Author: Davan
Story: Awakenings
AN: Kaori, lleaves, WaterLilly, StarBee, kitty, animeli0us, Kaori, thank you so much for reviewing. Your reviews were awesome and I wish I could respond to you directly, but thank you for taking the time to review my story, each review had me grinning from ear to ear in delight.
m1N I was not able to make your email address work…
To the rest of you who I was able to reply to, thank you again!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, either Anime or Manga.
This Story Contains Spoilers.
Chapter Two
There were days when Hitsugaya Toushirou felt as if the world was dropping out from under his feet. Those days had been frequent during the war. When he was not sure who was winning or who was loosing. When judging the truth of life and death by the amount of bloodshed would destroy a man. Those were they days you knew you would never swim out of the river of blood you were creating.
Today was such a day.
He barely had time to register Matsumoto's words before he found himself moving, his body on autopilot.
"Hinamori is awake…'
He had been waiting for those words for two years. Two years of shed tears, of losing all hope that she would wake and would return to him; two year of pain, of sleeping in that forsaken chair next to her bed knowing that she might never fight past the walls of her dreams to return to the living world, to him.
Two years of knowing he loved her. That all the sacrifices he had made for her and all the hopes and dreams he had built around her might never be fulfilled; that he would be cursed to a world without her smile and her laughter; the innocence that belonged solely to her. That the peace that they had worked so hard to bring about; for her and the others destroyed by Aizen's greed; might never be witnessed or enjoyed by her.
Two years, that was how long he had waited, hoped, and prayed to whatever deity it was that looked after the wayward souls of the death gods; two years and the words he had wanted, needed, to hear had finally reached his starving ears.
For the first time in two years, he was at a loss.
His body rushed him towards the fourth division before he could register what it was doing. He had given no thought to it, made no conscious decision. She was awake he would be there; it was as natural as that. By the time he reached the door, to were every fiber of his being longed to be, his brain caught up with his body.
And his brain told him to stop.
Hinamori would be waking for the first time. Her delicate eyes would be greeting the world anew with fresh insight and the healers would need to start immediate examinations. He would only be in the way. And besides the most rudimentary workings, he knew absolutely nothing about healing or helping the mind recover from a trauma like what Hinamori would have had to go through to bring herself back to the living world, to him.
He didn't know what a sight he made standing in front of her room, his hands buried into the depths of his captain's cloak, with as close to as an expression of confusion and worry as he had ever allowed himself to show outwardly. He did realize he must look strange when several lower ranking death gods stared at him in confusion and shock as they stumbled past him, openly gaping. He did not care.
He was lost. He was confused. But what bothered him most was the helpless feeling that washed over him at the realization that he could do nothing at this moment to help her.
"Captain Hitsugaya?" It was Vice-Captain Isane. He was certain that he had never been quite so relieved to the see the blond woman.
"I was informed that Hinamori has woken?" he hated how uncertain he sounded.
The vice-captain nodded. "Yes, Captain Unohana said you would be coming. I can only let you in for a moment, Captain."
He nodded. He had expected that. Yet, the idea of leaving her side now that she woke was no less painful, "If you would." He hated this formality, this need to ensure that they both went by the unspoken rules of their society. Right then he would have given everything for the ability to storm past their rules and regulations, sweep Hinamori close and tell her how much he had missed her; her laugh, her smile, the innocence that she brought to his world, how his heart had longed for this day since she had closed her eyes. The love for her he had discovered buried deep within him.
But he couldn't and wouldn't break the codes that regulated the healing division. He had to much respect for Captain Unohana and her Vice-Captain. For the tireless work they had put in during the war. He would not do any good by being rash here. "Thank you, Isane."
She nodded before motioning for him to follow her. He had made it fairly close to Hinamori's door but security had long ago been placed in front of her room to ensure that no outward disturbances would reach her. He thanked Unohana silently, for the continued discretion, and motioned for them to move aside. The one on the left opened the door and then he was moving through the doorway and towards his first sight of a conscious Hinamori in two years.
The room was dim; he guessed that it was to accommodate her eyes, which would no longer be used to the brightness of the outside world. He almost cried out in frustration when Unohana's taller form blocked her from his sight. He only noticed that his hands had tightened in fists when he caught Isane giving him a concerned look.
Before he could respond to her unasked question Unohana was turning towards them and as his eyes glued to the slight girl behind her, his world stopped.
