Author: Davan
Story: Awakenings
Chapter: Four
AN: Okay I did my best again on typos. So again, my apologies. I will be sending an email to my beta to see how everything went and if she is up and ready to go this week. I also did my best to not make this chapter sappy, but I am afraid there is some sap. I apologize.
Enjoy. Comment. And thank you for reading!
To all of you have reviewed THANK you so much!
Ukitate was waiting for him. Lightening flashed in the distance illuminating his fellow Captain and he was not sure it wasn't the sparks of his own anger that was feeding the rapidly growing storm. There was another flash of brilliant light and then the street lights were lighting along the corridors and pathways in a half hearted attempt to push past the gloom.
"Each Division is searching through their quarters." Ukitate's voice was calm. "And Byakuya is patrolling the outside limits in case she went there."
A good solid plan that eased some of the tension in the back of his neck, that meant that Unohana had sounded the alarm. It was standard protocol when someone went missing from the fourth division. Especially patients who were under watch because of illness or injury, upon the discovery of Hinamori's disappearance Unohana would have been quick to sound the alarm. But that was not his main concern.
He could not sense her at all. Not even an iota of her spirit energy; but where was she getting the strength to hide her spirit energy from them? Spirit energy that should have already led them to her as surely as a beckon of light in the dark would have.
He nodded his thanks to the older captain, "Matsumoto," he turned back to his vice-captain. "Go join our division." She nodded once before turning back towards their division. He did not believe she would have gone there but he would need the reassurance that someone he could trust was ensuring that she would not easily slip through any cracks in their division.
He turned back to Ukitate once she was out of sight. "I can't sense her." He knew frustration and worry were coming off him in waves but he had no desire to curb it.
"Neither can we," the tall man fell into step with him as they strolled side by side their long legs eating away the ground, "though you need to stop this," he motioned towards the clouds that were trembling with thunder and lightening, "if were going to have any chance of finding her before the storm breaks."
He frowned and let his hand slide to his sword, his eyes narrowed in concentration before he shook his head. "My anger might have been the spark to ignite it Ukitate, but this one is not mine."
Ukitate sighed, before shading his eyes against he flashes of light and looking up, "Is there any chance you might be able to hold it off?"
Hitsugaya shook his head, "Hyourinmaru does not operate that way. It draws strength from the air, can manipulate it and form storms for attack but when a natural storm like this starts it has to run its course. That is the law of nature. The best I can do is pit my will against it and hope to delay it, but even then there is no guarantee I can hold it off."
"Shunsui believes that we are not able to sense her because right now she does not have any spirit energy, Hitsugaya." Ukitate's words were soft.
Hitsugaya closed his eyes, before nodding. That made sense; Hinamori might have been able to elude them at full strength but not for long and even then not completely from the older souls. If no one was able to find her, it could very well mean she had nothing to give to hide her presence. That also meant that she had to be completely wiped out, with nothing left of her spiritual energy. Physically it would be a marvel that she was moving.
"We will need to let the other captains know to keep a leach on there energy." Thunder rumbled over his head, an anonymous warning for the storm that was coming. His footsteps quickened, they needed to find her. But where would she go?
"Isane is sending out messages as fast as she can find everyone," Ukitate said, "we agreed a public message would destroy our advantage of surprise."
"Does Unohana know how long she has been missing?" he would not wonder why he had not been told immediately.
"No," Ukitate shook his head, "she had already been taken her food for the evening and checked on once. She had an hour window in between check-ups to sneak out and find her way to wherever she was going."
"How did she get out?"
"Another question we wished we had the answer to."
An hour, he could feel the muscles in his stomach clenching. A cold breeze kicked up in warning that the storm was fast approaching. "I will see what I can find," he said as the edges of his captain cloak flared around him and lightning flashed in the distance.
Ukitate nodded. "I will join the hunt as well. There are several places that she used to visit when in thought that I know of. I will start there."
Hitsugaya nodded in return. "Send word if you find her." He did not wait for the older captain to answer before he was moving. He took to the roof tops; he would do as Ukitate was doing. Hinamori had many places and hiding sports in the city and was a well-known genius at finding her way around without getting lost. She had spent so many of her younger years running around after the other trainees that she had discovered all the shortcuts and private places for thought.
