Nocturnal Dementia

XI: Gradual Incline

"I don't know about this, Tenna…"

"Nonsense, my dear Devi! I've been telling you this since like…FOREVER. You don't get out much. Come, let's go out and eat or something. You look famished."

Tenna grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her all the way out of the apartment building. She scanned the parking lot left to right for Devi's car. After a few seconds of searching she found it and continued dragging Devi around.

"Let go of me!" Devi said sharply between gritted teeth. She wasn't in the mood for Tenna today. Hell, when was she ever in the mood for her? She was too happy for her. It made her wonder how she became friends with her in the first place.

Without warning Tenna grabbed Devi by the shoulders and whirled her around so that her backpack was facing her. In a split second she zipped open the front pocket, fished out Devi's ring of keys, zipped the pocket closed, whirled Devi around again so she was facing in the right direction, and slid the keys into the door lock. After unlocking and opening the door to the driver's seat, she pushed Devi inside and pranced around to the passenger's seat. With a heavy sigh, Devi turned the key in the ignition.

"Where are we going?" She asked half-heartedly, not even bothering to turn to face her best friend. Tenna was busy turning the tuning knob on the radio, trying to find her favourite station. After finding it, she cranked it to full blast.

"Let's go to the café! I'm craving donuts!" Tenna screamed over the noise.

--

Meanwhile, a restless Johnny was pacing back in forth in between the couch and the TV in his torn up den with Nailbunny still nailed to the lamp post.

"I don't understand this whole concept, Nailbunny. If I have really succeeded in cutting myself off from all emotion, why is it all coming back to me now that I've come back here? It's like I'm some human boomerang, being thrown off to different places only to return to its starting point. I really thought I accomplished something, something productive, when really I haven't done anything at all. I just don't get it." Johnny said tiredly, as if he had been repeating the same thing for the past few hours.

"Nny, there isn't much to explain. You know, even though you broke Reverend Meat's statue, you would've still been able to hear his voice inside your head if your emotions didn't take over you. Meat only existed to bring back your human emotions. He existed in the wake of your lack of feeling." Nailbunny answered almost immediately after Johnny's statement. Johnny stopped pacing for a short moment to stare at the deceased animal staring back at him with nonexistent eyes.

"I sort of figured that out already, but what I'm trying to point out here is the fact that before I came back I actually felt like I was in control of myself, that I had absolute freedom to do whatever I wished. I even cut back on the killing (he inwardly added "Okay, that might've been a total lie")." Johnny shot back. He then resumed his pacing.

"You were born to feel, Nny. You were born to laugh, to cry, to love, to hate, to enjoy, to hurt. You were born a feeling creature. There's no denying your feelings. To deny your feelings is to deny the very identity of who you are. It's denying nature in general. You can't deny who you are, can't you?"

Again Johnny stopped pacing. This time he turned his back on Nailbunny and clenched his fists. He stared up at the ceiling. There were rows of dolls hanging with nooses slipped tight around their necks. Some had noticeable stains of blood smeared on them. They dangled lifelessly as Johnny opened his mouth to speak.

"I don't even know who the fuck I am. I'm not even certain if this is actually me, the person I've become. What if I was destined to become something else, something less deranged? What if this wasn't meant for me? Maybe someone up there made a horrible mistake." He said, his eyes still shot up at the ceiling.

"That's a question you should be asking someone else. I only know as much as you do." Nailbunny answered quietly. Johnny's shoulders sagged and he collapsed on his knees. He banged a fist against the already cracked wall.

"I don't think this was ever meant for me…this was a mistake wasn't it? This was just some big misunderstanding. If this is how it's gonna be, then why can't they just let me turn it off? I have too much to deal with. This is unnecessary. Just let me turn it off…" He sniffled. His tears trickled down his thin face and dropped onto the floor.

"But if it was possible to shut it all off, then Meat would come back. He'd just annoy you. He'll be nagging you about wanting to turn it back on again. You wouldn't want that would you?" Nailbunny asked. Johnny shook his head in response.

"Look Nny, sometimes there really isn't anything you can do. There are times in life where shit happens and you can't do anything to change it to the way you want it to. Sometimes the only best thing to do is just to sit back and watch it all play out. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe something or someone's telling you that this is the only way to do it, to make things for the better. Maybe it's the only option you have left, Nny." Nailbunny explained. Johnny wiped his tears away with one swift movement and stood up. He leaned forward, letting his forehead rest against the wall. He slowly closed his eyes.

Nailbunny was probably right. He was usually right about things like these anyways. He was the voice of reason.

Maybe there really isn't anything left that he could do to make things for the better.

Life was never meant to go one way. It had to take a few detours before getting to its final destination.

Maybe he should think of it as another detour.

Just sit back, Nny.

Enjoy the ride.

Watch it all roll by and see what will happen. You'll never know.

It might be for the best.

It's probably the only way.

"You're right-hell, you're always right, Nailbunny. Maybe I should just relax. This isn't something worth tensing up about. What else is there to do anyway? I don't have to waste my time worrying. It's natural-I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try. Maybe there really isn't such thing as freedom-maybe we're all just destined to be slaves, slaves to ourselves. We rely on our bodies to live, to exist, to be something meaningful to this world. We rely on our brains to think, our organs to function properly, our bones and muscles to move. We rely on our feelings to remind ourselves that we're simply human and nothing lesser or greater of what we think we are. We'll always be a slave to something, whether we're aware of it or not. This is probably how it should be." Johnny concluded, opening his eyes and standing up straight. He turned to face his former pet. He could almost see it smiling, though it was quite impossible.

Nailbunny didn't answer. Johnny knew that he was right.

Nailbunny just didn't have anything to counter it, that's all.

