A/N: This chapter has been finished for a couple of days. My stupid 'net provider is messing things up, so I haven't been able to post. So, sorry about the delay. Again! I won't promise, but the next chap is nearly finished, so it should be up soon. Sorry again. Hey uh, did anyone else think Mickey/Ricky and Jake had a thing going? Weird. Enjoy this if you can!

xxx xxx

"No sudden movements."

The Doctor whispered, tipping his head towards Rose.

"I know!" she whispered back, scowling, "I'm not an idiot!"

Side by side, their backs to the ravine, Rose and the Doctor laced their hands over their heads.

On the opposite side of the alcove, five huge Slitheen raised their clubs ponderously.

"And technically, Rose," the Doctor whispered, leaning towards her, "They're Raxacoricotallapatorius, not Slitheen. The Slitheen were a solitary family of the Raxacoricotallapatorius species, exiled from their home world."

Rose gave him a Look.

"I'm just saying." The Doctor grumbled.

The lead Raxacoricotallapatorius grunted, and waved its club at the time travellers. Rose wrinkled her nose at them: she didn't recall them being so ugly. The Slitheens had looked a little like hairless green gorillas, crossed with pigs.

These, whatever they were called, looked more like upright toads. Their skin was brownish green, and rough with wrinkles and scaly warts. The arms, although long, didn't come close to the ground in the way Rose remembered the Slitheens' doing, and the head was distinctly flatter, broader.

Only the eyes were the same. Huge and watery, completely black and strangely sentient. They glistened under thick brow ridges.

"What are they doin'?" Rose frowned. The Raxacoricotallapatorius grunted and squealed amongst themselves, but made no move to approach their captives.

The Doctor shrugged, "They seem to be discussing what to do with us."

"Don't you speak Raxacor- cori- apawhatus, or whatever?" Rose threw him a sideways glance, "Don't you speak everything?"

"I do speak Raxacoricotallapatorian. They're just not speaking it." The Doctor shrugged.

He wondered whether they would mind if he sat down. Or laid down. He was feeling terribly tired, and so, so cold…

"Are you alright?"

Rose's voice roused him. The Doctor shook his head to clear it, and smiled at her.

"Just tired. Taking their time, aren't they?"

Rose wasn't to be satisfied. "Why didn't you answer me when I was talking to you before? You can't go to sleep right now, anyway. Not on your feet. You'll fall over the edge off the cliff."

The Doctor stared at her bleakly, "What did you say that I didn't answer?"

"I said, maybe we're not on Beta. Maybe this is the Raxapotalotalan planet." Rose said. She glanced at the squeaking aliens, "That would explain all this."

"This isn't Raxacoricotallapatorius. This is Beta. Something is wrong here, I know. But it's still Beta."

"But how do you know?" Rose queried, "All you've got to go off is a few big mountains and a dirty ol' lake. There isn't exactly a street directory here, or a big neon sign saying this is Beta. How can you be so sure?"

"Because I am!" the Doctor snarled.

He glowered at Rose. Across the alcove, the Raxacoricotallapatorius regarded them curiously.

"I was just asking." Rose said softly. Her pulse pounded in her ears. The Doctor had never spoken to her like that before, ever.

The Raxacoricotallapatorius glanced at each other, then back at Rose and the Doctor. One of them sniggered. The biggest creature, who seemed to be the leader, stepped forwards. There was a dark brown mark, the size and shape of a Raxacoricotallapatorius hand, printed on the centre of its chest.

"Oh, what do you want?" the Doctor snapped.

Handprint stuck out its pale tongue, and jabbed the club at him.

"Guff." It said.

The Doctor frowned, "What?"

"Guff." Handprint repeated. This time, it stretched out its long arm, and wriggled the club in the empty air behind the Doctor and Rose.

"He's telling you to jump off the cliff." Rose said sulkily.

"We're not jumping." The Doctor replied, voice firm.

Rose smiled to herself. "Who said anything about me?"

Handprint growled. It turned to look at its companions, who were snickering.

"Guff!" Handprint roared, swing the club at them.

The other Raxacoricotallapatorius winced. One by one, they brushed passed Rose, and vaulted over the edge of the cliff.

