APRIL 11th, 2015
7:00am:
Shinji laid awake in his bed, uniform already on on, waiting to leave for his bus. He had spent all night sulking over his father's rejection of him, and woke up in a bad mood as a result of sleep loss.
'What's the point of fighting if I don't matter as a person to him...' He mused. His train of thought was interrupted by his stomach's growl, though he felt completely unbothered by it. 'It's not like I have a choice anyway...'
The sound of Misato's door being opened was heard in the corridor, catching the attention of Shinji. 'Oh crap, I forgot to prepare her some breakfast.' He thought as he quickly shot up from his bed.
Upon entering the living room, a groggy Misato was in the kitchen preparing some coffee for a morning boost. "Good morning, Misato. Sorry I forgot to make you breakfast, I have some time before I leave for the bus."
"Morning, Shinji." She replied in a quiet volume, still very tired. "It's okay, you don't always have to worry about fixing me breakfast in the morning. I can do it myself."
Shinji didn't seem to pay much attention to her as he took out ingredients for a quick, delicious breakfast for his guardian. "I wanna do this, Misato. It won't take long."
"Thanks, Shinji." Though it wasn't obvious, Misato picked up that something was up with Shinji again. He wasn't outwardly showing it, but the tone of his voice said otherwise.
"Say, are you making two of whatever you're preparing?" She asked. "No, just one for you. Why?" "Well usually when you prepare something, the kitchen already smells of your cooking. Have you not eaten?"
"No, not yet." He answered dismissively. "Well then make yourself something! You don't have much time to prepare them one by one." "It's okay, I'll grab something to eat at school." He said, bringing Misato's plate over to the table.
"Your breakfast's ready, I gotta go on ahead now." Shinji quickly went over to his room and grabbed his backpack and umbrella, making his way to the door. "I'll see you later, Misato."
After her door was shut, Misato was left feeling concerned. They hadn't lived together for too long, but she had lived around Shinji enough to recognize when something was troubling him, and this was no exception.
'What a shame... and he was just beginning to ease in...'
The bus was packed, only making Shinji feel more uncomfortable in the tight spaces of the public transport vehicle. It was like all the joy he had been experiencing for the past two days had been completely sucked out of him.
He wondered why he let external factors affect him so much. He hated his father, yet constantly wanted his approval. It was a battle he was having between himself, and it was tiring him.
'Why bother... nothing's gonna change between me and him. I'm just cannon fodder to him, and nothing else.' He was not too far from his stop, standing up as the bus neared his destination.
This was his new routine, and just like the last one, the excitement didn't last long. Stepping out of the bus, he realized he didn't need to open his umbrella, at least not yet.
The sky was still grey and the sun obscured, but at least rain wasn't pouring on anyone for now. As he continued his trek to school, his phone rang out a very degrading alarm.
As he pulled it out, he thought it was a mandatory meeting at NERV, nothing truly alarming. But the screen said otherwise, revealing an emergency broadcast. He turned his volume up, wanting to understand what the situation was.
"ATTENTION; THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPORTS OF AN ANGEL ATTACK ON THE CITY OF MATSUYAMA, SOUTHERN POINT OF THE JAPANESE MAINLAND. MULTIPLE CASUALTIES REPORTED, MOSTLY CIVILIANS. IF YOU ARE AT OR NEAR MATSUYAMA, EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. ALL UNITS REPORT TO NERV HQ."
The broadcast was endlessly looped to ensure everyone was alerted. It was heard everywhere; phones, radios, TVs, speakers, anywhere people would pay the most attention to. 'I need to get to HQ.'
He had to make his way to the Geo Front through the emergency access, where troops could take a shuttle underground. He hadn't yet memorized the exact locations of each emergency access, but his phone had a GPS to lead him to the nearest one.
As he ran towards the direction his phone pointed, anxiety began building up inside him. 'Are we being sent out again? No, not now... I don't want to go back, though I have to... What if this is my last battle? What if I'm ki-'
Having been running without looking, he had ran into what he believed was a wall. It was only after landing on his behind, that he saw none other than the Lieutenant herself.
"OW! Hey, watch it you idiot! My head hurts!" She yelled as she rubbed her head. "Sorry! I'm just looking for the access to the Front, I was looking at my phone for directio-"
"Ugh, just put that thing away and follow me!" She ordered, offering her hand to pick him up off the ground. Shinji ran right behind Asuka, trying to memorize the location he was in in case of another emergency.
