STARING AT THE SUN
CHAPTER 20
Bella P.O.V
I think I was going crazy. No. I didn't think. I know I was going crazy. I hadn't slept in 4 days freaking out over Jacob flirting with the waitress. He couldn't understand why I was so upset.
So here he was, standing in my living room. Fighting with me. Charlie had gone upstairs to give us some type of privacy but I knew that he was listening. I knew that he was waiting for Jacob to do something so he could come throw him out.
"I didn't do anything wrong!" He said throwing his hands up in the air.
"You were flirting with her!" I shouted.
"So what?"
"I don't like when you flirt with other people!" I swear he was driving me crazy. I swear he was doing this on purpose. He knew that I had issues when it came to things like this. I had issues that I couldn't help. I didn't like feeling like he was going to abandon me.
"Oh my god! It was pointless flirting! It didn't hurt anyone."
"It hurt my feelings! You were flirting with her right in front of my face." I wiped my eyes from where the tears started flowing down my face.
"This is about Cullen isn't it?" He said.
"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked. "Like you're not being serious."
"You honestly think that I don't know that you compare me to him all the time?" He shouted.
"Don't turn this on me."
"So its true. You do compare me to him." I could see it happening right in front of me. The trust that I had built with Jacob for the last year was crumbling right in front of me. I knew that he was angry. "When are you going to move on from that douchebag?"
"Do you not like me anymore or something?" I asked. I would rather him just get it over with it. If he was going to leave me he might as well just leave now. I didn't want to drag this thing out.
"Don't even fucking say that, Bella. You know I love you."
"Then why are you doing this to me?" I asked trying to wipe my tears as fast as I could. I didn't want him to see how badly it was hurting me. Shouldn't he just know that my feelings were hurt? Usually he would try anything to make the pain go away.
"Because you're acting crazy." I threw my hands up in the air in defeat. He knew that he could say anything to me and it was going to hurt me. No matter what, he knew that at the end of the day, I was the one in the relationship who had damage. I was the one who had been heartbroken before. I was the one who had to move on from someone else. "You're so far up his ass that you don't even notice me."
"What are you talking about?!" I haven't heard from any of the Cullen's for over a year. They crossed my mind every now and again but I never wished for that part of my life back. I had moved on with Jacob. I liked the relationship that we were building together. I thought that we had a good relationship. I thought that we were getting closer to building a future together. If he had asked me to marry him, I would say yes.
"Do you think I'm dumb?"
"Is this moment right now? Yeah." I answered.
"And you're a fucking bitch." That was enough for Charlie to come downstairs and grab Jacob by the back of his shirt.
"You watch your mouth." I watched Charlie try to get Jacob, all 6'7 of him out the door. "Don't you ever disrespect my daughter again." With that, the front door slammed and Charlie locked it behind him. "And that! Is why you're not moving in with him!" He shouted, pointing at the door that Jacob had just left out of before storming upstairs.
I slowly made my way up the stairs and made sure the windows were locked. I stood looking out into the dark wishing that so many things were different. I should have just stayed with my mom. Traveled with her and Phil. I could have dealt with school on the road.
I was stupid. I know how stupid the decision was, but I headed down the stairs anyway and grabbed my keys. Charlie would kill me if he realized I was gone. He would most likely think I had run off to see Jacob. But I was going to go the opposite direction. I was so stupid. I shouldn't have been going here. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to find it. But I found the familiar road that lead to the long driveway.
If Jacob found out I came here, he would freak out. When the house came into view, I slammed on the brakes. I didn't expect it to look so... Normal. There wasn't a single light on. Not that I expected there to be any on. The bushes beside the front walkway were over grown. I shouldn't be here. But I parked the car and got out. I was determined to at least look inside.
I slowly walked up the steps to the front door. Everything was covered in sheets and dust. It seemed as if they didn't even take anything with them. When they said they were leaving immediately, they meant it. I stood at the front door looking in. I reached for the door handle. I swear that the voice would come to me, tell me to stop. This was about to set back all of my progress to move on from them.
I slowly opened the door, watching it swing open. Who would just leave the door unlocked? That was dangerous. But then again not many people knew that this house was here. Hikers would probably never find it. I shouldn't go inside. I knew it was a bad idea.
Then my phone rang in my pocket. I jumped a little as the sound rang out through the empty house. I pulled it out my pocket. Jacob.
"What?" I barked into the phone.
"Where the hell are you?" He asked.
"No where." It wasn't like he actually cared where I was.
"Oh really because I just got a call from your dad freaking out and he's sending the cops to my house to get you. But you are not here."
"I'll call him. I'm fine." I answered.
"He accused me of abusing you."
"What? You've never hurt me." I shook my head grabbing the door and closing it behind me. I headed back to my car. "I'll call him." I sighed starting the car. I hung up on Jacob before calling Charlie. "Dad! What the heck is going on? I'm not at Jacob's and he's not abusing me!" I shouted as soon as he answered the phone.
"Got him scared."
"Of course it got him scared! Why are you trying to have my boyfriend arrested?"
"Get home." He hung up and I quickly turned the car around and headed back home. Thankfully there were no cops besides the one who lived here when I came in. He looked exhausted. "Where were you?" He asked.
"Promise you won't get mad?" I asked. He was already mad, but this would make him go off the rails and that's the last thing I wanted. "I went to the Cullen's house." Surprised crossed his features and then he just looked confused.
"What?" He asked. "Why would you go there?" I shrugged. "What's going on inside your head, Bells." I took a deep breath. I didn't even know.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. "Jacob drives me crazy. Like seriously crazy." I sat down on the couch with a huff. I ran my hands through my hair. "I just want him to understand what I've gone through. He thinks he can just fix it like I'm a car or something."
