"Sir? Sir?" called the reporter, catching the attention of a man in the crowd. "Sir, I just want to ask you why you're here today."
"Same reason as everyone, I assume," said the man. "I'm going to bring back a loved one, and no-one's going to stop me, especially not these witches and wizards who've been hiding their little secret society for centuries."
"Yeah," called out a nearby woman. "I mean, they've probably been bringing back their loved ones this whole time. Why not share that with us?"
"Not to mention all the diseases and injuries their magic can probably heal," said another protester.
"None of this matters," said a priest who happened to overhear the conversation. "All this talk of magic is an abomination. It goes directly against God's will."
"Why are we not talking about the most important thing?" asked another passer-by. "If magic is so powerful, they might have been using it to manipulate things for their own benefit. In fact, what is there to stop them going into David Cameron's office and putting him under mind control or something?"
"Wow, I never even thought of that," said one of the protesters. "These wizards are a threat to the world, and it's up to us to eliminate them." As the protester was speaking, murmurs spread out across the whole crowd, and it wasn't long before the crowd started to get angry, loud, and violent.
"Well, that's certainly going to be a problem for all of us," said Mary, watching the crowd grow into a frenzy.
"What, you didn't think we'd plan for when you inevitably came to stop us?" asked Blofeld, almost laughing at them. "We knew you'd be a problem, and we knew we couldn't stop you by ourselves, so we figured we'd get our own little army to stop you."
"Those people are going to be pissed when they find out you manipulated them like that," said Ron.
"Are they?" asked Blofeld. "I mean, all we're doing is asking them to protect us from people trying to stop us giving them their loved ones back. Honestly, if you could get someone you loved back from the dead, wouldn't you?"
"Death is a permanent thing," said the Doctor. "Bringing back those who died goes against the natural order of things."
"Oh, that's rich, coming from Mr. Thirteen Lives over here," said Blofeld.
"Quiet you," snapped Mary. "Mr. Weasley, is there any chance you can keep people from breaking into the building?"
"I can try," said Ron. "I know spells for locking doors and windows. But if they try to knock down the walls, we may be in trouble."
"Then get Miss Granger to take care of that," said Mary. "She would have been my first choice for the anyway."
"Right, got it," said Ron, running out of the room and around a corner. "Hermione? Harry? Where are you guys?"
"I thought we were trying to be stealthy," said the Doctor.
"That was the plan initially," said Mary with a sigh. "Though I daresay our enemies already know we're here anyway, so it probably doesn't matter too much."
Meanwhile…
"Where the bloody hell are they?" snapped Gene. "How hard is it to find a noseless man in robes?"
"I know," said Harry. "Normally I'd have some kind of warning if he's nearby, but I'm not getting anything."
"There's also that Master the Doctor's worried about," said James. "Not to mention Bellatrix. Though I think I can take care of…"
"James, don't even think about it," said Harry. "The Master's an alien, and probably not interested in humans. As for Bellatrix, she's more likely to just kill you."
"Hasn't stopped me in the past," said James. "Well, the alien part maybe, since I haven't met one before, but with enough persistence…"
"Stop it, you horny dickhead," said Gene, slapping James over the back of the head. "We have work to…wait, what's that?"
"HARRY!" came a yelling voice.
"Is that Voldemort?" asked James.
"Nah, he tends to call me by my full name," said Harry. "That's Ron's voice."
"Harry!" called Ron again, coming into view. "Harry, we need you to help reinforce the walls. People are trying to break in."
"What?" asked Harry, running over to a window. "Ooh, that doesn't look good."
"I know, right?" said Ron. "Look, help me find Hermione so we can keep people out of here. We don't need innocent muggles getting caught in the crossfire of all this."
"Got it," said Harry, following Ron back down the hall. "Do you guys think you'll be okay without me?"
"I would think so," said Gene. "We've each got one of these." As he spoke, Gene pulled out his gun and waved it around.
