AN: we never found out anything about Loren's past or private life (except for Sergei and the jerk from Answered prayers) on the show, so I'm taking quite a liberty in making it up.

One of the things I dislike JAG's PTBs for, when it comes to Loren, is their utter failure at writing her as a real, genuine, believable person, giving her a personality (apart from the greedy one we occasionally saw) and a past. They didn't even try to give her a complex personality, they were fully satisfied with what little of that pretty simple one she had. Real disgrace, since Loren had the best potential for personal development of everyone on the show (besides the two leads). They didn't even get off their lazy butts once to make her into a real person, she was just a tool, that was occasionally taken out of the shed and used for their own purposes. Loren was their whipping boy. It seems that in every show there is a character on which the writers and/or producers live out their sadistic sides. In JAG was Loren, in Voyager was Harry,... Not only did they do that to her they also wrote her with the express intent of making fans hate her. Which is one of the things I can't forgive nor forget them for.

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Loren saw it in his eyes the second he realised what she herself had known since she'd met him.

She saw herself in him, she had realised he had lost someone he loved also.

It was 7 years ago for her.

The man she had loved had died in a car crash. How she herself had survived she would never know. But she did. And he didn't.

It had taken her a few years before she had been able to give her heart away again. Only to be broken again. But not by death this time. But by a sorry excuse for a man who had decided that one woman wasn't enough and tried to play two fields at the same time.

She was hurt and betrayed.

That was the day that she had decided not to let any man near her heart again. It had taken her years before she had managed to perfect her Ice Queen persona, to make it believable enough to keep away everyone else.

It made for a safe life, but it also made for a terribly lonely life.

And then she met Commander Harmon Rabb.

She saw in him the same steel-like control of his emotions that she herself had. She didn't know his story, but she knew it wasn't a happy one.

She had managed not to let anything on.

Until today.

When she came into his office and found him proposing to thin air.

She knew she shouldn't have done it, that she was playing a dangerous game, gambling with her heart, but she did it nonetheless.

Perhaps she was tired of hiding behind her mask, not letting anyone know her true self.

Perhaps she was lonely, after having been alone for so long, longing to feel a man's loving touch on her body, Harm's loving touch, making lazy love to him in the mornings, passionate in the evenings when they would come home after a long day at work, spending some evenings just curled up with each other in front of a TV, rushing home during the lunch hour to try to make a baby because it was the right time and she was ovulating, or just have quiet breakfasts together in the mornings,...

Perhaps it was her biological clock ticking, the alarm blaring, telling her that she would have to finally do something if she wanted to have children while she still could. Her soulmate's children. Harm's children.

Perhaps it was all of the reasons combined, perphaps it was none of these reasons.

Either way, she was tired of it all and was willing to risk it.

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She had definitely not anticipated the effect their kiss would have on her. She had never felt anything like that before. Somehow she knew just how he liked to be kissed, what would make him go along with it.

The events that transpired from there on were like the biggest ride in the park.

Then suddenly they were interrupted by the Admiral, given his blessing, their co-workers' reactions, the scene with Renee,...

She was emotionally exhausted, but she knew the discussion wasn't over yet.

When Harm told her it was all just a misunderstanding she thought she could hear her heart breaking again. But she knew he didn't have all the data, didn't know just how similar they were, just how much they could understand each other, what kind of soulmates they are, because she still hadn't dropped the Ice Queen mask. She knew that for either of them there could only be each other, they wouldn't find anyone else in their entire life who would understand them as the other could.

They were a couple, chosen by destiny, destined by the fates, a couple by default.

Trying to find someone else, when they'd already found their perfect other in each other, wasting time, getting their hearts broken again by other people, all in vain... would've been stupid since they had already found their perfect match.

Dating would also be a waste of time for them, they were perfect for each other and getting married right away was the only logical, sensible thing to do. The dating, a process meant for the sole purpose of seeing if your significant other is the right one for you, was unnecessary in this situation, because there would be no-one better nor more right for either one of them. She just had to make him see that and dropping the Ice Queen facade, to let him see the true Loren Singer, would guarantee that.

She told him it didn't matter if he didn't love her (they were soulmates and she knew love would definitely come as soon as they both let themselves love each other, but didn't tell him), told him that they were still getting married. When he questioned her incredulous as to why she wanted a love-less marriage, to marry him, she had almost laughed. Didn't he know what a great guy he was? How every sane woman wanted him? That, even if he didn't love her, he would still give her more consideration, respect and affection than any other man, but one, had ever given her and would give her in her life? She continued on, babbling something about being married to him helping her career, which was true, but wasn't important to her when it came to him.

Then came the moment she had feared for years, but now felt nothing but calm and determination. It was time to say goodbye to fear and pretending. It was time to drop the mask.

So, for the first time in years, she let it drop.

The few seconds it took before Harm realised just who's eyes he was looking into, who was in them, what the real Loren Singer was like and how alike she and he were, were the longest few seconds of her entire life.

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