"You have your NERV ID card?" She asked panting. "Yeah, I always do." "Good, you'll need it." Finally, they reached a flight of stairs that lead to what looked like a subway, but with very secure entrances.
Just as they arrived, yelling was heard in the distance. "YO! SHINJAAAY!" No doubt about it, it was Toji. Though he was by himself "Toji! C'mon!" He yelled back. "Where's Kensuke?"
"Don't worry, he called me and said he took the northern access." "Alright, good. Let's hurry..." Asuka pulled her ID out and inserted it in the slot, opening the automated steel door.
Shinji and Toji followed Asuka into the access, making sure the automatic door had shut behind them. "The shuttle shouldn't be far, let's hurry." Ordered Asuka.
The tunnels were somewhat tight, making Shinji feel a bit claustrophobic. It didn't take long for them to arrive to the shuttle. Upon entering the station, the three needed their ID cards to have the shuttle operate.
The doors opened and they quickly entered, swiping their IDs one by one. The shuttle immediately powered on, and Asuka pressed the 'go' button. They began their descent to NERV HQ.
"How long does this thing usually take?" Asked Shinji. "Anywhere from 'bout 10 to 15 minutes." Answered Toji, leaning on the rails as he watched the tunnels go by.
GENDO'S OFFICE:
"I'm guessing this is their way of getting back at us for Adam?" Asked Fuyutsuki, keeping his usual calm demeanor. "It would seem so. We'll intervene when it is safe to do so."
Before the attack had begun, suspicious planes flying over the city were reported to local authorities, who then got in contact with the military. A mere 10 minutes later, loads of artillery fire and bombs had been airdropped.
The city was heavily populated, there would be heavy civilian casualties. An officer at the city described the scene as 'everything being reduced to rubble'. The Angels hadn't stopped firing, and armed response was slow. The whole country was beginning to panic.
"So no units are being sent as of yet?" He asked, concerned for the lack of retaliation from the military's side. "Not yet. As far as we know they're trying to level the city out. We wait until further development."
"Should I order the Majors to meet their units at HQ?" "Yes, all units are to be on stand-by."
The shuttle had reached NERV HQ, the station overrun with units trying to rush in the hallways. With everyone trying to squeeze in at the same time, the exits were clogged.
"Damn! It's too packed to get out of here!" Yelled Asuka. Shinji, in no rush at all didn't see what the problem was. "We could just wait it out and leave when it's less crowded."
"That's the last thing we wanna do! We need to get there ASAP!" Shinji sighed. 'If only I had already familiarized myself with the routes... I wouldn't be dealing with her bullshit.'
Asuka glanced around the station. "Look for anyone else who's in Unit-01, we should group up in the meantime." With that, the three stuck together and tried eyeing out any peers of theirs.
It was extremely difficult to find anyone among the hundreds of troops all crammed together. "Is it always like this?" Asked Shinji, almost screaming just to be able to be heard.
Toji sighed. "It's usually chaotic, but never like this. Everyone's in a hurry today 'cuz they hit the mainland now..." Toji looked noticeably uneasy, making Shinji more worried about the attack.
"This the first time they've made a direct attack on the mainland?" He asked. "Yeah... and their attacks are becomin' more frequent too. I dunno, man... I got a bad feelin'..."
"We don't need cowards defending our nation, Suzuhara! Look alive and grow a pair!" Yelled the Lieutenant. She quickly turned to stare at Shinji. "That goes for you too, Ikari!"
Neither of them bothered to say anything back, instead focusing on spotting members of their unit. This went on for a while until they decided to give up as the gates were not as crowded anymore.
They quickly made their way to Unit-01's 'emergency meeting' shelter, finally grouping up with the rest of their peers. Everyone already in the room sat in ordered lines, waiting for the Major to arrive with orders.
The atmosphere in the room was tense. Everyone looked chilled to the bone, having to prepare for battle again after so little time home. The shock also arose from the attack on the mainland itself, prompting a large scare that Tokyo-3 would soon be ambushed too.
Shinji and Toji managed to group up with Kensuke, leaving Asuka to go at the front of the unit gathering. It wasn't long before the Major finally arrived to take her roll call.
