Nocturnal Dementia

VII: The Return

The drive was usually less than ten minutes by car, but for some reason the drive this time felt like it was ten hours long.

Johnny drove silently down the dirt path through the forest. The only light occupying the area were from the headlights on Johnny's car. As Johnny drove on and on, the jumpy feeling in his stomach grew more and more intense.

He felt as if he was going on a date with Devi again. He felt as if he was driving down to the bookstore to pick her up after her shift so they could go to the movies afterwards. He felt sane as he drove down the path. He felt…human.

"Attempting to make another shot on Devi, Johnny?"

Johnny slammed on the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt. He lunged forward from the impact and he almost hit his head on the steering wheel.

"W-who said that?" Johnny asked shakily, his eyes shifting around the car to see if there was anybody sitting in it besides him.

"I'm right beside you, Johnny C."

Johnny stared at the passenger's seat for a few seconds, only to see that there wasn't anyone sitting in it.

"Look a little further down." The voice guided him. Johnny did as he was told, and he gasped at what he found.

Stuck to the seat by a nail driven through its chest, was Nailbunny.

--

It was nighttime, and the city looked beautiful from the view.

Devi leaned back against the dead tree, her black and purple scarf whipping against the wind. She had her hands dug deep in the pockets of her grey woolen pea coat. Her collar was up to prevent the wind from skimming her cheeks. Her green eyes stared placidly down at the city.

It's so pretty when you're looking down on it.

This whole placed seemed oddly familiar to her. It was so familiar that it was starting to creep her out. The hill, the stars, the view…

Hold on just a second.

The painting. She was painting this view this entire time.

She stepped away from the tree and looked up at it. It was like the one she painted. She looked at the hill she was standing on. It was the same one she painted. She cast her gaze up at the sky. It was clear and dotted with hundreds of twinkling stars, like a thousand crystal chandeliers hanging from a deep indigo ceiling. The moon was round and full and it seemed to be overlooking on the stars as they continued twinkling throughout the night.

Panic rushed through her. This was the view. This was the image she's been trying so hard to remember. Why couldn't she see it? Why hasn't she realized it? It was so simple. It wasn't until Johnny came back that she suddenly had this memory, this image coming back to her so clearly.

Devi closed her eyes and thought back to the moment, that moment in time where everything felt so perfect, so untouched by the filth of this sick reality.

She remembered the hill, the tree, the view…

The car…

She…she was sitting on the roof of it, her legs crossed underneath her. Johnny was leaning against the hood, his back resting against it, his spiky head nearly touching the front window.

It was all so clear to her now. How could she have not recognized it?

"Johnny…" His name randomly escaped her lips as she continued to stare up at the moon. Her green eyes were rimmed with unwanted tears, but she didn't seem to notice or care. She just left them to fall as she continued to stare up at the same night sky that she had once stood under seven years ago.

--

"NAILBUNNY!" Johnny squealed in delight and pried Nailbunny out of the passenger seat to give it a big hug.

"Hey, wait a minute…how did you get your head attached to your body?" Johnny asked suspiciously, tracing the small line of stitches lined across Nailbunny's neck with one slender finger.

"You sewed it back on, don't you remember?" Nailbunny replied. Johnny's eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Hmm…I don't seem to recall. Oh well…I'm really glad to have you back, bunny!" Johnny exclaimed and wrapped the deceased animal in another hug.

"Err, so how are things without the Doughboys?" Nailbunny asked uncomfortably. Johnny set the limp rabbit on the dashboard and continued driving.

"Oh, just splendid, besides the fact that a new talking inanimate figure moved into the house, which I recently smashed to bits. His name was Reverend Meat and he always tried talking me into giving into those mundane human feelings. I ignored him for most of the time, but just recently I couldn't take it anymore so I simply picked him up and threw him to the floor, smashing him into hundreds of broken pieces." Johnny explained triumphantly, his hands clutching the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were whitening.

"Reverend Meat, eh? Interesting…and this whole 'not giving into feelings thing', I'm assuming that you succeeded in that?" Nailbunny asked. Johnny twitched at the question.

"Uh…well, that's a little hard to explain, my dear bunny…"

"Save the explanation for later. I can see a clearing up ahead." Nailbunny interrupted, and Johnny looked ahead to see that his dead rabbit was correct. The forest opened up to reveal a bare hill with a single dead tree sticking up from the middle. It was rimmed with an old wooden fence that looked like it was going to fall apart.

The first thing Johnny noticed was the figure leaning against that single dead tree.

"Good luck." Nailbunny whispered just before Johnny reached for the door handle. Johnny managed a tiny smile and crept out of the car.