It meant that finding her now would be twice as difficult. Even in her current physical condition. He picked up his speed, he had to much ground to cover and not enough time. Each flash of lightening and each bolt of thunder told an ominous story that promised a dramatic ending. He was risking missing her as he moved off the rooftops but it was a risk that he was going to have to take. He had to much ground to cover and not enough time to do so.
He was not sure how many secret places he had discovered in his search for her or how many men and women had seen him flitting back and forth. He had run into Matsumoto once or twice and none of the girls that had spent time with her before the attack had seen her in any their meeting places. She was on none of the rooftops she would watch the stars from, nor was she in any of the gardens that she had hidden in when she had needed time to think.
In short every avenue that might have previously yielded results left him with nothing.
Frustration was fast forming a fuse that was itching to blow. The storm was building in its intensity and promising to be a gully washer of immense proportions. He knew his own anger was fueling the fury of the weather but there was little he could do to stop it. He was using every bit of skill he had ever gained with Hyourinmaru to slow the building of the storm as it was. He had spoken truly to Ukitate, this was not his gift and in the end nature was going to run its course. All he could do was hold and pray he had enough time to find her; that what skill he had gained would be enough.
The wind shifted abruptly and it brought the unmistakable scent of rain and power. He closed his eyes; they had been hunting for the better part of the last hour. If Hinamori was still on her feet, she was going to have worn herself out. He closed his eyes, where was she hiding?
He froze, his eyes searching the horizon. He closed his eyes and frowned. He could still see the expression on her face when she demanded to know why they were keeping her captain from her.
He had misjudged her again.
He was a fool.
He darted back across the rooftops and towards the fifth division. Renji would have been in his office when the alarm had been sounded but he doubted the red headed man would have returned to check there. Hinamori would have gone to the one place she would have expected to find her captain at this hour of the day, where she could have every questioned answered. The last place anyone would have thought to look at past a preliminary check.
But what would she have done when she saw that all of Aizen's personal artifacts had been removed and replaced by someone else's? When she saw the reports and documents that called Renji the captain of the fifth division, a title once held by the man she had held high above all others?
He barely registered the first fat rain drops that were sliding from the clouds and onto the earth or the shouts and warnings from those below him who were now desperately seeking shelter before the storm broke completely. All he could see was Hinamori, the hurt, the pain, anger, and the confusion that had to have met her when she realized that Aizen was no longer there.
That something else had happened that she would no longer remember. The sinking feeling in his stomach told him he was would be too late to save her the realization. Too late, to spare her the pain that could and most likely would crumble her world for a second time.
The door to Renji's rooms was open and he slid under the rooftop just as the rain started streaming down behind him. He pushed the door open softly not wanting to startle her if she remained inside. There was a soft muffled noise in one of the corners and he shifted on his feet in order to better face it. What he saw threatened to break his heart.
Hinamori was curled up in a corner her face buried in one of her arms and her body was shaking; there were stacks of papers surrounding her. He moved across the floor quietly, all the while understanding punching him in the gut. Because Renji had been the one to move Aizen's things, he had been required to keep exact detail of what was done to dispose of his personal artifacts and what had been given to the twelfth division for study. There would also have been a paper giving him captainship over the division and would explain what his duties would be to replace Aizen's once he was found guilty of being a traitor. It would not have taken her long to understand what had happened once she read those papers.
And it didn't take him long to understand her reaction.
During her time in the fourth division she had convinced herself that Aizen was simply unable to come to her. Somewhere deep down there might have been doubt or confusion but she would have pushed those thoughts aside and scolded herself for being unfaithful to her Captain. She was after all, devoted to him and to the world she had pledged herself to.
He moved across the room with soft steps. She did not hear him to caught up in the betrayal that had just rocked the very foundation of her beliefs. Her first glimpse of a Captain had been Aizen; he had rescued her from hollows on her first mission and told her she would make a great death god. Had congratulated her for the smallest accomplishment and treated her with a gentle affection that had done wonders for her confidence and journey through their world. He had been her world, what she had lived for during her time as a Death God, who every little motion and action had been for.
