APRIL 22nd, 2015:
MISATO'S APARTMENT
6:03am:
"Uuugh..." Misato groaned, feeling the room still spin while her head pulsated.
"Why do I keep doing this to myself?" She quietly groaned. Deep down, she knew she would totally down another drink when her hangover had settled. Looking over her nightstand, she found two cups of water filled to the brim.
'Did I fill those up?' She pondered. 'How did I even get home? Oh god, not again...' Slowly and dreadfully getting up from her bed, she reached over to hydrate herself.
She drank both cups almost as fast as she did the shots of sake she had downed last night. Her throat felt very little relief, even if she had drank two full cups of water. Misato realized she'd have to walk over to the kitchen to hydrate some more, having been all too familiar with hangovers.
Once she stood up, she found that she had still been wearing her dress. It was full of sweat, and some of it had dried up already. She was not having a good time. 'This morning keeps getting worse!'
She changed into her usual 'stay-at-home' clothes; her yellow t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and short shorts. She needed to rid herself of the smell for the time being. Sliding her bedroom door open, she was careful not to stumble too much as not to awaken anyone in the apartment.
To her surprise, she saw that the lights in the living room were on. She was rather irritated at first, thinking that they had been left on for the whole night. What she found strange was that the rest of the lights had been turned off. Someone was obviously already awake.
She found Asuka sitting over at the dinner table shortly after. The half-German girl had already put on her uniform, ready for deployment. Misato knew something had been bothering her for the past few days, and decided now was a good time to speak up.
"You're up early, Asuka." Said Misato.
Asuka turned around to face Misato but said nothing. Shortly after, she turned back around. Finally getting to the kitchen, Misato poured more water for herself to treat her headache.
"I get it if you don't want to talk, but I know something's been bothering you. As a matter of fact, I think I might know exactly what's up." She further detailed. Asuka still said nothing, clearly not wanting to talk to her about it.
After downing another glass of water, she poured herself one more and went to place the pitcher back in the fridge. But once she opened said fridge, she was confused by what she had seen in there. Missing beer cans, the sight deeply upsetting her.
Of course, there was the fact that her drinks had been stolen. But what she was most upset about was the underaged drinking that had gone on in her apartment, unnoticed by her.
"Asuka? Before we get into this conversation, may I ask where a lot of my beer cans have gone?" She questioned the teenager. Asuka looked up alarmingly, knowing she had been caught red-handed.
"It wasn't me!" She said defensively. Of course, that only made her sound more guilty of what Misato knew she had done.
"Don't lie to me, Asuka! That'll only make things worse- Actually, you know what? Let's not get into this right now. I've got more important things to talk to you about."
Misato pulled a chair back, and sat herself down. She stared directly into Asuka's eyes. The redhead was slightly intimidated, but tried to keep her composure. Though she knew she would be in heaps of trouble, she wasn't about to let herself be seen as weak.
"We'll deal with your petty theft when you're back from Matsuyama. In the meantime, would you mind explaining to me what was up with your newfound problem with Shinji?" Misato asked her.
"I'm not gonna talk about this, I don't have to!" She replied as she crossed her arms and turned her head.
'Sometimes I swear I'm dealing with a child living in a teenager's body.' Thought Misato.
"How about this; either you tell me in private, or I wake Shinji up and drag him into this conversation. Your choice!" She said to Asuka, having had enough of her pouty nature. Asuka looked back at Misato, upset at the idea of involving anyone else in this already uncomfortable situation.
"Ugh, fine! I'll fucking talk!" She said back to Misato with attitude.
"First of all, watch your mouth. Second, watch your attitude! I'm the adult here, and you are the child! So shut up, and listen up!" Misato began.
That quieted Asuka down for good. Looking annoyed, she sat and listened to what her guardian had to say to her.
"Look, I don't want to scold you. I hate having to raise my voice at either you or Shinji. But right now, this attitude is getting you nowhere. So let's just both calm down and talk things out."
Asuka was a little relieved at Misato's request to keep their composure, though she still hated having talks like this. In her head, she was above being told what to do by an adult. But then again, she was always told what to do by an adult in the battlefield.
"You and Shinji managed to work some things out this week. In fact, you two got more done than I had expected. That honestly made me very proud of both of you. But I'm noticing some kind of tension rising up again, and it's not particularly with Shinji alone." She stated.
Asuka knew where this was going. And she didn't like it. She had to keep listening though, since she didn't want to risk Shinji having to be brought in to talk about this too. Although, she had a feeling he already knew what was up.
The previous night had been strange for Asuka, since it had brought back a lot of repressed emotions. Emotions she thought she had gotten over long ago, and it was all brought back because of a false sense of rejection.
