YAY! The line works again! Oh, and yay for updating! Sorry it took so long everyone, but look on the bright side! This chapter's WAY longer than my others! I'm very proud of this one.
Time seems to be getting shorter, especially when you have homework on every weekend. (WHO DOES THAT, ANYWAY?) But I've managed...barely. You all know that updating is harder, but I'd hate to not finish something as fun to write as this! I'm not sure when the madness will end, but I need to think up an awesome ending! (Yeah folks. I'm making it up as I go.) But it's fine.
Anyway, this chappie is REALLY OOC and REALLY random, but you guys like that, right? ON WITH THE STORY! YAY!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
There was silence.
Lee dropped to his knees and shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" in a Darth Vader-y kind of way.
Tenten laughed a little nervously. "I'm sorry, I thought y-you said that you wanted a k-kiss…from me…"
"I did," Neji said with soft eyes. "I love you, Tenten."
Tenten turned red. "Neji!" She slapped him.
Neji felt the red mark on his face and looked confused. "…Ow?"
Tenten was very angry. She cursed her bad luck. She cursed Neji for being so weak because of the bug. She cursed the bug. And she cursed the world. She cursed everything…including herself because she kind of wanted to have a first kiss with Neji.
"Tenten, you'll have to do it," Shikamaru said. "For the good of the world."
"But…" Tenten looked from Neji who looked like a child with big eyes waiting for his treat and to Lee who was a nervous wreck on the floor with BIGGER eyes that were ready to sprout tears. "Uh…" Then back at Kiba and Naruto. They were under the spell too, and she couldn't imagine how bad it would be to love someone you just didn't like. Shino and Hinata were obviously not having a very good time either. Well, at least Hinata. Nobody could really tell with Shino but it's pretty safe to guess that he wasn't enjoying Naruto's affection. "Oh…fine…"
Neji uncharacteristically punched the air shouting, "YES!" But of course, every boy can't help but do that when they're about to have their first kiss.
Tenten closed her eyes and waited for impact. How do I do this…?
Neji leaned forward.
"W-What...what happened?" came Hinata's faint voice.
"Hinata!" Tenten exclaimed, running over to her and Kiba. "You're awake!"
Neji, who was in the midst of leaning forward leaned to far. When he heard Tenten's voice and then footsteps going away from him, he opened his eyes. "Wha—argh!" He fell flat on his face.
Lee cheered. "Yosh!"
Neji got up and brushed himself off, red in the face. Red because of the pain of falling on his face and red because he was incredibly angry…at Lee.
"Hinata, please don't collapse again. We need you to find the bugs, and I don't want to kiss Neji!" Tenten exclaimed.
"Kiss…Neji," Hinata whispered with an even more shocked look on her face.
"DON'T FAINT!" Tenten shrieked.
Hinata gasped and cowered. "A-All right…"
Tenten sighed in relief.
Neji pouted.
Lee punched the air.
"Byakugan!" Hinata said, activating her bloodline limit. She looked around. "Um…how many did you say there was?"
"Two. Why?" Shino said.
"I-I…think there's a problem…"
"Problem?" Shikamaru groaned. "That's troublesome. What is it?"
"W-Well…" Hinata stuttered. "It seems as though…there are more than two Aimushi in the village…right now I can only see about…thirty…but—"
"Thirty!" Tenten exclaimed, clenching her head. "Argh! This is too much!"
"The female and male must have had...an affair. It is mating season," Shino said thoughtfully.
"But that's impossible!" Naruto exclaimed. "Didn't Sakura-cha—I mean, Sakura have the female one?"
LOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUG
"This is hopeless! We can't find Naruto!" Ino cried. "We lost them again!"
"One little bug can cause so much trouble…" Sakura sighed. Then she gasped. "Argh! The bug! What happened to the bug!" She felt around in her pockets and found nothing.
"Way to lose the bug, Miss Forehead."
"Shut up, Ino-pig."
LOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUGLOVEBUG
"What'rewegonnadowhat'rewegonnadowhat'rewegonnado?" Naruto screamed hopelessly.
"Shut up already!" Tenten shouted exasperatedly.
Neji Gentle-fisted Naruto against a tree. "You're disturbing Tenten."
"Aw…" Lee said, lowering his fist. "I was about to do that…"
"Too slow."
"Do you want to race me?" Lee demanded.
"Stop!" Tenten ordered. "If you guys are gonna act like idiots over this whole Aimushi episode, listen to what I say! Now don't talk!"
The two boys nodded timidly.
"Good!" Tenten said. "Now I think we're getting somewhere."
"But there's still the problem with the bugs," Shikamaru said.
