AN: okay, this is where it get's all mushy, sappy and out of character. It wasn't meant to be that way when I started writing this fic, but my skelleton is one big romantic bone and wouldn't let me write it without romance. But I AM writing a second version in which they are more in-character, especially Loren. I just have to get unstuck from one stupid spot to continue it...
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"Mind telling me what the hell was all that about?" his voice rose slightly at the end.
She widened her eyes innocently, a skill she had often rehearsed before a mirror. "What was all what about?"
Harm gestured with his hands exasperatedly. "All that... engaged... thing."
She shrugged. "You proposed, I accepted. What is there to explain?"
"I did not!"
"Yes, you did. Let's backtrack a little." she tapped her chin with her finger and pretended to be thinking hard. "I knocked, heard a mumbling that sounded like an order to enter. Then I was subjected to a marriage proposal, in several different languages in fact, btw. does Colonel Mackenzie know you speek Arabic? When you finally switched to English, and I could understand you, you proposed and even though it sounded utterly ridiculous, I accepted. I still say you could've just said 'I love you, marry me.' and not go into all that, but I appreciate the effort. What is there not to understand? It looks pretty clean cut from where I'm standing."
Harm listened to her recounting the fateful events with a sinking feeling. She was right, from where she stood he did propose to her, she couldn't have known he was just goofing off. But he couldn't marry someone he didn't even intend to propose to, let alone due to such a mistake on both parts. He had to make things right, even though the probability of hurting her was great. They would both be hurt somewhere along the line if he didn't say anything and they got married.
Suddenly she interrupted him in his musings. "About the Arabic thing... Col. Mackenzie doesn't know you speak the language, does she? Did she ever tell you how she does the time-telling thing?"
Harm smiled slightly, seems like he wasn't the only one wanting to know the secret. "No, she doesn't. One must always have some kind of advantage over one's enemies as well as friends. Well, she did tell me once, in Farsi, thinking I didn't understand a word she'd said. What she basically said then was that she has no clue how she does it, she just always could. So, no help there. I think it's some kind of biologic thing, the body being more aware of the time than it's normal. We all know a body knows how to tell time due to cell degradation."
"Hmmm." she murmured.
It was time for Harm to explain the error and he dreaded it. He started gently. "It's all been a misunderstanding, Loren." he decided to be on a first-name basis for this talk, because he couldn't go through with it by referring to her as Lt. Singer, it was just too personal for that. "A friend of mine wants to propose to his girlfriend and asked me to come up with a speech that wouldn't be like the ones all other guys make. I was tired and slightly fed up with it and so was goofing off to relax a little. That's when you came in. I didn't hear you knock, didn't even know you were in the room, so that proposal wasn't meant for you, it wasn't even meant to be serious."
A sheen could be seen in her eyes for a second before it was covered up. "So, you don't love me." She said quietly. Harm could've sworn he'd heard a quiver in her voice.
Harm hung his head and looked away from her at her question, not being able to answer that question. But then it occured to him.
'Why am I so hesitant to answer that question? It's not as if she loves me and it's not as if my negative answer would break her heart, right? RIGHT? But why then does she sound so vulnerable and hurt? Harm, you're in deep trouble, there is no way someone wouldn't get hurt in this one. Either you lie and say you love her, consenting to a relationship, marriage, with the woman you're not in love with; or you say you don't, possibly break her heart, certainly damage her ego and quite certainly create an even tenser situation at the office. Right, the office. The co-workers who think you two are in love and getting married. How are you going to get out of this one?'
For a second Loren lost control of her emotions and a tear slipped past her defences, scorching Harm's heart at the sight of it. He'd hurt her! He felt like the lowest heel, the worst kind of bastard possible for it. He'd hurt another woman in just a few minutes.
A nagging voice kept bugging him as to why did it matter to him if he hurt Lt. Singer, called Lt. Witch by Mac, and why did it matter to him if she was crying and why did he feel the urge to take her into his arms and just hold her, comfort her.
He didn't know the answers to these questions, but he was infinitely glad that he'd closed the blinds and locked the door so no-one else could witness her momentary loss of emotional control. They weren't that different and he'd realised that a while ago, they both needed to have firm control of their own emotions. He knew why it was so with him, but could only speculate as to what Loren's reason was.
But then she surprised him.
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