Author: Davan
Story: Awakenings
Chapter: Three

Author Notes: Nelia-chan and Kaori thank you so much for your wonderful comments!

Lleaves I want to respond to your comments badly. You have no idea. Thank you again for your wonderful thoughts and comments; I bow to your mad reviewing skills!

School has started and that means 15 hours of art classes. I apologize for how long it took me to get this out but being an art major means a lot of out of class projects.

Also, my beta is studying like a mad thing for the SAT's, so she has not had time to go over this chapter. I apologize beforehand for any mistakes. I did my best.

I do not own Bleach!

Chapter Three

It had been five days since Hinamori had woken from her coma, and four days since he had been allowed into the fourth division to see her. Unohana had made it clear that for now, her mind needed to adjust to all the changes that had been given to her so suddenly.

He understood that, he even understood Unohana's hesitation to have him guard her in the night while she was sleeping. What he no longer understood was Hinamori. The reports that he had been getting from Matsumoto and his other division members on guard, had him worried for her. It was something he was starting to become used to, the continual nagging in the pit of his stomach was almost second nature to him now.

He shifted aside his daily paperwork and brought out the reports that his division and Unohana had been sending him. The front page was lined with his and Matsumoto's neat script cataloging the different points of the reports.

Physically she was doing better. The last report had been two days ago and according to it she was up, walking, and able to stay up for more than a few minutes at a time. While she needed help with the basics such as taking a shower, or changing her robes if she was tired she was improving.

Emotionally, mentally, she was still healing. A process they all had known was going to take a while if everything went well. Now that the true extent of her mental status was being uncovered, even Unohana was unsure how things were going to go. Right now, Hinamori believed that they were all lying to her and that Aizen still walked in Soul Society. She had even gone as far as to accuse them of locking her away so that she could not get to her captain. She never asked why he had yet to come and see her or why he had not tried to contact her. That above all else frightened him. And if it had not been for the continual reports he would have rushed down there to see her and demanded entrance.

He was her guardian so to speak and it was within his rights. None of the other captains had jurisdiction, even Unohana. Now that she was awake, she was officially transferred into his division instead of just being the one to make any final decisions; she was truly under his protection and supervision. And even Unohana could not override a direct command from him when it came to her health. As her captain, he could demand the right to see her, to make his own analysis of her state.

But it all came down to respect and trust. He respected the fourth division, and he trusted Unohana. She had asked him to stay away until they felt that Hinamori was ready to see him again, until they knew it would not cause another break down for the girl. So he was abiding by her request, he did not know how much longer his patience would hold.

Matsumoto had seen her several times and her reports did more to help his fraying nerves than anything else did. Reports that stated that Hinamori seemed to be doing better physically, that the fits that would rock her small frame the first several days had slowed. Physically, his vice-captain assured him, she was doing far better than she had. Her death god ability to heal quickly was coming to the fore. And while this would sooth the torment, it did nothing to calm his worry.

Ukitate had stopped by a few times to ask him if he would like to spare with him and Captain Shunsui. If they asked again he would accept.

There was an abrupt knock on his office door and he looked up. Matsumoto was not due for the next hour and he had already received the normal morning allotment of paperwork. One brow rose in question when Renji walked through the door. The redheaded captain's eyes were narrowed a sure sign that he was thinking, or annoyed with someone, giving the expression he figured that someone was him. "Can I help you with something, Renji?"

"Do you know what is going on with Hinamori?" It was a little less subtle than what he had expected out of the captain but at least it explained what he was doing there.

He motioned for him to have a seat, "yes, why?"

He threw up his hands, "thank you," he exploded, and Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes at the man, that to was unexpected. Renji grabbed Matsumoto's chair and brought it to sit in front of Hitsugaya's desk. "All that Kira or I have been able to figure out is that she is awake, nothing else, and we are worried about her."

Hitsugaya felt something cold settle in the pit of his stomach at the mention of Kira. No matter how many times someone told him that Kira had been a tool used by Gin and Aizen, he had been the one to warn him about Hinamori and he had been apart of their scheme. He had led him away from Hinamori when he might have been able to reveal Aizen without her being injured, might have been able to prevent the last two years. "I would rather Kira not be told any of the particulars of Hinamori's condition."

