Freedom
Chapter14: No Light Here at the Bottom
Actual happiness looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.
-Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
Cool ocher eyes stared at her blankly and Kagura fought the urge to fidget. How he managed to do that was beyond her and it was even more annoying because Shunran seemed completely impervious to it. It had been a few days since she had shown Sesshoumaru the content of the letter and his reaction had been shown in true Sesshoumaru fashion. She had no real idea what he thought about the information found by the Hyou Clan.
The noble youkai had read over the letter before stopping and reading it again. His brows had risen slightly and he had looked up at her and Shunran before telling them to leave and not to come back until he sent for them. Kagura was not one to be ordered around by anyone, but had, with rancorous hesitance, took Shunran home with her and waited for word from Sesshoumaru. She had received word a week later and here she was.
After a few more moments of fruitless staring between the two elder youkai and the child-like awed examination of the design and structure of the room by Shunran, Kagura broke the silence.
"What the hell do you want?"
Sesshoumaru gave a slow blink and stood from his seat on the other side of his large desk. As he came to stand in front of the kaze youkai she was reminded of his height; he dwarfed her by at least a head. She huffed silently to herself. He liked to rub it in too.
He stood in front of her for another long moment before he stepped around her and moved to leave the room. He turned back to look at her and gave an impatient glare. "Both of you follow me."
Kagura blanched at the blatant order and if he had been anyone else she would have told him to screw off. Instead she hissed through her teeth as she grabbed Shunran by the elbow and dragged her out of the study and into the hallway.
The capital building of Tsuyoi was a grand and beautiful structure. Like the Fukuju arena and the many important buildings in the city of Tsuyoi the entire building was made out of pure white marble. All of the floors were made of a forest green polished stone that shined brightly in the light from the torches lining the walls. The meeting hall, which had once been the throne room, was located in the capital building, as well as all the war rooms and a large number of private meeting rooms. Much of the building was unused. Many of the rooms had been locked and closed off. It had once been a part of the palace that the king had lived in.
Sesshoumaru stopped abruptly in front of a half concealed door at the end of the hallway. Kagura stopped as well and stared up at Sesshoumaru in surprise. Shunran leaned over Kagura's shoulder and stared at the door, curious as to why they'd stopped.
"What's down there?" Shunran asked inquiringly.
Sesshoumaru stared at her out of the corner of his eye and Shunran stared back at him, obviously waiting for her answer. When the youkai showed no sign of doing so Kagura sighed in annoyance and began to speak.
"When Lord Hoseki was overthrown the palace was burnt down. The capital building managed to survive the flames and was restored. But there's a part of the building where no one can walk. We were given instructions to wait until the opportune moment, before venturing there again."
Shunran nodded in understanding and fell silent. Sesshoumaru stared at her a little longer, as if to make sure her curiosity was satisfied. When Shunran simply stared back at him the dai-youkai turned back to the door while reaching into his robes. He pulled out a small metal disk that had a small hole in the center. He placed it in a slot in the door where the doorknob should have been and twisted it counterclockwise. The door opened with a hiss of air. Sesshoumaru removed the disk and slipped it back into his robes before looking to Kagura and Shunran. They both peered into the darkness of the passage moment before realizing that Sesshoumaru still seemed to be waiting for them. Kagura gave a disdainful snort and shook her head.
"If you expect me to go down there first, you are out of your mind. No one's been down there for ye--,"
Kagura snapped her mouth shut as Shunran pushed past her and leaned into the passage.
"Neat," she said shortly before disappearing into the darkness.
Sesshoumaru gave an annoyed sigh as he nudged Kagura into the tunnel and grabbed a torch on the wall before disappearing into the darkness behind her. As the trio descended towards the bowls of the castle the door closed behind them with a soft snap and a pair of red eyes watched with gleeful malice.
Touran was tired. This past month of watching Inuyasha, agonizing, learning and reliving. She was scared. She was scared of what could become of him and how everything could go wrong. In the back of her mind she knew that the blood staining her hands wasn't really there and that Hoseki's death was beyond her control. But his son…Inuyasha…How could she expect him to live the same life as his father; a father that he barely knew? She couldn't help but remember his face when she'd mentioned his father. The same guilt that she felt, that ate away at her soul everyday. It had been in his eyes as well. Touran couldn't help but wonder why. Inuyasha couldn't have been more than 6 when his father had died.
