Disclaimer: refer to chapter one
NOTE TO READERS: The response to chapter 26 was very positive. Thank you for all of the reviews. I guess we're getting down to the wire, so to speak. One more chapter to go if all goes as planned. Thanks again for sticking with it since the beginning. And, remember a review is a fanfiction writer's only payment!
Side Note: a segment from The Book of Common Prayer; the Burial of the Dead, Interment is used in the beginning of this story. And, just get through the first couple beginning paragraphs … things aren't as they seem.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
All That We Can't Leave Behind
By Dawn Nyberg
"…And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" excerpt from W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming
The minister stood at the grave sight as a cold wind whipped across the open cemetery. "Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust," the minister threw a handful of dirt into the open grave and indicated to the family to do the same. The minister began his final words, "in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through Lord Jesus Christ. Amen"
Dean felt numb. It had all gone so wrong, so quickly. He stared into the open grave and wanted desperately to crawl in and wait for the rest of the dirt to cover him up with his little brother. He couldn't leave Sammy in the cold earth alone. He felt a pressure on his shoulder and he resisted it, "Dean, son," John's voice was soft like a gentle spring breeze. He resisted still transfixed on the grave, Sam's grave. "Dean," the voice a little more insistent and he felt his shoulder being shaken. Dean snapped awake in the plastic chair of the Chanute Community Hospital ER waiting room. The remnants of the nightmare had left Dean a bit disorientated. He wasn't at his brother's grave, he hadn't lost Sam.
"Dad?" Dean looked at him blearily.
"Yeah, son it's me. You were dreaming. You okay?" John surveyed his oldest child.
"Yeah, just a bad dream," Dean looked around. "Any word on Sammy yet?" John smiled.
"The doctor came out about ten minutes ago, and they're stitching his forehead now. The CAT scan was clear, but they want to keep him over night for observation because of his prior head injury history. They've all ready contacted Dr. Myers and relayed his test results to her. Sam's going to be fine." John assured with a warm smile.
"Why didn't you wake me?" Dean snipped. He would have liked to hear the doctor's words with his own ears. Dean could see that Joshua and Jefferson were still nearby.
"Well, at the time you were sleeping peacefully and I didn't want to disturb you. They'll let us see Sammy once they get him settled in a room upstairs."
"Sorry I snapped at you," Dean offered with a small smile.
"It's okay. I know you're just worried about your brother."
Later that night, Chanute Hospital, Third Floor
John and Dean flanked each side of Sam's bed. The youngest member of their family had been awake earlier, but had fallen asleep two hours ago. "So," Dean began keeping his voice low. "Joshua and Jefferson went to a motel?"
"Yeah," John answered. "They wanted to make sure Sam was okay, and said they'd call in the morning to see if they were releasing him as scheduled."
"What time did the doctor say he'd sign Sammy's walking papers?" Dean asked.
"Around 9," John answered casually as he reached up and gently stroked Sam's hand resting along his side on top of the pale blue blanket covering him.
They sat in silence for a while listening to the sound of Sam's heart monitor. "They really need all this junk?" Dean motioned toward the monitors and the IV.
"The doc said it was standard equipment for the Observation unit," he replied. "I hate seeing the stuff too, but he's gonna be fine. "And the IV is just to hydrate him. Sammy will be out of here tomorrow and we can go home." Dean nodded at his father and shifted his eyes to his little brother's sleeping form. Sam stirred and opened his eyes. Dean and John both leaned forward. "Sammy?" Dean's voice was anxious. His brother turned his head and looked at his big brother.
"Hey," his voice was soft. Dean smiled.
"Hey kiddo," John spoke. "You feelin' okay? You're not in any pain are you?" Sam smiled at the concerned face of his father.
"I'm fine," he replied quietly as he stifled a small yawn. "I get out of hh…here tomorrow, right?"
"Yes," John confirmed.
"Get some more sleep Sammy," Dean chimed in.
"Not tt…tired," Sam said around another yawn. Both Dean and John chuckled low.
"Sure Sammy whatever you say," Dean replied with an amused look on his face.
Mid-morning, Chanute Hospital Lobby
"I cc…can walk Dad," Sam complained to his father as an orderly pushed them toward the automatic doors.
"I know Sammy, but its hospital policy," he offered. As soon as they were outside Sam was allowed to stand and walk on his own. Dean followed a couple minutes later.
"Sorry," he offered as he walked up to his family. "Just taking care of some paperwork." John nodded knowing Dean was handling the health coverage aspect of Sam's care and overnight stay. "So, how we doin' this?" Dean asked. "I mean we both have our cars here."
"Yeah, you and Sammy can go together," John began. "And follow me. We're going to meet Joshua and Jefferson for a late breakfast before we all go our own way. They're meeting us up the street at a diner called, Tip O' the Town. Dean and Sam both exchanged looks and laughed. "Yeah, I know, but you know small towns," John mused.
"Let's get out of hh…here," Sam eagerly replied.
"Yeah, let's get out of here." Dean motioned his head in the direction of the Emergency Room parking lot where they had parked the previous night.
A Month and a Half Later, March 2009
Sam had opted not to take classes this quarter, and was nearing the end of his OT assignment at the campus and had the day off. Sam still attended his OT rehab on Fridays, but had finished with PT and speech rehab during January and February respectively. His father had come home from work about an hour ago and was filling out checks for the cable and phone bill in the kitchen. Dean wasn't expected home after work. He was going to April's to wash up and they had plans. Sam sat at his laptop surfing the net. He idly rubbed the bridge of his nose. The pressure headache that had begun a few moments ago was getting worse. The white hot pain was blossoming behind his eyes. His eyesight began to flash like an electrical storm, and he knew a vision was coming. "Dad!" Sam managed to bark as he clung to his desk. The vision was coming on slow and the pain was intensifying.
John heard his son's urgent sounding call and he left the kitchen table running. "Sam!" John ran into his son's room just in time to see Sam begin to sag to the floor. He supported him easily against himself as he lowered them both to the ground. "Sammy what is it?"