That belief, the knowledge that as long as she did her duties for him, everything would be okay; that he would always be there to lend her his strength, wisdom, and gentle kindness that had endured her to him so strongly, was gone. Shattered by a mad mans dreams of infinite power and domination.
And now she knew. Knew that she had been betrayed so deeply that even the history books would call it such; 'the great betrayal, by the great deceiver.' It was more than just destroying her hope or her faith in their world and her own abilities; he had taken more than just her heart and shattered it. Everything would be lost to her now, every step would remind her of him and every breath would take her to a place that he could not follow. If Aizen had accomplished anything, it was this; either Hinamori would return to him or she would be lost.
But he had long ago learned that the world revolved around your own strength of will, what steps you took, and how badly you wanted something. He would not loose her to this, he settled down next to her, her body shaking so harshly that he was certain that she would shake herself apart. He would not loose her to a mad man's beacon. To his sirens call for more death and destruction.
If she was going to fall, he would catch her.
He pulled her close and arranged her carefully in his lap, certain that anything more than the lightest of touches would shatter her. It was a testament to her grief when she did not seem to register the fact that she had been moved. Her fingers curls into his cloak, her head buried in his shoulder, and she wailed.
It was the cry of despair; of a broken heart and shattered soul. The cry of someone who finally understood the enormity of what they had become and what they had lost.
It broke his heart.
He crooned down at her softly, not entirely sure of what he could do to ease her pain but determined to do something. The women in his division had broken down in front of him more than once and in his own way he had done his best to calm their tears. Either gruff words or questions would do the trick or they were sent to Matsumoto until they were in control of their emotions.
But this was different. This was Hinamori, he would not give her sarcasm and indifference and order her to pull herself together or make her think beyond her own pain; this was the woman he wanted to hold, to cherish, and comfort.
He could not make this pain leave her. To make her understand that it would be all right and that the ache of betrayal would fade and eventually longer threaten to tear her apart. That the failure of not seeing what was right before her would only make her stronger and ensure that it would not happen again, that he would not let happen again. Right now, they would just be words, words that would mean nothing to her.
He had never felt so helpless; so useless. Not even when he had seen her blood running and sightless eyes as Aizen revealed his mater plan, had he felt this.
He tightened his hold when her sobs increased and he was worried that she was going to break her small frame apart, each sob, shudder, and helpless wail that emitted from her throat shattered another piece of him. He had never seen someone so heart sore that their body shook, so upset that they could no longer register where they were or if they were alone, could not feel physical touch. He had never seen a grief so strong that he could feel their pain halfway across the room and it was almost a type of illness.
He never wanted to see such a thing again. It ripped and tore at him with tangled threads of anger and pain so strong he could feel his own emotions stretch and expand until they to threatened to consume him. He relied on Hyourinmaru to contain it, to hold him steady when he no longer had the strength.
It took some time for her to calm and even then he was certain the only reason that her sobs were easing was that she ran out tears to cry. The hand that he had been using to rub her back in slow circles paused and her hands tightened on his cloak. "All right?" he questioned, keeping his voice as low and soothing as he could while fighting his own reaction to her pain.
She looked up and his heart turned over at the sight of her swollen eyes and red nose. He reached up with gentle fingers and brushed the hair that had caught to her cheeks back behind her ears. She hiccupped softly before burying her face back in his shoulder. At her movements he could feel the tears that had soaked through his cloak and robes and he tucked her closer. She sniffled before sighing softly.
He did not know how long they sat there with her face was buried in his shoulder. Every now and then she would hiccup and then burry herself closer, small shudders moving up and down her frame as she tried to control her ragged breathing. She did not move away from his arms or try to hide her grief, instead she leaned on him. Seemingly pulling every ounce of strength from him that she could; he continued his soft mantra of soothing whispers while his fingers ran gently up and down her spin.
He was as grateful to hold her as she seemed to be held.
Eventually he could feel her gathering her thoughts and then finally she shifted slightly, her nose unburying itself from the crook of his shoulder and neck where she had been hiding.
"Why?" her voice was hoarse and rough and he winced for her.
