George Lucas, please don't sue me for copyright infringement, I am not taking credit for your wonderful creations, nor will I ever. Thank you for your cooperation and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart
OBI-WAN: You don't want to sell me death sticks.
ELAN: I don't want to sell you death sticks…
OBI-WAN: You want to go home and rethink your life.
ELAN: I want to go home and rethink my life…
The young thug wanders off, hypnotized. Obi-Wan downs his drink in one gulp. His eyes open wide and he begins to gag, spitting and airing out his tongue.
OBI-WAN: gasping Diet...spits again
ANAKIN: If you'll excuse me...
Anakin jumps out of the speeder and falls
A large airbus full of kids cuts into Zam's path. She swerves
Anakin continues downwards...
OBI-WAN: Blast, I hate it...looks down Ugh...
Anakin looks around front and back of the 'requisitioned' speeder he's in with Obi-Wan. He spots something. He seems to start counting to himself as he watches something below approach.
OBI-WAN: That was some shortcut, Anakin. He went completely the other way. Once again, you've proved --
ANAKIN: If you'll excuse me?
Suddenly Anakin jumps out of the speeder! Obi-Wan looks down and sees Zam's speeder about five stories below them cruising past.
OBI-WAN: I hate it when he does that.
Anakin miraculously lands on top of the bounty hunter's speeder only to have his boots slip on the hood.
ANAKIN: (screams and the sounds of loud thumps are heard breaking them into segments until they grow faint)
Obi-Wan watches his padawan's descent and shakes his head.
OBI-WAN: Now, if you were mindful of the here and now, you would've known that speeder was freshly waxed.
Obi-Wan starts chuckling as he speeds off.
Obi-Wan and Anakin carry the mysterious assassin out of the nightclub and into a dark alley.
OBI-WAN: Do you know whom it was you were trying to kill?
ZAM: It was a senator from Naboo.
OBI-WAN: And who hired you?
ZAM: It was just a job.
ANAKIN: Who hired you, tell us. pauses for a few moments TELL US NOW!
ZAM: It was bounty hunter called --
OBI-WAN: Uuuughhh Passes out
Anakin and Zam look back and Jango shrugs.
JANGO: Oops, Sorry.
GL: Looking up WHERE DID I GO WRONG!
Obi-Wan quietly listens to the Separatist's plans for the Republic.
DOOKU: The Trade Federation have pledged their support, and when their battle droids are combined with yours, we shall have an army greater than anything in the galaxy. The Republic will be overwhelmed.
OBI-WAN: AAAAHHHH! Falls through the hole he was watching from, and lands on the table right in front of Dooku
OBI-WAN: Uh --- Hi?
GL: CUT!
LEIA: When you came in here didn't you have a plan for getting out.
HAN: Peas for brains sweetheart.
WAYS TO MISUSE A LIGHTSABER
Back Scratcher
Shish Kabob Stick
Pogo Stick
Cricket bat
Toothpick
Q-tip
Sword swallowing
Toothbrush
Can opener
10. Thermometer
11. Broom
12. Cane
13. Drum stick
14. Conductor's baton
15. Pencil
16. Lawnmower
17. Laser pointer
19. Razor
20. Flashlight
(Another one of my MasterCard parodies)
X-Wing: 10 000 Credits
Lightsaber: 325 Credits
Jedi Training: 600 Credits
Discovering that your father is the Dark Lord of the Sith: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else there's MasterCard
BOOK TITLES
"Anger Management 101" by D. L. Sidious
"Upon people, looking down" by Master Yoda
"How to Deal Deathsticks" by Coruscant Security Officer
"The Joy of Flying" by Obi-Wan Kenobi
"How to be a Good Father" by D. Vader
"A Guide to Civilised Behaviour" by Tusk N. Radar
"Successful Bounty Hunting" by Greedo
-Okay, I hope you enjoyed it! I might update it again and ideas are welcome. Thank you to pickles, padme's sister, Hippie Jade, Onimusha2b, Phantom'sJediBandieGirl, John The Shadow, Padfoot Reincarnated, .Sweet-KRAZY.03., Calyenna, Mutant Goldfish, and alhmo3224 for the reviews. The first one is on my hate of diet soft drinks. They are worse than the real thing yet everyone insists on drinking them. If you are on a diet, you don't drink Coke, Sprite, 7-Up etc. I think all the others are pretty self-explanatory.