"Vision," Sam panted. "Cc…coming." And then Sam was swallowed by the pain. John held his son against his chest as Sam went limp in his arms when the vision finally settled into his mind. John watched his young son's face and hated the blank, unseeing eyes of his child. It was as if Sam wasn't there anymore and had left just his shell behind. It was unnerving to John Winchester. He had never seen a vision before and idly wondered how Dean had managed not to lose his mind the first time he saw his brother have one. He stared at Sam's pupils widely dilated like they were in a dark room trying to see in the shadows. He watched them dilate back to a more normal diameter and he saw Sam blink lazily as he surfaced from the vision. John rubbed a nervous hand across Sam's forehead pushing away small beads of sweat. He caressed Sam's bangs back nervously.
"Sammy? Can you here me, its dad." John waited. "Sam?"
"Dad?" Sam's voice had this confused tone to it and he looked blearily up to his father. He focused on John's face.
"Yeah, it's me," John assured softly. "You okay?"
"Fire dad," Sam answered with an absent tone to his voice. John could see Sam's eyes were distant his son's mind was trying to recollect what he had seen.
"Fire? What fire? Where?" John asked in rapid succession. Sam didn't respond. "Sammy? What fire?" He gently patted his son's face.
"Nursery." Sam whispered. "Dad?" Sam tried to sit up, but he knew what he was feeling as it started in his fingertips. "Seizure coming," he whispered as he gave up trying to sit up and relaxed into his father's embrace. John quickly lowered Sam further down on the floor and loosely held his son's head as he supported it in his lap.
"It's okay Sammy," John encouraged. "I'm here. It's gonna be okay." The seizure came and soon half of Sam's body was engulfed in waves of jerking spasms that seemed to make one whole side of his young body taut as a pulled rubber band and then release only to tighten again. John tried to gently turn his son partially onto his non-seizing side as the seizure continued. Sam's head bucked as his neck muscles contracted. "It's okay," John whispered over and over, the words becoming a mantra. It felt like forever as the seizure began to slow. Sam's cheeks were flushed and the red looked shocking against his pale, sweat sheen covered face. His eyes looked pained. There were tremors working through Sam's body and his father never wavered. He held his son and kept speaking to him in that familiar calm and warm voice.
"Starting again," Sam hissed through a clenched jaw. "some … wrong," his words broke as he tried to warn his father.
"Again? Sam?" John held his son just as he had been with his head in his lap. "Sammy?"
"Bad," was all Sam got out before another seizure started just as the former one had ebbed down to quiet tremors.
"Oh Christ!" John hissed. His son was in trouble. "Sammy!" John urgently yet gently pulled himself out from under his son making sure he wouldn't thrash into something and hurt himself. He grabbed for the phone in a panic as he watched Sam's whole body begin to seize and his eyes roll back into his head.
911, What's your emergency?
"My son. He's having a seizure. I need an ambulance. Now!"
Sir, is he still actively seizing?
"Yes, dammit. He has a seizure disorder caused by a head injury that happened a year ago. Please hurry!"
The ambulance has been dispatched. Sir, what disorder does he suffer?
"Jacksonian seizures, but this isn't one of them." John watched horrified. "Oh, God, his lips, they're starting to turn blue!"
Sir, is he still seizing?
"Yes! I need help, now!" John heard the ambulance pull up outside. "They're here," he shouted and slammed the phone down.
Capitol Region Medical Center, Emergency Room, Three Hours Later
John hated this part the most, waiting. Sam had been whisked into a trauma room as soon as they arrived at the hospital. John had followed in his truck. His mind was reeling over everything. These damn visions are going to kill my boy his mind spat. It seemed that both times now that Sam had had a vision since his accident that they either triggered or made a small seizure far more worse. His mind was also replaying what his son had mentioned of the vision before the seizure. Fire and nursery two words that did not bode well and John felt a cold pit in his stomach. But, right now he didn't care about the content of the vision he was only worried about his baby son.
"Mr. Winchester," John looked up and stood instantly. The doctor extended his hand. "I'm Dr. Savage, I'm the on call neurologist replacing Dr. Kendrick while he's on sabbatical. John was remotely relieved that Dr. Kendrick wouldn't be Sam's physician. He offered his hand and a firm handshake.
"Doctor, how is my boy?"
"Stable. The paramedics were able to stop the seizure with medication at the scene which is good. They reported he was experiencing apnea during his seizure."
"Apnea?"
"Oh, it means he stopped breathing while he was seizing," he paused. "In a sense he was holding his breath. That's why his lips were turning blue."
"He's okay now though, right?"
"I have him on some oxygen right now via a mask, but I assure you he is breathing on his own. I looked at his rather extensive medical file we have on your son and I have taken the liberty to call and relay his latest seizure episode to his on file neurologist Dr. Rose Myers."
"Thank you. What about Sam though?"
"Well, I don't need to tell you that what he experienced wasn't a Jacksonian seizure. Perhaps, it may have begun as such, but obviously turned into a life threatening event. I have on file that he has experienced only one other major seizure in the past is that true?"
"Yes, my oldest son told me he had one when I was in the hospital a few months ago, and they kept him for a couple days for observation, but he's been good lately." John paused. "He hit his head back in January in a fall and was unconscious for a few minutes. We had him looked at by a hospital and they kept him over night … that didn't cause this did it?"
"No," the doctor assured with a mild smile. "This is an organic problem caused by his previous traumatic brain injury. This isn't anyone's fault."
"Is he conscious?"
"In and out. It's not uncommon for a patient to be altered or sleepy after a major seizure. He was able to respond physically to verbal commands, but he drifted off again." John nodded.
"May I see him?"
"I'm having a couple tests run and once I get a new MRI we'll be sending him up to the ICU for the night and barring any complications myself and his neurologist Dr. Myers would like to have him moved to the Neurology unit for further observation and to see about adjusting his meds and quite possibly his dosing schedule. Dr. Myers will be in tomorrow morning to assess Sam herself. If you want to wait upstairs in the family waiting room for ICU they will send a nurse to come get you when you can see him."
"Thank you," John shook the doctor's hand. John looked at his watch as he walked to the elevator to go wait upstairs. He hoped it wouldn't be another three hours before he saw his son again.
Later that Night, April's Apartment
"I enjoyed dinner tonight," she whispered as she snuggled close to Dean. "Who would have ever thought you'd even know about a place like the Parisian Bistro."
