AN - This is honestly pure wish fulfilment. I feel like this fandom has a lack of AUs in it and I just couldn't get this idea out of my head.

If you don't like modern, human or spy AUs then click off. If you do then enjoy!

How the Jade Palace stood for so many years and kept such a vibrant colour was a complete mystery to everyone.

Po just knew that it made him happy.

He was considered a nerd, a geek maybe, by society's standards. He had various social media accounts, but mostly just to keep track of the numerous blockbuster kung fu movies. Never posting anything worthwhile, simply tickets to said movies and posed, picturesque meals. While in school he was a bit of a… well, a loner. No one ever really knew of his keen obsession with kung fu. (He always thanked his good luck for that) Apart from his dad of course.

His dad's restaurant and takeaway made good business, good enough that he made Po the offer of taking recreational kung fu classes in one of the village halls. Po had refused, insisting he just liked the history and possibilities of martial arts and had no interest in doing it.

But the truth was that it was his dream to learn kung fu. The only thing stopping him was the knowledge that if he even stepped into the class he'd get laughed at. He definitely wasn't obese. But obviously overweight, something pretty rare in mainland China. His rotund stomach was filled with the snacks he sneaked to his room in the night while staying up reading countless of articles on historical kung fu figures. It wasn't so much a sad existence, more like one where he wished he could do what he loved.

There were days he wished he lived in the times kung fu was more widely recognised. These historical figures of kung fu were respected, loved, even. They protected the villages and fought with bandits or even whole armies! The obsession ate up at him. For how deep it ran, it was a miracle no one found out while he was in school. (The nightmares of pointing fingers and taunting mouths were still his biggest fears) Though his wish was unattainable. And it was a stupid wish, really, but Po knew that he'd been born in the era of Ancient China then he probably wouldn't be considered so weird.

But he felt the heavy weight of his phone in his back pocket as he climbed the Thousand Steps for the third time that month.

The thousand steps were probably his worst enemy. They took him almost three hours to climb the first time, and when he finally reached the Palace, the visiting hours were over. It was a horrible stroke of bad luck. Po almost crawled the way back down, cussing and mentally kicking himself all the way. Now, after so many years of climbing, he had improved greatly. It still caused his legs immense pan and ache the next morning, but was all worth it to get to stand in the glory of the Jade Palace.

The employees there must've thought him crazy. It was always the same five people. Po never saw anyone else working there. They were all around his age, nineteen to twenty something. He could never stop envying how lucky they were to get to work in the Jade Palace! They could always be seen polishing the cabinets containing precious artifacts, at the reception desk accepting donations and booking tours they themselves held. (The last job was what he was most excited for, and he would happily clean the Palace floor to ceiling just to do that job) Po had yet to ask for a tour. It was on his bucket list and he fully intended to finish said list. But whenever one of the employees fixed him with a stare like they could see right through him he found himself frozen to the spot, a flustered, stammering mess. It made him want to cringe in embarrassment. Hopefully they wouldn't recognise him once he got hired.

Well, if his resume could do him justice. He clutched the paper in a sweaty hand, rehearsing everything he would say to give the perfect interview. That's if they even bother giving me an interview, he thought pessimistically. It did seem very… tricky, to get hired there. For as long as he knew, (which was, the last three years) there had only ever been the same employees. Two girls, three guys. Maybe the job description just wasn't for everyone.

As he finally reached the top of the steps, he did his usual stop and pant for a few minutes over bent legs until he regained normal breathing. With his heart beating faster than usual, he walked into the Palace purposefully with a one goal in mind.

As always, it was littered with tourists. Almost all Western or European. He never usually felt out of place among tourists, but as he marched up to the front desk he felt as if all eyes were on him.

The usual girl at the desk gave him a customer service smile. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"I – uh, I'm looking to apply for a job here?" Po asked tentatively, holding his resume up to show her.

"Sorry, we don't have any vacancies here." She said curtly, crushing all hope with just a few words.

"Nothing at all? But could you – could you take a part timer?" Po persisted, he had to persist.

"No, sorry." She repeated, and quickly started to gather her phone and leave the desk to change shifts.