"It just pains me, Asuka. You two had finally grown somewhat tolerant of each other. I have to ask, what was it that finally made you respect him? And what was it that drove you to give him attitude again?"
For a few seconds, Asuka tried keeping her calm and thought about her answer.
"I was always irritated by his cowardice in the field. I thought he was a waste of space in Unit-01. My precious Unit-01..." Asuka explained.
"But that first day we had to sync, it was like he was a completely different person." She added.
"What do you mean? Shinji basically acts the same here as he does over there." Said Misato.
"No no, he was different. Very different. I hated how scared he was in the battlefield, how useless he seemed to be! But when he was in the kitchen, showing me how to cook that meal, it was the first time-" She paused, thinking again for a bit.
"-it was the first time I saw him show confidence in anything. He wasn't doubtful, he wasn't scared. He just did it. He knew what he was doing, and he was good at it. Great at it, in fact."
Misato couldn't help but smile at that. All Asuka wanted was for him to feel a sense of security this whole time. Of course, the way she did it wasn't very nice. But her intentions weren't ill. Quite the contrary, she actually did want the best for him.
"That's sweet, Asuka. Really. But what happened after that first day? You didn't treat him like you had before, but you certainly weren't all that nice to him. Not after he left to hang out with Rei again."
Asuka didn't look very comfortable. Was she that readable? Had Misato figured her out just by watching her? Whatever it was, she really didn't like where this was going. And if she was indeed correct about where this conversation was going, it was going to be even tougher to keep her cool.
"I guess what I'm trying to ask you is, do you like Shinji? Do you think you might've developed a crush on him?" Misato asked her. Asuka looked embarrassed, but actually wasn't sure how to answer that.
"Or is there something else that's frustrating you? Is it Rei? Do you think you might be jealo-"
"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Misato." Asuka quickly interrupted her.
Asuka knew where this would have led to. She now knew for sure that she didn't have any actual feelings for Shinji. But seeing Rei grab Shinji's attention like that, when in her head, SHE was the queen of the world. It infuriated her; to her it was a competition.
And though Misato was frustrated at having to end the conversation there, she couldn't force Asuka to talk about it any further. On the other hand, it was nice to finally hear Asuka call her by her real name instead of the usual 'Major' she had been calling her in her own home.
"That's fine. We don't have to. Just, please know that it isn't personal. None of this is. Trust me Asuka." She tried assuring her. Asuka was avoiding eye contact, but did feel kind of relieved by what Misato had said about it not being personal.
She wasn't about to show it, of course, instead choosing to keep the facade of a nasty attitude.
"Anyway, I know I may have pissed you off. But I'm glad we had this talk. And don't worry about the beer. Just... don't steal from me again, okay?"
It was then that Misato got up and prepared for her work day. Asuka was left alone, basically forcing her to think about what she and Misato had just talked about. She was also reminded of how awful it was to be alone.
In just a few hours, she wouldn't have to worry about it. But she wondered if it would even be any help.
DOWNTOWN MATSUYAMA
11:21am:
The helicopter approached the landing zone, where a flare had been placed for the pilots to know exactly where to land. The city somehow looked much worse than before. And that was saying a lot.
For starters, much more rubble had covered the roads. Like Misato had told Shinji just a few days ago, the Angels had been ruthless in their attacks lately. The air quality had also worsened. Many more fires had been started and spread quickly throughout vegetated areas and houses made of dry wood.
The smog was so heavy that the sunlight had been filtered into a deep amber. It was like a never-ending sunset. And though it looked very beautiful, it was a drag to have to breathe in the stench of the fires.
Unfortunately for Shinji, he wasn't able to get his uniform cleaned all that well. Most of the dry mud still clung onto his uniform's cloth, so the camouflage function was still faulty.
He even asked for a replacement, but was denied one because of a lack of funding for the personal needs of a troop. Said funding had been prioritized towards weapons, ammo and vehicles.
Shinji, Rei and Asuka left the aircraft and were directed to Eagle Company. Only a week had passed since they had seen their fellow troops, yet the look of the city and the air quality would give anyone the impression that a month had passed.
Over at Eagle Company's camping sight, Toji and Kensuke were taking a smoke break. Neither of them were joking, or even chatting like they usually had. But the sight of their friend Shinji did indeed cheer them up just a bit.
"Yo! Shinji's back!" Toji exclaimed to Kensuke, standing up to bring Shinji into a hug.
"Well god damn! You were brought back earlier than expected! How's everything, man?" Asked Kensuke.