"We've just gotta catch 'em all!" Naruto declared.
Everyone shivered as they thought of Pokemon.
"And how do you think you're gonna do that?" Kiba asked doubtfully.
"Okay, I've got it," Naruto said. "We get a really big net…"
"Like that's gonna work, Naruto," Tenten said.
"It will!" Naruto insisted.
"It won't," Shikamaru said indifferently.
"Don't you think it'll work, Shino?" Naruto asked hopefully.
"No."
"Oh look!" came a voice. "There's everyone!"
Ino had dragged Sakura over towards the massive group. "Guys! Sakura lost the Aimushi…again!"
"I did not!" Sakura shouted.
"Sakura, why did you do that?" Naruto sighed.
"Oh…Naruto, when I get my hands on you--!" Sakura groped around for Naruto's head to smash but she was at a disadvantage.
"Did he just call you…not Sakura-chan?" Ino asked, confused.
"Don't ask," Shikamaru said. "It's troublesome to answer."
"I won't," Ino said.
"What's happened?" Sakura asked.
"Long story short: there are tons of lovebugs crawling around the village in random places and we don't know what to do about it," Tenten explained. "And a few of us are infatuated with other people."
"Like who?" Ino asked.
"Naruto's infatuated with Shino, Neji and Lee are infatuated with me, and Kiba's infatuated with Hinata."
Ino stared at Tenten and Sakura stared at where she thought Tenten was.
"I'm sorry. You lost me after 'Naruto's infatuated with Shino'," Sakura said.
"So there are millions of bugs…around Konoha…making people fall in love with each other…" Ino said thoughtfully. "What're we supposed to do about it?"
"Shino," Shikamaru said. "What do the bugs like to eat?"
"Anything sweet," Shino said. "You have a plan?"
"I do," Shikamaru nodded.
A few minutes later…
Knock. Knock.
Chouji opened his front door and saw people. "Oh, hey Shikamaru, Ino! And…everybody else…except Sasuke! What're you all doing here?"
"Chouji, we need your help," Shikamaru said.
"My help?" Chouji repeated, confused.
"Yeah," Shikamaru said. "How many sweet foods do you have?"
Chouji laughed. "Is that a trick question?"
Another few minutes later…
"Okay, here's the plan," Shikamaru said. "We lay all these sweet foods out in a select destination that will draw the Aimushi out to where the food is. Once they're all in one place, we'll be able to catch them."
"Yeah, how?" Naruto asked. "Do you have a big jar or something?"
"No. Just leave the rest to me," Shikamaru said. "Let's just get this over with. Today."
Deep in the forest, two figures in black and red cloaks loomed.
"Are you sure you want to do this now, Itachi?"
"Of course. What better time to do it? My brother will be very surprised to see me, I'm sure. Besides…he has something of mine…"
In the blink of an eye, the two disappeared, heading towards the unsuspecting village of Konohagakure.
"B-B-B-But Shikamaru!" Chouji wailed. "I-I-I need those! How could you do this to m-me?"
"Sorry Chouji," Shikamaru said. "But sacrifices are made in this cruel, troublesome world."
Chouji sniffed loudly. "All right…" Then he clenched his fist and fire burned in his passionate eyes. "I will be strong!"
"That is the spirit!" Lee cheered.
"Sh! There's a reason why we're hiding!" Ino hissed.
"Where?" Sakura asked, for she was still blindfolded.
Ino, Sakura, Tenten, Neji, and Lee were waiting for the Aimushi to show up in the trees. Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Chouji were on the ground. Shino had…
"A gigantic jar. I knew they would have one somewhere in this crazy village of ours!" Naruto laughed.
"I still don't believe it," Shino sighed.
"Oh Shino!" Naruto said tearfully.
"Don't touch me."
"Be quiet," Shikamaru said. "I hear something."
The Konoha nin heard munching sounds.
Shikamaru quickly made a hand seal. "Kagemane no Jutsu."
His shadow extended from behind the bush and grabbed something. "I've got something." The group peeked over the bush and Shikamaru groaned. "Oops."
"I told you not to never touch suspicious food in the deep depths of the woods," Itachi said, annoyed.
"Well!" Kisame said. "I was hungry!" It seemed as though he was in the midst of reaching for the sweets on the ground when Shikamaru's shadow had stopped him.
"Then you should've eaten when we stopped by the sushi place," Itachi said.
"Do you know what sushi is made of?" Kisame said.
"Fish?" Itachi said.
Kisame gasped. He would've clutched his heart in terror, but Shikamaru's jutsu prevented that. "YES!"
