Once again a huge thank you to SerpentClara; how could I do this without you? You turn my gibbrish into someone readable.

Oh yeah, don't own Harry Potter, don't rub it in.

(-)
When McGonagall told Hermione she was a witch:

"So you see there is this wizard who totally had his ass kicked by a tiny baby boy but you have to be scared of him." McGonagall confessed to the new witch.

Hermione Jane Granger looked at the teacher with confusion. "But a name can't do anything to me," Hermione said.

McGonagall sighed. "Yes, it can. Despite the fact that even I have said it and nothing bad happened to me, hellfire and brimstone will rain down upon any who dare to speak his name." She paused for a moment then amended, "Unless of course you're a powerful, crazy old loon with a sweets fetish, or the tiny baby boy. Then it's OK."

"But isn't this evil guy dead?"

"Well… everyone thinks so, but I don't."

"Why?"

"Because Professor Dumbledore told me so."

"So?"

"Dumbledore is the cleverest, most powerful wizard out there."

"Then why didn't he kill- wait, you never said what this wizard's name was."

"We call him You-Know-Who."

Hermione looked irritated. "That's not a name."

"Well, it's what you have to call him."

"Why?"

"Because everyone else does."

Hermione smiled. "Well, I don't care what everyone else does. Now what's his name?"

McGonagall looked around the sitting room like she expected someone to jump out at her. Finally satisfied that there was only an exasperated eleven-year-old, she said, "Voldemort," before shuddering.

Hermione started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

Hermione finally stopped laughing. "Because that's the stupidest name I've ever heard in my life!"

McGonagall gave her a strict, hawk-like look. "Young lady, you will not laugh! Voldemort is very powerful and evil!"

"More powerful than this Professor Dumbledore?"

McGonagall looked a little put out. "No."

Hermione blinked and stared at her soon-to-be- teacher. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. She can't be that bright if she goes around calling guys You-Know-Who. Afraid of a name?

"Back to my original point. why didn't Dumbledore kill Voldemort?" Hermione asked

"Because some loony old woman that's never been right before and whom no one takes seriously made a prophecy that tiny baby boy had to kill him."

"Mum!" Hermione shouted.

Dr Granger walked into the room. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"I don't want to go to Hogwarts anymore."

Dr Granger looked surprised. "Why's that, dear?"

"Wizards are a bunch of cowards."

"Hermione, that's not very nice," her mother admonished.

"They call a dead guy You-Know-Who, even though his name is Voldemort." She snorted. "Then the most powerful wizard out there leaves it to a tiny baby boy to kill this guy that everyone is so afraid of, all because some loony woman whom no one takes seriously made a prophecy."

Dr Granger looked shocked. "You still have to go – you need to learn to control your magic."

Hermione sighed. "Fine, but I'm not calling Voldemort –" Hermione snorted again, "– You-Know-Who."

"Yes, you are," McGonagall said.

"No I'm not," Hermione said.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Ha! I'm not falling for that!" Hermione crowed.

"Damn!"

"You don't have a choice," McGonagall maintained.

"Yes I do."

"No you don't."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

McGonagall whipped out her wand. "You will call You-Know-Who, You-Know-Who!"

Crossing her arms over chest, Hermione set her face in a mulish expression. "I will not!"

"Then I'm sorry, Miss Granger-"

"For wha-"

"Imperio," McGonagall incanted, then tucked the wand back into her robe pocket. "Now, Miss Granger, you will call Voldemort You-Know-Who."

Hermione nodded, her eyes blank. "Yes, ma'am."

McGonagall wiped the memory of Dr Granger and went on her way.

(-)

"I've met Miss Granger." McGonagall said, walking into Dumbledore's office.

"What is she like?"

McGonagall thought for a moment. "Like me."

"Oh dear."

McGonagall put her hands on her hips. "What's wrong with me?" she demanded.

Dumbledore smiled nervously. "Nothing. You are great, a wonderful woman, I know I like you – I let you boss me around." He looked around the office wildly when he saw that she wasn't going to forgive him that easily. "Do you want a pay increase?"

McGonagall thought a moment. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something."

"Oh boy."

"It's about the Fidelius charm."

"Go ahead."

"The person who is the Secret Keeper can go to the house, right?"

"As I was the Secret keeper for the Order Headquarters, then yes."

"Then why couldn't Lily or James be their own Secret keeper?"

Dumbledore blinked and had a strange feeling that he was going to be asked this same question again.

"I think a pay increase is in order for you."

"I don't want a pay increase, I want an answer to my question."

Fortunately for Dumbledore, he had a way to get around McGonagall. Reaching into a drawer, he pulled out a green ball and tossed it to her.

The moment McGonagall caught a whiff, she caught it and started to rub her cheek against it.

"Any other questions, Minerva?"

McGonagall shook her head and ran off to be alone with the ball.

Dumbledore chuckled. "Ah, I love catnip."

(-)

A/N: I know McGonagall and Dumbledore are OOC. That's the as close as I'll ever come to bashing McGonagall or Dumbledore- I love them both.

If anyone has something I might be able to use for a chapter let me know. But no HBP please, the whole darn book was one big Bothersom Fact.

Thanks for reading, please review.