Sitting here I hear the rhythmic tick of the clock, holding my breath until the end of practice and I can slip away to my own space. "Tick-tick-tick-tick" is all I hear driving home the knots my stomach is in. I roll my eyes and try to focus on Sikowitz's voice which is seeming to be a little more complicated than I want. Finally someone is poking me to signal the end of the day. I quickly gather my things and huff off to my car. I slide in the front seat and let my music blare from the speakers.

I drive home, tears streaking my cheeks, I decide I don't even want to be around anyone. I chose to go to my hideaway from this ridiculous city and from her, maybe no one will find me. I pull into a spot at my lookout, grab a blanket and my sketch book. I walk a few paces and lay the blanket out. I get myself situated then pull out a joint. I think to myself "why not? I have to make my 18th birthday good somehow", because how sad it is that no one wants to celebrate with me.

I light the end, letting the flame take control, make a wish and blow it out. I only have one wish, to get my friends back and win over her heart. I take a drag from the joint, letting the smoke take me away. I turn my speaker on and let some music take me to a safe place then pull out my sketch book. Opening it, I turn through the pages, I freeze when I see the sketches of Beck. I run my fingers across his strong features, I know I'll never stop loving him, but friends are what we are. Everyone is mad and thinks I hurt him when in reality staying with him was hurting me more. You can't stay with someone if you don't love them and if you're confused about what you want.

I flip a few more pages and my breath hitches seeing the beautiful sketches I've made of her from memory and a little finesse. I run my fingers across her sculpted body, knowing what my feelings are. You can never help who your heart wants, but you can deny yourself that person. I realize I need my bigger sketch book so I jog back for more supplies. I get myself situated and grab a few pencils, I'm going to do my best from memory to sketch her face.

I'm covered in pencil and charcoal so I carefully check the text I've received. I notice that just over an hour has passed before I see it's her that's texting me. I open the text and I'm shocked to read the text before me, "I know I should've said something in person today but I know everyone else is still a little bitter so I figured you didn't want everyone all in your face. Happy Birthday J! I hope your 18th birthday is what you ask for and I hope your wish comes true today..heart Tor"

I barely can function to reply back, "Thank you, but yes you were right I didn't want a big fanfare today. Everyone isn't bitter, they're angry, but for some of the right reasons. Not everyone is going to agree with him or myself, I don't expect them to. This isn't the 18th birthday I intended to have but it happened. So I'm going to sit here, smoke this joint, and make some banging art. Hopefully it helps me..J"

I go back to the art I'm creating, I've managed to create a beautiful rendition of her. She's fully nude with an almost sheer cloth hiding her breasts and body tastefully. I'm going to adorn the space with beautiful flowers and filigree, like she's lying in a bed of flowers. I feel my phone vibrate, so I carefully pick it up to see what's up. As soon as the text opens I drop my phone. I quickly wipe my hands on the blanket, not even caring anymore. I unlock my phone to view the message again, a little more prepared. The only caption is, "Does this inspire you? ;) Tor", with a picture of a lace bra and lace boy short clad Tori. I swallow hard trying to hold myself together before I answer, "Whoa whoa..why would you send me this? Did you send this to the wrong person..? J"

I try to gather myself and finish the shading of my artwork, I actually manage to finish before Tori replies to my message. I clean my hands properly this time before viewing the message, "No I know who I send things like that to especially when I send them. Sometimes people have artist block or whatever. Figure what a better gift now that we're both eighteen ;) Tor", I have to read this at least three times. I take a deep breath then type, "I have something I would like to show you..but I'm scared you'll be freaked out..if I come pick you up would you like to take a look? It would be the best birthday gift ever..J"

I slowly gather my art supplies and myself waiting for a reply. I start to get nervous after she doesn't answer quickly and panic. Just as I'm about to text her "nevermind", she replies, "Sure..sorry had to go get freshened up. I'll be waiting for a phone call that you're in my driveway. Heart Tor"

I gather myself and take a deep breath. I pack my supplies up and get into my car. I plug up my phone and turn the music on, trying to calm my nerves. I'm sweating, which is unusual, and my heart is racing. I've almost sobered up even. I gather my focus as I cross the line into the city as I head to her house.