"Well doesn't he fix it?" He asked. Charlie was never one to have these types of conversations. I'm sure he was super uncomfortable.
"There's only so much fixing a person can have. He doesn't understand my insecurities at all. Then when I do tell him he throws it back in my face that I'm not over Edward."
"Are you over him?"
"I've never been so in love with Jacob."
"That didn't answer the question."
"I'm ready to be over him."
"Do you think maybe Jacob feels like you're using him to get over Edward?" I shrugged. If he did feel like that, he never told me.
"I'm not. He's my best friend."
"It doesn't matter if you're not, Bells. What matter's is how he feels about it." He was right. "You should call him." I nodded, watching him walk up the stairs. I grabbed my phone and scrolled to his number before hitting dial.
"Where are you?" He answered as soon as he answered the phone.
"Home." I answered. "I'm not using you." I whispered.
"Feels like it sometimes." He said.
"I love you. And I trust you." I had never trusted someone as much as I trust him. I had put all of my trust and feelings into him. I had given him everything I could have possibly given him.
"That's always been enough for me." I feel like now it wasn't enough anymore.
"And now?" I asked. "Is it still enough?"
"It's more than enough."
"Come over." I said. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. I also was probably never going to tell him that I had actually gone to the Cullen's. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. I didn't go there to hurt his feelings. I went because it was time to find closure in the life that I wasn't going to have. I wanted to be wide open to the future that I was going to build with Jacob.
I didn't even hear the front door open, just felt him wrap his arms around me. I had fallen asleep sometime between our conversation on the phone and him coming over. I rolled over and wrapped my arms around him, holding him flush against me.
"I love you." I whispered.
"I love you more." He whispered kissing my nose. I knew that things weren't going to be easy when we went into this thing. I knew that eventually the high of being together and being so happy was going to wear off. I just never knew that he would stick around through it all. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I flirted with her. And called you a bitch."
"I was never using you to get over Edward. You were there for me when I needed a friend. I never had any intention of falling in love with you. It just happened." I ran my fingers through his hair. Anything to get closer to him.
"I've always loved you." I smiled at his words as he pulled me closer to his chest. I threw one of my legs over his hip as he moved himself even closer to me. He didn't need to say the words but I knew that we were going to be okay. "Also, why do you faintly smell like vampires?" I went stiff in his arms. I didn't realize that even though it was a year later, their scent would still linger there.
"Don't get mad."
"Don't make me get mad." I sighed.
"I went to the Cullen's house. Nothing happened I swear. I was just trying to find some closure." He gently rubbed my back as he looked up at the ceiling. "I needed to go. I needed to get closure so that we can start our future together."
"I agree." He answered. "Are you okay?" I nodded softly, looking into his eyes. There was no doubt there. All I could see was love. "I know he hurt you. And I should have never thrown that back in your face. But you have to know that I did not mean to hurt you when I as flirting with that waitress. I promise I'll never do it again."
"Thank you." I rested my face in his neck listening to his breathing. He was it. He was going to be happily ever after.
Alice was standing in front of Edward, who actually came home. Emmett had his arms wrapped around Edward who was screaming and fighting as hard as he could.
"Edward you can." Alice said standing in front of him.
"I'm going!" Esme was in the corner, hand over her mouth and one over her heart watching her children try to calm Edward down. He had been gone for so long and when he came back, things were ten times worse. Esme had been so worried about him. All she wanted to do was wrap him in her arms and comfort him but she knew that she couldn't when she was in this state.
"Edward, her future is gone again." Alice confirmed. She had seen Bella at their house. She had tried her hardest to not watch Bella but when Bella disappeared before, it panicked her and she tried harder to watch for the future. When she popped up again, she watched it closely forgetting that Edward was back and could also see it all. Who freaked out.
Everyone knew what that meant. She was planning to have a future with Jacob. The werewolves.
"When I saw her, she was happy. Human. That's what you wanted for her. You wanted her to enjoy her human life. Don't go running back there an screw it up for her." Alice said. He glared at her.
"Edward, you chose to live a life without her. You didn't want her to be like us. You don't get to act like this now that she's found happiness with someone else." Everyone feared the day that Bella was no longer alive. Edward would immediately go to the Volturi. It was a topic that was never discussed no matter how many times it crossed everyone's minds.
"I'm going hunting." He shoved Emmett off who followed him. Carlisle said before holding his hand out for Esme to take. "Watch for them. If he makes any decision to go to Forks you tell me." He glanced at Alice before looking at Rosalie at the top of the stairs.
"Maybe we should just go back to Forks."
"That will never happen as long as Bella is alive." Carlisle answered. "And that's final." He disappeared to the bedroom leaving Alice and Rosalie. "So we get to deal with this crap for the next 60 some off years?" Rosalie asked while Alice nodded. "We might need to go shopping." Alice chuckled but was always up for a shopping trip.
"I don't need a babysitter, Emmett."
"Pretty sure you do." Emmett sat on a rock watching Edward pace back and forth after draining a deer.
"I know I wanted her to live a human life and to move on. I just wasn't expecting it to hurt this bad."
"She's happy, bro." Emmett shrugged. "It's what you wanted. Let her be happy." Emmett was right of course. Edward did want her to be happy. He knew he needed to stay away from her. "Let her have those human moments. Let her date, and have sex," Edward cringed thinking about her having sex with other people. "Let her get married and have kids. She deserves that."
"Just wish it wasn't Jacob Black."
"Would you rather it be Mike Newton?"
"I'll murder him." Emmett burst out laughing making Edward smile just a little. "As long as she's happy." He added.
He sat down next to Emmett who patted his back. No words were exchanged between the two of them but they both knew that this wouldn't be the last conversation they had about Bella. But for now, they'll leave it here.