Shinji smiled at his friends' joy to see him again. He too was very happy to see them. But the depressed atmosphere of the company didn't go unnoticed by him.
"Hey guys, I'm just fine! Things went pretty well, actually." He told them. Placing all of his gear down, he sat with them in a circle. Rei joined them too, keeping quiet as she usually did.
"Glad to see ya, Shin. Not gonna lie, it's been tough. Real fuckin' tough..." Toji admitted. Shinji had already been very concerned about that.
"Yeah, Misato told me something about it. Just how bad is it?" He asked them. Toji and Kensuke looked at each other before they explained anything to him.
"Two troops were injured, though I don't think it was anything too serious. However, we lost two souls yesterday." Said Kensuke.
Shinji sighed, the heavy atmosphere now getting to him too.
"It's been real bad, Shinji. God fuckin' damn, man... morale is low, though I'm sure ya noticed that already. The skinjobs have been fightin' like there's no tomorrow." Toji told him.
Looking around some more, Shinji could see that the rest of the company's troops looked very depressed. They all reminded him of himself, in a strange way. Though he was sure they all still dealt with the war better than he ever had. And ever would.
Even the often-cocky Asuka was strangely quiet, not talking to her group of friends all that much. After the awkward advance she had made towards him last night, Shinji couldn't help but blame himself for it.
He decided that sooner or later, he'd have to try and talk things out with her. Even if it did sound like a suicide mission.
"So man, how was your break? Hope it wasn't too chaotic with the Lieutenant over there." Kensuke asked him.
"It was alright. Though to be honest I was kinda pissed off at Misato at first. She had Asuka move in without even telling me about it. AND she took my room! So yeah, it was pretty shit at first." He told him.
"God damn! Ya had to live with 'er? That must've sucked big time! I'm surprised ya even made it outta Tokyo-3 alive!" Toji joked, not being able to fathom what life with Asuka back home would be like.
"Believe it or not, she actually calmed down for a bit. But something bothered her after a while, and I think I know what it was. But, I can't be too sure..." Explained Shinji.
"Really? What do you think it was?" Asked Kensuke.
Shinji decided it was best not to answer. After her offer for sex, he knew exactly what it was that set her off again. With Rei around, he opted not to say anything about it. 'I shouldn't tell them about that at all. I have a feeling their heads would explode.'
"You know what? It's probably nothing. I'd rather not think about it, anyway." He told them. They understood perfectly, totally accepting the idea that Asuka was just angry for no reason like she had been most of the time.
"So do you know when we're being sent out?" Shinji asked the two, trying to change the subject.
"Tomorrow at 1300 hours. We've successfully taken most of the central part of Matsuyama, but the Angels are trying to surround our position to try and trap us. Eagle and a few other companies are being sent to push them back out." Said Kensuke.
"I see." Shinji replied. With the enemies growing more fierce, he knew he'd have to give it his all. He wasn't only scared for himself either, he was scared he'd see his friends perish. One by one.
For now, he'd have to get all the rest he could get.
8:23pm:
Although Eagle Company enjoyed the break they had from all the fighting, they were all stricken with anxiety in their final hours of being awake. Knowing they were being sent back to the 'hairier' spots (as the troops liked to call it) of the city, it would only make them long for peace even more.
In an attempt to take their minds off of it, HQ had sent them gourmet-style meals to boil and prepare, rather than the usual near-tasteless rations they had all been used to receiving.
Spotlights had been placed all over the camp, providing them enough light to see what they were doing. Coupled with the steam rising from the pots they were boiling their food with, it provided a very interesting look in the night. The steam appeared to be glowing.
Most of the food served was spaghetti and meatballs, which did indeed taste great. Other servings included fried rice with vegetables, cooked meats, and even some sushi. They had been warned to eat only one serving, as overeating could result in many sick stomachs in the morning after.
It was almost insulting, though. They all knew they'd go back to the same old stale food they had grown all too used to. So they'd enjoy this while they could. Shinji noticed that Rei was still eating her usual rations, which already differed from the meals everyone else in the company had.
"Not a fan of fancy meals, Ayanami?" Shinji asked her.
"It is not about preference. I get sick when I eat meats. My body is not able to handle it." She explained to him. He was very surprised by this, but understood.
"Well that makes sense. Well why didn't you get the fried rice, then? I don't think there's any kind of meat in it." He suggested.
"The Commander told me that I shouldn't worry about luxury foods. The ration's nutrients are sufficient enough for me." Rei explained to him. Shinji frowned. Of course it was his father's doing, and he wasn't about to let this slide past him.