"Hey," Dean quipped as he ran a hand through her hair. "I'm what you'd call a Renaissance Man." April laughed out loud.
"Maybe, in your own mind," she laughed. "Do you even know what that means?" Her eyes were watering from the laughter. Dean turned red and she laughed louder. He pouted. "Oh, poor baby," she cooed as she moved her self up into his lap on the couch. "Forgive me I didn't mean it," her voice was amused. "Forgive?"
"I will for one thing," he answered with a mischievous grin as he tapped his lips. She smiled.
"I think I can oblige." They kissed and pretty soon everything else was forgotten.
Later that night, 9:30 PM … ICU, Sam's Room
John sat at his son's side holding his hand and stroking his hair. He was speaking nonsense words to him as he waited for him to open his eyes. Two IV bags hung beside the bed and dropped steady pre-programmed drops of fluids and meds into his son. Sam's heart monitor beeped quietly and steady. His pulse-OX meter showed good oxygen levels. Sam's oxygen mask had been replaced by a nasal cannula. John thought the pale green tubing running under his son's nose and across his cheeks made Sam's pale skin look even paler. "Geez, Sammy," John whispered to his son's silent features. "You're aging your old dad by the decades with each trip to the hospital. And, your brother…" John's words died off quickly as he realized that he had forgotten to call Dean. "Shit," he complained under his breath. "I forgot to call your brother Sammy. I'll be right back son." John hovered over Sam a moment and stepped outside of the ICU. He hated the rule about no cell phone calls in the ICU because of equipment, but it made sense, so he complied. He pulled out his cell phone and filed through names and highlighted his son's name and pushed send.
April's Apartment
Dean and April fit perfectly together under the soft sheets. Dean had pulled her against himself spooning her back. "This is nice," she whispered.
"Yeah," he answered softly into the back of her head and pulled her a little closer. The sound of his cell phone ringing made Dean sigh … "Can you reach it 'Pril?" Dean asked using the shortened version of her name he had one day nicknamed her with.
"Sure," she answered easily as she reached out in front of her to the nightstand and grabbed the phone and handed it to Dean. They shifted against each other as Dean looked at the caller ID. She curled up against his chest as he turned over on his back. He frowned when he saw the name on the screen, 'Dad' blinked in unison with the ringing.
"Dad?" Dean answered.
"Yeah, son it's me," John sounded tired and stressed.
"What is it? What's wrong?" April felt Dean's chest and arm muscles tense under her.
"It's Sammy Dean we're at the hospital," John's voice remained steady. "He had a bad seizure."
"Oh God," Dean answered sitting up. "Dad?" Dean asked when the line had been quiet for what he thought was too long.
"I'm here. Dean I would have called sooner, but I lost track of time and I…"
"It's okay Dad, I understand. I'm on my way," Dean replied as he put his legs over the edge of the bed.
"We're in the ICU," John answered. "Dean…"
"Yeah?" Dean didn't like the sound of his father's voice.
"He had another vision." John said bluntly into the phone. Dean closed his eyes for a moment.
"I'll be there soon Dad. Tell Sammy I'm on my way."
"See you soon son," John replied. "Drive safely."
"I will." Dean snapped his phone shut and stood up to get dressed.
"Dean, what's wrong?"
"Sammy had a bad seizure. That was my Dad. Sam's in the ICU."
"Are you in any shape to drive?" April asked as she wrapped a sheet around her loosely while she sat up.
"I'm good. I'm sorry about …" Dean looked at her.
"Oh, Dean honey, it's your little brother. And anyway last time I checked a sick little brother trumps a girlfriend any day of the week," she smiled as she climbed up on her knees to touch him as he stood in front of her.
"Thanks 'Pril I'll call when I can, okay?" he said hastily as he grabbed his wallet and cell phone stuffing both into his denim jacket. He turned to leave and stopped at the door. He turned quickly and approached her gave her a quick peck, "love you," hurried out of his mouth and he was gone. April sat dumbfounded at his words. She mulled those two words over and over in her head. Did he just say 'love you' her mind reeled. She smiled.
ICU, Sam's Room
Traffic hadn't been bad, and Dean made record time from April's apartment. He walked into the ICU unit and saw Sue. "Hi Sue."
"Hi Dean, long time no see," Sue answered with a smile. "Sam's in that room there," she pointed. "Your father is with him. Sam's resting comfortably."
"Thanks." Dean hurried to his brother's room. It was the room he had been in over a year ago when he'd suffered his brain injury. Dean felt a wave of cold run through him as the memory threatened to consume him. "Dad?" Dean whispered as he walked into the room and met his father's eyes.
"Hi son."
"How's he doing?" Dean asked as he stood over Sam and looked down at his little brother. He looked over the equipment around his brother and frowned at the oxygen tubing.
"He's stable. I've been waiting for him to wake up, but so far nothing." Dean cast a worried look at his father.
"Did he wake up in the ER?"
"The doctor said he was in and out, but he responded to verbal commands. He said he may sleep for a while." Dean let out a sigh and looked behind himself and hooked the leg of a nearby chair with his foot and pulled it closer and sat down beside his little brother.
"How bad was it Dad?"
"The doctor said it was a major seizure. His lips were turning blue at home, but the seizure wouldn't stop. The paramedics got it under control with some IV meds, and they had to bag him with some oxygen, and he started breathing on his own again right away." John ran a nervous hand though his hair. "It scared the shit out of me Dean. There wasn't anything I could do for him during the worst of it." Dean smiled sympathetically at his father.
"I know how you feel." He commented. "Dad, what happened though? You said he had a vision," Dean asked in a hushed tone.
"I was in the kitchen and he called out for me. I held him through the vision, but as soon as it was over he had a Jacksonian seizure on the left side of his body, but as soon as it was going away he looked at me and barely had time to warn me that another one was coming. He knew it was going to be bad." John's eyes looked haunted as he recounted the evening's events.
"Did he have time to tell you about the vision?" Dean studied his father's serious look at the question. "What was it about?"
"He only got out two words," John hedged for a moment. "Fire and nursery." Dean's eyes shifted from his father's to rest on his brother's silent features. His face conveyed to John the level of concern Dean was feeling, and he understood it because he felt it too.
