APRIL 16TH, 2015

11:46am:

'I don't want to be here.' Shinji thought for the hundredth time that day. Even when he managed to escape from the battle of Matsuyama for just a few weeks, his mind still echoed the thought;

'I don't want to be here.'

Another voice seemed to be intruding his thoughts, but he ignored it and repeated the miserable mantra. 'I don't want to be here.' He thought yet again, only making him more anxious to leave.

"Ikari, are you still with me?" Asked Dr. Sano, already knowing Shinji had been too focused on his own thoughts rather than the question that was just asked. "Oh, I'm sorry. What was it that you asked?"

"I asked you if you've ever had suicidal thoughts... have you?" He asked, realizing Shinji may have just been avoiding the question. Shinji thought about the question for a moment, not knowing how to put it for his therapist.

"I hope your silence doesn't imply a 'yes'..." He said out of concern. "That's not it, I'm just trying to find a way to explain this to you..." He said, still thinking of what to say to such a question.

"Well, I haven't ever just straight up thought of killing myself. I don't think I even have the guts to pull it off, which I guess is a good thing." He said, sounding rather sad. "But, I have wanted to die. Not in a suicidal way, just in a 'I wish I didn't exist' kind of way."

Dr. Sano wrote away with his pen on his notepad, staying quiet and attentive as Shinji continued to explain. "I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, it makes sense in my head." He said, feeling rather insecure.

"Oh no worries, I honestly believe it's something we have all felt in our lives; not wanting to exist. Some more than others, of course. But it's more common than you'd think. I just hope, and forgive my possible assumption, but I just hope that it doesn't lead to more... concerning thoughts or actions."

Shinji laid down on the couch he had been sitting up in. "Concerning thoughts? No, just negative ones for the most part." He told Dr. Sano. "What kind of negative thoughts are we talking about?" Sano asked Shinji, hoping to look more into the boy's personal issues.

"Um, I don't think I want to talk about this, doctor." He said, sighing shortly afterwards. "It's okay, don't feel obligated to." Said his therapist. "But do know this; the more problems you avoid, not only will you regret all that you have run away from, but it will all catch up to you. Think about that."

Shinji nodded, even though he basically let every word the doctor spoke fly over his head. He wasn't in a good mood at all, but he didn't want to give this man any attitude.

"Well it seems that that's all the time we have, Ikari. I know this is a bit much for you to take in right now, but this process can definitely help you. We just have to work together to figure this out. Like a team." He told his patient.

"Okay." He said hollowly with a nod. Dr. Sano picked up on Shinji's desire to leave as soon as he could and dismissed him. Shinji grabbed his umbrella from the corner near the door and walked out towards the hallway, ready to go back home to the comfort of his room at Misato's.

The bus ride from the 6th District to the 3rd was a slightly crowded and bumpy one. Shinji was off in his own little world, listening to his SDAT while the minutes passed. Music always alleviated the wait time.

Shinji had thought of visiting Rei, since he was actually very close to the 7th District, in which she lived. He decided that he was too tired to go all the way over to her, as his sleep schedule was still recovering from his time over at Matsuyama.

As he approached the bus stop on Misato's street, he stuffed his music player into his pocket and readied his umbrella. As he walked to the lobby of the complex, he spotted two DHU trucks making their exit from the entrance of the garage.

'Looks like we have new neighbors.' He mused. 'Hope they aren't loud ones.' As he entered the lobby, he closed his umbrella and shook most of the toxic water off as to not bring it into Misato's home.

After finally reaching the 15th floor, he walked up to Misato's door and unlocked it, the scene inside causing him to drop his umbrella on the floor. "What the-" He said as he entered the place, confused by the sight of DHU boxes crowding the hallways.

"What the hell is going on? Is someone moving in- GYAH!" He yelped as he jumped, not having expected Asuka to be in Misato's home. "W-What're you doing here?" He asked her, almost in a panic.

"How rude of you! That's no way to treat your new roomie, now is it?" She told him, a can of soda in her right hand. Her left hand rested on her thigh, her posture radiating attitude very strongly.

"Room... mate?" He asked her, almost pinching himself to make sure he wasn't in some nightmare. "What? Misato didn't tell you? She thinks we have to move in together to 'work out our issues'. So now I'm here." She explained to him.

"And you're okay with this?" Shinji asked, not sure what she thought of the whole idea. "Of course not! I don't want to move in with a dolt like you! But since she can pull strings over at NERV, the Commander gave her the okay... I just think it's a waste of my time! And speaking of which, I'm not moving your boxes out. That's your responsibility, so hurry it up!"

"My boxes? What do you mean? I'm not moving out of my roo-" He gasped, finding all of his belongings (though there were very little) all placed inside boxes. "What the actual fuck! She just let you it without checking in with me first?" He asked in disbelief, feeling betrayed.

"If anything, it just goes to show what kind of roomie you really are..." Asuka muttered quietly to herself. Shinji defeatedly began to carry his boxes out of his old room as Asuka stood impatiently waiting.

2:34pm:

Shinji's belongings were still in their boxes, as he rested in his bed with a fowl mood. He wasn't too happy about Asuka's moving into his room, let alone her moving into the very place he was living in.