"Attention Unit-01! The attack is ongoing, and Matsuyama's local defense team are on the case. So far we are ordered to be on standby, as the Commander finds it too dangerous to intervene at the moment."
Almost immediately the whole room of troops voiced their displeasure in unison. "Hey, listen up! We have been given a direct order by the Commander! It doesn't matter if you don't agree with it, we follow it!"
Asuka, not wanting to be scolded in front of the unit, said nothing regarding their orders. She was angry about the whole thing, only leading her to further doubt Gendo. 'There goes the Commander again, making really questionable moves...'
"I don't get it... when it's on another island we're quick to be sent out. But, when it's our own island, we're barred from fighting back?" Said Kensuke, scratching his head.
"We'll probably be sent eventually, seems we're just waiting for the bombing to stop." Although Shinji felt bad for not being able to help those innocent souls in their city, he felt somewhat relieved that they weren't being sent out just yet.
The sound of microphone feedback shrieked in the air, followed by the sound of a static-filled message. "Attention all units, this is the Commander. You are on standby for the possibility of an attack on Tokyo-3. We will not be sending you to Matsuyama just yet, we will go once things settle and we have a proper battle plan."
A click was heard after he finished his sentence, signifying he had put the microphone down and ended the announcement. "In the meantime, go to your locker rooms and change into uniform!" Ordered the Major.
"Yes ma'am!" They all replied.
2 hours had passed, all units still waiting for an attack that may or may not happen. Shinji checked his wristwatch; 10:42am. Everyone, now donning their uniform, waited at ease in the room.
Since they were just waiting around, the general atmosphere had calmed down and the whole thing looked like a large teen hangout. People just leisurely stretched across the floor, sitting around and having laughs.
Shinji sat on the floor next to his friends, examining his helmet. He was thinking of writing something on it, but didn't know what he wanted. For now, he used one of his headbands to hold an insect repellent against his helmet.
He examined other people's helmets, wanting to see what they had to say or even show off. A lot of people had prayers written down or little marks meant to display their kill count.
Some people would have a song's lyrics written down, others would have some snarky little catchphrase they might have made. Shinji, still not knowing what he would write, gave up for the time being.
"Man, it sucks that we're livin' in the era of the end of the world..." Said Toji, out of nowhere. Shinji and Kensuke were taken aback by this, not really knowing whether they agreed or not.
"Well, we're fighting to prevent it, man! Don't be such a downer, Toji! We can win this!" Said Kensuke, confident in his words. "Look man I ain't a patriot... none of this is lookin' good and the Angels are at our doorstep."
Though the whole room was relaxed for the most part, there was a very heavy atmosphere lingering. Everyone knowing they were to head to battle again sometime soon, knowing this battle was alarmingly close to what they called home.
Though Toji was the only one who openly voiced it, everyone in the room felt the same but chose to keep it to themselves. Even Misato, the one who Shinji had always seen as overly-optimistic, appeared to be very unsure of what to do.
She was deep in her thoughts, trying to picture what the city would look like in the satellite images. The more they waited, the more eager she had become. 'Why aren't we being sent out now? What's he waiting for?'
Everyone figured the Angels would have stopped attacking by now, yet no update was given as to the status of Matsuyama. And since nothing was really going on, everyone kicked back.
Shinji noticed that people were allowed to walk in and out of the room, prompting him to want to stroll around NERV for a bit. "Major Katsuragi, may I go for a walk?"
"Yeah sure, go ahead. Make sure you have your watch with you, just in case of an emergency." She said. "I got it right here, thank you Major."
The hallways of NERV HQ were almost entirely flooded by teens, the scene not looking too dissimilar from an average school day. Though no one was just hanging around, they all had somewhere to be.
As Shinji walked around the vast headquarters, he found himself feeling anxious again. Though he clearly had bigger things to worry about, his disappointment from the previous night still lingered.
He continued walking aimlessly, not sure which way he was headed anymore. At that moment, all he could think of was being alone. Subconsciously, he kept going for the emptiest places he could find.
Eventually, he came across a spectacular view of the Command Center. Large holograms displayed maps of Matsuyama, heat signatures varying throughout the landscape.
One of the maps included both Tokyo-3 and Matsuyama, showing how close the two cities were. Shinji looked up at the hologram; '671 kilometers... that's closer than I thought.'
