Rachel had been awoken up early today and thanks to Sarah, she urged Ross to take a day and go to work. Rachel would be totally out of it and since she was going to be starting chemo, he was going to bring Emma and Isabella late in the afternoon while she was still in her cycle.

She looked at the new port and then touched it. It was done with a local and it was very quick. This was not the way she had imagined things at all. She was a woman in her late thirties who seemingly had it all, a great job, two children, a nice house in Scarsdale and a man who loved her. Now she was a victim literally fighting for her life .

"How is she?" Dean Hale asked as she came in the classroom while Ross was writing down his lecture notes. "Starts chemo today. And with what they have for her , it is going to be rough. I was up last night at home reading up on her medicines." Ross now had a pink ribbon on his lapel. In the past , he had thought that whole red, black, yellow ribbon stuff was just propaganda. Now of course, breast cancer had a face and it 's name was Rachel. "I am taking the kids to see her tonight and then get some more stuff to stay with her." He said looking down.

Since the kids were going to be with Ross, Monica had her mother take the twins and then she would dedicate the evening to her and Chandler. They had not spent enough time together since the diagnosis and surgery. Monica had just basically given their life away to her brother and her best friend.

She spent the afternoon happily cleaning, Javu had given her all the time in the world to take some time off. Somehow all would be right with the world if her house could be Monica clean. Monica actually hummed while she dusted. She came to the mantle where pictures were displayed. Pictures of happier times. There was a picture that they had managed to salvage from the mess in London. The photographer took some pictures even though Emily had locked herself in the bathroom. She looked at the faces, all of them having fun and content. Rachel was actually leaning on Ross. Monica would always have a fondness for that trip because that is where her and Chandler hooked up for the first time. Then a tear came to her eye as she had the wedding photos of the three girls lined up. Rachel made such a beautiful bride and there was only joy in her eyes as she finally got married. Monica stopped her dusting and then sat on the couch . She put her hands to her eyes and silently sobbed. This was her best friend, and now her sister in law.

Phoebe read the book as Mike started to play the piano. The book was a new age health book and she was engrossed in it because it talked

of healing and disease. Phoebe never believed in western medicine.

She looked through it with hope she could find something to help her dear friend.

At two o' clock after her lunch, the nurse rolled in the stand with her first dose of chemo. Over the bag was a brown cover and it had her name typed on a piece of tape It was a new nurse named Shamana who was starting her iv. She pulled down her gown and then hooked her to the medicine . Shamana looked over at the nightstand and picked up the pictures.

"Pretty family." She grinned with her white teeth. "This must be your husband. Very good looking man." She said gazing at the picture. Then she saw the picture of the gang. "Who are these people?" she asked curiously. "That is my family, actually they are the greatest group of people in the world. They were there for me when I decided to become independent. That is my best friend, Monica, her husband and my funny friend Chandler, there's my husband , and that is our kooky hippie friend Phoebe, and that is my friend who is a star , Joey."

Rachel thought how each of these people had meant something to her and it made her feel good to tell a total stranger about her wonderful friends.

Rachel laid back as the medicine started to flow . She looked up as the Jamaican lady adjusted the hose. The liquid dripped down into her veins . She closed her eyes and then put her head on the pillow. The incessant beeping of the automatic iv stand was beginning to get on her nerves. She tried to take a nap since she was going to have company later.

BY the time the bag was half way empty, Rachel heard voices and woke up with a kiss. "Hey you." He said in his familiar way that he had said about a million times by now. Ross handed her a rose and then said ."I think I have two little girls who want to see you." Emma rolled in the stroller with Isabella. "Mommy." Emma squealed.. Rachel reached down to hug her daughter and then Ross took Isabella out so she could get kissed by her mother. Isabella started to cry because of the unfamiliar things surrounding her mother.

"Mommy what 's that?" Emma said as Ross took Izzy from Rachel so she would stop crying. Rachel knew what she meant.

"That is so Mommy will get better. So she can play with Emma and go shopping again." Rachel explained. Ross held his daughter as he rubbed her back so she would stop crying. Isabella finally calmed down and she laid her head on her father 's shoulder. He took her and laid her in her carriage.

"How is it?" he said curiously."Well it isn't so bad right now." Rachel commented.