"Alright, if you're sure," said Harry, leaving with Ron.
"I don't know that we're going to be particularly effective against magic users," said James. "I mean, we hardly know the extent of Harry's power, and it sounds like Voldemort is even stronger than that."
"How would you like to find out?" came a voice from behind them. The two of them spun around, and found the Dark Lord Voldemort standing there.
"Excellent, I've been wanting to have a word with you," said Gene, marching straight towards Voldemort. "Mainly, about how much of a prick you are." As Gene was about to get close, Voldemort sighed as he vaguely waved his wand at him. Gene felt himself lifted off the ground, and before he knew it was tossed to one side, smashing into a wall.
"GENE!" yelled James, looking at Gene's unmoving body before turning back to Voldemort. "Bad news for you, you're looking at a man with a licence to kill."
"Oh, poor muggle," said Voldemort mockingly. "You need a licence to kill? I just do it regardless."
"Bring it on, you pasty white prick," said James, drawing his gun and opening fire on Voldemort. Voldemort responded by dissolving into a black mist and flying at James. James dived to the side and fired another couple of rounds, as Voldemort sent a few spells flying at him.
James and Voldemort continued to dodge each other's attacks, dodging, ducking, weaving, not managing to land a blow. "Enough of this," said Voldemort, again flying straight at James. "Incarcerous."
James dived to the side again, only to feel something grab his arm. James looked to see a thick rope binding him, followed by more ropes wrapping around his limbs and torso. "You really wanted to wrap this up, didn't you?" asked James.
"You're certainly a lot trickier than most muggles, I'll give you that," said Voldemort, calmly landing in front of James. "But now this ends. AVADA KEDAV…" Before he could finish his spell, something came at him from the side and tackled him to the ground.
"Like I was saying before, I have to talk to you about how much of a prick you are," said Gene. "And my main point is this." Gene brought back his fist back and struck Voldemort as hard as he could, knocking him out.
"Well, that was certainly not how I expected someone to take down an evil wizard," said James.
"Yeah, well, he threw me into a wall, so I didn't have a lot of sympathy for him," said Gene, standing back up.
"Now, would you happen to have a knife on you? I'm a little tied up right now," said James with a smirk on his face.
Gene sighed in frustration. "If it wasn't for the fact that I need you as an ally, I'd leave you like that," said Gene, picking up a sharp piece of glass and started cutting.
Meanwhile…
"Protego totalum!" yelled Hermione, watching as the wall stopped vibrating from all the protesters trying to barge their way in. "Did you guys get the other sides?"
"The other sides are secure," said Harry. "Though I don't know for how long. I'm pretty sure these spells aren't designed for keeping out muggles, and we still have at least two dark wizards in this building that can take down the spells."
"I know," said Hermione, looking nervous. "What we need is some way to calm down the people outside."
"Um, guys?" asked Ron, looking out the window.
"Not now Ron, we know the situation is bad," said Hermione. "Right now we need to focus on…"
"I don't think we have to," said Ron. "The cavalry's here."
"Cavalry?" asked Harry, joining him at the window. "Ah, excellent timing."
Outside the window, the group watched as many of their friends, family, and other associates from Dumbledore's Army and the Order of the Phoenix arrived on the scene, most of them apparating in plain view of the muggles. "I suppose right now it doesn't matter if they know about magic," said Ron. "The secret's out."
"We'll worry about that later," said Hermione. "For now, we have to…"
"CRUCIO!" screamed someone behind them, and the group spun around as the spell struck Hermione, sending her screaming to the ground. "Good, I got the mudblood," said Bellatrix grinning with satisfaction.
"YOU BITCH!" yelled Ron, flinging spell after spell at Bellatrix. "GET! AWAY! FROM! MY! WIFE!"
"Your wife?" asked Bellatrix, easily deflecting each of Ron's spells. "The blood traitors are ruining their bloodline even more now?"
