Alright. Time to take a break from anime! One of my friends wrote this and he gave me permission to put it on fanfiction! Yay. Alright. Now this is weird, but this story has a theme song ok? There will be three chapters as each chapter is a book in the series! I hope you enjoy! (remember to review!)

Disclaimer : I don't own LOTR!

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Frodo Baggins (to the tune of "Spongebob Square Pants)

Who lives in a 5-foot tall house on Hobbit Avenue?

FRODO-BAGGINS!

And has the intelligence of dirty dog doo?

FRODO-BAGGINS!

If Hobbit madness be something you need.

FRODO-BAGGINS!

Then go on with this book and start to read!

FRODO-BAGGINS!

FRODO-BAGGINS, FRODO-BAGGINS, FRODO-BAGGINS,

FRODO-BAGGINS!

The Lord of the Rings the real story

The Fellowship of the Ring

It was a beautiful sunny day. Frodo was playing in the meadows when he met Gandolf.

"Gandolf", Frodo said, "I was hoping the ringraiths would have killed you by now. But, since you're here you might as well help me with my homework." They went inside.

On Frodo's math worksheet it read:

5+5 ?

2+3 ?

4+4 ?

2+4 ?

"Crud! It's addition. So hard," shouted Gandolf.

Later that day, Sam knocked on the door. Frodo answered it and Sam walked in. "Did you understand today's lesson in math?" asked Sam. Before Frodo could answer, Gandolf noticed something. There, on the ground, was a yellow ring. "What is this?" Gandolf asked. He picked it up and examined it closely. Frodo and Sam looked at it uninterested. On the ring, it read: FFFYYGFYGFYfyghfa . "What is this piece of crud?" Gandolf asked. "Well, it's no good to us." Gandolf tossed it in the fire they had lit.

"Now, I shall try and help you with your homework," said Gandolf.

"It's okay, Gandolf. I just won't do it."

"That's a great idea. You can be a slacker, like I was at your age," Gandolf said, remembering good old times:

Gandolf: 42 years

ago

"Yay!" everyone shouted. Just then Gandolf looked to his right and screamed in

horror (and like a girl).

"What's wrong?" asked Sam. Gandolf pointed to the ring in the fireplace. It had not been burned. That only meant one thing. "I'll be right back with my tommy guns, boys," said Gandolf, "We're going on a quest!"

They left the house when Sam asked, "Why are we going on a quest?" "I don't know. I think it'll be fun to be chased by the ringraiths," Gandolf answered. "Good thinking, Gandolf," Frodo congradulated. "But, Gandolf, what are the tommy guns for?" "For protection, no duh," said Gandolf. "No duh" is a product of fear," Frodo said. "No. You're not getting it. It's not that simple!" exclaimed Gandolf "But still, Let's go!" said Frodo. And they went on a journey to have the most fun of their lives. Or so they thought…………..

"Are we there yet?" Sam kept asking over and over and over again. "Will you shut up?" Gandolf finally asked. "Yeah, Sam, we've only been on this trip an hour," Frodo said a bit furious, "And if I hear another word from you again I'll….I'll….." "Are we there yet," Sam asked once more. That did it. Frodo reached into Gandolf's backpack and pulled out a tommy. Frodo's eyes were blazing red. Nothing could stop him now. "Calm yourself, Frodo," said Gandolf. "Okay," Frodo said easily convinced. They traveled seven miles longer. It was now night and Frodo and Sam convinced Gandolf to spend the night at the nearest "Best Western Hotel".

They got a room for $1250 which was a reasonable price, since it came with an icee machine, a seventy inch screen TV, and a computer (windows XP) with internet access. "What a perfect time to check my e-mail," said Frodo. He logged on. "Oh what do you know? My school e-mailed my about not doing my homework. Ha ha, Mrs. Dorchitzowichz sent it. The Elvish lady."

User Name: made some icees for the three and fell asleep watching TV.