"I don't know," he said. It was important that he was honest with her now. That he tell her what he knew. If he held back, he risked loosing what little trust she still held for him. What little chance he had to hold her to him. "No one really does, we just know the outcome of his actions."
Another hiccup, another heart-wrenching sniff, "Is he dead?" Her voice was whisper soft and he wondered how hard it was for her to ask him that. He knew how hard it was going to be for him to answer it.
"Yes," a fine shudder rain through her body at his words and he wondered if she was going to start crying again. He would not be able to handle that, the glazed over broken expression on her face was cracking the armor he held so closely to himself. Her tears would shatter him.
"How long?"
"Three months, the war lasted almost two years."
More silence as she collected her thoughts. He jerked slightly at her next question. "Why was I in a coma?"
"Hinamori…" he started.
She sat back, pulling away from his reassuring touches and gestures and bit her bottom lip, "I need to know." That raw, hesitant voice did him in.
He closed his eyes against the sight of her pleading face, "right before the start of the war Aizen played us all like chess pieces." How it hurt to bring the memories of his failure to the front of his mind again, to go through the defeat that had cost him more than his pride, but Hinamori. "During that time, before we understood what was going on, you followed me as I tracked down Aizen's supposed killer." He swallowed, the memory of her broken and bleeding body playing across his eyelids, the cruelest of all his memories. "Aizen was waiting for you, and then he stabbed you. If Unohana had not been close you would not be here today." He opened his eyes to look at her, needed to offer what comfort he could; for both of them.
She swallowed hard and he watched as her eyes dimmed further. "And you?" she questioned. "What happened to you?"
He felt his eyes glaze over and her eyes turned pleading at the familiar look. He wanted to spare her this pain and tuck her away from the world to hide her from everything that would cause her distress. But her eyes were not letting him. Not letting him protect her the way he longed to so desperately. They were pleading with him to tell her what he wished to keep hidden. "I found you," he said finally, "I fought Aizen, and I lost."
"He stabbed you to." She said slowly, her eyes filling with understanding and then tears. He wondered if those tears were for him, her, or her captain. He closed his eyes, he was not foolish enough to believe that she would cry for him, even now hidden behind the tears and the pain there was anger and betrayal. And most of that was directed at him.
He jerked, his eyes flashing open, when her fingers suddenly buried into his robes as she pushed them apart. His eyes went wide with surprise when cool fingers brushed against his skin. He opened his mouth to ask her what she was doing when he saw the expression on her face. Her eyes were narrowed and when she looked up at him his mouth slid shut and he forced himself to remain still at the look of determination in her eyes; the silent plea to let her be, to let her see.
He watched as she pushed the side of his robes open further and forced his tensing muscles to relax as his robe slide partially of his shoulder to accommodate her. If Hinamori was willing to overcome her shyness to discover what secret he was keeping from her, than he would let her.
She ran her fingers down one side, before turning to the other to find what she was looking for. Her eyes pooled with more tears and she shook her head even as she ran gentle fingers over the scar that still lingered on his skin. It symbolized his defeat, his weakness and his inability to protect what he had always claimed as his; it was his daily reminder of how he had failed and what one mans greed had cost him. It was a scar that was not born lightly and she turned away from him swallowing hard.
He tucked his robes back together before turning her back towards him. She buried her face back in his shoulder, as he fought past his own confusion and pain as fine tremors shook her body again.
He understood her need to have physical proof, to understand what he been sacrificed. He settled his fingers on the back of her neck and winced at how cold she was. "I need to take you back to Unohana, Hinamori," he said gently. She was going to catch some sort of a cold if he did not get her warm and quickly.
She looked up and he felt his expression softening at the look in eyes, the walls he had been throwing up, shifting to accommodate her. He reached up and gently wiped her fresh tears away. "Don't cry for him Hinamori," he said, "he isn't worth it."
"He was my Captain," she swallowed. "I don't understand," helplessness filled her expression and he could not control his need to pull her close and hold her. She did not fight the way his arms tightened around her; she simply buried her nose in his chest to absorb the warmth and comfort that he was offering.
"I know," he said, understanding the meaning in those words and fighting the urge to tell her again that he was not worth her tears, her pain, or grief.