"Big deal," Itachi said. "I suggest we do something of more significance. Like find out who trapped us with the Kagemane no Jutsu. And besides, I thought sharks ate fish." He looked around in search of a shadow.
"How dare you say that!" Kisame exclaimed. "Fish are friends, not food."
In the trees...
"Aw man…" Ino whispered.
"What?" Sakura asked.
"Shikamaru got someone else," Tenten explained. "He got Itachi. And Kisame."
"Why are you looking at Itachi like that, Tenten?" Lee asked worriedly.
"Looking at Itachi like what?" Tenten said, confused.
"Stop looking at people like that!" Neji exclaimed, shielding Tenten's eyes.
"Hey!"
"Be quiet! Stop!" Ino hissed, letting go of Sakura and pushing Neji and Lee away from Tenten.
"Whoa! Whoa! Ino! Ino!" Sakura screamed.
"Sakura!" Ino grabbed onto Sakura's hair.
"OWWWIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Sakura screamed. "Let go! Let go! Let go!"
"Sorry!" Ino apologized as she let go.
"Argh! Don't let go! Don't let go! Don't let GO!" Sakura shrieked.
"Oh!" Ino desperately grabbed for something. She grabbed the back of the blindfold, loosening it.
Sakura fell flat on her face in front of Itachi and Kisame who had question marks above their heads. They were wondering what all that noise was about, but now they knew.
"Who the heck are you?" Itachi said.
"Uh…huh?" Sakura groaned as she held her head and looked up. Her pupils turned small and she screamed. "AIEEEEEEAIEEEEEEAAAAAH!"
Shikamaru put a finger in his ear. "Why a girls…so loud?"
"Shouldn't we…shouldn't we help her?" Chouji asked.
"I'm already using up my chakra just standing here, what more do you want?" Shikamaru asked.
"Oh. Right."
"Then what are we gonna do?" Naruto asked. "Our plan's completely ruined!"
"What we need is for someone to go out there and do something," Shino said.
Chouji and Naruto looked at each other.
Before Itachi and Kisame could attempt to kill Sakura while under the Kagemane no Jutsu, Shino stumbled out into the open.
"Forgive me!" Naruto cried.
"I'll get Sasuke!" Chouji declared quietly so only Naruto and Shikamaru could hear them.
"Quick," Shikamaru said. "My…chakra is hurting."
"That's a really lame excuse, Shikamaru," Naruto said.
"Who's there?" Kisame demanded, for he and Itachi were standing with their backs to Shino.
Shino cleared his throat and put his hand over his mouth. "Itachi! I will kill you, you worthless scum!" he said. His voice sounded exactly like Sasuke's.
Everyone's eyes widened. Except for Sakura's. Sakura's eyes were in the shape of big, fluffy, pink hearts.
"Oh…Itachi-kun, you're even hotter than Sasuke!" Sakura giggled, getting up and brushing herself off.
Itachi looked at her in horror. He had this expression on his face that was like: WTF.
"Didn't you hear me?" Shino/Sasuke demanded. "Fight me!"
"Uh…" Itachi said, eyeing Sakura.
"W-We just came here to retrieve Itachi's—"
"AHA!" Sasuke jumped into view. "Ino! Where are you? What danger are you in?" He ran past Itachi and Kisame while looking around.
Ino slapped her forehead.
"Ino, you have to get him to fight Itachi!" Tenten urged.
"And die? No way!" Ino exclaimed.
"But he's under the Kagemane no Jutsu! Do it quick before Shikamaru runs out of chakra!"
"Oh…right!" Ino exclaimed. She cupped her hands around her mouth. "Sasuke-kun! Help me! Itachi and Kisame have trapped me!"
"Ino?" Sasuke looked up. "Ino!"
Then he turned around with fiery eyes to face Itachi and Kisame. "YOU TWO!"
Itachi and Kisame gulped.
Sakura giggled. "Itachi-kun, you look so cute when you're nervous!"
"Neji! Lee! You two should go help Sasuke before he goes crazy!" Tenten ordered.
"Yes, Tenten!" Neji and Lee shouted, saluting her and jumping down.
"Oh…crap…" Itachi said.
"We're gonna die! And all we did was come back to get your—" Kisame wept.
"Itachi-kun? Die? Not on my watch!" Sakura shouted, jumping up and shielding Itachi with her arms. "Don't touch my Itachi-kun!"
"Move it, Sakura!" the boys commanded.
"NEVER!" Sakura declared.
"I've never liked you, Sakura!" Sasuke shouted dramatically as he pointed a finger at her. "And if I have to get through you to protect my beloved, I will!"
"Me too!" Neji and Lee said.