My thoughts are racing to the beat of my heart as I wait for my phone to ring. My mom pops up looking a little confused by me sitting quietly on the couch, "Hey Tori, what's going on? You've been quiet for a little bit, thought you were going out with the boys", finishing with a light chuckle. I snap out of my thoughts and look at my mom bewildered, "No no, sorry", offering a sincere look of "I'm okay", "I was just thinking and no, Jade asked to come over and it's her 18th birthday but no one wants to be around her because she broke up with Beck. I feel bad because no one should have to be alone on their birthday. Plus she wants to show me some artwork, which she never shares with people.", I finally take a breath, letting my mom gather my rambling. She looks concerned, "That's sad, she shouldn't have to be alone on her birthday. While you look at her artwork upstairs, I'm going to bake her a cake and we'll give her a good birthday. Actually I'm going to run to the store real quick and grab supplies", she rushes away to grab her things and ushers quickly out the door. Just then my phone rings so I pick it up, "Oh you're here, just come on in. The door is open and I'll grab us a drink", then head to the kitchen.

I'm grabbing two waters from the fridge when I hear the door open then quietly shut. I turn to see Jade standing there, looking mildly timid and shy. I smile at her, "C'mon we're going to my room. It'll be more quiet there and private. Maybe it'll be more comfortable for you", as I lead her up to my room.

She lets me in first then carefully shuts the door. I set our drinks down then go lock the door, "Sorry I want to have our privacy, don't need Trina barging in if she comes home", rolling my eyes. She seems to soften offering me a soft smile followed by a soft blush. She lowers her eyes, "Will you sit on the floor with me? And wipe your hands please", as she sits down on the floor. I smile at her and disappear to my bathroom and return with a hand towel. I sit down next to her smiling, then reach out to brush her hair from her face. She pushes my hand away blushing then hiding her face.

I accidently brush her hand with mine when I go to open her smaller sketch book. The first page is a beautiful charcoal portrait of Beck, showing his gorgeous smile and strong face. I start to turn the page, she quickly grabs my hand, "Warning some of these portraits are nudes", giving me a "fuck it" look. I turn the page to see Beck, fully nude laying on a purple loveseat. I gasp lightly, hearing her chuckle softly. I quickly turn the page, seeing a beautiful portrait of myself from the waist up. I'm nude, arms covering my breasts with my fingers lace into my hair. It's slightly seductive but very tasteful. I blush hard, locking eyes with Jade, she's smiling but blushing as well.

I'm the first to say, "How did you draw this without me modeling for it?", I'm not even disgusted, I'm very shocked and impressed. She smiles softly, "I used finesse and used the memory of seeing you do different poses in Sikowitz's class. I thought of something seductive and landed on this. I'm sorry but seeing you undress for plays has made you subconsciously become one of my muses. I love drawing you, more than Beck", as she lowers her head hiding from her. I turn the page and see a beautiful portrait of me smiling and laughing.

I spend at least twenty minutes going through this smaller sketch book when I notice a larger one peeking out from her bag. I go to grab it, "I want to see if I'm in this one as well", and pull it out of her bag. I hear her breath hitch, "I'm sorry I'll leave it alone if you want me to. I understand if you're not ready", as I withdraw my hand. She takes a deep breath, then sighs, "No, I've waited this long. You deserve to see all of it"

I nod my head and open the first page, it's a beautiful full scale sketch of a young woman. I don't know this person but her robe is draped tastefully, it's open in the right places. It's all pencil and charcoal except for her eyes and lips. Her eyes are a gorgeous sapphire blue and she has pale red, but supple lips. I gasp as my eyes water, "I don't know her, but she's beautiful..did you draw this from your mind's eye or was it an in person drawing..sorry you don't have to say"

She smiles at me, "Well it was a certain experience after I left Beck..I'm not proud of it", she smirks and blushes hard, even her chest is flush. I blush hard, she chuckles lightly. I try to defend myself, "I'm not a virgin, unlike people like to think. And it's not with just guys..", I stop quickly realizing what just slipped from my tongue. She snaps her face up, locking eyes with me. I look at her in panic, my brain is scrambling to find the words to say. My mouth goes dry and my brains freeze in thought. She places her hand on mine, "Hey just relax. Take a deep breath. It's just us here."

I take a drink of water trying to calm my nerves. I slowly speak, "I've experimented with people. After Ryder I didn't know what to do. I was scared, so I decided to venture out a little. Step by step, I've learned a lot. Guys can be tools and think of themselves. Women are beautiful and take their time to learn", I stop myself, trying not to be too revealing. J smiles softly at me, her eyes have a different look to them. She seems warmer and more comfortable, more open to me. I put my eyes back to her artwork turning the page to reveal a large scale sketch of myself. I'm lying nude with a sheer cloth covering my body on a bed of flowers. I gasp softly as I run my fingers across the sketch carefully admiring the piece.