She was thin. He had watched the gradual decline of her health as the healers had, but seeing her now, sitting up, eyes wide open, he realized how fragile she had become. Her eyes were too big for her face, her cheeks were overly pronounced, the fresh robe was too large for her slight frame, giving her already gaunt body an unnatural look, while it was apparent that it was taking every ounce of her reserves to sit up and look normal for them. She had small visible tremors shaking her slight frame every few seconds and he wondered how long she would be able to sit up without assistance.
She was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.
She stared at him and he returned her gaze, fighting past the joy and the wonder to give her as calm a glance as he could. It was when her blank look became one of confusion that he felt waves of unease slide through him. It was as if she didn't recognize him.
She turned to Unohana in something like helpless confusion; he felt like he had been punched in the gut by Ichigo in a full rage when she spoke; her words almost too soft for him to catch her words.
"How is he alive?" she whispered ever so softly, "I watched him die, Captain Unohana." Her words were full of emotion, and she looked for all the world as if someone was playing a cruel joke on her. It was when tears pooled in her eyes that he realized something was wrong. As her words registered, the air froze in his lungs and for the second time that day, he was helpless. She thought he had died…
Isane reached out and caught his arm, and he came to an abrupt halt. He had not realized he was striding towards her. Hinamori looked away while Unohana moved in to remove him from her view. He barely felt the hand on his arm that lead him out of the hospital room. His hands were shaking. His head was spinning. All he could do was look at Isane in desperation. "Isane she didn't see what happened between me and Aizen." It was the apprehension in his voice that told him he was close to loosing control and it was the pity in her eyes forced him to gain control.
"Unohana will sort this out, Captain Hitsugaya." She assured him, he might have felt hope from her words if her eyes had held as strong an assurance as her voice.
He fought to keep control of his emotions. It would do no good to force the issue now. Unohana would be doing everything that she could to figure out what was going on and where Hinamori had gotten the image of his death; this was her job. He had to wait. Had to give them the chance they needed to discover what was going on. He hated it.
"We will send you a message as soon as we are aware of something, Captain." Her tone was gentle and he offered her a slight nod. He needed to calm down. It was his mantra. He must control his emotions. If only he could not feel Hyourinmaru's confusion and anger firmly as his own.
He didn't remember the walk back to his office, all he knew was he had to get away. The icy grip that was Hyourinmaru was failing to hold back the emotions that were threatening to spill over. They could not, would not, do so here.
He gave a customary glance through the office, when his eyes revealed no one else in the room, he let go. Ice blasted throughout the room, even as he threw up shields to protect anyone who walked past. He walked to his desk and slammed his fist into the wall watching as the wall cracked and splintered unable to hold up against his anger.
He let go of the ice that lay so deeply in his soul and let it surround him. He needed the ice, needed the chill to not just comfort him but to also to bring stability. It was something he and his soul slayer had developed during the war. When he could no longer handle the stress, the pain of his world, he would retreat and let Hyourinmaru surround him. To bring him peace and calm, for in those minutes or hours he was in a familiar landscape. Something he could control. Hyourinmaru had become his rock, his shelter, and his comfort in a world that no longer contained Hinamori.
He needed that now. Now when it became obvious that something was wrong, some unexpected circumstance that they had not anticipated. His fingers curled into fists and he closed his eyes letting the ice further wrap around him, until he could feel nothing but blessed numbness.
She thought he had died…
He did not know how long he sat there, wrapped in grief, pain, and anger. How long he relied on Hyourinmaru to calm him, to absorb the backlash of what he could not contain. Two years of hope had been destroyed, and now he could only pick up the pieces and pray that one day they would fit together once again.
It was only when the sound of Matsumoto's footsteps reverberated throughout the corridor outside that he let the ice recede and with it his anger and confusion. For now, Hyourinmaru would handle the pain; he would take care of the rest.
His Vice-Captain quirked a brow at him as she walked into the room, "that bad?"
He sat at his desk with as much casual interest as he could manage. "Unohana is with her."
She nodded. He looked up from the reports in front of him in surprise when she dropped a cup on his desk and poured sake into it. "You look like you could use a good drink." She said before moving off towards her own desk, a cup in one hand and the rest of the jar in the other.
He took a brief glance at the cup before returning to the paperwork in front of him. The last thing he needed right now was to put the type of drink in his system that Matsumoto would find appropriate for such an occasion.
"Do you want to talk about it?" his pen paused halfway through one of the many signatures that would be required of him.
"Pardon me?"
She propped her chin in her hand and watched him in half amusement. "It helps you know, to get it all off your chest."
"Is that what you and Kira do?" He questioned, "Drink and get things off your chest?"
