Oh Lordy Lordy, where have I been in the last 248729342729 years? I haven't updated this since forever! Well I took the time out of my contemplation on my pessimistic thoughts aimed towards society to update this little story of mine. I'm not doing this for myself. I'm doing this for you guys. It's because I care. Yes. I care.
Nocturnal Dementia
XII: Passenger Seat
Johnny C. had to walk fast. It was cold outside and it was unhealthy to stay outdoors for too long. He cursed himself for not bringing his car.
The stars twinkled brightly under a dark velvety navy sky. The homicidal maniac was bathed in the moonlight but unlike the sun, it was unable to keep him warm. Johnny shivered slightly as he quickened his pace. Her apartment was in sight and his heart skipped a beat or two. He was almost there.
He jogged over the parking lot and rushed inside the apartment lobby, eager for warmth. He rubbed his hands as he made his way up the stairs. He hated taking the elevator. He wasn't very fond of small spaces.
Two flights of stairs later, he roamed the narrow, single-lit hallway until he found her door. The place had an eerie silence and it was creeping Johnny out. His ashen knuckles rapped against her front door.
Two minutes have passed and there still was no reply.
Where could she be? He knocked again.
There still was no reply. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. This wasn't right.
He spun around and leaned back against her door. He closed his eyes. He felt the blood rush to his hands, as if they were still defrosting from the cold outside. He was trying to think of where else she could possibly be.
It was then a light bulb lit up inside of his twisted head.
Without any second thoughts, Johnny C. raced down the hallway and bounded down the stairs. It looked like he knew exactly where to go.
--
Devi frowned in disappointment. She stood outside his door for at least fifteen minutes and he didn't show up. She figured he went out to grab his latest victim or something. She didn't let it affect her deeply though. There was always tomorrow, or whatever.
She knew it was cold out, so she drove to his house in her car. After her failed attempt to talk to him, she has since been driving around the city with no sense of purpose or direction with her radio playing softly in the background. Her mind felt like it was going in different directions.
I roll the window down
And then began to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
Her attention turned to the radio, which was playing a song she actually knew. It was Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie. She found it weird and oddly coincidental for such a song to be played on the radio at the most convenient time, so she turned up the volume. It felt like the entire interior of the car was being drenched with the song.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.
In response to the song Devi rolled her window down, despite the cold weather, and took a deep breath. The chilled air cooled her lungs and iced the uncertainty that has been boiling within her ever since he unexpectedly returned to the city. She took a few long seconds to stare at the unusually clear sky. There was hardly anyone on the road so safety didn't really matter at the moment.
"Do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.
The music was moving as slow as she was driving. It didn't matter how fast she was going. No one was on the road, like she noticed earlier. Devi pulled her head back inside the car and leaned against her seat, emerald eyes closed as if she was asleep. A faint smile twitched into her face.
It was almost the same night. It was cold. The moon was full. The stars were out and blinking like a hoard of fireflies.
There was no longer a need to be afraid of anything. The night was her comfort, a constant reminder of that night she spent with him, the sane part of him.
But sanity doesn't mean anything to her anymore.
Who was the one to call all the shots? Who was really the one in charge of whatever was going on in the world? Whoever it was, they weren't doing a very good job. There were so many people out there. There were so many faults, so many flaws, so many mistakes. Who was the one that said we were all created in our creator's image?
They say that whoever created us is perfect, immaculate, divine.
Hell, they were wrong.
Even creators have their faults.
When you feel embarrassed, I'll be your pride.
When you need directions, I'll be your guide.
For all time.
For all time.
The music stopped. Devi opened her eyes.
Through the dashboard window she was staring at an opening of a dark forest path that led to an open cliff overlooking the city. A single dead tree stuck up close to the edge. A crooked, worn out fence was placed around the cliff's perimeter. The dying grass swayed eerily in the icy wind.
How the hell did I end up here? Devi thought as she climbed out of her car. She swore she was in the city when she was listening to that song. She quickly shrugged the thought off and made her way towards the dead tree. She curled one arm around it and took a long look at the city.
It was so pretty from far away.
It was the inner details that made it so disgusting.
But it was impossible to see them from this far.
Was it possible to live life from far away?
She didn't want to look at the little things anymore. The little things only messed everything up. The general picture was nice. The little things weren't.
Let me see things from a far away perspective. I don't want to see everything up close. Make me naïve. Make me a regular human being.
"It's cold out." A familiar voice croaked from behind.
Devi spun around, her arm still latched onto the thin tree trunk. Johnny stood there with his hands in his pockets and his coat rippling in the wind. A solemn smile was plastered onto his pale face as he took a few steps forward.
"You come here often, don't you?" Devi remarked, recalling all the other times she came here to contemplate on her own, only to unintentionally bump into him. Johnny nodded and stared out into the distance. The city lights flickered like sparks in his dark brown eyes.
"I don't really have anywhere else to go when I need some alone time." He replied casually. Devi wanted to know what he meant by 'alone time', since he apparently lived alone, but she didn't want to look into it. She didn't want to know who else lived with him, either in his house or in his head.
"So do I. It takes me away from that shit you see down there." She said. No one spoke for awhile afterwards.
Ten minutes on, both grew tired of the awkward silence and they both turned to each other and spoke out simultaneously:
"I wanted to talk to you."
In an instant they both turned away with a tinge of pink on their cheeks. Devi inwardly cursed to herself while Johnny stared intently at his shuffling feet. A few seconds of silence later, Johnny decided to speak first.
"I-I don't know if this'll work out." He blurted.
A shock ran through Devi's spine and she spun on her heel. Johnny could feel her stare on his back.
"What are you talking about?" Devi asked. She didn't feel insulted or anything. She was just plain confused. Was there even anything to begin with?
"Look, you know I'm messed up in the head. That's the fuck of it-I'm some criminally insane freak with a lifetime of unbelievable stories. I came back here after seven years of sorting myself out only to realize that I'm not finished…fixing myself yet. I think I came back too early." Johnny explained tiredly. Devi frowned.
"I still don't understand what you're trying to say." She said. Johnny turned around to face her. He never felt so vulnerable before. He had no weapons concealed either.
"I'm leaving…again." He replied simply, and turned to make his way down the cliff. Devi shook her head and grabbed his sleeve.
"W-wait Nny, don't go…" She stuttered. What else was there to say? She couldn't stop him. She didn't even understand what he was exactly going through. She only got the general idea just recently.
"I have to, Devi. I don't know when and if I'm coming back. There are a lot of things I need to look into first before coming back for real. I can't say I'm finished with myself yet." Johnny said plainly. He shook himself free of her grip and continued walking. Devi stared at the skinny figure walking into the darkness.
There was no stopping him now.
You were too late.
Out of words and all feeling whatsoever, Devi had no other choice but to watch Johnny C. as he disappeared into the dense forest path.