--

Devi heard the clunking sound of an old car engine roaring up behind her. She felt the slight warmth of the headlights on her back, and she immediately knew that Johnny was here. Her spine tensed up a little and tried to remain calm as she heard the car door swing open and slam shut.

A few shuffled footsteps later, and Johnny C. suddenly appeared by her side.

At first none of them said a word. They just stood side by side, staring out at the city-which looked gorgeous from the view, by the way. Faint memories of that fateful night flooded into Johnny's head, while fuzzy distorted pictures fizzled into Devi's.

"Nice night out." Johnny said softly. Devi only nodded and continued looking out into the distance.

An amazing illusion…

"Yeah…" She whispered. What else was she supposed to say? She said she needed to talk to him…but about what?

"So, you said you wanted to talk, right? Well, here I am. I'm waiting." She heard the impatience rising in Johnny's tone, and she scanned her brain for something to say.

"T-that last conversation we had…seven years ago…" She started.

"It wasn't really a conversation, you know." He finished. Devi felt her cheeks sting and she mentally slapped herself.

"I know, and I want to say that I'm really sorry for yelling like that…it wasn't me to do something like that, especially to you. Please understand…" She mumbled. She heard a quick swish of his long coat and she noticed that he turned to face her. His eyes were flashing dangerously and his hands were balled into fists.

"I DO understand, and believe me, what I said on that tape was all raw truth. I meant every word I recorded on that tape, especially when I said that I'd obliterate all affection for you! Over the past seven years I've been wandering out of town, slowly yet surely forgetting all feeling, all desire, all excess of the human body, and I succeeded! I no longer have the need to give in to simple human wants. I was free from all excess-until I came back. I returned home only to find out that I haven't succeeded at all, and that I only took a few small steps forward. I thought I rid myself of all feelings for you, but I was wrong. The minute I came back to town, memories of you flooded into my head and I couldn't get you out, like a stain too stubborn to come off, no matter how hard you scrub." Johnny grunted, gritting his teeth. Devi gulped and took a cautious step back. She dipped her hands in her pockets. One of her fingers bumped up against a can of mace.

"I'm sorry that all of this is happening to you Johnny, really…but lately it's been hard for me to keep you off my mind too. You're not the only one trying to escape their problems you know. I wanted to forget you so bad…but I couldn't…" Her voice died into a hushed silence and she cast her green gaze on the floor.

"Then why don't you just hate me? If you can't forget me, hate me! Hate me for making you like me in the first place, hate me for what I tried to do to you. Hate me for any reason you can think of so that it'll be easier for me to let go of you!" Johnny cried. His fists were clenched so tight that his fingernails were digging into his skin. Small streams of blood were now trickling down his hands, and Devi was aware of it, but she couldn't think of that at the moment. Anger and frustration built up inside her and she exploded right in front of him.

"Jesus Nny, don't you think I've tried that already! For the past seven FUCKING years, I've tried so hard to forget you, to hate you, to despise you with every fibre of my being! And you know what? What I said on the phone that day was also the raw truth! I kept myself locked inside my own fricking house for so long…nearly two years after you left. I was missing out on the world because of what you've done to me, and because of that I wanted so desperately to hate you, but you know what? I couldn't…I just couldn't. My heart wouldn't let me. I wasn't up to it, I couldn't face it. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to hate you…"

The anger in her subsided and Devi collapsed on her knees, exhaling heavily. Beads of sweat rolled down her temples and her eyes were lined with tears. Mixed emotions stirred up inside Johnny as he stared at the girl that kicked his ass seven years ago, leaving him with severe head wounds. He still had the scars.

He knelt down and reached out to her. He hated touching people and he hated being touched in return, but Devi was an exception.

He felt normal when he was around Devi. He felt sane.

He placed a bloodstained hand on her shoulder, careful not to stain her coat. A warm shock ran through his arm when Devi placed her hand on top of his.

"…Your hand is bleeding." She sniffled, staring at his hand. She opened up his hand (which has been trembling violently ever since he placed it on her shoulder) and stared at the cuts where his fingernails have bitten in.

"I know. Don't worry, it's nothing serious." Johnny assured her. He began to withdraw his hand from her but she was holding onto it tight, as if she was a child that was afraid of getting lost.

"No…come, let's go to my place…I'll fix you up. And plus, I have to show you something. It's kinda important…" Devi mumbled, and she got up, pulling Johnny up with her. Johnny fiddled with his coat collar.

"I dunno Devi…I…you actually trust me enough to let me in?" He asked shyly. Devi winked at him before dragging him to his small grey car. She could see the silhouette of a dead rabbit sitting on the dashboard and she began to have second thoughts about this, but the feeling wore off just as quickly as it came.

"They say time heals things." She whispered.