Two Hours Later
"I think he's waking up," Dean commented with excitement. John leaned forward resting a hand on one of Sam's blanket covered legs. "Sammy?" Dean said softly. Both men watched as the youngest member of their family opened his eyes. Sam looked from his brother to his father. He lifted his hand and looked at the IV needle inserted in the back of his hand. He blinked and scanned the room idly.
"Hh… hospital?" he croaked. John stood up to get a glass of water for his son's dry throat.
"Yeah, Sammy," Dean answered as he helped to raise Sam's head while supporting it with his hand to help him drink from the cup his father was now holding to his brother's lips. "Slow sips," he encouraged. Sam took a couple grateful drinks of the cool liquid and pulled back indicating he was done for now.
"Thanks," he whispered to both his family members. They both smiled warmly at Sam.
"How you feelin' kiddo?" John asked as he reached up touched his youngest son's face.
"Tired," he answered honestly. His eyes suddenly widened as he remembered. "Vision, I hh…had a vision."
"I know," John answered. "What do you remember?"
"Too late now," his voice sounding broken.
"Maybe not Sammy," Dean hedged. "Dad said you mentioned fire and a nursery. There might be time. It might be days away from happening," Dean encouraged.
Sam went on to explain that the only remnants of the vision that remained with him were of the fire, the nursery, a crib and the demon watching a small child in its crib. He described a flash of a driveway and a car with Montana plates YTR 2470. "That's all I cc…can remember." John smiled.
"That's more than enough Sammy." John exchanged looks with his oldest son and Dean nodded.
"I'll stay with Sammy while you make some phone calls." John nodded as he stood. He reached down and ran a hand affectionately through Sam's hair and left. Dean turned his gaze back to his brother. "Get some more sleep Sammy," he urged.
"I don't rr…remember the seizure Dean," Sam began. "Not the second one. Bad, huh?"
"Yeah, you scared the crap out of Dad. Me too," he answered honestly.
"Sorry," Sam replied quietly.
"Sammy don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I know," Sam answered with a smile. "I meant … I'm sorry Dad hh…had to bother you at April's." Dean smiled at his brother's knowing grin.
"She understood. Now get some sleep." He watched his brother close his eyes and soon his breathing was evened out in sleep. Dean's mind recounted his parting words with April love you, he drummed his fingers nervously on the arm of his chair. He had meant the words, but was only now feeling the impact of saying them. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous movement he had never been able to break himself of in all these years, and with a smile he thought like father like son as he remembered his own dad did the same thing.
Dean looked at his watch and noted his father had left to make phone calls over thirty minutes ago. John seemed to walk in as if on cue. "I was wondering about you," Dean whispered to his father being mindful not to wake his brother.
"I called Joshua and had him check some things out," John's tone was hushed in the dimly lit hospital room.
"And?" Dean knew that look in his father's eyes. "Something is up isn't it? The Demon?"
"It seems there were some cattle deaths reported just yesterday in a city in Montana, and there have been strange weather fluctuations the last couple days or so. And, the license plate Sammy saw in his vision checked out." John pulled a folded scrap piece of paper out of his jeans pocket. "It's registered to a Trevor and Crystal Breems. And, Joshua looked in the state online records for Cascade county birth records and it looks like they recently had a third child, a boy, who will be six months old in four days."
"Where in Montana?"
"Eden." Dean and John exchanged knowing looks as the irony of the town's name wasn't lost on them.
"Four days, huh?" Dean exchanged a concerned look with his father. "What are you going to do?"
"Joshua has some contacts in Montana he's going to try to figure something out, but…"
"But, you think you need to go, right? I mean, you've got the Colt and the last bullet."
"Dean I'm not gonna leave to go anywhere with Sammy just getting out of the hospital in a day or so." His tone was one of defense.
"Dad, I'm not accusing you of anything," Dean assured. "Look I don't want another family to go through the same hell we did, and Sammy will understand. He's gonna be fine dad. He and I have been up this seizure road before. It's okay. He's going to be fine."
"But, Dean?"
"Dad, it's okay." Dean offered a slight smile. He nodded his head in his brother's direction. "You know he doesn't even remember the second seizure," he commented.
"He doesn't?"
"Nope, just the first one and the fragments of the vision he had. I really don't even think he remembers anything from the ER to tell you the truth." John looked concerned and Dean offered him a comforting look. "It's okay Dad. You should have seen him after the first bad seizure. When he finally came to he was screaming and yelling for me and Dr. Myers said he was altered and stuff."
"That's when he told you he had a vision about me, right? The one that saved my life?" Dean nodded. "Son, I'm worried about these visions of his," John reached up and placed his hand on Sam's forearm. "Will they all cause seizures? This can't go on."
"Dad, we'll deal okay… I mean what choice do we have? Maybe, it'll get better," Dean hedged.
"And, if they don't?" John commented. "His life could be in danger with each vision he has."
"Dammit dad," Dean hissed quietly as he stood up abruptly. "Don't you think I know that?" Dean turned and left his brother's room. John sat there shocked for a moment at his oldest son's sudden outburst and quick retreat. He stood and looked at Sam for a moment and went after his other child. John walked through the ICU unit and out into the hallway. There was no sign of Dean and John walked toward the ICU waiting room thinking Dean wouldn't go far from his little brother especially while he was in the intensive care unit. He stood in the doorway of the waiting room and quickly noticed the only occupant was his firstborn staring at the floor as he sat in a far corner chair. John entered quietly.
"Dean?" He spoke gently and Dean raised his eyes to meet his fathers. John could see the glassy eyes of his child and knew Dean was fighting tears. "Hey kiddo," John sat down and patted Dean's knee closest to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," John began. "It's just when I'm nervous I think out loud, I…"
"Don't Dad," Dean answered. "I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that, it's just…"
"It's just what?"
"Sammy Dad I can't keep him safe from this, from himself. I wasn't even there for him tonight when it happened…" John interrupted his son.
"Stop right there Dean," John replied. "This isn't your fault. And, I know you love your brother, but you're entitled to a life of your own. You can't watch him 24/7 and you know what … he doesn't want it either. You couldn't have prevented what happened." John studied his son's tormented and worried features. "You didn't let Sammy down Dean. You didn't fail your brother." Dean looked at his father suddenly and John saw it in his young eyes. That was what he needed to hear.