"What? Well he's one to talk! He's always locked away in his office, probably enjoying a five-star meal! Hold on, give me a second-" He said as he got up. Walking over to the suppliers of the food, he made sure he was going to let Rei have a taste of the good stuff.
"Excuse me! You have anymore bowls of fried rice?"
"Yeah, we got enough. You didn't already have a serving, did you?" One of the men asked, thinking he had already seen Shinji get served.
"I finished mine. I'm getting one for a friend, that's all." He replied honestly.
"Yeah sure, that's what they all say. But whatever. Have another one, I guess." The man said, handing him a bowl that was still very warm.
"This has no meat in it, right? My friend's a vegan." He explained.
"Yeah, all veggies. No meat whatsoever." The man assured him.
"Cool, thanks!" Shinji said to him as he walked back to his friend group.
"Here Ayanami, try some of this." He said as he offered her the bowl.
At first, she was very unsure if she even wanted it. She wasn't used to eating this kind of food, let alone mixed food. So she was hesitant at first.
"Don't worry! I asked if it had any meats in it, and the guy who served me said there wasn't. You can trust it!"
Rei nodded and was handed the bowl. She put her rations down and wiped the spoon she had been using to eat it with. She stuck it into the rice, pulled a bit of it out, and gave it a taste. To her surprise, it was not only something new, but amazing.
She took another spoonful. And another, and another. Shinji smiled at what he was witnessing.
"Isn't it delicious?" He asked her.
"Yes, very much so..." She said after she was done swallowing her last spoonful.
"Thank you very much, Ikari. I have never tasted anything like this before." Rei told him..
"You're welcome! Actually, I know how to cook plenty of things. Whenever we get back home, I can cook whatever you'd like for you. That is, if you would like that..." He offered to her shyly.
"Yes, I'd like that very much." She said to him, a hint of a smile growing on her face. Shinji smiled back, having really grown fond of her after all this time. 'Damn, I think I do like her. A lot...' He mused.
Shinji had already finished his food for the night, so he remained seated upwards to let the food digest. Toji had long since passed out, having really felt the food coma he brought upon himself. Kensuke laid on his back, trying to tire himself out in order to get some shut-eye.
He knew he'd have to sleep sometime in the next hour, so he wanted to make sure all the food had gone down. He didn't want to risk it all coming up in his sleep. To try and kill time, he observed the other soldiers in his company.
Most of them were also preparing to sleep in for the night, but he noticed a figure in the distance walking all alone. Asuka had been strangely quiet that whole day, even the rest of the company noticed this.
She was probably embarrassed after what happened last night. If there was a time to talk to her, now was it.
"I'll be right back, Ayanami." He told Rei as he made his way towards Asuka.
"Are you alright?" Rei asked him, remembering how he had once left before in order to isolate himself.
"I think I have to talk things out with the Lieutenant. She's clearly going through something." He explained to her.
"Oh, that's understandable..." She replied. As she watched Shinji leave, something pained her. And while it was good that Shinji had brought in a whole bunch of new sensations and emotions to her, this one had troubled her the most.
For some reason, she didn't like seeing Shinji leaving her to go talk to Asuka. Even if it was just for a few minutes, something about it made her really uneasy. Not understanding her emotions at the time, all kinds of new thoughts ran through her head. She was not doing well.
Shinji walked towards the last place he had seen Asuka over at. Before he knew it, though, she had gone out of his sight. He'd have to ask someone where she had gone if he wanted to work things out with her.
"Captain, do you know where Lieutenant Soryu is?" He asked Shiro.
"Over at the medic's tent. She's restocking on medical supplies." Shiro told him.
"Thank you, Captain." Shinji said back to him. Shiro nodded in response.
The tent would provide some good privacy for the two, since he didn't want anyone to listen in on their conversation. This was indeed a personal issue that had to be worked out. But he had a feeling she didn't want to see him right now.
And he was right. After the talk with Misato she had in the morning, she was in no mood to hear anything from anyone anymore. Especially her higher-ups. Over at the tent, Asuka was seated on a bed as she continued to pack extra rolls of gauze, band-aids, and pain killer shots. She was by herself.
'Fuck Misato,' She thought. '-thinking she can talk down to me like I'm some baby... Shinji's the baby!' All she could think about was the embarrassment, and the anger caused his 'rejection' to her offer last night.
She knew she'd lose her cool if she saw Shinji, so she opted to avoid him this time around. So when she heard her name being called by the very person she didn't want to be around, she came very close to yelling at him again. She did manage to remain calm, as calm as she could be.
"What do you want?" She asked him with loads of attitude. Shinji closed the tent door behind him, to give the two as much privacy as possible.
"Look Asuka, I don't want there to be any bad blood between us." He started.