Opposite the holograms, there were three platforms, each of them occupied by 'computer wizards' as Shinji would describe them. Shinji had seen plenty of pre-impact sci-fi flicks, yet none of them touched this sight.
Shinji continued to look around, until his eyes landed at the very top of the platforms, spotting his father, who was calmly discussing something with Fuyutsuki.
He quickly looked away and headed back from where he came, not wanting to deal with that bag of emotions. He didn't really have anywhere else to go, he couldn't leave the building and he didn't know the place well enough to further explore it.
He passed by an empty office room, the sound of music emanating from within. It was an old jazz tune, the voice unmistakably being Sinatra. Shinji sat next to the door, wanting to further listen to the song.
No one was around, making Shinji felt comfortable again. He just sat, listening to the music in an attempt to not be there for a moment. He heard footsteps coming his direction, though he didn't bother looking to see who it was.
"If it isn't the young Ikari again!" Said Kaji, entering the very door Shinji was sitting beside. "Oh, hey Kaji. S-Sorry, I didn't realize this was your office..."
"It's cool, Ikari. I take it you were listening to the music?" He asked, realizing he had left it playing out loud with his door open. "Uh, yeah. I like the singing in this tune."
"Yeah... Sinatra knows how to bring on the mood. I love this station, it's all oldies..." He said, taking a seat and dropping a bit of paperwork on his desk. "D'you listen to it everyday?"
"Most days, I do. Reminds me of simpler times, I guess." Kaji pulled out a cigarette and lit it, knowing full-well something was up with Shinji. He had been informed about Shinji's behavior, so he knew that Shinji was currently isolating himself.
"So what's up, Shinji? Why aren't you with Unit-01?" Shinji wasn't expecting Kaji to know what was up, but he wasn't surprised. "Ah, is it that obvious?"
"It showed on your face before you even saw me. I was the same when I was your age, so I know." He said as he booted up his computer, the fan on the console getting louder by the second.
Shinji let out a sigh. "I'm just overwhelmed up there. I still have panic attacks over my first time out in the field. I'll still go out there, of course... I'm just scared I won't come back."
"Everyone you fight alongside feels the same way you do, Shinji. I know it's messed up, but you'll get used to it." Kaji seemed more confident in what he said than Shinji did, either way Shinji appreciated the kindness, though he didn't really feel any better from it.
"Well, there's something else I guess... I don't really know what I'm fighting for..." He said, looking down to avoid Kaji seeing him almost tear up.
"Well, in what way do you mean? We fight to keep Japan standing, as most armies would do for their country. Sounds to me like you don't really believe in your country."
"W-Well, it's not that I don't believe in it... but I'm not a patriotic person either. I just... don't know why I bother fighting sometimes. There are so many soldiers who are better than me at what I do... I feel like I get in the way sometimes."
"Would you rather do nothing and die out there?" Kaji asked. "N-No! Of course not... I'd wanna live, no doubt." Shinji felt embarrassed. "Then... I don't know what you're going on about."
"Well, I mean... I guess it has to do with my father. He specifically requested I serve after we haven't talked to each other in years for some reason, then he doesn't even bother showing any approval."
"That's a personal issue, Shinji. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to downplay what you're going through... being distant from someone hurts. But you have to fight for you, no one else."
Shinji didn't know how to respond. He wanted to agree with Kaji's sentiment, but wasn't sure if he actually did. "I... don't know if I really believe in myself enough to do that."
Kaji shrugged. "Well, I still don't know what you're going on about, then. And it sounds like you don't, either." Though Kaji was coming off as a bit cold, he was never one to beat around the bush. He was straightforward, and Shinji appreciated his honesty.
"I just need to grow a pair, I guess." Said Shinji, attempting to come across as humorous. "Don't beat yourself up about it, either." He said. "Anyway, you should probably get back to your unit."
Shinji nodded, pulling himself up to properly stand. "Thanks for your time, Mr. Kaji." He said as he turned to make his way back to the room. "Anytime, Shinji. And uh... tell Misato I said hello..."
Shinji had returned to Unit-01's room and relayed Kaji's message, much to Misato's frustration. Everyone still seemed so carefree in the room, slightly calming Shinji when he returned.
Kensuke was playing some video game on his portable console. Beside him was Toji, knocked out cold on the floor. Having another look around the room, he wondered where Rei was.