"I didn't?"
"No, you didn't." John affirmed boldly.
"It's just I remember the first bad one he had, and now this one," Dean's voice shook. "Dad what if it had happened and he was alone?"
"Dean we've taken just about every precaution we can with Sammy. He wears the oxygen monitor at night and I'm usually home with him or you are. He's not alone for long durations. And, Dean, son … I know this isn't something you want to hear and frankly I don't even like saying it, but we can't smother him in protection. And, maybe some day we might not be there, it's just something we're going to have to accept." Dean turned intense eyes to his father.
"Dad, don't you get it? When he has a bad seizure he stops breathing Dad … if we're not there or someone else isn't then he'll die Dad. I can't accept that Sammy could die from something we could prevent."
"Hey hold up there sport," John's voice remained gentle. "We can't prevent anything. Dean, you do know that even if he gets immediate help there is always the chance he could still die."
"I know," the admission was quiet and haunted. "I just can't imagine life without him Dad. I wish I could turn back the clock and take back all the shit that's happened to him since that night with the Demon and the wreck."
"I know, me too. Hell, I wish I could take back all the years I drug you boys all over the country demon hunting. I made you grow up too fast Dean, and I apologize." John turned sincere eyes to his son.
"It's okay Dad. It's the way it had to be."
"No, it's not okay." John replied. "I should have been there for you and Sammy a hell of a lot more than I was while you were little. I made so many mistakes. I put too much on your shoulders and you never really got the chance to be a kid. You took care of Sammy, and you took care of me. Dean, I'm so proud of you. I look at you some days and I'm amazed you're my son, and I'm so thankful."
"Dad…"
"Nah, don't say anything, okay? I meant what I said, and it's long overdue."
"Thanks dad," Dean answered with a sheepish smile. "Dad, despite everything I know and even Sammy knows … you always did the best you could when we were little."His eyes became briefly distant for a moment and John knew what was on his child's mind.
"Thinkin' about Sammy?"
"More like worrying," Dean conceded.
"Look let's stop being all maudlin over Sammy's seizure's okay? He's gonna be okay. Come on, you wanna go sit with your brother? I'll give you boys some privacy. I think I'm gonna go get a cup of caffeine." Dean smiled at his father.
"Thanks Dad."
"For what?" John looked genuinely surprised.
"Just thanks." John smiled and pulled his son into an impromptu hug, and patted him on the back as they separated.
Sam's ICU Room
Dean watched his brother sleep peacefully. He leaned in and spoke softly to his sibling. "Hey, Sammy, it's your big brother," he began with a hint of a smile. "Look kiddo things are gonna be okay. We'll figure out the visions and how to handle them, and if we figure out it's something we can't fix … then we'll deal with it, okay? Together as a family." Dean whispered and stroked his brother's unruly bangs. Sam stirred under his brother's gentle touch. Dean smiled as his brother's eyes opened slowly and focused on his face. "Hey," he spoke gently.
"Hey," Sam replied. He casually looked around his room. "Where's dad?"
"He went for a cup of Joe and thought he'd let us have some time."
"Dd…did he find out anything?"
"Sammy you don't need to worry about that right now," Dean urged. "You need to rest and relax."
"I did rest," Sam complained. "What did Dad ff…find out?"
"The license plate checked out and the third kid in the family turns six months old in four days, okay? Joshua is calling his contacts in Montana to try and help the family."
"Dad going?" Dean shrugged as a response. "He has tt…to go, Dean," Sam answered bluntly. "He's got the Colt. That family needs hh…help."
"And, they'll get it son," John replied from the door to Sam's room. "But, you sport need to relax, okay. There's no sense you getting all bent out of shape," John encouraged. "It won't do you any good, got it?"
"Yes, sir." Sam relented.
"Look I called Dan and I'm taking some days off," John began. "I hate to leave you boys, but you're right I gotta go."
"Let us cc…come Dad," Sam spoke quietly. John smiled warmly.
"No, son, you boys need to stay here okay? I'm not doing this alone alright? So don't worry about me."
"Dad you know we will anyway," Dean commented.
"I know. Look if there isn't a clear opportunity to kill this bastard I'm not going to use the gun, but if we can save this family I'm making that my first priority." Sam and Dean nodded.
Three Days Later, The Winchester House
Sam walked into the kitchen rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Hey sleeping beauty," Dean quipped. "That new seizure med still agreeing with you?" Sam nodded and opened the refrigerator. "Yeah, well after that last new one you were allergic too; just don't wait until you're hurling to say something, alright?"
"Yeah," Sam answered. "So, you hear from dad?"
"He called late last night and he's okay. I guess Joshua decided to join in on the hunt."
"Who's there?"
"Dad said Carl and Tanner are gonna help."
"Who?"
"Yeah, I didn't think you'd remember them. Um, you were pretty little when they last saw you." Dean said with a grin.
"What?"
"Nothin'"
"Nah, what?" Dean chuckled.
"It's just I think you were about three when they last saw you and I remember you were going through phase of pulling your diaper off and you run around with it." Sam turned red.
"Oh God, and I dd…did that with them around."
"Yeah, you were a regular exhibitionist Sammy," Dean laughed. "Geez, I remember when you started walking on your own you would go gang busters around the house or wherever we were staying," he paused. "And, I remember Dad thought since you started walking early that you'd be easy to break of diapers, but man, you gave Dad a hard time with the potty training. You wanted nothing to do with the kiddie toilet he got you, and the regular one, well, you were more interested in putting your bathtub toys in the toilet bowl and flushing it to watch them spin."
"You take great humor in my youth … dd…don't you?"
"Can you blame me?" Dean said with a wide smile. "But, hey at least I never took any pictures of you running around naked swinging your diaper around. Well, except for that time you were streaking in the front lawn of this run down house dad rented when you were, I think four."
"Stop, please," Sam begged.
"Nah, man, it was cute. You heard Dad pull up when I was trying to give you a bath and you bolted from that tub so quick I couldn't stop you. You ran out of the house buck naked, soaking wet with a pile of baby shampoo suds on top of your head. It was priceless man."
"Kill me now." The brothers shared a laugh. "So," Sam decided to change the subject. "Larry didn't mind you taking off?"