"Save it, Ikari. This isn't about whether we're friends or not. That really doesn't fucking matter. We were only sent back to work on our professional relationship. Whatever it is you want, just save your breath!" She said harshly.
'Damn, not even calling me by my first name anymore?' He thought to himself. He was already getting nowhere with this.
"You know, I really thought we were becoming friends. It was fun, teaching each other stuff we didn't know of before..." He admitted to her, sounding very disappointed.
"Yeah well you thought wrong, idiot! Quit wasting my time and scurry back over to your little girlfriend over there!" Asuka said insultingly.
"What's she got to do with any of this, Asuka?" He asked her directly, losing his patience. At first, Asuka realized she probably shouldn't have brought Rei up. Not after what she had tried do to with him last night.
"Just fuck off, will you? Go back to your doll, already!" She bit back, trying to fend him off.
Shinji's fists tightened. He didn't care for the insults she threw at him. But when Rei was brought into this, that's when he decided he'd had enough. Asuka saw his changed expression, and could also see his struggle to keep himself calm. She smirked.
"Ooo... Getting pissy now, are we? All because of some giiirl?" She teased.
"Asuka, stop." He said sternly.
"I guess you really do have a pair of balls stashed away somewhere in there! And all it took was some sex toy to finally bring them out!"
"Asuka, stop." He said one more time through gritted teeth.
"What's the matter? Is her muff sooo good that you can't stand even one insult being thrown at her? She isn't anything special. It's just like she says; she's replaceable! Just a throwaway troop worth nothi-"
Shinji lunged at her. He pushed her off the bed completely, causing her to hit her head on the floor. All the medical supplies she had packed into the bag she carried had spread on the floor.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" He screamed at her manically.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T KNOW HER! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HER!" He continued. Asuka was now very scared. Something had clicked in him that had never before, something dark. This wasn't Shinji. He grabbed her by her uniform and pulled her up, only to push her further onto the floor.
"ALL YOU DO IS BITCH AT PEOPLE! BITCH AT ME! I'M DONE WITH IT! FUCKING DONE!"
Without noticing it, he went from holding her shirt, to grabbing her by the neck. And though he wasn't choking her, she really thought he was going to do it.
"M-M-Ma-M-" She muttered. He raised a fist, threatening to pound her face if she went any further with her insults.
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SAY NOW?" He yelled out loud. She didn't say anything, as her eyes became increasingly wet and had reddened. She was breathing heavily. Then heavier. And then heavier.
This managed to snap Shinji out of his rage, when he saw that she was crying. He quickly realized that she was hyperventilating, and the guilt begin to wash over him.
"Oh god..." He said at a much lower volume.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god! What am I doing?" He asked himself. Asuka was clearly having a panic attack. His attack had really messed her up, even if he didn't physically hurt her all that much, aside from her fall.
"Holy shit, what am I doing?!" He asked again, now panicking himself.
He quickly let go of her and froze for a few seconds. He felt like a deer in headlights. He had to help her, he couldn't just leave her there in her current state.
"Help!" He yelled as he rushed out of there. Peeking his head out of the tent, he yelled for help.
"Someone! Help! Please help!" This turned the other troops' heads, alerting everyone close to the tent.
"Is there a medic here? Lieutenant Soryu is having an attack!"
Almost immediately, multiple medics rushed to her aide. When they reached the tent, they found her on the floor sweating profusely. Shinji approached to help, but one of the medics stopped him in his tracks.
"Don't interfere, we have to deal with this on our own. I'm sure she'd appreciate you help, but we're trained in this field. Just go back to your unit, she'll be fine." She instructed Shinji.
"Are you sure? How bad is it?" He asked the medic, almost feeling like he was going to have an attack himself.
"We've dealt with worse, don't worry." She assured him.
Shinji nodded and forced himself to leave. He had one last look at Asuka before going back to Rei. They put a mask over her mouth and nose, so that she could slow her breathing and calm down. He quickly looked away as he headed back to his friends.
What have I done?' He repeated over and over in his head. Shinji felt like he had gone insane for a little bit. Looking back at what he had just done to her, he couldn't even begin to understand what drove him to do that. 'What the hell came over me?'
When he got back to his friends, he sat down looking like he had just seen hell. Now Kensuke was asleep as well, so he didn't see Shinji's widened eyes. Rei had also gone to sleep, having gone through troubling thoughts of her own.
Shinji's hands were shaking, yet he wasn't cold. It was never cold in Japan, not after Second Impact. It was a mix of the adrenaline that ran through his blood, and the shock that took over his body.
He knew he wouldn't get much sleep that night.