This room was by far the worst in the whole apartment. His old one had a window that allowed him to peek at the outside world. Even if it was small, it was nice to have a look at the outside world. Now he was in a very small room with no windows. It almost felt like some kind of punishment.

Then, the thoughts came back. 'Maybe I did something to upset Misato.' He began, the cycle only getting worse from here on out. 'I deserve this, there's no way I don't. This happened because of me.'

The door knob was heard jiggling, keys rattling behind it. Shinji sat up in his bed, surprised to hear someone else come in. 'Misato's home this early?' He thought. 'I guess she is, unless someone else is moving in that I don't know about.'

He stood and went to check the living room, finding Misato had already fetched her can of beer. "Hello Shinji! How was your first session today?" She asked with more of that optimism Shinji found forced.

"Oh, it was okay." He said flatly. Asuka walked over to the living room too, purposefully bumping into Shinji's shoulder as she did. "A hello to you too, Asu-" "Major, I'm not much in the mood for this overly-nice attitude you have going on right now... I'm pissed OFF!" She stated loudly.

Misato rolled her eyes, gulping the rest of her beer to deal with the Lieutenant's nasty attitude. "You know, I was trying to be nice. But if you want to go that route, Lieutenant, we'll go there." She said, forcefully slamming the empty beer can on the dinner table.

"You two need to work something out, we can't have this bully/victim dynamic you have going on. Shinji, you need to learn to take her abuse to a degree. Not because it's okay for her to be doing what she's doing, but because the real world is chock-full of knuckleheads." She told him before turning to Asuka.

"And Asuka, your mistreatment towards your own troops will not be tolerated. It is completely unjustified. You're lucky I fought for you to keep your position, but this behavior will not stand. You will only be sent back under the condition that you learn to respect everyone in your unit, especially if there's a higher-ranking C.O."

"Why keep me in the company if you're just gonna take me out of it for a few weeks? They need me out there and you're keeping me from doing my duty!" Retaliated Asuka, raising her volume ever so steadily.

"I guess I could just have you dismissed after all, then. NERV has no use for a soldier who can't follow their orders." Misato replied, looking absolutely tired of Asuka's attitude.

"You can't do that! I'm the best C.O. Unit-01's ever had. There's no replacing me, dammit!" Said Asuka, sounding a little anxious now. "We'll easily find another lead for Unit-01, Asuka. You're walking on thin ice, Lieuten-"

"You can't take me away from Unit-01! That's my platoon! Without me, they're done for! You can't take this away from me! It's all I-" She yelled, before stopping herself rather suddenly.

She realized she may have said too much, and was quickly heated once she realized Shinji was still in the room witnessing her go off at Misato. "What are YOU looking at, idiot? Mind your own god damn business!"

"Wha- She's talking to the both of us! I'm listening to her, not you..." He snapped back, having already been fed up with the both of them. "Hey! What did I say about giving me attitude?"

"Enough!" Misato yelled at the top of her lungs. She was able to catch their attention again, both now listening to her again. "You two need to work shit out! Put your grudges aside, if not at home then at least in the battlefield! Please?"

All three stayed silent for a few seconds after, those seconds feeling like minutes in their heads. "Yes, Misato. I'll work something out with her." He assured her. Asuka didn't know how to respond; she didn't want to say yes and submit to Misato's demands, but she also didn't want Shinji to look better than her.

"Same here! I'll quit picking on him and I'll leave him alone, then we can get back to the-" "Hold up, Asuka. I'm afraid it's not that simple. I can't just take your words for it, though I'd like to. Starting tomorrow, we're gonna start work on rebuilding your professional relationship with each other." Misato stated.

Both Shinji and Asuka winced simultaneously, but nodded in agreement. "Good. Now, I came home early so I can keep watch over you two. I can't just leave you alone together, not after what I saw from you, Asuka."

The redhead was annoyed by having been the only one scolded by Misato. 'All she told the idiot was to grow a pair, and she continues to put me down. I don't have to fucking stand for this...'

"Are we still allowed out?" Asked Shinji, feeling the need to take his mind off this whole situation with some music. "Yes, you guys are allowed to go out. Just stay in the city. I'd also prefer it if you were with a friend." She told him.

"Okay then. I'm going for a walk." He said, flatly again. Misato could tell he wasn't doing very well that day. He was already anxious about going to therapy, but he seemed even worse after it. She didn't know what was bothering him, but she wished she could help.

She wouldn't force the issue, knowing he preferred to be left alone for the time being. Shinji grabbed his SDAT and umbrella and walked towards the living room, passing by Asuka who had still been unpacking due to constant procrastination.

He spotted Pen Pen's mini-fridge on the way out, reminding him of his first encounter with the little bird. He smiled to himself. 'Too bad I won't see their first encounter.' He thought as he chuckled lightly.

NERV HQ, GENDO'S OFFICE:

"Wait, Lieutenant Soryu will be living with your son and Katsuragi?" Fuyutsuki asked Gendo, foreseeing many problems with Misato's idea. "Yes, the two have been butting heads lately." The Commander explained.