He glanced outside to give him something else to think of and winced at the rain that was still coming down in torrents. Light flashed in a brilliant streak across the sky and he sighed. Even if he used Shunpo, they were both going to be soaked. He looked down and winced, she was starting to shiver, there was nothing for it; he shifted her off his lap and helped her stand with him. He pulled off his Captains cloak and settled it around her. And he felt his lips twitch at the picture she painted. She didn't notice as she leaned back against him, to physically and emotionally worn to do anything but maintain her balance. Even then she was swaying.
"It will be faster if I carry you," he hesitated, "can you handle Shunpo right now?" She averted her gaze and shrugged.
"I don't know." Her voice was whisper soft.
"Give me some sort of a signal if it's to much a strain for you," he told her softly and she nodded.
He bent and placed one arm under her knees and the other to support her back before standing swinging her up as gently into his arms as he could manage. Her head moved to rest on his shoulder and he closed his eyes content too simply hold her. And yet holding her like this he was fully aware of how tiny she had become and how light her body was. He fought down the fierce protectiveness that was trying to rear its head. He needed to get her warm, first and foremost.
He stepped up to Renji's door and peeked out, there was no sign of anyone so he would have to send out messages that he had found her once they got back to the fourth division but he would deal with that later. He tucked Hinamori closer and made sure that his cloak was covering as much of her as possible before setting off.
Even when using the quick steps that they were all taught during their training, the rain made short work of their robes. Hinamori was better protected than he was but he could feel the fine shivers that were racing through her body every few seconds. By the time, they reached the fourth division her teeth were shattering. He had done his best to shield her but he could not offer her the same protection that his ice prone system was accustomed to.
"You found her!" a small girl said running forward. She did what he assumed was a quick diagnostic before nodding and motioning for him to follow, "we need to get her warm."
She led them to one of the back rooms where they had what appeared to be a warm bath waiting on them. She motioned to a bench next to the sunken tub. "If you will set Hinamori there, Captain we will take it from there." There were two female healers waiting to assist the small healer and he nodded, before settling his precious cargo on the bench. She clutched at his robes her expression panicked and he offered her a slight smile.
"I will be here when they are done with you," he told her gently. That seemed to ease whatever was bothering her and her grip relaxed.
"We have a change of robes for you, Captain Hitsugaya," Hanatarou said, "if you will follow me I can show you where you can change." At his nod, the small healer led him through the hall and to a small changing room where a set of dry robes and a hakema were waiting for him to change into. There was also a small bit of toweling and he made quick work of the water on his body and changed into the dry clothes. A quick run of the toweling in his hair and he was as dry as he was going to get.
He was thankful for the dry clothes; the squishing noise his clothing had been making annoyed him.
Unohana was waiting for him when he emerged from the changing room, and he moved out the way of the attendant slipping in behind him to take his wet things and get them dried.
"Where did you find her?" she questioned as she lead him across the rooms and towards her office.
"In Renji's office," he said, as she shut the door behind them, "she found the papers that he keeps put up on his requirements for Aizen's things. And why he had been given the rank of captain."
Unohana winced sympathetically, before handing him a cup of tea and sitting down with her own. "I sent a message out saying that we had found Hinamori," she told him, "though most of the searchers were forced to call it quits once the storm hit in force."
"I would have sent out my own but I was dealing with the aftermath of her finding that information." The tea was warm and hot and he felt the muscles that were still tense from forcing his own volatile emotions in check start to ease.
Unohana nodded, "I do not think the fourth division should handle this," she said slowly.
"What do you mean?"
"She doesn't trust us, Hitsugaya. She trusts us not to harm her, but she doesn't trust us to give her what she needs to figure this out."
Hitsugaya shook his head, "She doesn't know how to trust herself and because of that she doesn't trust anyone right now, Unohana."
Unohana smiled, "she trusts you."
He shook his head a bitter half smile twisting his lips. "No she doesn't."
"I think she trusts you more than either of you realize." He quirked a brow at her and schooled his features into a neutral expression, she sent him a disgruntled expression. "She doesn't trust anything that she discovered in this world but you where there before she was a death god. If anything, she will turn to you because she does not know where else to turn. You need to be prepared for that."