"Look, I shouldn't have yelled at you." The Doctor said, inwardly rolling his eyes, "And I'm trying my best to get us off this planet. But the last thing I need right now is for you to be questioning everything I do, like you could understand it even if I explained."

Rose took a deep breath, and counted to ten. The Doctor was too busy watching the Raxacoricotallapatorius plunge down the cliff face to notice the steam hissing from her ears.

Far below and out of sight, there were several dull thuds.

"And your best is what? Getting us captured by Raxa- whatever they are!" Rose fumed.

"We're not captured." The Doctor said, just a Handprint prodded his chest with the stone club.

"Guff. Hruk." Handprint grunted, pushing the Doctor closer to the cliff's edge.

"Looks like you're wrong again."

Rose was doing her best to keep her expression smug. In truth, she was scared out of her mind, and suspected the Doctor was, too. Rose was worried that if they didn't do as the Raxacoricotallapatorius wanted, and jump over the edge, that Handprint would bludgeon them to death with the club. Either way, she was on the loosing side.

"Wrong again? When was I wrong the first time?" the Doctor demanded. The heel of his waterlogged sneakers was pressed to the cliff's edge.

"And you call yourself a genius! You've been wrong about practically everything!" Rose cried, "You just can't admit it! Beta's uninhabited, you said. The creatures aren't real, you said. And this is hardly the biggest mountain in the universe!"

Though she had to admit, staring down at the zigzag white line of the river hundreds of feet below, that height was only relative when you were falling.

"There's a ledge down there. You might want to check it yourself, though, since I'm wrong all the time." The Doctor huffed, looking down at the ravine.

Rose leant back. Five feet below the edge of the alcove, there was a short lip of rock, protruding a foot from the rock face.

Handprint roared. It looked like it was getting ready to bludgeon them.

"Okay, okay," the Doctor shook his head, "We're going already."

He sat on the edge of the alcove, and swung his legs over the side.

"Be careful." Rose told him, and regretted it instantly.

The Doctor slid down the short rock wall to the ledge. "Easy." He said, looking up at Rose.

She rolled her eyes.

"I was wrong about some things." he said, as Rose lowered herself to the ledge, "Like the creatures. Obviously you didn't imagine them, and I was wrong o say you did. See, I can admit it."

Her eyes boring into the empty air, Rose squeaked, "Only against overwhelming odds."

"Don't go around criticising me for not admitting when I'm wrong if you're not prepared to admit you were wrong about me not admitting I was wrong." the Doctor said seriously.

"Just get moving, will you?" Rose frowned. She gulped, though her mouth was dry, and tried to focus on her anger, rather than her fear.

Handprint plopped down on the ledge next to them. It nudged Rose with the club, then pointed out the nearest ledge.

She glanced at the Doctor. He made a face. The second ledge was a long finger of black rock, eight foot under the first. Below the rock, there was nothing but air for a hundred feet.

"I don't suppose we have much choice." The Doctor grimaced. It wasn't that he was afraid of heights, he told himself. At nine hundred years of age, there wasn't really much that frightened him. No, it was more the fickleness of the entire situation. And he was worried about Rose, of course.

Yes, that was it. He wasn't frightened in the slightest.

"I'm not afraid," he told Rose, "Are you?"

Rose looked at him with wide eyes. Her hands clutched at the featureless rock wall at her back. There was a sheen of cold sweat on her face.

"No." she said, voice strangled, "Of course not, everyone knows I'm braver than you. And anyway, what's there to be afraid of?"

Aside from the three hundred foot drop, inches away.

Handprint nudged Rose again, more impatiently this time. The Raxacoricotallapatorius was studying them carefully, as though it was weighing up its options. Continue being patient, or push them over the edge of the cliff. From the bottom of the ravine, the other Raxacoricotallapatorius stared up at them, wondering what was taking so long.

"If you apologize, I'll catch you when you fall." The Doctor said, frowning slightly at Rose.

She glared back at him.

"Have it your way." He said. And he jumped.

Rose said a prayer to a God she wasn't sure existed, and followed him.

Half an hour later, dripping with sweat and trembling from exertion, she reached the bottom of the ravine. Her eyes glistened with unwelcome tears. Her ears buzzed with the constant throb of her pulse.