"Oh, and inbreeding has worked so well for your family?" asked Harry, throwing a few spells of his own at Bellatrix.
"You be quiet Potter," snapped Bellatrix. "The only reason you're not dead is because the Dark Lord wants to deal with you himself."
"Is that so?" asked a voice from above them. "Well, if you want him, you're going to have to go through me." The group watched as Mary floated down to the ground with the help of her umbrella, before calmly folding it up.
"Mary, I appreciate the concern," said Harry. "But this is one of the most powerful dark witches in the…"
"I know who it is, Mr. Potter," said Mary. "And believe me, she's not the threat she thinks she is."
"HOW DARE YOU!" screamed Bellatrix. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" The jet of green light shot out of Bellatrix's wand…
…and hit Mary's umbrella, leaving its holder unharmed. "Like I said," said Mary calmly. "Not. A. Threat."
"You…" said Bellatrix, at a loss to what just happened. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to make you regret messing with me."
"Yes I am," said Mary. "I'm going to regret wasting my time with you."
Bellatrix snarled in frustration, then pointed her wand at Mary. "EXPELLIARMUS!" she screamed, blasting Mary with a bright red light. Mary flew backwards as her umbrella flew towards Bellatrix, but still managed to land on her feet. "I've got you now," said Bellatrix, her wand at the ready.
"Funny, I was about to say the same to you," said Mary, holding out her hand. To everyone's surprise, the umbrella came flying back towards Mary, the curve in the handle catching Bellatrix around the neck. The umbrella dragged her over to Mary, who tripped the witch over, grabbed her umbrella, and smacked her over the head with it. Bellatrix, stunned at the turn of events, dropped her wand, which ended up rolling towards Hermione. Hermione picked it up, and between the three wizards and Mary, surrounded Bellatrix. "Now, do you surrender?"
Bellatrix glared daggers at her. "It's one thing to be at the mercy of a filthy mudblood," she spat. "But I'll be damned before I'm beaten by a worthless muggle." And with that, Bellatrix lunged at Mary…
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" yelled Hermione.
"STUPIFY!" yelled Harry.
"CONFUNDO!" yelled Ron. The three spells hit Bellatrix, who fell in a heap on the floor in a confused, stunned mess.
"That was rude of her," said Mary, who hadn't even flinched when Bellatrix had come for her. "Well, shall we go?"
"Before we do," started Hermione. "I have a few questions."
"And they can wait," said Mary, already heading towards a set of stairs.
"Hold on," called Harry, grabbing her coat before she could leave. "Who are you?"
"Mr. Potter, I have already told you my name," said Mary coldly. "My name is Mary Poppins, and I'm the head of the British branch of S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Yeah, but…who or what are you?" asked Ron. "How can you do the things you can do? You're not a witch, we would have heard of you. Are you like the Doctor? Or a spy like Bond? Can't you answer that?"
"No," said Mary, turning back to the stairs. "Come along, we have things to do." And without another word, she marched on up the stairs.
"That woman is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle," said Hermione, following her with Harry and Ron.
Upstairs, the team met up. "It looks like your mates have taken care of the rioters for the most part," said Gene. "We also knocked out Voldemort and left him tied up."
"Excellent," said Harry. "Mary just took out Bellatrix."
"Mary did?" asked the Doctor. "Well done Mary."
"Oh, like that's even hard," said Mary dismissively. "Let's see…Blofeld was taken care of too."
"Keats as well," said James.
"And Moriarty," added Martha, now looking like her normal self.
"Excellent," said Mary. "That leaves The Master, who I assume has the Stone."
"Indeed I do," said a voice from across the room. The group spun around the see the Master themselves smirking at them. "And with a near infinite number of dead people at my disposal to bring back, there's no way you can…"
"ACCIO RESURRECTION STONE!" yelled Harry, pointing his wand at The Master.
"…uh oh…" said the Master, trying to hang on to the Stone as it wriggled free of his grip. "Well, should have accounted for that."