I turn to face Jade, she is blushing. I smile sweetly at her, letting her know it's okay, "Jade this is absolutely beautiful. You need to get out there with your work. I would come to any gallery showing", resting my hand on hers. Her eyes speak volumes as she leans forward. I'm unsure what is about to happen when I feel Jade's lips press against mine. I can't help but reciprocate the kiss when we're interrupted by knocking on my door, "Tori I'm back from the store and dinner is ready if you and Jade want to join"

Jade pulls back and hides her face, I know she's panicking. I put my hand on her shoulder, "That kiss was perfectly okay. It's natural to share intimacy with people. We had an intimate moment and I'm completely fine with that. Happy Birthday hun", giving her a sweet smile. Jade half smiles, "Thank you, but can we go eat..kind of got the munchies..sorry", as her face grows flush. I stand up then offer help for her to stand.

We come down the stairs to complete darkness, she looks at me confused. My first thought, "Oh fuck! This isn't what this girl will want..oh well too late now", I muster up my best "sorry" face and shrug. I flip the lights on. My parents, Trina, and Cat pop up yelling, "Happy Birthday!"

My mom comes forward with a cake so I quickly hop on the piano playing "Happy Birthday" while everyone sings. Jade is blushing and looks at me like she's going to deal with me later. Jade blows out her candles, "Thank you guys", as she blushes softly.

My mom smiles at her, "C'mon young lady, I made Italian food, hope you like it!", as she steers Jade to a seat and a plate of food. Then my mom ushers everyone to grab some food. I grab my plate and go to sit down by Jade. She smiles at me then softly says, "You didn't have to do this for me, it's actually very sweet of you", as she places her hand on mine. I feel a rush of warmth through my body as my chest and face flushes. I swallow hard then focus on my food. I've never felt this comfortable yet so nervous around J, what's going on with myself.

I'm helping clean up dishes when my mom bumps my arm, "Something happened with her while I was gone, I can feel it. The tension is fading between you girls", she stops because Trina walks by. My mom leans in closer, "If you want to date a girl then I'm fine with it. I've always wanted you girls to be happy. Just know it may not make everyone happy", as she pats my back reassuringly.

I head back to my seat with a big slice of red velvet for J and myself. I hand it to her with a sweet smile, "Red velvet..if I remember it's your favorite and it's my mom's best cake", placing it in front of J. She smiles at me softly, "How did you know that? No one ever remembered that..", as she dives into her piece. I hear a few groans of approval and many "mmm"s as this girl destroys her piece. I lock eyes with her as she licks her lips, cleaning off the icing. I blush hard, distracting me from her swiping a finger full of icing before she seductively sucks it off her finger. I swallow hard as I feel my chest and face flush. I feel a warmth growing all over. I hear my mom clear her throat, "Ladies, c'mon and join us in the living room", giving us a look of "what are you two doing". Jade swallows hard and heads to the living room, my dad pats a chair dead center, "Here you go birthday girl, right here"

Jade gives me "I'm definitely dealing with you after this" look, I hide my eyes knowing I'm in trouble. My mother smiles walking over with a small stack of gifts, handing them to Jade. She smiles at my mother reluctantly taking them from her. She sets them on the table, starting with the smallest box moving her way to the largest. They contained a beautiful pair of silver engraved scissors with her name, a couple corset tops, a pair of jeans, and a pair of blue scissor earrings with a note that J read to herself with a smile plastered on her face. I shot my mom a "You better not have done something" look, realizing that she probably had Cat help her out. I groan to myself when Cat walks towards me reaching up to whisper, "Don't worry, everything will be alright", then kisses my cheek.

After an hour everyone starts to leave, J walks over whispering, "Can we head up to your room for a little bit", as her hand brushes against mine. I nod my head and we disappear to my room. I hear her lock the door behind us, I turn to look at her. She walks over to me, grabs my face softly then kisses me sweetly. I smile into the kiss as I reciprocate it. She pulls back, "Thank you. I really appreciate what you and your family did for me. It was a wonderful birthday. But I'm missing one more gift. It was promised in that note..thank you Miss Vega.", I look at her perplexed. She smirks at me, "You and I have a date at 7 on Saturday, my choice, you're driving", as I groan in a small protest.

I lick my lips then pull her close, "Now I understand what the new clothes were for, at least I know what to wear now. Fine, I'll pick you up at 6:30 and we'll go to dinner", sealing the deal with a kiss. J smiles at me, "Look I'm tired, is there any way I can stay the night", her eyes speaking volumes to her weariness.

I wake up in the middle feeling someone stirring next to me. My eyes flutter open and see J gently tossing in her sleep. I hear her muttering "no" a few times so I realize she must be having a nightmare. I don't want her to wake so I carefully roll on my side then encase her in my arms. After a few moments she seems to relax and peacefully fall asleep.