"Nothing to be afraid of, huh?" the Doctor said, watching her carefully.

Rose fell back against the rock face. Daleks and Slitheen be damned, she had never done anything that hard. She'd never even imagined anyone could feel as exhausted and weak with horror as she had done.

"You better find the TARDIS soon." Rose muttered.

The Doctor had reached the bottom a few minutes earlier. His own feeling of weakness was fading. His anger was long gone. There had been a dozen times when, crawling down the rock face, that he and Rose had helped each other.

But that was there, on the chaotic edge of survival. The ravine floor was a different world, a million years later. The rules were different now. His pride took top priority once again.

"I'd find it sooner if you didn't keep slowing me down." He told Rose.

The Raxacoricotallapatorius, who had been lounging against the boulders strewn across the ravine, snapped to attention when Handprint thundered to earth.

"Vak! Vak!" he bellowed.

Grumbling, the Raxacoricotallapatorius rose to their feet, and shuffled along the gully in the direction of the lake.

"They don't look too happy with you." The Doctor said to Handprint.

Handprint bristled. It loomed over the Doctor, suddenly appearing much larger than the nine foot he estimated it to be.

"Maybe you can understand us, after all. No offence meant, hey?" the Doctor grinned.

The Raxacoricotallapatorius leader roared, and shoved the time lord with a long fingered hand. The Doctor reeled back, clutching his chest. His breath hissed through ground teeth.

"That was uncalled for." He gasped, bent almost double.

Rose watched, bemused, as Handprint trundled over to the Doctor. It seemed to aggravate the Raxacoricotallapatorius whenever he spoke. Rose could understand that; the Doctor aggravated a lot of people when he spoke. But she didn't think Handprint knew what was being said (also a common phenomenon), but it treated everything as an insult.

That was what had her baffled.

"What'd I say?" the Doctor wheezed, as Handprint hulked towards him.

Handprint snorted. Its big head swung back and forth rhythmically, like a charmed python.

"If you'll just give me a chance to explain…"

"Doctor, don't!" Rose cried, taking a step forwards, "Keep you bleedin' mouth shut!"

Both the Doctor and Handprint turned to stare at her. The Raxacoricotallapatorius tossed its head up, and snorted at the air. It seemed confused.

Rose felt her face go red, now all attention was on her. Apparently, some explanation was needed. "The noise, you're voice. The creatures make the same sound," she said, "Right before they attack. They think you're threatening them."

Sure enough, Handprint was grunting again. This time at Rose.

"How are we supposed to talk, then?" the Doctor asked.

"I don't know! You're the genius!"

The Doctor sighed. "Try shouting." He said, after a moment's thought.

"Alright!" Rose shouted.

"Good thing you're so brilliant, Rose!" the Doctor yelled back.

Handprint snorted. It didn't know quite what to make of these creatures. Certainly, they weren't a big threat to any able-bodied Raxacoricotallapatorius, and they didn't smell particularly tasty. Even stranger, they seemed quite willing to accompany the hunting party on its trek back to home base. Handprint wondered what the rest of the colony would make of these bizarre creatures.

"Do you forgive me!" Rose shouted, as she and the Doctor trailed after the lead Raxacoricotallapatorius.

She couldn't help but feel that somehow the sentiment of the question was lost by yelling. The Doctor didn't appear bothered.

"Of course! What are you sorry for!" he called back, from a foot away.

Rose grinned at him. "I'm sorry I had to rescue you again!"

Handprint blinked at them. It had never encountered anything quite so vocal as these two foreign critters. The small, yellow one was bad enough. But the brown one…! It made enough noise to alert every creature within five miles of its presence. Surely, they must have been new to the mountain. Survival here depended on your ability to be silent, and they were anything but.

"Maak." Handprint said, pointing at the Doctor.

"Maak tuura!" the Doctor replied, his voice indignant.

Rose stared at him. "Did you just speak to it?" she demanded.

The Doctor huffed. "He called me noisy. I just said there was no need for- oh."

He looked at Rose, and then at Handprint. The Raxacoricotallapatorius didn't appear to have noticed anything awry.