"You had the power to do that the whole time?" asked Sherlock, anger in his voice. "Why didn't you just do that in the first place? Then I wouldn't have to have gone through actual torture at the hands of a sadist."
"We don't know the Stone's exact location," said Hermione. "But now…"
"…I release a bunch of Cybermen and kill you all?" asked the Master. "Sounds great. Let's do that." The Master pushed a button on a remote control, opening a roller door hiding around a dozen Cybermen.
"Doc? What's the plan?" asked James, drawing his gun.
"First of all, don't let them get you, they will turn you into one of them," said the Doctor. "Now, they can be affected by a few things like…"
"This?" asked Mary, holding her umbrella upside down. "I hope none of you have your phones here." Mary shoved her umbrella into the ground, which sent a shockwave out that seemed to short-circuit the Cybermen.
"Was that an EMP?" asked James. "You have an EMP in your umbrella?"
"You never know when something like that might come in handy," said Mary, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"That didn't go too well," said the Master. "Never mind, PLAN C." The lights to the room suddenly turned off. "Let's see you handle this."
"Lumos," said Hermione, and a bright light filled the room. "HOLY…what the hell is that?" Only inches from Hermione's face was something she was sure hadn't been there before: an angel statue that seemed to be trying to grab her.
"DO NOT LOOK AWAY!" yelled the Doctor. "Do not even blink. Keep them in sight at all times."
"Well that's annoying, because I really don't want to be looking at this thing anymore," said Gene.
"Just…don't do anything yet," said the Doctor. "I'll get us out of here, I just need to figure out…"
"REDUCTO!" yelled Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the same time, as three of the Weeping Angels crumbled to dust.
"…or you can do that, that works too," said the Doctor, as the trio began blasting the remaining angels to dust.
"So, since they're breaking them so easily, can I just…" started Gene, bringing his fist back as though to punch one.
"Don't you dare," said the Doctor, grabbing his before he could do anything.
"And you can get out of my pocket," said Harry, grabbing the Master's wrist as he tried to grab the Stone. "I don't even have it. I gave it to someone else while the lights were off."
"Damn it," said the Master, yanking himself free of Harry's grip. "Well, I guess I lose this one. I'll just be…"
"Oh no you…" started the Doctor, as the Master threw down a smoke pellet, obscuring everything in the room. "Really? That's how you're going to do this?"
"VENTUS!" called Hermione, causing a huge gust of wind to blow away the smoke. "Where did she go?"
"And what's that sound?" asked John. "It sounds like the Doctor's…oh no."
"Did he just get away?" asked Sherlock. "Can't we stop him?"
"I will," said the Doctor. "The Master can't resist the urge to take me on. Don't worry, I'll find her one day."
"Guess we can't do much else there," said James. "How about the Stone?"
"Well, let's see what we can do," said Ron, pulling it out of his pocket and putting it on the floor. "Ready guys?"
"Obviously," said Hermione, pointing her wand at the Stone with the other two. "REDUCTO!" The trio blasted the Stone with the spell, only to see it survived.
"Look at that," said James. "It's starting to crack."
"Let's see it survive a bullet then," said Sherlock, pulling it his gun and firing into it. The Stone cracked a little more, but stayed intact.
"Allow me," said James, firing his own gun. Again, the Stone survived with a few more scratches.
"Little more," said the Doctor, pointing his sonic screwdriver at it. The Stone seemed to grow more unstable, but still stayed intact.
"How about a visit from Dr. Boot?" asked Gene, stomping down on the Stone as hard as he could. A few chips fell off the Stone, but it still stayed mostly intact.
"One final push then," said Mary, striking it with the end of her umbrella. This time, the Stone shattered, dissolving into dust.
"Okay, but I softened it up for you," said Gene. "So, I guess we're done here?"
"Not yet," said James. "We still have the riot outside to deal with."
"Oh, right…" said Gene.