"Nah, he's always been cool with me having time off when I need it, and he knew you were in the hospital again."
"Sorry, things gg..get ss…screwed up when my ss…seizures happen." Dean recognized the increased stuttering from his brother.
"Hey, Sammy, look it's not anything you need to apologize for. It is what it is. And, I don't want you getting upset about it, alright?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Why dd…don't you and April get together tonight?"
"Can't she's been taking some classes to finish another degree."
"What now? She's already does PT and ss..speech thh…therapy."
"Yeah, well, I guess she's just taking a handful of courses and a short nursing residency to allow her to take her state boards for her R.N."
"A nurse?"
"Yeah, I guess my girl is a geek academic like my little brother," Dean snorted at the irony of that. Sam smiled wide. "What?"
"You said, 'my girl.'"
"Shut up," Dean replied as his face turned red.
"Dean and April kissing in a tt…tree…" Dean swatted at Sam and then grabbed him locking him in a light head lock. Sam laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, shut your cakehole."
"She quitting her thh…therapy stuff?"
"Nah, she's still gonna do that, but I think she's going to be an ER nurse part-time. I guess she only needed a few courses after everything she's already taken for her other degrees."
"ER huh? I gg…guess I'll see her ss…sooner or later, huh?" Dean turned serious eyes to his brother.
"Not funny Sammy."
"Not a joke," Sam replied casually. "You knn…know my track record."
"Yeah, I do, but still…" Dean shook his head at his brother. "I don't want to hear you talk like that."
"Yeah," Sam decided it was pointless to say anything else. His words had pushed the big brother panic button.
Three Days Later, Friday
A persistent ringing pulled Dean from the haze of sleep. He opened his eyes and could see the sun hadn't even come up yet and as he reached for the phone he saw the clock clearly stated why it was still dark outside, 3:30AM. He fumbled in the dark quickly for the phone. He prayed it was his father. He and Sam hadn't heard from there father at all since the day before John and the other hunters were going to hunt the Demon in the city of Eden.
"Dad?" Dean's voice was sleep inflected and he cleared his throat. "Dad?" He asked again when there was nothing, but empty air. He heard a throat clear on the other end.
"No, Dean, it's Josh." Dean felt a wave of fear roll over him. He took a steadying breath.
"Is he alive?" Dean's voice wavered despite his best efforts to conceal his panic.
"Yeah," Josh replied. Dean heard something in his voice.
"What is it? Is he hurt? I want to talk to my dad."
"Listen Dean this gig was a complete cluster fuck, okay," Josh's voice was harsh and tired. "That evil bastard wasn't alone. He brought friends. Things went bad."
"Where's my dad!" Dean hissed into the phone.
"Johnny's all messed up," Joshua's voice sounded haunted. Dean's hand shook as it held the phone to his ear.
"Messed up? He's hurt?"
"They all cooked. The place went up like a roman candle," Joshua spoke almost absently into the phone. "The baby didn't burn. It was like he was protected from the flames long enough to be rescued, but the smoke it was bad. He wasn't breathing … the paramedics couldn't save him. They tried." Dean listened to the man continue to ramble on the phone. He just wanted to know if his father was okay. "Jesus, Dean the whole family, we lost them all. The demon and your daddy they looked right at each other through the flames. It looked like they were saying something to each other before the Demon fuckin' disappeared. Your dad couldn't get a clean shot off."
"Dammit Joshua, my dad is he alive. Is he hurt? Where the hell is he?"
"He asked me to call you." Joshua answered suddenly, as if finally coming out of his state of shock. "He's at the hospital in Eden."
"Oh, God, how bad is he hurt?"
"John? No, your daddy is fine. A little smoke inhalation, but he's fine. He's there waiting to hear about Carl," Joshua answered. "Tanner is sitting with him. I'm outside in the parking lot. I just got here. Had to talk to the police, you know how it goes … cover stories. They wanted a second interview. No worries."
"So, he's not admitted or anything?" Dean needed to clarify that his dad wasn't hurt physically.
"No, he's fine. I think he's just still a little too messed up to talk to you, but he wanted you to know he's okay and he'll call you soon."
"But, he's late calling anyway. How long has he been at the hospital? I mean you guys were due for the hunt on Wednesday night. It's Friday."
"Yeah, well, okay," Joshua conceded. "Your daddy was unconscious for most of Wednesday night after the hunt and most of Thursday morning. He had some smoke inhalation, so they kept him for observation, and believe me as soon as he woke up he wanted me to call you because he couldn't. Look sorry I took until today. It's just Carl is in a bad way, and we've all been preoccupied." Josh took a pause. "Believe me when John found out I hadn't called you yet he was pissed, but he left his phone back at the motel we were all holding up in and he hasn't gone back there yet."
"Tell him to call home when he can Josh."
"Yeah, will do. He wanted me to ask you how you and you're brother were doing? Things okay?"
"Yeah, tell him we're fine."
"Okay, good deal. I'm sure he'll have his phone later today when he finally leaves the hospital. Carl is touch and go. They say his lungs were really damaged in the fire, and you know your daddy and Carl go way back." Dean nodded to himself. He did know. John and Carl had been friends for years and had hunted side by side for many hunts.
Two Weeks Later
The Winchester house had been quiet. John had returned over a week ago after making sure Carl's family was okay after that funeral. He hadn't said much since his return other than to assure his son's he was feeling okay physically. He had gone back to work at the garage, but Dean knew his father was troubled. Sam did too, but oddly enough he had been giving his father space since his return and Sam hadn't been full of questions like Dean had expected. Sam had gone to Ivy Ridge today via the bus because he said he had a check-up and he just wanted to do it on his own. John and Dean both were reluctant to let him go that far, but Sam was entitled to his independence, and they let him.
"Dad?" Dean walked into the kitchen where his Dad was sitting at the table with his journal and he was writing in it. John looked up at his son when he heard him call his name.
"Yeah, son."
"You writing?"
"I just wanted to update some contact names and numbers that's all."
"Dad? You okay?" John studied his son.
"Not yet, but I will be," he answered honestly. "It's just I'm so tired of losing friends and people we care about. First Jim and then Caleb … now Carl. He shouldn't be gone, and I'm pissed." Dean nodded solemnly.