"Ino is the prettiest girl in the world! Above that she's kind, and a great ninja, and…" Sasuke turned into a freakishly happy chibi and started counting off the best things about Ino, some of them not even being true. "...And that's why I have to protect her!"
"Is this what my little brother has resorted to in the past time I've been gone?" Itachi wondered.
"Let's just get this started!" Lee exclaimed, extremely pumped. "I'm sorry, Sakura, but I will have to run you over!"
Sakura squeaked.
"No, I want to do this myself!" Sasuke stated as he held his arms out in front of Neji and Lee.
"Can we please move it along, I'm running out of chakra!" Shikamaru complained.
"What?" Neji said. "You can't possibly do this yourself. We all heard what happens when you challenge your brother."
"I know," Sasuke said as a vein throbbed in his forehead. "But just a few days ago, I discovered…A WEAKNESS!"
Everyone gasped.
Itachi chuckled. "You think I have a weakness?"
"Oh, I don't think. I know," Sasuke said. He pulled something from his back and waved it in Itachi's face. It was…! A teddy bear.
"Mr. Teddy!" Itachi gasped.
Mr. Teddy was a bear with a black shirt, complete with the Uchiha fan on the back. It even had Sharingan eyes to match.
"Bwahahaha!" Sasuke cackled. "Bow down to me, brother! I have defeated you!"
"Itachi-kun, no!" Sakura cried.
"Okay, one, you haven't defeated me yet. And two, I wouldn't bow down even if your little friend here was holding me by my shadow," Itachi said simply.
"Shikamaru!" Sasuke shouted. "You ruined my plan! Some genius you are!"
Shikamaru stared at him. "…No," was all he could muster.
"Give Mr. Teddy back!" Itachi ordered. "Or I'll kill you all!"
"You can't do that," Lee said. "Shikamaru has you in a shadow bind."
"Yes, but he's running out of chakra soon," Itachi said.
"Oh. Right," said everyone.
"I still have to defeat you!" Sasuke exclaimed. He jumped into the air and spat fire at Itachi. "Katon! Goukakyuu no Jutsu!"
Fire rained everywhere…except on Itachi and Kisame.
"Blast it, I missed…" Sasuke muttered.
"Oh please, that never works," Itachi said.
"It works eighty percent of the time!" Sasuke said back.
"I'm getting tired of this," Tenten said as she jumped down from the tree.
"What're you doing, Tenten?" Ino asked.
"Ending this thing once and for all!" Tenten said. She grabbed Mr. Teddy out of Sasuke's hands.
"Hey! I need that!" Sasuke said.
"Be quiet, Sasuke," Tenten said. She held up Mr. Teddy in front of Itachi's face. "You want this?"
"Yes," Itachi said.
Then she flung Mr. Teddy as far as she could which is saying something since she flings weapons all the time and all. "Well go get it!"
Shikamaru's shadow receded and Itachi and Kisame ran off after the bear.
"We're coming Mr. Teddy!" Itachi and Kisame hollered in the distance.
"No! They got away!" Sasuke cried. He turned to Tenten. "You! You let them get away!"
"Well you're too delirious to fight him anyway!" Tenten pointed out.
"But you lost my secret weapon!"
"Cry me a river, I just want this day to end!"
"I wouldn't hit a girl, but you're coming awfully close to my burning point!" Sasuke warned.
"Hey!" Neji and Lee shouted, jumping in front of Sasuke. "You have to answer to me before you hurt my Tenten! Your Tenten? MY TENTEN!"
The love struck boys start having a little slappy-fight while the others tried to think up another way of getting to the Aimushi.
"Believe it or not, Kisame ate all the food…" Shikamaru sighed. "Great. Just great."
"I have an idea!" Naruto announced.
Everyone waited for him to talk.
"Okay, we just take this giant can of bug spray…"
"ENOUGH WITH THAT!" Sakura and Ino screamed, knocking Naruto on the head.
"I don't have time for this!" Sakura declared. "I must find my dear Itachi-kun!"
"He's gone, too bad!" Ino said. "We've got more important things!"
"More important than love?" Sakura gasped, clutching her heart.
"Yes!" Ino exclaimed. "Usually I would think that nothing is more important, but today I'll make an exception because I'm getting awfully annoyed right now!"
"YEAH!" cheered everyone else.
Hehe...betcha didn't see THAT coming either. I just had to put in Itachi and Kisame, even though I made them like...really stupid...who knows, Kisame might as well be stupid. And we couldn't just leave Chouji out of the fun! Anywho, I'll try to update REAL soon. And BTW, Shinobis Choice Awards and Konoha Middle School are on their way!
-TTF