Ami Kawashima was actually feeling guilty. She had known what she was doing. She did it anyway, fully aware of how it would end. She wasn't proud. She didn't feel good about it, or enjoy it. Still, she felt like she had to do it. She was tired of watching everyone go about their lives, completely unwilling to confront the consequences of their own actions.
And still, she felt real guilt. Maybe... maybe she was wrong. Just this once, maybe she had spoken too soon. Or, barring that, she had said it... wrong. Maybe there was a better way to go about it.
She didn't feel guilty about the gut-punch she was setting up for Taiga, though. And if she could get Takasu on the way down, that would be good too.
She was mean, and definitely a little venomous, and certainly spiteful, but she was sure that was the right thing, too. She wasn't particularly good at showing it--maybe even less so than Taiga was--but she did care about her friends. She wasn't malicious. Not doing anything solely to hurt anyone, though she knew that she didn't need to. All anyone did was hurt eachother in the end, and if they couldn't reach them they'd just hurt themselves.
She and Taiga had split up since leaving their room. Taiga was searching the halls still, while Ami had elected to search the lounge and the dining area first.
She found a red-headed figure half hunched in front of one of the big windows facing out into the snow.
Ami sat down on the bench 10-feet or so from her.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah. I'm sure," Minori replied angrily, between sniffling away her tears.
"You don't have to believe me. I understand. And... I think I understand how you're feeling," Ami replied, uncharacteristically quiet in a way Kushieda had rarely seen her before.
Kushieda turned toward her, face red and tears threatening to escape her eyes. "How could you possibly understand how I feel?" she half-shouted.
Ami shrank slightly. "To tell you the truth... I don't know. And I really am sorry. That wasn't the right way to do things. I'm sure of that now," Ami said softly, looking up and out into the sky. "I'm just... tired of everyone ignoring their feelings until it all blows up. I thought... I thought I could make them confront it."
Kushieda turned away again.
"If you don't want to talk to me, I understand." Ami laughed slightly. "I hoped maybe I could tell you... what I meant, I guess." Ami leaned back. "You know as well as anyone that I put up this stupid face, one that... isn't really me. I think you do the same thing sometimes. Except for... instead of doing it for your own sake, like me... you're doing it for everyone else."
"It's admirable, in a way. But you can't go around like some stupid martyr," Ami continued.
"Y'know, it's funny," Kushieda finally spoke. "I was already planning to cut him off at the gym. Taiga's my best friend. I knew how she felt about him, even at the beginning of..." she waved her hand weakly, "all this."
"But... then I saw her. Desperately screaming for him... knowing he was gone already. I was there. I thought if I rejected him... he'd see what was right in front of him."
Ami perked up, hearing that Kushieda had bore witness to the dramatic event on Christmas eve.
"And then... he was there. And I thought... I thought I'd feel better. The puzzle was complete and all, y'know? Nobody else had to get hurt. Except I didn't stop hurting."
"You want them to be happy," Ami continued for her. "But even though everything seems like it's in place you still feel your story never got to finish."
"Maybe you do get it," Kushieda chuckled sheepishly.
A few minutes passed with only the sound of the clock ticking and the gusts of wind gently billowing outside. Ami finally stood and faced Kushieda.
"I'm sorry, again. And... if you ever need to talk to anyone... I'm here."
"Thanks. And for next time... think a little more about the way you start these things," Kushieda replied, smiling shyly.
Ami returned her smile and started to walk back to her room.
There she found Taiga.
"Where the hell have you been?! There's no sign of Minorin so you must have s-" Taiga started to accuse before she was cut off.
Ami grabbed her by the shoulder, saying sternly, "You're right, I admit it. I screwed up," pausing, raising her voice, "but you've been completely ignoring everything around you so you can pursue this stupid fantasy. I'm tired of it."
Before Taiga could find anything to say, Kawashima was marching down the hall.