Frodo dreamt about fighting the ringraiths. Sam dreamt about failing math. Gandolf dreamt about fluffy rabbits.

Suddenly, the ringraiths burst down the door. Everyone woke up. "Hand over the ring and we might spare your lives," said one of the ringraiths. Frodo answeed him while Sam snuck a tommy out of the bag. He loaded it, cocked it, and bam! He shot one at least five times. The ringraith looked down at where he had been shot and let out an evil laughter. But before he could pull out his sword, Gandolf, Frodo, and Sam had vanished. "Hey, where did they go?"

The three (Sam, Frodo, and Gandolf) ran and ran until they came to a local mall. "Ok, there's a pay phone; I'll call a cab to get us away from the ringraiths." Gandolf said.

"Why don't we just hide from the ringraiths inside?" questioned Sam. "No. We must get as far away as possible from them." Gandolf argued. "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "I WANNA HIDE INSIDE!" Sam yelled in an extremely whiny way. Gandolf was still not convinced. He put 50 cents in the payphone and called a cab.

Th cab later arrived and took them to a bar. "Thanks for the ride," said Sam and paid the kind cab driver. They walked in the bar and inside was, well basically an ordinary bar. There were fights, drunk hobbits, and much much more! In the corner they could spot a man, in the shadows. Frodo went to confront him while Sam and Gandolf ordered some drinks. "Hey, what are you doing over here missing out on all the fun?" Frodo questioned. "Hi, I'm Eragorn," said the man. "Does it look like I give a care what your name is? I asked you a question!" Frodo exclaimed. (We'll come back to those two later. Let's check up on Sam and Gandolf.)

"Oh ha uh ha ha…" said Sam. Uh oh, a little too many drinks there! "Oh Sam, why can't you control yourself?" said Gandolf right before he himself passed out. The poor little things. Let's get back to Frodo:

"Oh, right," Eragorn said leaning over to Frodo to whisper, "I'm actually a hitman." "A HITMAN? Frodo said louder than ever. Everyone in the bar looked over at them. "Thanks a lot you little punk." Eragorn was in a very tight situation now. He got up as fast as he could and headed towards the exit. "Stop that guy!"yelled the bartender. But the man standing in front of the exit stepped aside. "Thanks," said Eragorn making a quick escape."What the heck's the matter with you? You let him go."

It was just too much for Sam, who collapsed on top of Gandolf. That's where they slept. Gandolf had a dream that night. He dreamt that elves were shooting arrows at them and they were trying to hide (behind fluffy rabbits, of course). He woke with a fright, and woke up Sam and Frodo. "Every bloody night I can't get one bloody hour of sleep! What is it Gandolf?" exlcaimed/asked Frodo. "Something bad is going to happen unless we do something about it. Come on boys. We're going to the old basement!"said Gandolf.

"What's the old basement?" asked Sam. Gandolf didn't answer. They all just kept walking and walking until Gandolf suddenly stopped. "Here it is," Gandolf said. There was nothing but grass. He jumped four times in the same spot and out came a small keyboard out of the ground. He put in a 33 digit password and his thumb print. A small passage way opened. There were stairs that they were now walking down. They entered a door and in the room were five chairs. They each sat down in a chair and entered the white room.

"What do you need today Gandolf?" asked a voice from the walls. "We need bows……….. lots of bows." And then out of nowhere came thousands of different bows. "Take your pick, boys," Gandolf said. The boys weren't sure, but the tommys were out of ammo anyway, so the bows were really the only defense they had. "So what now?" asked Frodo. "We fight." "I am so going to regret this," said Sam. "My only regret is only having one life to give for this book," said Frodo truthfully. "Wow, you've truly touched me," said Sam. Gandolf looked at him with a disgusting face. "You're sick."

