Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, Hitokiri Kenshin, or any Kenshin in between.
Calculated Innocence
Chapter Two: murky reflections
Water, it was such a simple thing. Able to calm and relax a person's body and mind. Captivating and hypnotic, never seeming to have worries or anxieties. It just flowed, moving about with ease from one place to another. Of course it wasn't so much flowing now as it was existing, moving only when she moved. Cause and effect; she shifted and the water was pulled with her, she would settle and the water soon followed. It was still able to relax her aching body and help quiet her mind. Absently she lifted her hand, watching the small drops of warm water fall from her fingers. Ripples traveled quickly over the small surface area of her bathtub, further distorting her submerged body.
There were so many choices she needed to make, too many different outcomes to predict. Everything was not as straight forward as it should be, as it could be, as it was with water. Water was patient, slowly wearing down the elements in its path. She wasn't patient like water, unable to slowly bend or break the obstacles before her. The dreams were a stream of caustic water, silently lurking, spreading anxieties and doubt where it did the most damage. Every night for the past two weeks she had been plagued with the same hellish scenes. She could almost feel death approach her little heaven, smell the tang of blood, hear cold steel parting air.
She couldn't be water when she had to fight it. She was neither fire, earth, air, nor metal. And what exactly did that leave her? Nothing, she knew, nothing when she needed something. Sinking lower into her small wooden tub she contemplated once more her course of action; how could she wait and do nothing? It grated on her nerves and went against her instincts to act. She wanted to do something, anything to divert the danger presented to her family; scout the area, lay traps in the forest, create false leads in the surrounding cities. It mattered little if she was the main target or one she housed. This time, she knew the enemy and was able to see the outcome of the encounter.
The matter was turned over slowly, all day. She argued with herself, logic, and the past; concluded that while she was still sane, both the danger and her dreams were going to rudely barge into her life. There was something gnawing at her conscious, something with cold sharp teeth, that colored her thinking and chilled her body despite the warmth her bath provided. It was something deeper than fear but not so strong as terror.
What if, by trying to mold destiny to her will she only hurried the inevitable? Or, what if the dreams were to force her into action, a warning of what could happen if she did nothing? Could she stop it- should she? Was she to be the cause of her friends' deaths this turn around as well?
Taking a deep breath she forced her eyes open and calmed her breathing. She had other things to consider as well, what would she tell them? They deserved to know, at least in part. There were some things she could never tell them, for she had given her word many years ago. While her name had changed the importance she placed upon promises remained the same. She could never tell them the entire truth, besides… even a basic unemotional generalization would achieve nothing but getting laughed out of her own dojo. As it was there were some days, those with the most sun, laughter, and freedoms when she doubted the worth of her own memories. Besides, being born as part of a four hundred year old breeding program was not something she could just blurt out casually over rice and tofu. Then there was the fact that her brothers and sisters were tightly controlled by a group of megalomaniacs responsible for every major change for centuries.
How was anyone to believe that such a thing existed, that a group of people gained so much power as to deceive an entire nation? There was no single name to give to them, no true proof of their existence despite the fact that they made history. They plotted, manipulated, and calculated everything into their plans. They put as many emperors on the thrown as they removed, war was considered nothing more than a casual move towards their goal, slaughter and sacrifice the payment they all accepted.
Time was nothing, death meant less, and the world would be theirs.
It sounded so fantastic, so surreal… and that was without looking to deeply at what they were doing. How could she even begin to tell her friends, people she considered family, that she was not only part of an experiment to produce perfect, loyal, and powerful warriors… but part of a failed experiment as well? She did not know which she was more ashamed of; fulfilling the unimportant role of toy or being a broken and discarded toy, useless with no merit.
Prophetic dreams where nothing in comparison to the other abilities her brothers and sisters had- especially when the dreams were uncontrollable, without focus. She saw nothing but quicksilver flashes, random scenes with no explanation. It did little good to know the outcome if the method to reach it was missing. Time and again she reacted to her dreams, acted in the vain hope to stop or change what she saw. Each time she thought she understood the true meaning behind it, was sure she had the correct knowledge to alter the future. Every time she had been wrong. That was why she was broken and useless.
Without being able to center or direct the visions… Well, she had been told that there was 'no current practical application' and handed a cup of poisoned tea.
All things considered, she really should have seen it coming. Then again, perhaps not.
She was sure living through that particular brand agony was nothing more than a cosmic joke. Surviving such a paralyzing and fatal mixture of ground plant and root could be nothing more than that. Just as the deal they struck upon her full recovery was nothing more than a whim. In their collective eyes she was nothing to them, with no true power or a possible threat so they let her live.
Which begged the question then, were they truly after her now? Were the deaths in her dreams even connected to her past? Could it be the hand of a yet unseen enemy? There were to many questions and not enough answers.
She was once more left with the only avenue available to her; to wait.