"Well within a few hours , you should be experiencing fatigue and nausea." Ross had remembered the brochure containing her medicines

"Do you always have to be a know it all and a show off, Professor?" now he was irritating her and she knew it was because of the drugs. "You are not a medical doctor." She took great pleasure in reminding him of that fact. What had caused this turn of events from the delightful Mary Sunshine to bitch Rachel? Rachel could see the hurt in his face with every dig and how she was pushing him away. She also felt a burning sensation in her arm as the drug entered her blood system.

"Listen do you want me to stay or go? " Ross asked defiantly. "I am getting the feeling that you don't want me around. I was taking the kids to your parents because my parents are watching the twins tonight. Now, I can either come back or just stay away, it's all up to you." Rachel turned her head and then sighed. "I guess I am just not comfortable with all this yet. I would rather just have some time to myself ." Ross got up and rolled his eyes. "Fine by me." He said as he prepared the kids to go. "Girls , mommy is getting sleepy so we are going to leave her now. " he said covering up his pain. The two girls told their mommy they loved her and then Ross whispered to her.

"Please don't shut me out , Rach." Rachel looked at him and then turned away. "Good night Ross." She said as she heard him walk away and the sound of the wheels of the stroller. "We love you Mommy." Emma chimed out and then her tears were even more fierce.

As the elevator descended , Ross was still wondering what he had done to make her so hostile. He was told this disease would bring them closer together, now it was pulling them apart. He hadn't felt like this since when she worked at Bloomingdales , she kept ignoring him and that resulted in the whole let's take a break mess. He couldn't let her interfere with his own duties, after all right now he was a single father with two little girls.

"Okay , who wants McDonalds?" Emma cheered and Izzy squealed . At least he was doing a good job satisfying the other women in his life. Their enthusiasm brought a smile to Ross ' face. He would forget the other for now.

Chandler peeked in the doorway and his nose carried him right to his barcalounger where a YooHoo and a crazy straw waited. Monica perched on the side of the white couch with one leg seductively draped over the chair. She had a glass in her hand as she sipped her scotch with a twist. She dangled the petite shapely leg and she was wearing a black silk nightie that exposed her perky breasts. Since the whole Rachel thing started, there had been no time for just them and she forgot how good just them had been.

"Hello Chandler." She called out seductively. He smiled and unloosened the knot of his tie. She got up and wrapped her arms around his thick neck and began to kiss him passionately. Chandler knew this was going to be great night. Her hands reached for his finely shaped butt , which she dearly loved. She could also feel something else through his trousers. He was obviously pleased with her.

"Tonight there is no kids, there is no brother , and there is only us." She said as she waltzed slowly over to the cd player. She put in a disc and it began to play. She swayed to the music hypnotizing him with her moves. He sat down in his chair and sipped his Yoo Hoo like a contented man pretending to be at a strip club. She threw her legs over him and gave him his own private lap dance. Smiling she shook her chest in his face and he began to nuzzle it.

She broke away and then started to cry. He couldn't understand what he did , after all he was just showing affection to the woman he loved and touching her. "Monica , Mon , honey? What did I do?' he sincerely wanted to know.

"Rachel just had a breast removed . How do you think I feel when you are touching me and stuff and then you touch my breast. You men are all alike." Monica cried as she ran for the bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Chandler threw up his hands and went to the porch for a smoke.

Ross had dropped the kids off and now was alone. He knew that Monica was making a special night for Chandler and he didn't want to ruin that. Instead he drove his car to the shore and got out. He looked into the vastness of the waves. Out there was the unknown and right now his life was as vast as those blue waves. He reached down and picked up a stone and tossed it into the ocean. He could finally be alone with his own thoughts and he didn't have to put on any brave front. He didn't have to be daddy or Professor , he could be himself. A man scared of the unknown , the future.

She was all he had ever wanted. He knew that for a long time , and even when he was with Carol or Emily or any of a long list of women, he knew in his heart , she was the one he wanted. He started to think of the events that were happening and the events that could happen. A divorcee, but a widower? He took off his tie and let the cold ocean wind blow through his thick black hair. He closed his eyes and could feel the mist blowing off the Long Island Sound. It was so quiet and peaceful here, yet that water would lead into one of the busiest and noisiest harbors in the world.

He had come here before. When his marriage ended , and Carol told him the news. He thought that there would be nothing that would destroy him more than that. He was facing the biggest test of his own life? Would they survive?

"That wasn't so bad was it?" the nurse said as she took the empty chemo bag and turned off the machine to dispense it. Rachel laid with the salty tears stinging her eyes. No it wasn't she thought. I only pushed away the only man I ever loved.