"Dad," Dean's voice was hesitant. "Uh…"
"What is it?"
"You know when Joshua called he told me how bad things had gone, but he mentioned that he thought he saw you and the demon say something to one another through the flames. Did you?" John looked away suddenly with haunted eyes.
"He shouldn't have said anything," John finally spoke after a long silence.
"But, he did," Dean replied. "What was said?" John shook his head.
"It's not important."
"Bullshit."
"Watch your language Dean," John chastised lightly.
"Dad, please…" Dean's voice sounded desperate and afraid. John met his son's eyes.
"Fine," John answered quietly as he let out a slow breath.
Meanwhile, Ivy Ridge Rehab Center
"So, Sam," Lena Salvino, his social worker leaned back in her desk chair. "I see Dr. Myers gave you flying colors on your check-up."
"Yeah, I guess the lesion isn't any ww…worse," Sam replied.
"Now, what's this about you wanting to see if you can get into New Horizons? I mean, you're with your family it's a good situation, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's just I thh…think my dad and brother might have to go out of tt…town soon, and I don't want to hold them back." Sam's mind recalled the past couple weeks, and he just knew that things were going to be changing, and he thought that his brother should be with their dad, and he also knew that Dean would never leave him alone. So, he was trying to cover his bases before talking to his family. Sam was certain that the demon was less of a threat if John and Dean were back together as a unit. He knew he could hunt, but he feared having a vision at the wrong moment that could put his family in danger and he wasn't going to risk them.
"They might have to leave soon? Is everything alright?"
"Just a ff…family emergency that may take a while to resolve … thh…that's all."
"You're sure you want to be in a residential facility? I mean New Horizons is very modern and you can come and go, it's just…." she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. "You'd have your own one bedroom apartment, but…"
"Lena, it's the only way mm…my ff…family would go. They're afraid of my seizures."
"Well, I understand their fear. Dr. Myers updated me while you were in the hospital just recently after your last episode." Sam nodded. "New Horizons does have an emergent care facility with full-time medical staff to stabilize any resident for transport to the medical center."
"Yeah"
"Sam based on your seizure disorder they'd supply you with a First Alert device to wear while in your apartment. Are you familiar with it?"
"I think so … it's that thh…thing old people wear where they press a button for help, right?"
Lena smiled. "Yes, it's very similar; in fact they bare the same name, but the setup is a little different. But, when you feel a seizure coming on, or you're not feeling quite right you'll press the button and help will come to you. Also, because of the evening concerns with seizures they'd have you on satellite telemetry monitoring at night to make sure you don't stop breathing."
"Just ll…like home with dad and Dean?"
"Well, basically, only with satellite telemetry you'll hook up as usual, but the unit they'll give you sends out a remote signal to the telemetry station and provides them your oxygen levels and warns them should you stop breathing for a period longer than twenty-seconds."
"Could I get in there? Is there space?"
"You qualify. I'd have to check to see the waiting list. I know there are transfers out of there now and again. But, you might have to wait a bit. I'll tell you what let me call them and I'll find out. I may be a while, so if you want to take a walk and come back," Lena suggested. "Come back in about twenty minutes give or take, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Thh…thanks Lena"
"You're welcome honey."
Meanwhile, The Winchester House
"Dad? What did that bastard say?"
"Just that he'll never stop what he's doing. And, that he hasn't forgotten about Sammy. Your brother isn't free of that thing Dean or our family. I can't sit by and watch him hurt my boys or threaten us. And," John took a deep breath. "I can't watch another family die Dean. And, I feel like I let Sammy down because we couldn't save them. His vision could have taken him away from us, he could have died having it, and I couldn't save them."
"Dad," Dean admonished. "It wasn't your fault. You did what you could. Dammit, you were put in the hospital because of smoke inhalation." John looked at his son. "Yeah, Joshua told me. He also said the demon didn't come alone. You did what you could."
"It wasn't enough."
"Yes, it was."
"Carl shouldn't be dead Dean. I fucked up."
"No you didn't Dad. The hunt went bad and Carl died. It wasn't something you could have predicted and it's not your fault. Look Dad hunts can go wrong and that's the way it is. And, yeah sometimes its human error and other times, well, bad things just happen."
"When did you get so wise?" John smiled warmly at his son and reached out clasping him on a shoulder. "I should be trying to make you feel better about things not the other way around."
"Dad, I'm good and so is Sammy." John was silent for a long moment. "Dean," he began softly.
"I know," his firstborn replied.
"You know what?"
"That you gotta go," he answered simply. "Back out there … after the demon. I know. And, I understand."
"Why are you making this easier on me? I had a whole speech prepared," John spoke genuinely. Dean smiled.
"Whole speech, huh?" He grinned. "Well, far be it from me to deny you a good fatherly speech. I do understand Dad, and Sammy will too when we talk to him."
"Dean I know it's going to cause some changes around here and …"
"Stop Dad," Dean encouraged gently. "Look, yeah, Sammy and I will have to get an apartment or something because we can't still live here on what I make and Sam's state check, well, I like for him to have some money you know. We'll work it out."
"That's just it," John grumbled. "You shouldn't have to work it out. I'm uprooting you and Sam from the first real home you've known in years. Look I've got some money saved and its enough to pay the rent up on the house without using any of your paychecks for a good three months, and I can try to hustle some pool or work some under the table jobs while away and I'll send money."
"Dad, no, you're going to need your cash, okay. It ain't like hunting comes with a paycheck. We'll be okay. It's not like you're clearing out and not looking back, right?"
"Of course not," John answered quickly. "If you boys need me for anything at anytime I promise I will be here," John snaps his fingers, "just like that. And, if Sammy, heaven forbid goes back in the hospital for so much as a sniffle and that includes you too, I want to know. I'll be calling all the time." Dean had a distant look for a moment. "What? What is it?"
"It's just if things were different Dad," Dean began, "You know I'd be there with you on this hunt, even Sammy would go, but…"
"I know son, but we can't risk it with Sam, and I won't risk either of you."
"Yeah, well," Dean replied. "Still if maybe Sammy weren't, well, you know… then I could go, but I'd never want him on a hunt I knew the demon would present. When are you leaving?" John dropped his eyes and stared at his folded hands a moment before looking up.