I wake again later due to the absence of warmth. I notice J isn't in bed anymore then I hear the toilet flush and my bathroom door open. I look up and she locks eyes with me, "Sorry..didn't mean to wake you", she offers a soft smile. I shake my head, "No it's fine, I just felt the absence of warmth and it woke me up", giving a half smile in return. She lays down facing me, "We can either go back to sleep or lay here and talk before practice. I'll probably leave soon so I can get ready, but I'll come pick you up for practice. It's the least I can do for you", gently caressing my face.

I get lost in her eyes, when we hear a gentle knock on the door, "Tori, it's Andre..can you unlock the door man..I need to talk to you..", I panic a little. J freezes, "Maybe I'll just go ahead and leave. I'll call you when I'm leaving my house..", she quickly kisses my forehead and gathers her stuff. She unlocks the door then pushes past Andre and out the front door.

I gather myself then look up at Andre who looks completely confused right now. He chews on his lip thinking for a moment, "Why was Jade here this early..did you sleep with her..after what she did to Beck..man that's low..very low..", looking now more angry than confused. I look at him pursing my lips, "Look we're both adults and yes she stayed here last night. My parents, Trina, Cat, and myself threw her a small party for her 18th birthday. She's free to do whatever she wants to do, and unlike you guys think she wasn't trying to hurt him. She was trying to save them both. I don't have to defend myself or her to you. I don't have to answer you either. You need to come down a notch. Beck was kind of dick to J at times even though I know she could be a tad ridiculous at some times"

Andre is just shaking his head at me, "Nah nah. You don't sleep with your friend's ex. That ain't even cool", he clicks his tongue. I steady myself and take a deep breath, "We didn't have sex. So would you just chill out. She wanted to show me something she wasn't ready to show anyone else.", I shrug my shoulders, "Now what do you want to talk to me about'', try to direct the attention back to his issues. He shakes his head, "Nah. Nevermind. I thought trying to get them back together would be an awesome birthday gift but I realized Beck may not be what she wants. Apparently she already found that'', as he slumps off down the stairs and out the door. I groan and flop down on my bed, I hear a gentle knock, "Tori, honey, are you okay? I heard you and Andre arguing a little, figured I should check on you", seeing my mom sit down next to me. I chew on my lip, "Like you said do what makes me happy no matter what, some people will feel the same, some people won't. I can't change his mind. I'm not trying to "take Jade away from Beck'' or whatever people think. I didn't even know we both felt this way until we shared that intimate moment last night…", blushing softly and lowering my head. My mom rests her hand on my back, rubbing it softly, "I know it sucks. Sometimes you have to fight for who you love. And to have the choice to love whoever you want to", she looks me in the eyes, "Just know your father and I will always love you no matter what", then she leaves the room.

My phone vibrates, I look over and see J's picture pop up on my screen. I swipe to answer, "Yes darling..oh you're almost here", hopping up off my bed and heading downstairs. We stay on the phone until she is pulling in the driveway. I walk to her car as she waves at me as she slides over to open my door for me. I have a huge smile plastered on my face as I slide into my seat.

We pull into the parking lot at school, and as soon as we get out of J's car everyone is staring at us. Beck looks over and rolls his eyes while Andre just shakes his head in disappointment. Cat waves at us in her usual excitement. J grabs my arm and pulls me into the school quickly. She ushers us into the janitor's closet, "I'm guessing Andre is pretty frustrated with the two of us over our choice", as she starts to pace a little. I grab her arm and spin her around, "J, just calm down. Take a breath. No matter what anyone thinks it doesn't matter. Your happiness and my happiness is what matters. You can't change people's minds. Just know you have me, no matter what. And you have this", I pull her in swiftly and kiss her passionately. I hear her softly moan into the kiss. I push it a little further and slip my tongue in between her lips. I feel J giving into me completely. She walks me into the wall and pushes her tongue into my mouth. I groan feeling her tongue piercing pressed against my tongue. We're fighting for dominance in this kiss when the door opens and there stands Beck with his jaw clenched, "Guess you and I don't have anything to talk about", J is shooting him daggers as he shrugs and walks off. J wipes her mouth with her thumb then shrugs, "Oh well I guess, just when I was really getting into that kiss too", when she presses me against the wall kissing me passionately. I let her take the lead this time, she uses only her lips to convey her message. She gives me the most mind blowing, passion filled kiss I've ever had. I feel her fingers lace with mine as she smiles into this kiss. She pulls back. She giggles and blushes softly.