"It's ancient Raxin." The Doctor said at last, his voice still raised to a shout, "It's Raxin, the language almost universally spoken by amphibians thirty thousand years before you were born. I haven't used it for centuries."

"I thought you said you couldn't understand them?" Rose frowned. She wished the Doctor would just hurry up and figure out what was up with Beta, before she went crazy from all the contradictions.

"I couldn't. I don't think they're speaking pure Raxin, just something that borrows bits and pieces of it. You know, the way that French borrows bits of Latin, and SMS text borrows bits of English." The Doctor shrugged, "I could always just ask our friend Handprint, anyway."

"G 4 it." Rose said.

"Zu kak-tuu Raxin?" the Doctor shouted to Handprint.

"Bwook?"

The Raxacoricotallapatorius blinked at him. It certainly didn't look like it understood.

"Z'hup tuu kak?" the Doctor said, then looked at Rose, "My grammar is bad. The last time I spoke this was for my finals."

Rose couldn't help but laugh at the thought of a teenage Doctor blathering away in some alien language in front of a panel of scowling teachers. She wondered if time lords crammed before exams.

"Tuu-kak Rax. Nyak Rax. Kik," Handprint spread its arms wide to encompass the landscape, "Rax. Kyak?"

"Nyak Gallifryan. Gren nyak the Doctor." The Doctor grinned.

"Nyak Kermk. Vik mak bro sillia. Vira ca caposa. Qwa gren et lac?"

"Lac Rose." The Doctor turned back to Rose, "Alright, Rose. This is Kermk. The good news is, you can call them 'Rax'. That's what they call themselves. Good how they've shortened the name, isn't it?"

Rose nodded in agreement. She wished the TARDIS was nearby to translate for her. As often as she saved his life, Rose couldn't help but feel the Doctor was right when he said she slowed him down.

"What about those creatures? The invisible ones." The Doctor asked Kermk, in Raxin.

"Bad creatures! Abominable! They are a plague, suitable only for killing. The Big Barter calls them sick rats." Kermk replied in his native tongue. The language varied enough from Raxin that the Doctor had to spend a few moments working it out.

"That's interesting." He said to Rose, switching back to English, "He refers to a person named Big Barter, who must be their leader. Typically Raxacoricotallapatorian. Even their hierarchy revolves around who can make the best profit."

"That sounds like the Slitheens, alright." Rose agreed.

"He also says that the Big Barter calls the creatures sick rats, which is odd. The way he pronounced it, though, it sounded almost human. Sick rats." The Doctor mused, "Nonsensical, really."

"They didn't look sick to me." Rose grumbled.

"My friend here says they don't look sick." The Doctor told Kermk.

"Not sick rats." Kermk replied, "Sicker axe."

The Raxacoricotallapatorius seemed to have some difficulty pronouncing the words. The Doctor frowned at him, trying to understand.

"Did he just say Sycorax?" Rose demanded.

"Nik! Nik!" Kermk nodded emphatically, "Sicker axe."

"Well then." The Doctor sighed, "We really do have a problem. Sycorax competing with space pigs for a planet that shouldn't be inhabited at all for another three million years. And our friend Kermk speaking a language that shouldn't exist for another three million on top of that."

"There's something weird going on." Rose agreed.

It looked like Rose would be saving the universe on an empty stomach this time. Her mother would be appalled. She smiled to herself, and turned back to the Doctor. Rose could hardly wait to get the mystery solved and get back to earth, to have Jackie make a fuss over her.

"There's good news, though," the Doctor said, "The TARDIS is probably back at Kermk's home base. We'll be able to get this sorted out, as soon as we get there."

"What's the bad news, then?" Rose wondered, not fooled by his cheery attitude.

The Doctor glanced at her. She knew him too well, despite not really knowing him at all. His concentration slipped from Rose, to the ache in his swollen ribs.

"I think I'm going to have to regenerate."

xxx xxx
It's not a cliff hanger if I post the next chapter really soon. Which I should. I can't shake the feeling that this story is getting worse.
I hope not. Anyway, the next chap should be better.
Doctor Who was awesome last night. I love zeppelins. And I was sober! Whoot!