Renji paused, and his eyes narrowed further. "You think Kira would go back after Hinamori?" It wasn't a question.

"I don't know what Kira would do but as of right now, until Hinamori is in a much more stable condition I do not want him anywhere near her. Nor do I want him to know what is going on. Unohana is keeping all the information pertaining to Hinamori under a tight lid and seal and I am going to do the same. If you want information, I can give it to you, because Hinamori always spoke fondly of you and because you were in the same year as her. But you must give me your word that it will not move past you."

Renji watched him carefully for several moments and sighed, "Kira was in the same group with Hinamori and me, Hitsugaya. Whatever happened between him and you that day has nothing to do with how he feels about Hinamori."

"I know that." But that that did not mean he had to trust the man, even two years later the betrayal was fresh on his mind and the blond haired vice-captain had done nothing to make him forget.

"And you know that there has been no sign that any of Aizen's conspirators have been detected here in soul society. Kira was long ago cleared of any wrong doing, he was as mislead as the rest of us."

Hitsugaya leaned back in his chair and stared at his fellow captain. He did not particularly like the patronizing tone from his fellow Captain, nor did he intend to give Renji anything unless he first agreed to his terms. This was no longer just about him. He would keep Hinamori safe, whether she wanted his help or not.

Renji stared back before sighing, "Fine I won't discuss any of this with Kira." He held up his hand to forestall any words, "nor will I discuss this with anyone else," he gave a sheepish smile, "Rukia is not even aware she has woken yet, she has been in the real world with Ichigo."

He nodded, that was good enough for him. Though he knew, it would cost the redheaded captain not to speak of these things to Rukia when she returned. "Hinamori has recovered physically from Aizen's attack. Right now she is very weak and easily wears herself out." Renji nodded.

"That is to be expected with her in the coma for two years." He sat forward and watched him with eyes that saw more than Hitsugaya would have given him two days ago. Hitsugaya stared back, un-intimidated by the man. He had always given Renji a certain amount of respect, he was hot headed, brutal in a fight, but he was also charismatic, outgoing, and like Ichigo, he had the uncanny ability to draw those he needed to him. He also protected those he cared about with every ounce of strength he possessed.

And while he had not always associated the man with a high level of intelligence, the war had shown him many things about Abarai Renji. And he had gained a new level of respect for his ability's as a Captain, and the bright spark of wisdom that was shinning in his dark eyes caught him off guard. He would not have expected him to show such a strong need to understand what was going on with Hinamori.

"As of right now, she does not remember the attack or any of the events that were prior to the attack." He continued

"She thinks Aizen is still alive doesn't she?"

It took every ounce of self-control that he owned to keep his face neutral. "Yes," he agreed.

Renji sat back in the chair his look concerned, "is there anything I can do help?" he questioned.

One brow rose, "I didn't realize that you were that good of friends." And he had not. Hinamori had always spoken fondly of him, he had spoken true but he had always assumed that was because they were vice-captains together had had been classmates.

Renji shook his head, "Hinamori has always been special to all of us you know. She always did her best to look after us when we were vice-captain with her. Always like a little mother hen." He shrugged, "you should let us return the favor, Hitsugaya." There was no censure in his voice but Hitsugaya wondered if Renji was aware of the frustration that seemed to roll off him in waves.

He hesitated, "For now I would rather keep things as they are." He waved off Renji, "but," he said quickly to forestall the protest he could see gathering in the hot-tempered man's eyes. "Both Unohana and I have discussed the possibility of bringing in some extra men once Hinamori starts to show improvement. When that happens I will contact you, does that suit you?"

"Is that the best I am going to get out of you?"

"Yes."

"Then I will take your offer." He hesitated, "don't be afraid to ask us for help just because you want to take everything on by yourself, Hitsugaya. We all love her to."

He nodded, 'but can you keep her safe?' "Is that all?"

Renji stood, "yes, though if you need to vent some frustration, Ukitate wants me to deliver his offer of a spar, and if you need a bigger target he wanted to let you know Ichigo would be available as well," he offered a weak smile and Hitsugaya shook his head. The last thing he needed was for the blond death god to show up and start yelling at him to get his butt outside and fight him.

"Thank Ukitate for me, and Ichigo won't be necessary."

