchen counter, feeling as if there was no useful or interesting bit of information there for him to gather. What was done, was done.

He was going to war and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Why... how did- w-why?"

He tried in every way possible to convince himself that this wasn't truly possible. This must've been some big mistake. He considered asking her to return the letter or call a number to make sure that this was just a blunder done by someone at NERV. But something this big couldn't have been a mistake, and Shinji knew deep down that it wasn't.

After clearing most of the shards from the floor, his aunt looked back over at him. Now he was the one sitting silently at the dinner table.

"There's one more thing, Shinji." She began, dumping the broken glass into a trashcan. "Your letter... it's not some automated printout with your name on it. It was sent personally-"

Another pause.

"-by your father..."

Shinji looked at her in complete disbelief. He immediately stood back up to take a look at the letter, and sure enough, his father's name and printed signature was slapped right on it. The top of the page read; 'YOU ARE NEEDED' in big bold letters alongside NERV's infamous red logo.

He could feel his anxiety only grow worse as he skimmed through his father's words. He didn't even get through a third of the letter before he decided he didn't want to look at it any longer. He left the living room without a word and proceeded back to his room.

He almost rubbed shoulders with his uncle, who he knew was just standing there listening in to it all. He also knew that neither of them were going to try to calm him down. Such was always the case in this household. Once his door was closed, that was it; no one would knock. And he'd usually prefer it that way.

But today he felt different and wished that they could be there for him, despite knowing full-well that neither of them would.

Shinji closed his bedroom door and locked it this time. He dropped back into his bed, regretting ever coming out of the room. Everyday, only pain ever greeted him once he stepped out that door. Sometimes it'd come early in the day, and other times much later. His room was his most prized sanctuary, and pretty soon he wouldn't even get to relish in its comfort.

The emboldened letters reading 'YOU ARE NEEDED' lingered in his head.

'He needs me for some war...' He thought angrily. 'He never needed me in his life. Only now, and it's all for this fucking war?!'

He felt like throwing something across the room, maybe even breaking some of his belongings in a fit of rage. But that thought died down once his anger was overcome with deep sadness. The tears came, and they wouldn't stop.

"I fucking... hate you..." He mumbled under sobs, directing his words at his father.

Suddenly it was as if even this room couldn't provide the ease it usually would after a long day at school.

Shinji briefly considered running away somewhere that very night, but knew there was no real way out of a draft. If he even attempted to go on the run he'd just make things worse for himself. Draft dodgers who tried going into hiding or exiling to another country would be hunted down and arrested. If caught, they were to serve 2 years in juvenile hall.

He turned away from his door and laid his head down on his pillow as if he was going to sleep, but he didn't cover up or even close his eyes. It was right then that he heard a light knocking at his door. Shinji tried to stifle his sniffling as much as he could.

"Shinji?" The voice of his aunt called.

The fact that it was his aunt that came over was not at all surprising to him. His uncle almost never came to check up on him when his wife was around to do it. But even then, it wasn't like there was much love there anyway. She cared for him just a little more than his uncle did, but it still wasn't much at all.

So he wondered what she could even say to him right now that would help him through this tough moment.

"Look, take the time you need to fully accept this. I can't imagine what it's like out there..." His aunt said behind the door.

That didn't do much to make him feel any better.

"I don't really know what I can say to you, Shinji. I don't think any of us were expecting this. But now that it's done, you're going to just have to keep going forward." She added. "Look, I read the rest of the letter for you and there are things you should know. A special escort is coming to pick you up a week from now. So you have a little more time before you go. Gives you some time to mentally prepare for the military life, at least."

'So there's really nothing for her to say to me, then.' He thought. 'Nothing she can do to support me. Just sharing of information.'

His aunt did truly feel bad for Shinji but had absolutely no idea how to calm him down in such moments of turmoil. She often would just let him cry it out in his room, which she found to be an effective method of letting his emotions die down. To Shinji, no one in the house were ever really there for each other. They just happened to tolerate each other's presence.

"And let's think of the positives here; you'll be fighting for a good cause! Protecting Japan's people from those unnatural brutes... I hope that deep down, you can find it in you to be proud of what you're going to do for this country." His aunt said.

At this point Shinji decided to tune out. Nothing was going to change for him, anyway.

"I'm confident you'll make it back home in one piece. May god look after your soul, Shinji." She said before finally leaving him alone again.

He felt no different at all, and wasn't surprised one bit. That was about as close as either of his caretakers would get to him.

'Nothing. That all meant nothing.' Shinji thought frustratedly.

The room he looked forward to hiding out in after school was now just a painful reminder of what he was going to have to leave behind for now. He thought today's troubles had ended after the conversation with his teacher. But that was now a mere slap on the wrist compared to his current dilemma. Then, having thought back to the paper that got him in trouble, he remembered exactly what he wrote as his response on the assignment.

'So far in all my life, things always happen as they had to happen.'

Shinji almost found himself chuckling despite still crying in silence. It was like what he wrote down turned out to be an odd foreshadowing of what was to come of that day, and it only made him resent his teacher just a little more.

'Things do just happen to me... and it's all continuing in the same way.'