"No, we just get drunk."
As blunt as always his vice-captain, "then how would you know?" He was never one to beat around the bush either.
"I have tried it." He quirked a brow at her but she just smiled in return. "Now what happened that you felt the need to bring Hyourinmaru out?" When he turned back to his paperwork, she shook her head. "We both know that I will not stop asking. For once, make this easier on yourself."
His other brow rose to join the other at her serious tone. Matsumoto was rarely serious. Only when she had her sword in her hand, when she was dressing down a subordinate, or they were in wartime situations did he see this level of intensity from her. He would have blamed it on the alcohol but her eyes were not glassy and the balance she was showing with her one armed pose said otherwise.
He sighed. It just was not worth the battle that would ensue to fight Matsumoto, not right then. "Hinamori is under the impression that I was killed. And that she witnessed my death."
Matsumoto froze. Under any other day he would have been tempted to laugh at the expression of shock that slide across her face. When her face cleared of emotion he turned back to his paperwork.
"Do you think Aizen did something?" her voice was cautious.
"I don't know. I am hoping Unohana will be able to tell me more later tonight. Isane escorted me out when it was obvious that I was causing her distress." His fingers tightened on the quill. He had caused her distress.
Matsumoto nodded. "I can handle the rest of the paperwork if you would like to go and see if they have anything else figured out, Captain. You were in here for quite a while before I came by."
"I think I will work for a while longer, thank you Matsumoto." She nodded before turning her attention back to her papers, to his relief.
His only hesitation with letting Hyourinmaru loose was the loss of time. What would seem like minutes could be an hour or so as they worked together to calm his raging emotions. Emotions that had become more potent as the war had raged on. His ability to control the intake and outtake of what he took in and let out had increased during the war. But when he faltered, he did so spectacularly. He was not perfect in his ability to control his emotions. He was known as the ice-prince in his division, in others as a cold-hearted fighter who could make quick decisions and was ruthless when those decisions were made. While others who knew the force of his temper, said nothing.
It was a heavy cost but one he had been willing to pay. To stop Aizen and bring Hinamori the justice that she deserved. Today he had come as close to loosing control as he ever had. Hinamori was a part of his world. Someone he had held dear from the very first time he had laid eyes upon her and one of the few people he would sell his soul to protect.
She had seen him die.
How many times had she relived that in her mind? Had it been once? Had she turned to Aizen for comfort? He felt the pen snap in his hand, if something she had never seen could be conjured so strongly in her mind that she believed it to be real, what else had happened while she had been in her coma?
This time he felt the hell butterfly enter the room before Matsumoto did. He reached out his hand and called for it; it moved away from its path toward his vice-captains and headed towards his outstretched hand.
He listened to its message carefully before nodding. "I am going to head out now Matsumoto, finish your paperwork then head to bed. We have another long day ahead of us tomorrow."
She looked up before poring herself another drink, "of course."
This time he took his time to the infirmary. It had only been a couple of hours since he had last been there and he wasn't completely sure how in much detailed information they would have for him or even what specifics that would have come up with in two hours.
He would not get his hopes up.
His arrival was expected. The doors were opened for him and then promptly shut. He quirked a brow at the guards but they lowered their eyes and refused to meet his gaze.
He turned and something rose up in him, clutching his chest in an icy fist when he saw Isane standing guard outside Hinamori's door. In the last two years, Hinamori had always had door guards, never before had Isane stood guard. "Captain Unohana is in her office Captain Hitsugaya."
He nodded and forced himself away from the door. Unohana wanted to see him; he would go there first, hopefully she would have the answers he wanted.
"Hitsugaya, Hinamori's condition is graver that what we had anticipated." She motioned for him to sit the moment he entered her office.
He was grateful that she wasted no time in getting down to what he wanted to know, he did not think he could have handled the suspense, "How?"
She sighed and offered him a cup of tea which he took gratefully. He winced at the bitter taste, certain that she had put some sort of calming draft into it. The grim look on her face warned that he was probably going to need it. He took another swallow.
"The last two years Hinamori has lived in her mind things have become twisted. The last thing that she can remember is that you sealed her into a room and Aizen came to her and told her that everything was going to be all right. I am not sure if Aizen planted the memories of you being killed or if she dreamed it up herself. Right now, she isn't talking."
He closed his eyes. Aizen, the bastard, he had never wished so fervently for someone to come back to the living world so that he could kill them again. Was this his final act of vengeance against them all? That if Hinamori were to survive they would have already lost her?
"That is not all."