He forced himself to remain still. He was not prepared for this, emotionally he was raw from the day's earlier outburst with Hinamori and then tonight seeing her grief and knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent the pain. He was at an impasse and he was not certain that he had the resources needed to understand what was going on.
He was drained.
He looked at Unohana and shook his head, "and what do you suggest I do once she wakes?"
She nodded, "Zaraki had an idea that might help."
His lips twisted in weary amusement. In order for Kenpachi to make any sort of suggestion meant that the two captains had spent some time together. As highly unlikely as that seemed, "And that was?" he would not smirk in amusement at the idea of the rowdy captain offering any sort of emotional or helpful advice that didn't involve the fastest was to disembody someone.
"She is a vice-captain and it would do her good if we put her back in her comfort zone."
Both his brows shot up as he watched the woman to exhausted to try to figure out what she had just said to him. "You want me to make Hinamori my vice-captain?" He finally questioned.
She shook her head, "no the stress of being a vice-captain on both her mental and physical state right now would be devastating. What I am saying is that she needs something to engage her mind and help ease her back into this world."
"She known nothing about your division but she is in your division now Hitsugaya, you need to bring her into it. Have her assist Matsumoto with paperwork, discuss inner division politics with her; give her small projects to start bringing her back into our world. Leaving her locked up in the fourth division is obviously causing her stress that she does not need right now."
She leaned forward, "Do you have any rooms that you can prepare for her in an upper division seat? I would not suggest leaving her alone right now but having a place she can escape to would do far more for her mentally than anything else we can offer her here."
He leaned back in his chair as he mulled over her words, he sighed. Hinamori needed something as an outlet. "If Matsumoto will agree to it her rooms are large enough for the two of them to be comfortable together until Hinamori is able to live on her own. And I have a set of rooms next to Matsumoto that used to belong to my third seat but he was killed in the war and as of yet we have not replaced him. Will that do for you?"
Unohana nodded, "I will need to see her two or three times a week for check up and I will draw up a menu for you on things she can eat and when to start increasing the amounts of food that she is able to intake. It will be important for her to follow the diet or she could do her body more damage"
He nodded, "we can take care of her physically." 'I just hope this idea works.' He stood, "I told Hinamori that I would be there when your people where done with her." She stood with him and nodded.
"When will you be prepared for her?"
"If Matsumoto is willing, tomorrow afternoon."
"Good, I will see you then."
They had her tucked back into her when he managed to get back to her. He took a quick stock of the room, his captain's cloak was tossed over one of the chairs and a small lantern was lit on the dresser next to the bed. There was also a cup of something on the dresser and by the sleepy expression on her face he figured she would be out before to long.
"They dried your cloak," she said her words soft.
He nodded, and settled in the chair next to her bed. "I will have to thank Isane."
She nodded, "they said I would be fine," her words were gentle slurring and he couldn't stop the slight twitch that was forming at the corners of his mouth. The sedative was working fast and it was all she could do to stay awake.
"I will be back to see you tomorrow afternoon, maybe earlier depending on what I have to do in the morning."
She nodded, "all right."
He reached forward and tucked the covers around her small frame and she sighed. "I can't keep my eyes open," she murmured.
"Then go to sleep," he said just as softly, watching as her eyes slide shut and opened slowly. She did that several times before making a soft noise in the back of her throat and her eyes remained shut. It was not long before her breathing evened out and she was asleep.
He leaned back in the chair and let himself relax in the dim light of the room. It would be a while before he would be able to make the trek back to his own rooms without the threat of being soaked to the skin again. He reached forward with gentle fingers and pushed a lock of hair away from her face.
The battle for Hinamori had just begun. They were on an even playing field now. She knew the truth but whether she would accept it or not would determine the course of action that would need to be taken in the future to ensure that she remained with them. That she was given the time she needed to heal. Tomorrow he would need to talk to Matsumoto and prepare his division for her arrival but that was a job for in the morning. He reached over and borrowed a pillow from her bed and placed it behind his head as he settled in for the night.
Her breathing was a smooth cadence to his raw nerves and felt his own weariness start to ease back into his awareness. Tomorrow he would deal with the repercussions; tonight he would stay and guard her while she slept.
He would not loose her again.