I look her dead in the eyes, "J what was that for", starting to think something might be going on. She chews on her lip, swallows hard, "I really don't know. It just kind of happened. Every second felt right though..", as her voice trails off because the door opened again. This time it was Andre, he cleared his throat, "Ladies Sikowitz is waiting for you two so he can start practice so hurry up", getting a very concerned yet annoyed look at us holding hands. We quickly let go of each other and J steps away from me. I give him an apologetic half smile and shrug, "Sorry Andre, if this bothers you then I don't care. J and I can make our own decisions. We don't need anyone else's permission. Can't help when things just happen.", shrugging again with a look of "when you know you know"

We get situated in Sikowitz's room, all eyes on us of course. Sikowitz clears his throat, "Alright now that everyone has joined us, we may begin! Now everyone can start talking to each other as British robots! Stand up, let's go!", as he claps his hands. Everyone is up on their feet, British accents adorned with robotic voices are bouncing off the walls. Sikowitz claps his hands, "Quickly! Now everyone is arthritic male pirates! Go!", snaps his fingers, "Oh! Get angry with it too". Now everyone is arguing about ships and "booty" sounding like angry men who belong in the nursing home. J turns to me, whips me around, "I told you that was me ship and me booty! How dare you AH me hip!", as she grabs her hip in pain. I try not to laugh, "And I told you me hardy that be me ship and that means it's me booty you old coot! AH my back!", as I bend back in pain. We look at each other and start laughing. Sikowitz snaps his fingers rapidly trying to quiet us down, "Good good! You guys did great, especially with the second part!"

After the first part of practice I trudge to my locker trying to avoid Andre and his constant stares of anger and flared nostrils. I get my door open and there he is all of sudden. I snarl at him, "What do you want Andre. I really don't have much to say to you. Funny for a man who used to crush on me so hardcore", I roll my eyes at him trying to dismiss him. He clenches his jaw as his nostrils flare slightly. He grabs my arm lightly, in a loud whisper, "Why Tori. You are so twisted Jade. I can't believe you think you're going to suck her into your twisted ass world. I won't let that happen", as he lets go of me to walk away. I quickly snatch his ass and spin him nose to nose with me, "Let me tell you something Andre. I didn't choose her. Fate did. Something in this fucked up world did. Guess they decided I needed a little light. A little guidance. Tor makes me happy. Happier than Beck ever did", I let him back up a step, "She is one of the purest people I know. I don't want to hurt her.", as I loosen my grasp and he walks away.

I'm sitting in the theater eating by myself as I have been lately. Suddenly I hear the soft padding of someone walking my way. I look up from my food and see Tor getting ready to sit down beside me. I smile at her, "Glad you could join me..", as she greets me with a smile, "Figured a little company might be nice for you, sucks being alone all the time..", she sighs. Tor shovels a forkful of food in her mouth. I can see she's thinking something over because of her body language. I swallow my bite, "Tor what is bothering you..I can tell something is wrong..", resting my hand on her knee. Tor gives me a half smile, "I just don't want everyone to hate us for something that wasn't meant to happen. I can't help getting caught up in a moment with you. Like last night when we're looking through your artwork, I looked into your eyes and felt something come over me. Then when you kissed me it confirmed the feeling I was having..", she stops talking for a minute. I nod my head in agreement, "Trust me..I was there. It scares me when I start to feel this way because I have a tendency to rush things. I don't want to be that way with you. I don't want to hurt you..", she presses her finger to my lips.

When her finger is removed it's replaced with her lips. I sigh into the kiss as I feel her tongue parting my lips. I meld into the kiss, knowing it's wrong but how can it be when she feels so right. I pull back quickly, "We need to stop before I push us to go farther. I'm not ready to take that step with you yet. Trust me there's nothing more that I would love to do than take you right here, but I want our first time to be more than that. I don't want to fuck you. I want to make love to you..", I have to stop myself because I don't even know what I'm saying. Tor looks a tad concerned then chuckles, "Hey it's okay to feel that way. Again intimate moments happen whenever, they aren't always planned. Just like when you kissed me in the janitor's closet earlier, I didn't expect it to blow my mind like it did. I definitely didn't expect to be holding hands either..", as she blushes. I cup her face, stroking it with my thumb, "Tor..I'm scared..I've never felt like this for someone so quickly. I don't want to hurt you. But I want to try to be with you..", as I feel a few tears streaking my face. She gives me a warm half smile, wiping the tears, "J it's okay to be scared. Just means the feelings you have are genuine and I have nothing to worry about. We can take this at any pace you want to.."