"Could you at least give my resume to the boss?!" Po was getting desperate, and pushed the now pathetic-looking paper towards her. "Consider me?!"

"I'm really sorry," She said coldly, not sounding at all as if she was sorry. "but it's out of my hands." She hit her hand on the desk with a sense of finality and walked away.

Po felt tears well up in his eyes. He stood there for a moment, processing the weight of her words. That was it. No job at the Palace. Scenes of working at his dad's restaurant for the rest of his life flooded his mind. He started his dejected walk back home. It was so unfair! What monument only had five employees anyway? It was so stupid! And that girl, she could have at least said something to a boss or someone in a senior position! Why were the gods against him? Upon his walk of shame out, he stopped seeing the door that had taunted him all these years. PRIVATE. STAFF MEMBERS ONLY. The door was open. And the girl at the desk had just disappeared into it.

It was out of pure impulse that he pushed it open and went in after her.

He was greeted by a normal locker room. The girl was nowhere to be seen. Where did she go? He turned round frantically. Was she watching him? Hiding somewhere? One of the lockers was left slightly open, the door swinging on its hinges. Curiousity lead Po to look inside.

Everything was dark. Po turned his phone light on and looked around. It was some sort of tunnel. The squeezed himself through the tiny doorway and felt the locker door shut with a bang behind him. In a panic, he tried to push it open again, but it had jammed shut. Okay, breathe, just go through the tunnel, that girl will be here and she'll let you out, alright? His inner monologue did nothing to calm the beginnings of hyperventilation echoing in the tunnel, but still, he persevered and moved on. Using the light to guide him he slowly made his way through. It went left, right and down. So far down. He imagined he must be so deep in the ground. What kind of staff room was this? Everything about this was completely bizarre. After what felt like an hour of wandering, the tunnel went up for the first time. A beam of light shone through, and Po ran to it like a moth, finally admitting to himself that the dark bothered him. Stepping out he expected to see an exit, not an empty courtyard.

The open space unnerved him, so he ran childishly to the other side where the vegetation was ripe and thick. Jumping behind a large bush, he turned his phone on silent and hoped that no one would find him. A girl stepped out into the courtyard, looking as if she came from thin air. Po almost gasped audibly, she was wearing traditional kung fu attire! Not the cheap stuff parents bought for their kid trying out the beginner's class down the road, no, this was the real deal. But, why? She turned round and he ducked, holding his breath. But before he ducked he managed to catch a glimpse of her face.

She was the girl at the desk.

What the hell is going on.

He couldn't believe his eyes when she started practicing advanced kung fu moves to the air.

He couldn't tear his eyes away. She was swift and light on her feet, despite carrying much more muscle than most other Chinese girls. How could she look so graceful while kicking the fence with a frustrated foot? For the second time that day, Po obliged his impulses and got out his phone. The video was shaky, but good quality enough for him to watch it back later despite the far distance. She was entrancing, and he wished he could get a closer to her. Even though his legs screamed at him, he changed from kneeling to crouching, careful not to make any noise, before a hand wrapped itself around his arm and yanked him round.

"What are you doing!" The old man hissed, his grip like a vice on his arm.

"I – I –" Po was speechless, and felt himself blush all over. Oh this looks really bad…

"How did you get here!" He hissed again, eyes wild with venom.

"Through – through the tunnel!" Po managed to choke out.

If it were possible, the man looked even angrier. He raised a wrinkled fist and knocked the living daylights out of him.

Po opened his eyes blearily, and instantly wished sleep would take him again after feeling a horrible ache in his temple. He moved his hands up to rub his eyes - Wait a second. Where am I? This definitely wasn't his bed. He couldn't even remember going to bed! Feeling the material underneath him and the thin width he realised he'd been placed on a rather old sofa. What's going on? A thin blanket had been carefully placed over him, but by who? He blinked a few times and through his blurry vision he could only just make out an excuse for a kitchen. He was about to straighten up when he stopped.

There was someone standing there.