Renji nodded, he was almost out the door before he turned back around, "We are worried about you as well Hitsugaya, don't hesitate to ask any of us for assistance." He said and then he was out the door before he could give his response.

Hitsugaya shook his head and wondered how many other captains were going to come in and offer their aid? As it was, Shunsui had come by, Ukitate he had expected, but Zaraki and then Renji had both been a decided shock. He was not at all appreciative to that. He was sure that he could count on Byakuya to keep his distance and if Mayuri offered to experiment on her, he would do more than throw the man out of his office.

As it was that was a battle Unohana had taken on early on when it had become clear that Hinamori was in more than just a simple coma. The man had been trying to get permission to experiment on her when Unohana had caught wind of it. To this day Mayuri steered clear of the fourth division's captain.

"I bet that was interesting," Matsumoto said walking into the office; one brow was quirked in what he found an amusing copy of his own mannerisms. He wondered if she knew she did that.

"Not really."

She shook her head. "Kira was asking me how Hinamori is faring," she said hesitantly. She was not quite sure how he felt about Kira knowing her condition or not. He had already given out orders that no one was to speak of Hinamori's condition to anyone. He was her captain so his word was law but even then, it was Kira. And Hitsugaya, she knew, still carried a torch of anger for the man. Yet, he was her captain and she trusted him. That was enough.

"What did he want to know?"

She settled into the chair that Renji had vacated. "Normal things, how she was doing, if her condition had changed, things like that."

He felt the chill of anger slide through him, again. "What did you tell him?"

"The basics, Unohana was keeping a tight lid on everything and that I didn't have permission to speak of such things," clever of her to come up with an answer that he could not refute.

"Thank you Matsumoto," she smiled and dropped some papers on his desk. "She also sent these and said that were free to come by this evening if you wanted to."

She stood and stretched, "I am going to get some lunch now that I have reported, are you going to take a break or shall I bring you something."

He looked at the stacks of paperwork that littered his desk, if he was going to make it to see Hinamori that evening he was going to need to stay and work. "A sandwich would be nice."

She nodded. "Of course, don't work to hard; I will be back in about an hour."

He waved his hand in a dismissing motion and once she was out the door he opened the file that Unohana had sent with Matsumoto. He read quietly for several minutes before carefully closing the file and placing it in a drawer.

He stood and headed out the door, he would need to find Matsumoto; his plans had changed.

It had taken him longer than he had anticipated to find his wayward vice-captain. It had been accomplished however. A few quick words and her acceptance was all he had needed before he had been off to talk to Captain Unohana.

She was waiting for him.

"What do you mean she is not eating?" his voice was quite but even he could not hide the simmering anger that had slowly been building since he had received her report. What was Hinamori trying to do to him?

"She stopped eating two day ago, Captain Hitsugaya," her tone was calm but her eyes held hidden shadows that brought him no sense of comfort.

"Why?" That was the one thing that her report had not contained and he was determined to find out. There had to be a reason, something Hinamori found completely logical. There had to be a reason she was putting him through this.

She shook her head, "it might be part of the trauma, it might be that is her way of slipping back into her dreams, we don't know, and she doesn't wish to tell us."

He nodded. "When does she eat lunch?"

"Her lunch would have been taken to her right about now." Unohana's answer was hesitant but she did not refute his silent claim. "Be gentle with her, Captain," she said.

He nodded once. "Thank you," he turned and walked out of her office. He could understand her warning but anger was bubbling beneath his calm surface. Four days of frustration and anger were pushing him forward.

She would not do this to him. She could hate him for this; she could throw things at him and call him every name in the book. But until she had time to physically recover and push past the anger and despair that he knew were controlling her world. Until she could make the decision herself and be trusted to make that decision with the proper frame of mind, she would not leave this world just yet; would not leave him to mourn her passing, again.

He nodded to the guards outside her door. Isane would know why he was here and would send food. He walked in. She did not bother to look up at the sound of the door opening, just continued to stare out the window and he felt something churn in his stomach when he saw the expression on her face. He had seen it before.

Only then, it had been his expression staring back at him.

He forced a calm he did not feel to the surface. "Hinamori?" he questioned, doing his best to keep his tone gentle. He was not entirely sure it worked, his voice ringing with the ice that was doing its best to combat the fury roaring through his veins.