His eyes snapped open at the weary tone her voice took on. "Hinamori is quite convinced that Aizen is alive and well and ready for her to return as his vice-captain."
He froze, his cup half way to his mouth his eyes wide, "She what?" In all their preparations and in all the discussions that he and the lady healer had gone through in the middle of the night trying to predict what might be happening with her, they had never come across the idea that she might not remember the stabbing.
That she might not remember the most brutal of betrayals in the whole of the soul society history. That the very fabric of her world had been torn asunder by the man she trusted most; the man she had worshiped. It was almost inconceivable to him. He had who had spent two years planning the man's death; used every waking moment to discover how to bring about the mad man's downfall, his vengeance for her.
She remembered nothing of it.
"What else?" he questioned, seeing the hesitation in her eyes, and knowing that he would have to face it one day, sooner was better than later.
"She went looking for him tonight."
He had thought he was done being shocked. "How did she get out?" his voice snapped across the room to his fellow captain, he did not care. "She is no shape to use demon arts."
"She went out the window." Her tone was bemused, he was sure his expression was pole axed.
"How did she make it out the window?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know…"
"No. It is not physically possible for her to have climbed out that window; she collapsed from exhaustion shortly after you left, her body taxed to its limit. We have already ruled her having someone help her out, as her window faces most of the fourth divisions' courtyard ensuring that someone would have seen such a thing. As it was it was the sight of her climbing out that alerted us."
He set his cup of tea on the table with exaggerated calmness. "I think I should check in on her now, if you don't mind."
She nodded, "she should be asleep as we gave her a sleeping draught. She was very distraught when she was not able to find her captain or have her captain come to her. Please do not wake her Hitsugaya."
"Thank you," he said, there was little else to be said to the Captain; little words that held a wealth of information for her. She had worked just as hard as he had, if not harder, to keep her alive, to fight off all doubters. He was in her debt. He would do as she asked.
The walk to Hinamori's room was one he knew well. He had spent many a night here talking to her, pleading with her, and doing his best to give her what strength he could. He paused down the hallway at the sight of her door. Always there were two guards standing outside her door in case of a change. In the last two years, they had never failed to uphold their duty.
There was no one there.
He paused outside the small room they had moved Hinamori too. Had they taken her somewhere else and Unohana had forgotten to inform him? Had something happened had he just missed the report when he left? He pushed open the door. Something was wrong.
He did not expect what he found.
Isane was wrestling with Hinamori, the smaller, weaker; by all accounts, much more fragile girl had her fellow vice-captain by the hair. Hinamori who had never gotten into hand-to-hand combat with anyone even in her training years had Isane by the hair and was rolling on the floor with her; and for all intents and purposes fully intending to do damage.
She should not have enough energy to even walk across the floor; he knew that, they had discussed that earlier. She should be in bed, being watched over, sleeping. She should have been letting her bodies energies focus solely on resorting her back to health. She was not.
On top of that, there was enough spiritual energy waging war for dominance throughout the room that the whole compound should have been on its feet and preparing for battle. Some of it was Isane's; the majority of it belonged to Hinamori… and someone else. His attention was pulled away from the spiritual energy in the room when Hinamori tossed Isane across the room and then was diving right back after her.
It was impossible.
She had gone mad.
Isane was loosing.
Hinamori turned back to glare at him once in warning, before going back after Isane. His world narrowed. The last time he had seen that look on her face she had been trying to attack Ichimaru Gin. Only then, she had been strong, healthy, fit, and capable of fighting off Kira who had tried to stop her. Now she was weak, tired, and she was putting damaging strain on her overtaxed body. He snapped into action.
He caught her up as carefully as he could before she reached Isane. She twisted in his arms and he just managed to duck under the nails she sent towards his eyes; her ploy worked, however, forcing him to drop her or risk battle impairment. She moved fast then, slamming her smaller body into his knees she took him down to the floor all the while going for his throat.
He reached up and caught her hand before twisting it behind her back and spinning her around on her stomach. He threw his own body weight into her and pinned her to the floor. He was going to end up hurting her if this kept up, Hinamori had never fought like this; much less shown this much aggression and anger towards anyone. He had not known she had this much aggression in her.
What was wrong with her?
She fought like a cat in a bag then. Kicking, screaming, she even tried to turn and bite him when he moved to hold down her legs. He rolled her back over on her back and pinned her down that way. With her throat exposed, she would be in a much more vulnerable position and would, perhaps, settle.
She did.