Touran remembered him. The hyou youkai shook her head and allowed herself to fall back and look at the sky with wary eyes. The sky was clear. The forest around the compound was silent as everyone slept. Touran was by herself and surrounded by everything she and her siblings had built over the years. All the planning, all the lost lives depended on her fulfilling her promise to a childhood friend. A friend whose death was ultimately her fault. His son had been made to suffer because she hadn't been strong enough. Touran felt her eyes begin to burn and forced them wider open to fight the urge to cry. Now she had to lay this burden on his shoulders. She had to watch his face as he realized the truth. The hyou youkai closed her eyes and allowed the world to darken. She blocked out everything and painted a new world on the back of her lids. Hoseki was still alive. Her parents were still alive and happy and Karan was watching Touran and Hoseki train in the gardens like they used to.
But then Touran heard the footsteps behind her and the world was swept away as her eyes flew open. She didn't notice the twin trails of tears running down her cheeks. All she saw was the center of her thoughts standing at the base of the small rise she had occupied. Inuyasha watched her with a wary gaze and retreated a step, looking very uncomfortable. But Touran's gaze misted again as another image merged with his. An older inu-youkai, the same expression, asking her in worried frustration to stop crying. Touran closed her eyes and repainted her world again. With a heavy sigh she begged Hoseki for his forgiveness while cursing him for making her agree to this blasted promise in the first place.
"Inuyasha."
The hanyou raised his chin and pinned her with a defiant stare. His father's son.
"Come here. Sit with me. It's time I told you things," Touran said shortly before turning away from him and looking out over the forest.
She saw him hesitate and glance back at the compound out of the corner of her eye. But then he threw a determined look at her back before stepping up next to her and settling down.
'Could he know what I'm going to say?' she mused silently shooting him a small smile.
It seemed to work slightly and he relaxed a little, folding his arms into the black cloak he had brought with him. Touran studied him for a few moments before looking out over the forest again. The silence was a welcome one. It was light as Touran pulled all her thoughts together and Inuyasha let his drift. When the hanyou broke it Touran couldn't say she wasn't slightly relieved.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked softly without looking at her. Truly his father's son.
"I could ask the same of you. We just got back. You should be resting. Karan already had plans to take you into Kitanai with her for a private matching."
The hanyou's face darkened and a barely discernable tremble shook his body. "M'not tired," he mumbled.
Touran hummed and nodded distractedly. The silence fell again and the two of them welcomed it. Touran gathered what remained of her courage as Inuyasha struggled with the memories of the nightmare that had woken him up.
"Even after all this time, everything I see reminds me of him."
Inuyasha turned to look the noble youkai seated next to him but she refused to meet his eyes.
"Sometimes I think that I loved him and it hurts knowing that he only saw me as a big sister. I've never met anyone like him." Inuyasha was silent. "When he saw your mother I remember hating her, but when I held your brother and saw your father in him I loved him like I had given birth to him myself. Your father loved him so I loved him as well."
Inuyasha couldn't be silent about that. "Brother?"
"Let me finish or I'll never be able to."
Inuyasha fell silent and Touran took a deep breath. "Your brother was killed days before you were born during the first wave of the Geraku, 3 summers into his life. You were born on the full moon under a sky stained red with thousands of felled men. I'm not sure if you remember but one of the first things your eyes ever fell upon was a battlefield. I've always loved battle. When I was younger I was called Shimoyake. I lived by ending lives. But it wasn't enough to defeat this county's people. Your father was forced to go into hiding with his surviving son and wife and a new government was formed."
"What are you saying?" Inuyasha asked softly.
Touran turned to him with a sad smile. "You are your father's son. You are a son of kings. The heir to the throne of Nanashi."
Shunran and Kagura stopped when they reached the end of the tunnel and turned, looking back at Sesshoumaru. The noble inu-youkai walked forward and placed the same disk in a similar slot on a panel next to the solid stone door.
"My brother was many things," he droned as the door swung open. He stepped into the chamber and threw the torch down in a brazier located next to the door. Instantly the room was flooded with light. "He might have given up his pride and status by marrying and mating with a ningen. But he prepared well for the results."
Shunran frowned in confusion as her eyes swept the room and she found nothing horribly eye popping. Kagura however, was eyeing the twin spears in the middle of the stone chamber. The stand itself was exquisite. Wrought of a dark brushed metal, it twisted around the spears to the base and climbed up, ivy like, a few inches from the blade. The blades were a shining silver on both spears and were the length of a man's arm but then the similarities ended. On one spear the pole was an ebony black, with ivory brands creeping up and down the side. The other spear was the direct opposite. When Kagura leaned closer she noticed that the poles weren't made of wood but they weren't made of metal either.
