After she had fallen asleep, Ross carefully got up and walked to the door. He was glad that everyone was still downstairs. Monica was in the kitchen, putting Saran Wrap on the leftovers. He quietly came in.

"Well how is she doing?" Monica asked as she opened the freezer.

"She is exhausted , so I am going to let her sleep. Mon, she is petrified that I am going to leave her because she doesn't have a breast anymore." Ross exclaimed.

"And would you ?" she asked blatantly.

"What kind of a jerk do you think I am?" he said angrily.

She came over and put her arm around his shoulder. "You may be sweet and loving and kind, but you are still a man. Rachel just knows that you are always around young women and for the first time she feels threatened by it." Ross gave her a look. "It would be like if you had testicular cancer, a part of you is gone and you would be threatened by it. A breast is a part of a woman's appearance and Rachel has depended on that her whole life."

"There is more to Rachel then her breasts, there is her good and forgiving heart , her intelligence, her…." Ross continued until Monica interrupted him. "Tell her that you respect her and admire her, but don't patronize her. She will see right through that. " Ross decided that he would give her all the time in the world she needed.

Rachel was so glad that Monica had come with her to her chemo session today . She was also glad that Judy was watching all of the kids so the two women could have a talk. Monica always loved hospitals because they were so clean, so the sterile environment of oncology thrilled her to no end.

"There's my girl." Smiled Salvana as she gave Rachel a hug and led her to the chairs. Rachel laid down and the nurse prepared her cycle for her. Monica chatted busily so she could get her mind off of the events. Salvana then brought the two ladies popsicles to suck on. Rachel's was mainly so she wouldn't throw up. With the drip now started, Monica would be able to enjoy her visit.

"I have a few things that are on my mind right now. " Rachel started as she licked her lips and took another suck at the orange popsicle. "I know they should be the last things , but with everything that has happened, I want to know that you are going to help Ross raise my girls." Monica wanted to close her eyes. "I don't want to hear this kind of talk, you are going to get better and raise your own kids."

Rachel continued. "I am not worried about him. I know he will be upset and say he will never love anyone else ever again . But I also know he will find someone else, after all it is Ross." She laughed at her own joke. Monica giggled as well. "But I want her to be like Julie, nothing like Emily at all. Or even like Mona, I always felt bad for her. They would have been sweet together ." Rachel reminisced.

"You have got to stop this. I don't want to hear you say anything else about taking care of your children or helping to find your husband a replacement for you. You are going to be fine." Monica said angrily.

"That is the problem , I have thought about it. I want to think that this medicine is going to kill it , but I also know about the odds and I just want to be prepared in case I don't win this fight." Rachel said resigned. "You are a lot stronger, you are the one who has held this little group together all these years. That is why I wanted you here. I wanted someone who wasn't going to try to make me laugh with sarcastic jokes , or play their songs, or bore me with a combination of I love you honey and guess what we did at work today, or be bored until they either found food or chased a nurse. I know you will be the one I can depend on , if I don't make it. " Rachel said softly. "And I also know that you will be the one he will lean on the most."

A tear came to Monica's eye as she realized what Rachel was doing . She didn't want to think about it. But it could happen. Rachel started twitching and coughing . The nurse brought over a pail and Rachel leaned over into it and started to throw up. Monica rubbed her back to make her feel better.

"Just part of the routine. I will get her some water." The nurse said as she walked away. She came back and then Rachel sipped the water and chewed on the ice. She wished they could go back in time and she could gossip or tell her how impossible her brother was. Monica didn't know what to say after Rachel vomited or after she had spilled her guts. Just then her cell rang.

"Hello?" Monica answered.

"Mon, it's me . How is she doing ? " Ross asked from school.

"Would you like to talk to her ?" she asked and Monica handed her cell over to Rachel. "Hi honey, " she tried to be cheerful.

"Hi sweetheart. How is everything? Are you alright?" Ross was curiously asking.

"Got a little nauseous, no big deal. Chinese tonight?" Rachel asked .

"Sounds good to me. I'll pick it up , love you." Ross said as he kissed his cell.

"Love you too." Rachel cooed at the phone and gave it back to Monica.

Joey had spent the afternoon at his parents house. His father had excused himself for a business meeting. Gloria just shook her head as she heard the lie come from her husband 's mouth. He was visiting the pet stuffer and she knew it. Oh well, Joey had to work tomorrow and he was looking forward to it. Working with those great actors like Michael Imperioli, Edie Falco, Lorraine Bracco , and of course the great James Gandolfini. He was also going to make his way around the extras on the set, especially girls cast as dancers at the Bada Bing. That brought a smile to his face until his mother interrupted his reverie.

"Here I want you to give this to your friend Rachel?" Gloria said as she handed the rosary to her son. He pushed it back.

"Ma, they are Jewish not Catholic. " She pushed it back . "Yeah , but I have had a lot of prayers answered with this one. I have been lighting candles for Rachel and her babies and her husband." Gloria announced proudly.

Joey thought back on his own beliefs and how they were being questioned. He was brought up a good Catholic boy and was an altar boy when he was growing up. For a while it was looking like he was headed toward the priesthood , until he found out about the vow of celibacy, that was the end of that. Right now he didn't know what to believe .

"Maybe it is all a waste." Joey muttered. Gloria heard a noise and turned her head. "What did you say?" She said as she went back to the stove. She had her suspicions , but she had to hear her son say it himself.

"I said maybe this prayer, and rosaries and candles, maybe it is all for nothing . I mean we pray for things to happen, and that only good comes to those we love , and then things like this happen." Joey said.

"If it is God's will." Gloria started ."Bull shit." Joey yelled. "Is it God's will , that the sweetest woman in the world has cancer. Is it God's will that he take her away from the man who has spent most of his life being in love with her? Is it God 's will Ma, that he let those two little girls have their mother taken away from them? If it is, maybe I don't want what God wants anymore." Joey said soberly. He felt the ring in the back of his head and knew he had crossed a line.

"Joseph Francis Tribbiani," Gloria said coldly. "How dare you?" Joey took his food and walked to the door. "I am sorry mah, I am sorry." He lowered his head for the pain he had caused his mother and then he started to sob as he thought of how he didn't know what to believe anymore. He started the walk down to the church he grew up in. When Gina became pregnant with Michael, they had to go to another church in Queens. The whole family was shamed.

The dark church was a sanctuary to him. He strolled past the many statues and rows of lit candles. He could hear the echoes of a thousand prayers in these walls. He would have never got where he was today without some of those prayers. The rows of pews were now silent and lonely. He genuflected as he was taught to do and did something that none of his friends ever saw, as a devout Catholic he made the sign of the Cross and then he dropped to his knees. Folding his hands like a little boy, he began to pray in an innocent child like way.

"God, I don't understand why you do things? I mean I always thought you were a good and decent God , as God's go. I can't understand why you are taking such a sweet and loving person, so beautiful and so hot , and making her suffer like this. Are you punishing me for what I did with her? I can't help that I fell in love with her and God she ended up where you wanted her. They ended up together and a family. And God why would you want to take her away from a man that loves so much , even better than I could have loved her. And also

how can you even think of taking her away from her two little girls and leave them without a mother. Please God, let me understand and if you could God, please take all this cancer from her and make her well again . "

Joey looked up from his prayer and up to the statue of the Blessed Mother. She was a mother and a woman , she would understand . He got up from the pews and made his way back to the street.

The references to the show The Sopranos …is in respect to the awesome acting of the actors mentioned. Next chapter should be a little lighter … hey it's Chandler……he has to be himself.