Misunderstood
Inuyasha could scoff at their misunderstanding, if the truth wasn't so d- romantic…
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I can't believe I actually wrote this as my entrance into the Inu world, but lately I've had a lot of free time and been watching a lot of Inuyasha, especially the early episodes. A friend gave me the complete fan-subbed anime series and I'm presently taking Japanese and using it as a study tool big smile. And thus, this came out – despite my other older ideas swishing around in my brain. 'Course, more will be coming hopefully, now that the dam has been breached… Not sure if I might add another one-shot to this…
This isn't set in any particular point in the canon – only references to anime episodes pre-Kikyo and the point where Kagome contemplates not returning to the Sengoku Jidai. Is this pre-Kikyo's disappearance at the hands of Naraku? shrug
Disclaimer: the drill.
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They didn't understand.
Inuyasha grit his teeth, but for once, refused to comment on the hardly quiet discussion going on below him, once again conjecturing on his dealings with Kikyo.
Kagome was silent, sitting away from the conversation and Inuyasha had only to close his eyes to see the withdrawn, hurt but resolute expression on her face. He'd seen it before on these occasions.
She didn't understand either and it made it all so much worse, because Kikyo knew.
Kikyo had known from their very first interaction after being resurrected.
"Is she more important to you?"
His ears flicked as the bozu, Sango, and Shippou got to the inevitable pause in their discussion, over whom would he protect. They didn't want to voice their doubts and he snarled at nothing.
Bakas.
That decision had been made long ago, but not so long ago as they or Kagome assumed.
He and Kikyo had cared for each other, an unspoken and undeveloped love. They had even assumed an informal partnership against youkai – but it had ever been one of peers, combining forces to defeat threats.
He had never vowed to protect her, not like he had to Kagome.
Neither he nor Kikyo had ever willingly revealed their weaknesses to each other, to ever be in such a dependent state as to admit need for protection, let alone accept it.
Proud, wary, unyielding.
That hadn't changed.
Kagome, on the other hand, with her poor aim, fickle holy powers, insane determination to stay with him even in the face of danger – that inexplicable trust in him – she practically demanded protection from every human, youkai, and male instinct that he had in his whole body. And when he made that promise to her, he meant it, despite any blustering he made afterward.
It certainly hadn't helped that she nearly got herself killed at every turn – Mistress Centipede, the Carrion Crow, Yura of the Hair, his b brother, the Frog Lord, the Thunder Brothers, the Nou-men, the evil spirit girl.
He closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree trunk.
The others lamented over Kagome's unrequited feelings for him – he had to bite back a 'Keh!'
He'd gotten far more attached quicker than she did.
Almost from the moment she released him from the Goshinboku, he's found himself fighting with her or for her or simply marveling at how she simply cared so d much. Offering his haori on his very first trip to her world, freaking out in his father's stomach the very first time he thought she'd died, letting her convince him to allow that kitsune brat come with them. And for all her beliefs that it was the image of Kikyo stamped on her or her Shikon sight that led to the preoccupation, he knew it was simply her. Ka-Go-Me.
And Kikyo, oh Kikyo had figured it out very quickly.
"Is she more important to you?"
Receiving Kikyo's unprecedented hug, unable to keep from the comparison with the two he'd shared with Kagome. Hearing Kagome's voice, leaping to her side and freeing her from her bonds – Kikyo had become the background.
And she had known then that he would never be able to resign himself to being dragged to hell or death or her vengeance. Not as long as there was still Kagome to protect.
Live Kagome.
It took him longer to figure out.
He had wanted, still wanted d it, to protect Kikyo. And then he had realized it as well – tried to reconcile himself with Kagome staying away, to perhaps reverse his decision – but he didn't have the heart to send her away when she returned.
She thought she'd returned with his pledge of protection of Kikyo overriding her own. Instead, he'd had to accept that Kagome would remain his true object of loyalty.
It wasn't like Kikyo would even let him protect her anyway – laughing in his face, mocking his devotion and promises, pulling a knife on him, forming her own plans of how to deal with Naraku, ones that excluded him.
But there was still guilt of course, another thing they misunderstood. He'd long come to uneasy terms with the fact that both of their mistrust had led to Kikyo's death, but he couldn't absolve himself of the fact he'd chosen Kagome so quickly after that, so easily – in Kikyo's mind, if not in his or Kagome's.
He could not absolve himself of the fact he'd started falling – becoming more attached, further and faster, with Kagome when Kikyo's death had barely been a concrete reality in his mind. Kagome who yelled at him, 'oswari'-ed him, fought with him yet sought him out, shared with him, gave to him without expectation, treated his wounds, stayed by his side in danger or peace, cried for him…
And Kikyo knew.
It was why she didn't dare make a move against Kagome in his presence or even contemplate joining their group – because she knew he had made his choice already. If it came down to it, it wasn't her.
But he was loathe to raise his claws against her, striking her as Naraku had before in his image or let that b- do it instead –
And so he wavered.
And so Miroku, Sango, and Shippou murmured over his double-mindedness when he knew there was no such thing.
There was only love – d- it, attachment! and guilt and neither he nor Kikyo could bear the fact that Kagome had claimed nearly all of the former and only a sliver of the latter. But guilt bound his lips and he could not confess to the one it would mean the most to.
And so he sat, as the others went on, not understanding.