She glared up at him. Her eyes were wide and blood shot, all black, and they shone with a blind rage and need for battle that he had never seen in Hinamori before; had never expected to see in the naïve vice-captains eyes.
"Hinamori, what are you doing?"
She froze. And he watched in surprise when recognition slipped into her eyes and in dismay when tears followed that recognition. He sat up cautiously then, pulling her close when she offered no further resistance. Her head buried in his shoulder and she wailed. It sounded like her world was coming apart at the seems.
That did it. He tugged her unresisting body as close to his as he could. By that time her tears had started in earnest and all he could do was hold her as her body shook and shuddered with the force of the sobs that were rocking through her. This was not grief, he realized while looking around for someone, anyone, to come give him a hand with her. This was an outlet, an outpouring of emotion, just as her rage had been moments before.
There was a slight shuffling noise to the right and Isane sat up. Her movements were stiff and uncoordinated, but she was a girl, and a healer and she could fix this. Before the vice-captain could stand, however, Unohana swept into the room; the captain looked worried, an expression he had not seen from her since the middle of the war. When every bed had been filled and every healer occupied, while more injured kept being brought in.
One glance assessed the situation before she moved to Hinamori. He watched as she placed a long fingered hand on hysterical girl. There was a slight glow about her and then Hinamori went limp in his arms. He never thought he would be so thankful to see her asleep.
"She will sleep now Hitsugaya, if you will be kind enough to place her back in her bed, I will tend to Isane and the others."
He nodded before standing with his bundle and moving towards the bed. Now that they were no longer fighting and she was not threatening to come apart in his arms he realized how tiny she had become. There was nothing to her.
He laid her back on the bed and as he tucked the sheets around her still form as Isane stood to help the other healer from the room. He watched them go, both limping and bruised but otherwise they appeared to be all right. He turned back to Unohana. "I think perhaps, for now, we should repress her ability to use the demon arts." He didn't know if two years of pent up anger had fuelled her natural ability to use the arts to such an extreme or if it had been the rage he had seen that had allowed her to push past her bodies limits and go after them. There was not enough information for him to find answers, and until Hinamori could be questioned, in the morning under guard, there was no way for any of them to know.
Unohana watched him for a moment before nodding. "I agree." That worried him. He knew he was right, but Unohana hated putting anyone under restrictions such as those. He turned back to Hinamori. Her face was pale, and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced than they had been. Dark bruises were forming on her arms, and a few on her neck from Isane defending herself, he guessed. The ones on her arms were from him, his eyes closed in pain. They had both done their best to prevent injury but she had used all her resources to fight them, and her already taxed body was far too fragile for the punishment she had just inflicted on it, but for what reason?
"Do you know what set her off?" he questioned.
"I was told she asked about Aizen and one of the lower division members told her that he was dead."
His flew open, Aizen again…
"I think a regular rotation of guards will be needed. I am sure she wore out whatever energy she had, but we cannot take the chance of her injuring herself further. Precautions should be taken."
"How was this possible?"
She hesitated, "I don't know. By all accounts it should have been impossible but no one knows what she saw or what she went through for the last two years. It may well be that her mind has yet to register what kind of shape her body is in. Or she was able to draw on all her pent up magic, she was always very adept at the demon arts," a gentle shrug of her shoulders, "I don't know, Hitsugaya."
"How far will this set her recovery back?"
"I will know tomorrow."
He nodded. "I will work out a rotation for my men. As of right now, she is a member of the tenth division. Each day and night one member of the tenth division shall join the fourth in guarding her." 'Even if it must be from herself…'
"Thank you," she said, "I am sure Zaraki will offer his men as well."
He nodded. "I will inform him if I need his assistance."
She hesitated. "Would you like a sleeping draught?"
It was a kind offer. To let him sleep without the sight of her rage, her throwing Isane across the room, of having to once again, fight her in order to protect her from herself, flashing across his eyelids. He turned and looked at her with regret, an offer that he could not accept.
"No," his tone was soft as he turned back towards Hinamori, "I am taking the first shift in watching over her. Let your division get some rest, she will need them tomorrow."
Unohana nodded, "I will send someone in to clean up the mess," she swept her hand towards all the broken class and furniture, towards all the damage that Hinamori had caused, "and someone with something for your bruises and cuts." Cuts and bruises he couldn't remember her inflicting.
He nodded, before pulling the chair out from the corner of the room. Besides the bed, the only thing that Hinamori had not destroyed, he settled into it and turned towards her. While hoping to fall into the familiar pattern of watching her breath, only this time, he realized, there would be no peace.
'What is going on Hinamori?'