--

Devi swirled the stirring straw around the coffee mug, watching the creamy tan liquid whipping into a gentle whirlpool. She lifted her head and looked straight ahead to see Tenna literally dumping packets of sugar into her cup. Spooky was lying listlessly beside the napkin dispenser. Devi waited for Tenna to finish stirring her coffee. Making sure that the sugar was completely diluted, Tenna broke the silence.

"So, what's up?" She asked excitedly, quickly taking a small sip of her coffee. Devi stared emptily at her own mug, which was still quite full and was now only lukewarm.

"You know…I really don't know how I end up telling you this kinda stuff even when I'm positive that I'm not ready to tell you yet…but what the hell? I'm gonna end up telling you anyways." Devi muttered in a sarcastic tone. Tenna clapped her hands in glee.

"You're not losing your mind again are you?" She asked suspiciously. She narrowed her eyes for a bit but then she caught sight of Spooky and they widened in delight. She grabbed the doll and squeezed it repeatedly while Devi spoke. Every squeak that came out from that doll was grating into Devi's veins.

"Well no, not really. Remember that Nny guy I told you about a long time ago?"

And so Devi began her long explanation about what happened so far, from when she first saw him through her apartment window, up to when they finished the painting together. Throughout the whole thing, Tenna kept squeezing Spooky, and with every squeak Devi's eye began twitching more consistently than the squeaks before.

"I swear you told me that you were completely scared of that guy. Didn't he try to like-oh I dunno-KILL YOU?" Tenna screamed loudly. Everyone else in the café turned to look at her and Devi motioned for her to keep it down.

"Yes, he tried to kill me, but that was years ago. I admit that I was still scared when I began to talk to him again, but then I also noticed that he's changed. He's different, a little." Devi replied. She could see that Tenna was about to squeeze Spooky again and she slapped the toy away from her.

"Oh so he changed, eh? Did he go from totally insane to crazy hyper bi-polar psycho insane?" Tenna questioned sarcastically before taking a sip of her coffee. Devi shot an evil, almost offended glare at her friend and it sent Tenna back.

"Hey, if you knew him as well as I did, then you wouldn't be saying that. He's sick, I know that, but I dunno…for some reason I have this want…almost this sort of need…to help him. I know what he's going through. Sickness actually began talking to me because of him, but that's another story. What I'm trying to say here is that I want to help him. He needs help and I think I'm the one to give it to him." Devi explained, letting out a sigh at the end. Tenna's eyebrows were knitted at the top in confusion.

"Are you doing what I think you're thinking of doing, because if it is, you're one sick bitch, Devi." Tenna remarked teasingly. She was replied with a sharp kick to the shin. Tenna's eyes widened in severe pain and she opened her mouth to scream, but Devi pulled out a fistful of napkins from the napkin dispenser and stuffed it into her mouth before she had the chance to make even a quiet squeal.

"Shut up, will you?" Devi muttered grumpily. She rested her elbow on the table and propped her head up with her hand. She stared at the napkin mouthed Tenna, who was trying to speak with the napkins still shoved in her mouth.

"You hreaowee hlike his hi, hoo hyou?" (Note: I actually shoved a few napkins in my mouth to see how it would sound, and then I tried my best to pronounce them on the computer. I need a life. Buy me one please? I'll pay you back…somehow.) Tenna's words were muffled and incoherent, but Devi managed to make out what she was attempting to say. She only smirked. She then reached forward to pull the napkins out of Tenna's mouth, since Tenna didn't seem to be able to do it herself for some unknown reason, for her hands seemed to be fully functional and vacant. Tenna inhaled deeply. Devi slapped a single bill on the table and dragged her friend out of the café. Once they got out, Tenna pushed Devi away from her. She turned down her coat collar and glared at her vividly violet hair coloured friend.

"I hate you, you know that?" She mumbled. Devi only laughed in reply.

--

Devi drove the both of them home. They separated on their way up to their individual apartment suites. She unlocked her door and entered her abode in silence. It still smelled like freshly used paint.

As if there was a compelling invisible force that took complete control of her, Devi walked mechanically into the drawing room. It was messy as usual, with jars and bottles of paint scattered about the floor and counters. Tarp covered most of the tiled floors and paint was spewed practically everywhere imaginable.

In the centre of the room was an easel supporting a painting covered in dark blue, violet, and black paint. There were tiny dots of white and yellow at the top, and in the upper left corner was a slightly large circle, radiating with a mixture of white and yellow.

Beneath that interpretation of a lovely night sky was a small hill with a car resting on it. Two silhouettes rested atop that car, one on the roof and one on the hood.

A very faint picture faded into view inside Devi's head and it brought a smile to her face.

I have to talk to him.

Somewhere, not too far away, in a quiet suburban neighbourhood, Johnny C. was staring out through the gaps of one of his boarded up windows, admiring the dark sky. The pale moon lit up his smiling face and brought a small sparkle to his eye. There was a faint moaning in the background and Johnny turned on his back to see his latest victim bleeding to death on the floor. Knives were buried into each of his wrists and ankles and it plunged into the floor so he couldn't escape. There was a Z? shaped cut on his back, clearly made with some sort of hooked instrument.

The guy deserved it. It didn't matter much to Johnny because he had more important things to think about right now rather than contemplating on who to kill next.

I have to talk to her, his mind kept telling him. He knew he had to. He had taken a step back and looked at things from a different perspective. It turned out that he wasn't as scared of himself as he thought he would be. He was frightened, but not scared to the point where he would shit in his pants.

I have to talk to him.

I have to talk to her.

Devi D. grabbed her jacket and slowly made her way out of her apartment.

Johnny C. turned up his trench coat collar and raced out of the door, nearly stepping on the bleeding man, still groaning in obscene agony.