It was one of the employees from the Palace! Po rubbed his eyes, were they deceiving him? The guy, Po remembered, was the one who was always wearing a grey cap, an odd quirk since there was no sunlight in the building. But this time he was no longer wearing his cap, and had instead replaced it with a conical rice hat. Okay, that's not weird at all… He was humming softly to himself, a pair of red earphones in his ears plugged into a phone sitting in the back pocket of his jeans. Unsure of what to do, Po sat in silence, watching him idly wash numerous bowls, plates and chopsticks.

I need to get out of here, Po thought desperately. He made an attempt to slide off the sofa and towards the door. Except the sofa was absolutely useless, or Po had just put on weight recently, because it started to tip forwards like a seesaw. Po squeaked and scrambled back up the cushions to avoid getting squashed. Frozen in fear and unable to breathe, he watched the guy like a hawk. And wasn't it just his luck that the music wasn't loud enough to drown out whatever embarrassing sound he'd just made.

The guy took out his right earphone and slowly turned round. They locked eyes and for a moment just stared at each other. Po could feel himself start to sweat profusely. The panic was enough to cause him to breathe as hard as if he'd just gone up the Thousand Steps. Hat guy, however, seemed to be unphased, as he stood and stared with at him with calm eyes.

Suddenly he started to walk towards Po, who backed up against the cushions, excuses ready on his dry tongue.

"Need a drink?" He asked, still staring intently. Did this guy like to see him squirm?

Po tried to answer, but his throat was constricted, and so he stayed silent. The guy shrugged. "I'll take that as a yes then." He turned and took a mug he'd previously washed and filled it up at the tap. "Here, it's not poison." The light-hearted remark was lost on Po, who was too busy wondering why he'd tipped his hat over his eyes.

Po took a sip. Cold. His throat immediately felt less sticky. It calmed him.

The thing that stopped his calming down was when the guy yelled out the doorway. "HE'S AWAKE!" It was so unexpected that Po jumped as if he'd been given an electric shock, spilling water onto the floorboards and his shoes.

Po knew this day couldn't get any worse as a clambering variation of steps, leaps and gallops thundered across the ceiling. As they neared, Po could hear excited and hushed whispers from the mystery group. The first one to reach the doorway was the guy he'd seen polishing the walls of the Palace every Thursday, and he was wearing the biggest grin Po had ever seen.

"He's awake!" He exclaimed, another guy looped two arms around his neck and jumped up, almost toppling him over. Po blinked for what felt like the hundredth time, they were both Palace workers!

"He's awake!" The second guy echoed wildly, the one who usually did the tours.

"Stop it! You'll scare him!" A female voice said, and stepped into the kitchen as if to shield the other two from view. Po's eyes widened as he recognised her, were all the employees here? "How do you feel, sweetie?" She asked him kindly, not fixing him with the intent stare the other guy had, and instead making his heart stop beating furiously.

"Yeah – yeah I'm good." He choked out.

Hat guy rolled his eyes. "Oh so now you talk."

"Shut up Jia!" The girl glared behind her before pressing the back of her hand to Po's forehead, who backed away instantly. She either didn't notice his body language or ignored it, and persisted. "You're burning up! How hard did he hit you?" She asked, like a concerned parent, despite the fact that she was probably the same age as himself.

Before Po could question who he was, one last girl stepped into the kitchen.

Po felt himself go completely red. It was the girl he'd been watching in the courtyard. All the memories came flooding back, of not getting the job, following her into the staff room, then going through that crazy tunnel and getting knocked out by an old dude. His temple throbbed again, as if to remind him of the pain. He forced himself to look at the girl, out of respect. She had her arms crossed over her chest and looked annoyed. Not just annoyed, furious.

"Fan Hai, get him an ice pack." She instructed, still glaring at Po.

The guy who'd jumped on the back of the other guy obediently hopped off and started searching around in the freezer.

"Wu Cong, find Shifu and bring him here." The guy who'd been jumped on, walked out the door, muttering to himself. Po could only catch bits and pieces, but it was enough to let him know that Wu Cong was not pleased with the task given to him. "Jia, lose the hat, it's weirding him out."

Jia spluttered, losing his cool composure for a second. "Seriously?" She turned round and fixed him with what Po hoped was a terrifying look. "Fine." Jia took the rice hat off with a frustrated sigh and placed it carefully on the kitchen countertop.