"We are going to need help fighting. I'll contact one of my old college buddies," said Gandolf. The phone rang at Gimli's house. He sat on the couch watching some old "Seinfeld" re-runs. He picked up the phone, "What?" Gimli asked. "Are you up to getting revenge on some elves?" questioned Gandolf. "What, who is this? No, the last time I tried attacking them, they shot on arrow at me. It hurt my feelings," complained Gimli. Gandolf hung up. He sighed but then said, "He's in."

"Gandolf, why are we going to Gimli's house?" asked Frodo while they walked. They had already gathered their weapons. "Uh……… because….. he…. umm…. invited us to have a drink," lied Gandolf. They continued walking until they got to "Fat Blvd." They knocked on Gimli's door. He opened it and and immediately tried to run away but the poor little thing just wasn't fast enough. It took all three of them to pick him up. He kicked and screamed and got the whole block's attention. All three of them were shaking because of his weight, but they managed to carry him to the nearest car rental place.

"What should we get? We have plenty of money." "Oh let's rent a corvette!" yelled Sam. "I don't know, Sam. I say we rent a Ferrari," Frodo said. "CORVETTE!" "FERRARI!" "CORVETTE!" "FERRARI!" "Let's get a Ferrari," said Gimli. It was settled. They rented a Ferrari, locked Gimli in the trunk, and owned the road. Just then a cop saw them. "Pull over your vehicle," shouted the cop.

They pulled over. The cop was an elf. "License and registration please," said the cop. "Shoot. I don't have my license with me," Gandolf mentioned worried. He quickly sped away. "Oh well," said the cop, "My shift ends in five minutes anyway. I can let this one get away. Besides he's got a baaaddd car! Whew," whislted the cop. "I think you should have written them a ticket," said a voice from the cop car. "I'm not paying you to be my consience," said the cop.

"That was too close." They stopped, suddenly, and their brakes screeched. Gandolf pressed the "eject passenger seat" button. "Whoooaaa!" yelled Sam as he flew up at

Gimli:

least 1400 feet in the air. "That was fun," Gandolf thought to himself. "Enough of the James Bond tricks. We have to focus," said Frodo. "Look, I like you, Brian. We have done a lot together. But I'm still going to have to kill you," said Gandolf. "What?"asked Frodo. "My name isn't "Brian". And you're not going to kill me. You will not kill me!" "Do as he says, Gandolf. I remember when I got my beating from Frodo. Whoo. Gives me chills just thinking about it," said Gimli from inside the trunk. "Wow that guy has good hearing," said Gandolf. "Okay. Whatever." Sam landed perfectly back in the seat. They happily drove along and sang some farm songs.

They drove until there appeared a cliff. They had been driving on a cliff and it ended up ahead. They parked and got off. They looked over the edge and saw probably at least about 60 elves.

"Quick, get the bows!" yelled Gandolf. Frodo unlocked the trunk and Gimli crawled out. Gandolf loaded his bow and fired arrow after arrow after arrow hitting an elf every time. Squirt He pooped one right in the eye. The elves launched flaming magma. All four of them ducked. It hit the car. "NO!" yelled the four of them. "At least it's a rental." All four shot more bows and killed more elves. Gimli ran out of arrows and hid behind the flaming car. He had been hit in the arm by an arrow. Sam and Gandolf ran out of arrows as well and joined him.

Frodo shot some more arrows and then ran out. Fortunately, there were only two elves left. He pulled out his sword and threw it at one of them; it was from at least 200 yards away. It hit the elf right in the head. Frodo was out of weapons and there was still one elf left. He took off his shoe and threw like he never had thrown before. The shoe flew in the air and Sam, Gandolf, and Gimli stared in awe. The shoe was close to the remaining elf and. ……….…. slice . It sliced right threw the last elf. Frodo's words to the dead elf were "You…….. meanie." And of course the elf just layed there.

Eragorn pulled up in a Lamborghini. "Well done, Frodo. I knew you had it in you."

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Well how did you like it? Good? Bad? Please review and tell me! The next chapter will be soon!

Rubber Chicken Freak ♥