She turned to look at him. He forced his body to remain still. She looked lost. "Am I imagining things again?" He could not stop the brow that rose in question at her comment. She sighed and he watched as she drew a small shape on the window where her breath had formed fog. "Why aren't you dead?"

Again, she ripped through his world with a few simple words. He should have expected that. Should have known that would be what she would want to know from him. He forced himself to breath evenly. "May I sit?" he questioned, motioning towards the chair that faced her bed. She looked surprised for a moment, before nodding. "What do you remember?" he questioned.

A puzzled expression slide across her eyes, before she turned and faced him, "I remember that it was all red," she said, "and that you were on the ground and that there was too much blood. I remember watching you take your last breath and I remember someone screaming," she sighed. "I think I was screaming," her voice took on a distant quality, and he felt something run down his spin. "And then everything goes black. So tell me, how are you alive?" Her gaze sharpened again as she focused on him, the other worldly quality to her voice fading.

"When I have been in danger of dying, Hinamori, you have not been there to see." He said slowly, carefully, gauging each word before he spoke. It would do neither him nor her any good to send her rushing back into the depths of her dreams with a careless word or action.

One brow rose gracefully. He felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Hinamori had never in all their years together, ever mimicked, copied, or had a movement that resembled his own brand of wordless sarcasm. It had never been in her nature. The one time she had tried to mock his movements Matsumoto had ended up in a torrent of giggles and he had been amused enough to smile.

But this was something else entirely. And that worried him. It could mean many things but she was speaking and he had no time to analyze her movements. "I thought you would say that."

That caught him off guard. "What do you mean?" He inwardly cursed himself when a bitter smile slid across her face.

"Everyone is trying to keep me away from Captain Aizen. I am not sure exactly how you are keeping him from me but it will not work forever, captain." Anger was coloring her words now and the way she spat his title sent his temper back to the surface.

"And what if Aizen is not ever going to be able to come to you?" he questioned softly. He would not let her receive the brunt of his anger, she was not aware of the buttons she was pushing or the way she was ripping through his emotional shields as if they longer existed.

The look she sent him was nothing short of scathing, "impossible."

Before he could answer her, the door opened and a young woman came in. In her hands was a food tray, she glanced warily at Hinamori before settling it down on the table and then just as quietly disappearing outside.

Hinamori frowned, "why did she bring me lunch?"

"Its lunch time," he said, still trying to gain control of the ice and fire that were raging for dominance he could not spare her a long explanation. Apparently, that was not good enough for her.

"I told them I no longer wished for my meals until Aizen came to see me," her frown deepened. Her eyes slipped across the room and back towards him, she blinked.

"And why is that?" his voice had changed from soft and gentle, to something else. He was loosing the battle. She flinched at the sound. Her lips slid shut and she glared at him.

"That is none of your business." Cold, toneless, emotionless, he did not like this new side to her

"I think it is." He said agreeably.

She frowned and stood her eyes flashing with desperation, "Because you're hiding my captain from me." She said softly. "And I will find a way to get back to him." Aizen, he realized bitterly, everything still revolved around the traitor. Would he ever escape the man's shadow?

"So you think Aizen would want you to starve yourself?" he was lashing out now but if she could use Aizen as her shield than he would use him to break it down.

"Do not pretend you know him!" she screamed, a shrill sound and he froze.

His eyes narrowed and he felt the chill that was his soul slayer slide through him, containing the anger that flared up so strongly it was a wonder she couldn't taste it in the air. Ice wrapped around him, and it was all he could do to breath. She did not know what those words would do to him, did not understand the anger, the rage, and the cold mercilessness that only Aizen could bring forth.

She was about to learn.

"You will eat your lunch Hinamori." His voice was soft. He was the ice now. It was creeping through him, holding his more volatile emotions in check. Keeping the raw emotion down where it could not reach out and damage whatever remained of their friendship. He knew she saw it when her chin went up as she glared back.

"I will not." Her tones were rigid and harsh against his ears.

One brow rose before his lips quirked up. "Is that so?" It was not a pleasant expression. His division would scramble and move out of his way that expression slide across his face in practice. She was no different, taking a step back and he moved forward to counter her. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way Hinamori."