Fan Hai emerged from the freezer with an ice pack and a wicked grin, hiding a hand behind his back. He jumped up and dropped a handful of ice down the back of Jia's shirt with an evil laugh, who opened his mouth in a silent scream. "Ying's always gonna get her way!" He exclaimed, still laughing even when Jia hit his stomach with a sharp elbow.

"I will fight you!" He threatened, shaking the ice out of his shirt and massaging the back of his now red neck.

"Guys!" The first girl scolded, who was currently checking Po for any injuries. "Sorry about them." She said with a fond eye roll. "Jia doesn't get involved usually, but you've got to watch out for Fan and Wu Cong."

Po nodded slowly, still trying to process the bizarre situation he was in.

The girl he'd been watching, Ying, was studying him closely. It made Po feel naked, like she could either see right through him or was mentally tearing him apart. Po wished he could melt into the cushions if it meant she'd stop staring at him.

"Ying." The other girl warned. "You're scaring him."

Ying grunted in acknowledgement and finally tore her eyes away and left the room.

The moment she left, Fan Hai dropped the friendly composure and stood above Po with a scowl. "What are your intentions?" He asked pointedly, no warmth in his voice.

"W-what?"

"Are you a pervert?"

"No! Of course not! Why would I – I would never - !"

Fan Hai held up a hand to silence him. "So you had no perverted intentions with Ying?" He asked again.

"No!"

"And what about Yu Ting?" He gestured towards the other girl, who was looking very uncomfortable witnessing their conversation. "We see you at the Palace so often, I wouldn't be surprised if it was to spy on her."

"No!"

"Fan, you don't need to drill him…" Yu Ting started weakly.

"Then why did you follow Ying? Watching her in the bushes no less." Jia said, a distasteful look on his face.

"Because – because –" Po sighed, it was too embarrassing to explain.

"Because you found them attractive?" Fan Hai prompted, a dangerous look on his face.

"I was curious and I -" Po faltered.

"You were filming her! You better have a good excuse." He yelled, his anger seriously scaring Po.

To avoid getting knocked out again, he blurted out. "I wanted to get a job here because I love kung fu!" He exclaimed, now started to get quite frustrated at these accusations, not even caring that his secret was out for these strangers.

Fan Hai and Jia exchanged looks, disbelieving and incredulous, respectively.

"Okay then," Fan Hai said casually, but within a blink of an eye he held Po's chin in his hand with their noses only inches apart. Po didn't know what he could do, but he felt the energy, the raw strength pulsing through, and gulped. "but they might as well be sisters to us, I don't appreciate corrupt eyes on them." His whisper held a heavy threat, and all Po could do was nod quickly. Fan Hai hummed, content in his answer, and let go of his chin as if nothing happened.

Wu Cong ran back in, and stopped at seeing Ying's absence. He turned to Fan Hai. "Did you interrogate the perv?" He said, an equally dangerous look on his face.

"Can we please stop calling him that!" Yu Ting pleaded. "He's obviously not a bad guy, I think it was a matter of wrong place wrong time!"

Fan Hai ignored her. "It's alright Cong, he's safe." He said calmly. "for now." He added under his breath, loud enough for Po to hear.

Yu Ting threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "We're probably never gonna see him again anyway, we could at least be welcoming for the few minutes we know him!"

Po was full of so many questions.

Jia sighed, and put his rice hat back on in resign. "What's your name?" He asked him, looking like he was trying to force the warmth into his voice.

"Po, Po Ping."

"I'm Jia, and – uh, I'm sorry about this whole thing," He gestured vaguely around the kitchen. "this is probably pretty odd for you, but it will all be over soon, don't worry."

His words only served to cause Po even more panic. "What do you mean 'all be over'? Are you going to kill me?"

Wu Cong let out a barking laugh, to which Yu Ting whacked him upside the head. "Of course not! Jia just means we'll be letting you go home, that's all."

"But – why can't I go home now?" Po felt like a child on his first day of school asking that question.

Jia heaved a long sigh. "It's… complicated."

As if stopping Po from questioning any further, Fan Hai spoke up. "Want something to eat, Po?" He asked, all previous bad blood seemingly forgotten. "It's probably been a while since your last meal, huh."

