My heartfelt thanks: to my beta Vaguely Aloof for pointed out several mistakes, then correcting them :glomps: you're a gal's best friend- oh and to my readers and reviewers of course!

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, Hitokiri Kenshin, or any Kenshin in between.

Calculated Innocence

Chapter One: Worry and a Wash Bucket

It had been a relatively quiet week at the Kamiya dojo, in fact it had been down right dull. From all appearances today would follow suit. It was a beautiful fall afternoon; sun shining, a cool breeze playfully rustling colored leaves, even the birds were chirping. Not that he was complaining. No, never that. Still, he just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Never before had the dojo been so… peaceful. The usual chaos that dictated the lives of those within the Kamiya grounds had been distinctly absent. At first he believed it to be a mere break from the normal; enemies of the past trying to extract their revenge on the man he once was. Slowly hope crept into his heart that maybe, just maybe, he was able to truly live the life of his choosing. It was such a simple dream, an innocent desire after all. To exist only as Himura Kenshin, to have his wants and fears and joys untainted by a bloody past…

There had been so much blood. Lifting one sud-covered hand from the wooden tub of cooling water and laundry, he held it before eyes locked in the past. Dark crimson liquid, warm, sticky… he could almost feel it dripping from his skin. Letting the hand fall once more into the water, he continued a task he could normally find some peace in. Would the blood never wash away? Clothing could be replaced, swords cleansed, but his hands… In his mind's eye he could see the stains, could almost see the blood on his hands taint all he touched.

Hadn't he done enough, paid enough, helped enough to be granted the redemption he sought? He had spent ten years on his own frantically trying to make up for his past, all the while knowing nothing he did would make a difference. There was a love/hate relationship existing within him. Remorseful of the lives he had taken, yet never once was the wish to change the past there. He believed in a cause, gave his sword and skills to a man he believed able to bring peace to the land. Meiji was an era of renewal, construction, rebuilding… it was an era of peace bought with the currency of death and blood was on his hands. His hands because the strong protected the weak. Smiles, laughter, and innocence existed in this new era and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He had almost mindlessly traveled from place to place, helping those he could while quietly, selfishly, seeking forgiveness with each action. In the recesses of his mind he nurtured a small seed of hope, keeping it hidden under a mountain of guilt and self deprecation. It was something he could hold onto in the night, a small trembling light that the darkness fed on. There were moments he nurtured it, days he denied it, but most of the time he ran from it.

Ran in sheer terror of the possibility that somehow, somewhere he would manage to find a fragile piece of forgiveness… something so easily wrenched away leaving nothing but snow and blood. He truly doubted his ability to pull himself together a second time. So he ran, never staying in any one place longer than necessary- the fact that he was a hunted man served as a handy excuse almost no one questioned.

He supposed that it was only inevitable that he would find it.

Almost from the very beginning the blue eyed wild kenjutsu instructor had accepted him as Kenshin. He had thought her naïve, too young and innocent to know the horrors that roamed the land. She had said 'Kenshin is Kenshin' a simple, child like statement that he almost dismissed as soon as it was presented. In those first few weeks he turned those three words over, dissecting it- studying it, not sure if he wanted them to be truthful or not. Kenshin is Kenshin… He was who he was, because of who and what he once was, he could be no other. For days afterward he wondered if that conclusion was self-discovered or if the young woman had known this truth from the very beginning.

Soon he had realized that her kindness and hidden grace was matched with the ability to defuse and put at ease. He couldn't have asked for a better person as a companion, as a… friend. He had been lost, without a home or a sense of belonging, traveling from one place to another seeking what he knew he didn't deserve. But he had found it within the walls of a run down dojo, found it in the welcoming smile of Kaoru, the excited tone from Yahiko and the camaraderie from Sano. He found a place to call home, people to call family. He still wasn't sure he deserved it, but he knew without a doubt that he wanted to keep it. That was why when days filled with peace turned to weeks, those weeks nearing months, hope soared. Life was continuing on, without the seemingly constant threat of one enemy after another attacking with the single mindedness of revenge.

Maybe it was the peace, after so much chaos, that made his doubt grow with his hope. Perhaps that was why he had a feeling something was going to go wrong, because for once it was going right.

But… there were small things he noticed, a handful of almost unrelated discrepancies that did nothing to quell his rising doubt. All week she had been alternatively staring out into the woods and working herself into a frenzy inside the dojo.

At first he had thought little of the slightly heaver steps she took when arriving to dinner three nights ago. Had thought that the slow movements of forced grace she projected while seating herself nothing more than the results of an intense training session. When he questioned her, she would smile, declare to be in perfect health while lifting her cup for more tea. It did little to reassure him.

Focusing his gaze across the yard he watched as Kaoru continue to fight, lost in her own world confronted with a seemingly inexhaustible number of foes. Her movements seemed slower now than they had but a few moments earlier. He noted once more, how easily she seemed to tire recently. And there, he could see it on her face, the way she bit her bottom lip, the way her eyes narrowed. It was almost as if her true opponent was within.

Sighing he went back to the task at hand, attacking the dirty cloth the way he wished he could attack his doubt. Surely he was worrying for nothing, merely superimposing his own anxiety and unease to her. It seemed in the past two years living in the same house, a home really, he not only nurtured a hope that should be denied but an unhealthy ability to worry. Surly it was nothing more than a sudden desire to improve her skills in the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.

Slowly he became aware of the wild, almost chaotic aura of a certain ex-gangster with declaration of 'aku' stitched to the back of his favorite coat.

Perhaps it was time to see what his friend thought.