Meanwhile, Ivy Ridge Rehab Center
"Hey Sam, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long," Lena spoke. "I had a few other bases to cover before I spoke with you."
"It's okay. Well?"
"Well," Lena took Sam's verbal cue. "As I anticipated they do have a waiting list, but they are expecting a vacancy in three months," she saw Sam's face fall. "But, I spoke with Dr. Myers and as you know the center has recently finished with their expansion project that includes a new Homeward Bound residential wing, and she has already pre-approved you for a room while you wait to get into New Horizons. You can be monitored as usual, and you can come and go as you need to from any OT work placements when you start back up doing that."
"I don't want tt…to pp…push someone else out Lena," Sam worried.
"You won't it's a brand new unit, and the transition of patients over there is going to be a slow process. I mean we'll be putting patients in there, but you're not pushing anyone out. After all, they have a bed, but it's just allowing them to move to a sort of step down unit where their care is easier for them and it opens a rehab room. The new unit offers the same care if needed to any patient, but it encourages them toward self-care, etc." Sam nodded. "So, if this happens with your family and they both need to go then you have a place Sam."
"Thanks."
The Winchester House
"So, when you hittin' the road?" Dean asked after his father's continued silence.
"Not right away. I have some loose ends to wrap up. I can't just leave Dan in the lurch at the shop. He's been good to me and I owe him a two-week notice, and I want to make sure you boys are taken care of, and will be okay." Dean smiled.
"We'll be fine. You doin' this alone?"
"Nah, I'm going to have some help along the way."
Two Hours Later
Sam walked into the house and smelled garlic. He followed his nose to the kitchen and found both his brother and father cooking. Dean was making a salad, and their Dad was pulling some garlic bread out of the toaster oven. "Hey Sammy," Dean quipped as he looked up and saw his brother. "You were gone for a while. I was just about to send out a search party for your ass." Dean looked at his brother for a long moment. "Everything okay? Doc Myers give you a clean bill of health with this check-up?"
"Yeah, she said the ll…lesion isn't any ww…worse."
"That's great Sammy," John answered. "She keep you on your new modified med schedule?"
"Yeah." Sam sniffed the kitchen as his father opened the oven. "Is that Lasagna?"
"Yeah, but it's a box lasagna, you know the frozen kind."
"Still smells good."
They sat down as a family for a nice meal. John and Dean exchanged looks and figured now was as good a time as any to talk to Sam about John going back out on the hunt. "Hey Sammy," John started.
"Yeah," Sam mumbled around a fork full of lasagna.
"Uh, Dean and I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Yeah, me too," Sam answered as he took a drink of milk. John and Dean exchanged worried glances.
"What?" Dean spoke suddenly. "I though you said your check-up went fine." Sam smiled patiently at his big brother.
"It did."
"Then what is it?" Dean asked. "What's wrong?"
"Sam?" John studied his son.
"Look you guys nn…need to chill okay. Nothing is wrong. What did you have to tt…tell me?"
"Oh, no, you don't," Dean replied. "Dad and I can wait. What is it?"
"I'm going back to Ivy Ridge for a while," Sam began, but was quickly cut off by his father's concerned voice.
"What? Why? You wouldn't be going back unless something was wrong."
"Dad," Sam started again and saw Dean getting up from the table. "What are you doing Dean?"
"I'm callin' Dr. Myers to find out what the hell is going on. She wouldn't be putting you back in there unless something wasn't right."
"Dean, stop," Sam raised his voice. "I'm fine. She ss…said I could have a place in thh…the new unit while I ww…wait."
"Wait? Wait for what?" Dean walked anxiously back to the table and sat down.
"Sammy, what's going on?" John needed to get to the bottom of this and now.
Sam leaned back and shoved his hand into his back jeans pocket and pulled out a thin color pamphlet and placed it on the table and slid it to the middle. "What's this?" Dean asked as he picked up the pamphlet.
"What I'm waiting fff…for. It hh…has a three month waiting list."
"New Horizons Residential Living, what the hell is this?" Dean barked as he flipped though the brief pamphlet. "You got a place to live Sammy."
"Read right there," Sam tapped on the pamphlet. Dean looked down and read over the mention of the First Alert and the satellite telemetry capabilities for residents that needed nighttime observation for medical purposes.
"Yeah, so what," Dean snapped. John slid his hand over and took the pamphlet.
"Sammy, son, what's this all about?" John asked as he looked from the brochure to his son.
"So, you and Dean can lll…leave and nnn…not worry about me. I took ccc…care of it." Dean and his father exchanged glances. John reached over and patted Sam on the arm to calm him as his stuttering became more pronounced. Sam offered a small smile of thanks.
"Leave where?" John replied knowing full well his youngest child was as perceptive as ever had already anticipated the hunt starting up again.
"The demon," Sam answered as he looked from his father to his brother.
"Look Sammy there's no way I'm gonna have you stuck in some home," Dean fumed. "My ass isn't going anywhere and neither is yours."
"It's not a hh…home like you thh…think Dean. I'd have my own apartment. It'll be okay."
"No. No way Sammy, not gonna happen." Dean continued to rage.
"Sam your brother and I agreed that he'd stay behind, but you're right I have to go back out there and keep tracking this bastard. But, I'm only a phone call away if you boys need me for anything at all, and I'm calling everyday."
"Dad," Sam spoke softly. "You need Dean, I know you do."
"Sammy," John's voice was soft.
"No," Sam raised his voice. "I ccc…can't go. I know that. I did okay on the last hunt, but I ccc…can't risk having a vision while I'm covering you or Dean. This place will be okay. I'll be fff…fine."
"No way Sammy," Dean hissed.
"Dammit! I'm right you know I am," Sam yelled. "We're bbb…better as a family, but we cc…can't all do this, but you and Dad can. You need to watch out fff…for each other. I'll be alright."
Dean and John looked at each other and then to their youngest member of the family. A long silence fell between the three men as the reality of the situation at hand hung heavy between them all.
To Be Continued
Well, one more chapter and this story should be complete as anticipated. Let me know what you think. Your comments and thoughts still matter. Thanks for sticking with this story from the beginning.
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