She shook her head. "You can not force me to do anything."

"If I have to, I will. For every step he took forward, she moved back. "We have waited to long and worked to hard to bring you back to us, Hinamori." Her eyes went wide when she hit the wall. "And so I am going to give you a choice," he stopped just out of touching distance, letting her have her space. It would be important to her here. "You can eat without my intervention, or I can feed you." Her lips parted in surprise, "It's your choice."

They stared at each other, neither willing to back down, a battle of wills that he was determined to win. Her eyes softened, the hard look of cold fury easing out of them. "All right," she said softly. "I will eat." He did not like the almost desolate expression that replaced her anger. She turned from him quickly and he wondered if she would forgive him for this.

He nodded and moved carefully out of her way. She slid past him on silent feet and sat at the table. Her expression was anything but happy but when he settled in the chair next to her, she picked up her spoon. "I can eat without being watched." She said softly.

He motioned to the sandwich on the plate, "I believe they sent me lunch as well." He forced himself to speak lightly, as he would during the times before the war, and ignore the way her hand shook as she held the spoon. His eyes closed briefly at that, she had done herself no good in her refusal to eat.

"Oh," her voice was hesitant and he watched her until she sipped a spoonful of the liquid, her hand was shaking quite badly and he wondered how she was able to hold it up. The look she sent him was a quiet warning and he forced himself to concentrate on his own food.

It would take her body sometime to recover to the point where she would be able to eat normally. Not only did they need to help her recover her strength but she could not hold full meals, having gone so long without anything but the nutrients they had feed her while in her coma. For now, they were feeding her broth and would gradually move her body forward in meals. Otherwise, they could risk overloading her system and making her sick. Something none of them wanted.

"Why has Aizen not come to see me yet?" she questioned in between spoonfuls, her voice was soft and hesitant and he wondered how much it had taken out of her to ask that.

His stomach clenched at the question, one he should have expected. "That is not a subject I am allowed to discuss."

Her brows slide into a v shape. "Why?"

"You will have to ask Unohana," he said. It was the coward's way out but he did not intend to tell her that her Captain had stabbed her, started a war to destroy soul society, or that he was now dead. Unohana had told him she was not ready for that information and he would follow her wishes. It also gave him the excuse he needed to keep from speaking of it to her.

She nodded and they ate in silence until she laid her spoon on the table, her expression pained. "I don't feel so well," she admitted, her tone was far too soft for his liking but the almost green expression on her face told him what she would not. She had overtaxed herself. Guilt slide through him; it was partially his fault.

He stood and helped her to stand. "Then you have eaten more than enough," he glanced at the bowl that was only around half empty. "Into bed with you," he said gently while helping her across the room and back into her bed. Her hands were shaking still and her tough was as light as she could make it while he helped her across the room. He was to busy concentrating on how light she still was to really notice. Her body had reabsorbed any progress she had made during her rebellion. It broke his heart. "I will send Unohana in to check on you." He said while helping her pull the covers up to her chin.

She nodded before rolling away from him. He watched her a moment longer before turning and walking out the door. Isane was waiting for him.

"Did you get her to eat?" she questioned, her expression was worried and her eyes darkened further when she got a good look at him

He nodded. "She feels ill now, if you would check on her," he had no time for formalities; he was too wrung out, to emotionally spent to spare her any thoughts.

"Of course," she moved into the room. He nodded to Unohana who was moving across the room before turning and walking out. She would want to talk to him later but right now he needed the solace of his office and the quite that Matsumoto would provide him with if he requested it.

And he sorely needed it.

The walk to his office was quite, most of the divisions were out patrolling or cleaning and the few people he came upon simple moved out of his way. Matsumoto was waiting for him and there was a cup of tea sitting on his desk, he quirked a brow up at her.

She smiled. "I figured you would need something after going to the fourth division," she explained, "though by the look of things I should have gotten you something far stronger."

He shook his head and settled at his desk, "thank you," he said before taking a ginger sip of the tea. It was good, which meant someone other than Matsumoto had brewed it. For all her skills and abilities, the woman had only ever been able to brew bitter tea.

"How is Hinamori?"

Trust his vice-captain to be the one who would want to make him talk. He sipped on the hot tea to give himself time to think on how he was going to answer her. He watched as she moved the chair across the room and sat in the same position as she and Renji had earlier. Apparently, she wanted to have a 'talk'.