"How exactly is making the two live with each other supposed to make them work things out? I'll be honest, Commander, the Major's logic seems flawed." Fuyutsuki admitted.

"Major Katsuragi believes that the two should learn to not only live with each other, but for each other. She thinks it will help them with their professional relationship in the war. Soryu has been behaving irrationally lately anyway, so this should help straighten her out at the very least."

"Commander, need I remind you that these two are teenagers? Of the same age? Surely you've though of that, right? You have set restrictions for what they can and can't do around or even with each other, right?" The older man asked.

"That is not of my concern, Fuyutsuki. He is in Katsuragi's watch... it is her job to deal with his hormonal behavior." Gendo said bluntly. "That's not my concern, Commander. Does this not hinder your set plan in any way?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Gendo thought quietly for a few seconds, looking very confident as he was readying his answer. "The two do nothing but clash, and their opposing personalities is a guarantee that they won't be feeling anything for each other. Maybe some sexual attraction, but no emotional attachment."

"How can you be so sure, Commander? People can't be that predictable." The ex-professor replied. "Shinji has certain... psychological issues. His trauma influences his current behavior. Let's just say that I may have learned how to use this to my advantage." Gendo told him, once again looking absolutely sure of himself.

"Soryu shouldn't be an obstacle. I assure you, he'll fall for the right girl." Gendo said behind his gloves. "Let's hope you're right, Commander." He said, still sounding very concerned.

'Or rather, I guess I should hope he isn't right after all. Poor Ikari, he will be devastated... But, if manipulating this boy is the means to bring on the salvation of humanity, then this is right thing to do. Though, it doesn't feel right...' The old man mused.

"Also, note that Soryu will probably only continue to stress him out. I have a feeling this will only make Shinji desire her more instead of Soryu." Gendo added. "Sometimes, your ability to puppeteer everyone genuinely terrifies me." Fuyutsuki said coldly.

Gendo sat proudly, his old smirk hiding behind his hands.

TOKYO-3 METROLINK

4:07pm:

Shinji had been on the subway train again, listening to his SDAT as usual. This time, he wasn't running away. It was just something he was doing to pass the time, and to forget about the world for a bit.

He didn't know why he was hurting so much. Even though Asuka moving in with he and Misato was a pain, he had other things on his mind. All he wanted was to get away from the battlefield, and now he actually had. He was devastated to find out the pain didn't go away as he thought it would.

'Is this gonna be the rest of my life?' He thought to himself, looking aimlessly at the floor. After it became too bland to continuously look at, he picked his head back up. The clouds were particularly heavy that day, a darker grey shrouding the city with a lifeless sky.

Shinji felt hopeless. There was nothing he could do to take the pain away. Nowhere he could run to, as he would have to go back to Misato's eventually. No one he could go to, since all his friends were still out fighting the war.

There was nothing to distract himself with either. Sure, there were plenty of arcades and fun places to go to down at the Geo Front, but they were too pricey for someone who didn't live there. That, and he was too depressed to surround himself with people happier than him.

But, there was another option he didn't think of before. He thought back to the moment he contemplated visiting Rei on the bus ride home earlier that day.

'Wait, there is someone I can go to.' He thought, remembering that Rei had been sent back too. He looked outside to get a better sense of his current location in the city.

He was about to reach the 5th District, so he knew it wouldn't be long before he'd reach Rei's part of town. He just hoped she would actually be there. As the train continued to make its way around the city, he stared blankly out the window.

On his way to her place, Shinji kind of questioned the nature of his relationship with Rei. At first, she was just a stranger with a weirdly familiar face. Now, he felt like he was forming a genuine friendship with her.

Not only that, but having her watch his back brought him much more confidence out in the battlefield. 'Geez, why couldn't SHE move in instead?' He thought bitterly. The more he thought about it though, he realized how bad that would be.

'What made Misato think having Asuka live with us was going to help? It's not the best idea to live with a girl my age, with our hormones going through the roof and all. Hell, Ayanami would have been the better pick. Though, she doesn't seem much like the sexual type.' He thought to himself.

He was quick to block those thoughts out, feeling like an absolute creep. Looking up once again, he found himself arriving at Haido St. Station. As he left, he was yet again hoping she would actually be there. He didn't want this trip to have served no purpose.

'I guess I should've called her beforehand.' He thought, realizing just how impulsive his decision to see her was. Unfortunately for the young Ikari, the rain decided to shower down hard just as he left the train, even worse than the last time he had been there.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he speed-walked to avoid as much of the harmful rainwater as possible. As he walked and narrowly avoided some pretty nasty puddles, he wondered if he should've even left Misato's in the first place, much like the last time he had been there... again.

But his anger towards both Asuka and even Misato was enough to convince him he was doing the right thing. 'I'll just deal with them when the time comes. I'm not needed at the moment, anyway.'

After finally reaching her worn-down apartment complex, he made his way up the stairs. The bums lounging in the bottom floor still kind of creeped him out. But since Rei passed through all of them with no trouble all the time, he just did what she did. He gave no readable emotion.

Not sure if that's what saved him or not, he quickly forgot about it as he made his way up to the 4th floor.