Upon looking for her, he found her sitting completely alone on one end of the room. She almost looked like a statue; completely still with a flat expression.
After picking up his helmet and marker, he walked over to her. He thought he'd try for a casual conversation to take his mind off of his own problems. "Hey Ayanami." He said as he took a seat next to her.
"Hello Ikari. Have you talked to your father yet?" She asked almost immediately. 'Wow... not even a segue, huh?' He thought. "Ah, I tried... he didn't seem fazed by it at all... he shot the idea down."
Rei sensed Shinji's sadness, witnessing how deeply he had taken the rejection. "That is most unfortunate, Ikari... I am sorry." She said, attempting to be mindful of his emotions.
"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Ayanami. There's no changing him... I guess he's just antisocial and too caught up in his work." Said Shinji, trying to play it off like he didn't mind.
An awkward silence lasted for a few seconds between them, neither knowing what to even add. "What is the purpose of you coming to talk to me, Ikari?"
Shinji, finding himself a little shocked, wondered what she meant. "Um, I-I dunno... I just came over for a talk, I guess." Rei curiously tilted her head. "Talk? In what way do you mean a 'talk'?"
"I just wanted to check on you, see how you're doing and all." He explained. Rei's expression remained unchanged, though she was puzzled. "Why do you feel the need to talk to me when there is nothing you need of me?"
"Need of you? No! I just want to talk! You're my friend! Friends check up on each other!" He said, bewildered by her question. 'Friends...' She thought, the idea being very foreign to her.
"Oh, I see. Forgive me, I didn't realize you considered me a friend." She said, awkwardly looking at the floor. "Oh, well I do. Besides Toji and Kensuke, you're one of the only people I talk to in the unit."
Rei nodded, still unsure of what to think. Shinji popped the cap off his permanent marker and began to doodle away on his helmet cover. "Ikari, helmet graffiti is prohibited." She said,
"Well, I thought about that too... but no one seems to be getting any shit for it, so I figured it doesn't really matter." He said as he continued to write on his cover.
"There we go, finished." He said as he popped the marker's cap back in. "What do you think?" He asked, turning the front of the helmet over to Rei for her to judge.
It read 'Fly me to the Moon'.
"It's... an interesting choice." She replied, not really knowing what she thought of it. Shinji looked at the cover again, liking the way the phrase had come out on his helmet.
Across the room, Kensuke spied on Shinji and Rei, wanting to know what was up between the two. Had Toji been awake, the two would've directly tried to embarrass the two openly.
But since Kensuke was much more of an observer than Toji was, he instead relied on spying on the two. He couldn't tell if they were 'hitting it off' as the two were extremely awkward, even around each other.
He figured they were both anxious and constantly beat around the bush. "What're you looking at, Private Aida?" Asked the redheaded Lieutenant. Kensuke jumped, having not known she was even there.
"Jesus! Don't sneak up on me like that! Scares the shit outta me..." He said, adjusting his glasses that were made crooked once he had jumped. Asuka giggled, a grin emerging on her face.
"Well, anyway... what is it that you're looking at?" She asked again. "Oh, I'm just spying on Shinji's little talk with Ayanami over there. I guess I shouldn't really be snooping about like this, but I'm just curious."
"Hmm, they have been talking to each other a lot. Never thought I'd see Wondergirl go out of her way to greet someone..." Asuka looked over to see if she could read anything from the two, but quickly lost interest.
"He must feel reeeaal special, intriguing the group's mystery girl like that..." Asuka uttered, her tone hinting of anger. "Well I mean, he's the first troop to be fitted for war without any actual training."
Kensuke should have picked his words better. "I know that! That's why it's stupid! He has no guts, no backbone! He didn't even actually put up with combat training! I've been training my whole life, but he's the one that gets cheered on!" She snapped.
"Woah... you good there, lieutenant?" Asked Kensuke, wondering what had set her off. Asuka had slightly calmed down, crossing her arms in the process. "Hmph, I'm fine. Just forget about it..." She said, storming off shortly after.
Kensuke watched as she left, not thinking much about what had just happened. He looked over at Toji, who was still deep in his sleep. Then, he looked over at Shinji, who was still busy trying to talk to Rei.
"Shit, I think I would've preferred a normal school day over this..."