Po shook his head slightly. How long was I out? "Um, sure."

"We have leftover takeaway in the fridge." Wu Cong said, opening the fridge and taking out a familiar-looking container. "I'm sure you like noodles."

"Where did you order that from?" Po asked curiously, as Wu Cong put the noodles in the microwave and punched in a time.

"Ping's noodle shop – wait a minute," He stopped, processing the information. " are you related?" He asked, suddenly excited.

Po nodded quickly. "Yes, he's my dad."

"Do you cook?" Fan Hai asked, starting to grin.

"Yeah, I help him out in the kitchen." Po said, to which the four looked at each other with newfound enthusiasm.

"We order from there all the time!" Yu Ting exclaimed. "I love the egg noodles!"

"Maybe we should keep him around after all." Wu Cong said happily.

"Yeah! He can cook for us! For free!" Fan Hai chimed in.

"Don't let Shifu hear you say that." Jia muttered, scrolling through his phone. "Oh, look, Shifu's too busy to talk to Po, just great." He remarked pessimistically.

"How'd you know that?" Wu Cong asked idly, not paying attention to the phone in Jia's hand.

Jia gave a groan of frustration. "Ying put it on the group chat!" He waved his phone in Cong's face rather aggressively.

Cong put his hands up in surrender. "Christ I was just asking…"

"Who pissed you off?" Fan Hai remarked.

Jia gave him a glare that could kill, and walked out the kitchen, earphones back in.

Yu Ting pinched him. "OUCH! What was that for?!" Fan Hai yelped.

"You know he's upset over the flight to Malaysia next week, do you really have to agitate him any more than needed?"

"But I didn't say anything about planes!" Fan Hai continued to argue against Yu Ting while Po listened intently.

"Oh my god."

Everyone turned round, as Po gaped at the scene before him.

"What did he say?" Wu Cong muttered.

Po stared at them one by one. One two three four… five. He counted each person he'd met, each employee of the Jade Palace. A flight to Malaysia… why would they be flying to Malaysia if they work at the Palace? Would the Palace close again for its monthly cleaning and organisation of artifacts? But then… why only five employees? Things were blurry, but starting to make more sense. Ying was practicing kung fu, Po looked at Yu Ting carefully. She's petit, small and could easily pass for a boy… and so could Ying. He glanced at the other guys. One tall, one muscled, one of average height. He passed the last few conversations over in his head. It's… complicated. Who would use complicated to describe something that wasn't secretive?

Complicated.

It must be true.

"You're the Furious Five." He breathed.

They were shocked into silence until three cusses were uttered.

"Hell."

"Shit."

"Fuck."

It was all Po could remember before Wu Cong ran forward and punched him right into unconsciousness for the second time that day.

AN - Po's not having a good time.

For reference incase anyone was confused:
Ying - Tigress
Yu Ting - Viper
Jia - Crane
Fan Hai - Mantis
Wu Cong - Monkey

I used Jia and Wu Cong as those are the names I see commonly used in this fandom, and also I wrote another fic about Crane where I called him Jia. Fun fact: Yu Ting is my Chinese name, it means "beautiful precious jade" which really doesn't suit me but definitely suits Viper.

I feel like I definitely have to justify the use of a Human AU: of course they could be animals and basically exist in the world of Zootopia, BUT, in Zootopia insects, reptiles, avians (probably others, correct me if I'm wrong) don't exist. So the world is built for mammals. And for the life of me I can't imagine how a snake or a bird could use any sort of technology in the modern day, and I don't want to try and explain that. And I wanted to add a sense of realism to the fic rather than everything be fantasy.

Then the other question: Why a modern AU? Well that's so I could do a spy and secret agent fic. In the modern day with technology like CCTV most illegal things won't go unnoticed. So things that take place under the government's nose would have to be in secret, hence the spies. In contrast to how they fight in the movies, they're in ANCIENT CHINA so there was no possible way to accurately record their faces and appearances. I don't want to explain anything further to not spoil the plot, but just a basic overview of why I used this universe.

Please tell me whether you enjoyed or not! I've never written an AU fic before so constructive criticism will be useful!