She crossed her arms across her chest and waited. He sighed. Matsumoto above all others had the right to know what he had found out. She had and he long ago crossed the threshold of simple Captain and Vice-Captain, they were friends. And while there was a time and a place for everything, she seemed to be able to draw that line with ease. She was also the one who had pored over the reports with him and her own copies notes and questions for the healers. She was his second and even now and emotionally worn and exhausted as he was, he would talk to her. She had earned that respect.

"She was refusing to eat," he finally said. Her brows creased in worry and she frowned.

"Why?"

"From what she said?" at his vice-captains nod he continued, "she thinks were keeping Aizen from her and the only way to get him to come and see is to force us to let him in by not eating."

Matsumoto's eyes widened and then her expression narrowed in thought. "So this is far worse than we thought?"

He nodded. "She is far too weak," his eyes darkened at the memory of her small frame shaking as she forced herself to walk to the bed, to stubborn and distrustful to ask him to carry her.

"She is fighting a battle, Captain," she said and offered him a slight smile. "With her body and her mind, it will take time but things will get better. You have to give her the time she needs to recover, to move on. She doesn't even know her former captain is dead yet. She needs time."

He nodded and sat back further in his chair taking another drink of the tea. He felt old, old and worn out. And he dreaded the day they told her Aizen was dead. Dreaded her reaction, her anger, and her pain; he was not sure he could handle any of it. Not if he every encounter was a mental and emotional battle, where his carefully hidden emotions fought so hard to be brought to the surface. His fingers splayed over the hilt of his sword, even Hyourinmaru was quite.

"Maybe you're looking at this wrong way." Matsumoto said. Her tone was soft and he quirked a brow up at her in question, to tired to give her much of anything else.

"What do you mean?"

"Hinamori has spent the last several decades in complete control of her life. She was a vice-captain so she only had to follow her Captains orders, everyone else in her division followed hers," she said carefully. "She was respected and well ordered in everything she did."

"You think she is trying to gain control?" He sat up. That made sense.

"She is upset about Aizen, she adored the man, but you can't ignore that she is also completely out of control. She is no longer a vice-captain, locked in a hospital room, and doesn't have the energy to do anything without assistance." Matsumoto shrugged, "Anyone in that position would feel out of their element."

Hitsugaya felt his brows narrow in thought. Matsumoto was probably on to something there. Hinamori had left when they were younger to take control of her life, to do something good. But he had always been under the assumption that she needed the control and rules that the Death Gods seemed to project. He had scoffed at their ways but she had embraced them.

That would at least explain some things.

If that was so they were going to need to find a way to give her the illusion of control until she was physically and mentally able to live on her own again. He sighed; he was going to need to talk to Unohana.

He glanced at the clock. It had taken him longer than he had thought to convince Hinamori to eat and it was now well into the afternoon. He motioned to the paperwork on his desk. "We need to finish this," he said, "and then you're free to go."

She nodded and grabbed a pen out of the cup he kept them in before turning a stack around. He shook his head in amusement before turning to his own paperwork. Matsumoto was the only vice-captain he knew that would work at her captain's desk when she was concerned about something. Thankfully, the desk was large enough to accommodate both of them or he would have been forced to send her to her own desk.

They worked quietly for several hours, few words spoken between them. It was a comforting silence and he kept an eye on his vice-captain and was glad to see her shoulder relax and the tension that had built through their previous conversation ease out of her. Paperwork was boring but it did serve its purposes.

It was almost dark when they heard sound of footsteps running down the pathway towards his office. He and Matsumoto exchanged glances before she was moving out the way. The door slammed open and they both jerked in surprise at the sight of a disheveled Hanatarou.

"Is everything all right?" he questioned while the small healer gasped for breath. He looked up and Hitsugaya frowned at the expression on his face. Worry, guilt, and something else he couldn't put his fingers on.

"Hinamori is missing Captain Hitsugaya, Captain Unohana sent me," he barely had time to finish his words before Hitsugaya was up and moving.

"Matsumoto," he said, already halfway out the door.

"Right behind you," she said motioning Hanatarou out the door and then running to catch up with him.

What had she done now?