"Bones," Sesshoumaru answered without being asked. "The bones of our ancestors. Two of the three great youkai blades. Tetsusaiga and Sou'unga."
Inuyasha was staring at her in panicked disbelief. The look she saw broke her heart. It was the same one Hoseki had given her when his son had been kidnapped and word of his death had reached the castle.
He'd breathed "No…" the same way as well.
But he hadn't laughed. He hadn't jumped to his feet either. He hadn't started cursing her and denying what she had just told him. But Inuyasha was. His she feared he would burn her.
"Isn't it enough that they're dead?" he hissed down at her. Touran got to her feet and faced Inuyasha completely. "Isn't it enough that for 50 years I've suffered because of what they made me? I have no one! I don't want his linage!"
"It is yours," Touran said bluntly.
"Is that why you bought me? Is that why I'm here? Why couldn't you leave me there to rot!" the hanyou screamed in anger, his eyes wild.
"Is that the life you think your mother and father wanted you to live?" Touran asked softly.
The hanyou huffed out a breath through his nose and turned away from her. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged on it in anger. "You recognized me," he hissed. "The first time you saw me…you've known all this time…"
"I'm sorry," Touran whispered quietly without facing him.
She heard a rush of air as Inuyasha heaved a sigh. She glanced at him out from under her bangs and blinked in surprise as he walked past her. His shoulders were relaxed and he was moving like the whole conservation she'd just had with him hadn't occurred. The lithe, lazy way he moved was his entirely and for one of the first times he was not his father. Maybe it was deliberate. Touran didn't know, but as she watched him walk away from her. She felt as if she'd just murdered her friend all over again. She tipped her head back and the world that she painted for herself enveloped her again. But she couldn't loose herself in it like she normally did. She slowly allowed her eyes to open; to gaze at the crescent moon shined down on her from the sky. One thought ran back and forth in her mind and she gave it voice.
"Hoseki…look what the world has done to your sons…"
89 years ago
The laughing deafened her as she invaded his hands. He was trying to catch her but trying and succeeding were two different things. The young inu-youkai growled and swiped at her again and Touran danced out of the way, still laughing.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw her younger sister and Sesshoumaru sitting in the shade of the cherry tree watching them with amused and annoyed expressions respectively. The two of them had no idea how cute they looked together but Touran hardly had anytime to play matchmaker for her 12 year old sister and the 14 year old brother of her best friend.
Said best friend took another half-hearted swipe at her with his claws before collapsing in a heap, panting hard. Touran smiled impishly and sat down in front of him, laughing when he shot her a glaring pout. Touran reached forward to pinch one of his cheeks and he huffed and pulled away from her.
"What's wrong Hos-kun? Did you like her that much?"
Hoseki made a face at Touran's nickname but knew better than to say anything about it. Instead he gave another angry huff and crossed her arms, turning away from Touran as he began to sulk.
"Oh come on. You're such a big baby."
"How am I supposed to get a mate if you keep on scaring all on them away?" Hoseki asked seriously.
"Do you really need one that much? I mean, your mother is fine ruling isn't she? Plus all those girls are losers anyway. It was just a lizard but did you hear how loud she screamed?"
"Yes, my ears are still ringing."
Touran laughed and collapsed against Hoseki causing them both to topple over in the grass. Instead of moving they just stayed that way and Touran sighed as Hoseki's spicy scent tickled her nose. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the two of them looked up at the sky in peaceful wonderment.
"I wish things could be this way forever," Hoseki whispered softly.
Touran frowned against his shoulder and craned her neck so she could peer into his face. "Why can't they? Why can't things be like this always?"
"Mother can't rule forever. I'll become king and it'll look bad if I let you throw lizards into my guest's laps."
"It was a small lizard."
Hoseki chuckled and held Touran tighter to him. The young hyou-youkai blushed before responding by snuggling closer. This had been happening more and more often between them and when Touran had asked her mother about it the elder youkai had laughed and ruffled her hair in her motherly way. She's said to just wait to see what would happen and so Touran waited. She was just beginning to realise what these blasted feelings of hers could mean and to say that she was scared was a bit of an understatement.
She was terrified.
She had known Hoseki for as long as she could remember and she didn't want ruin the friendship the two of them shared. The inu-youkai showed no interest in her other than an elder sister and the two of them loved their relationship. He was sure he loved her. But did he love her the way she loved him? Karan ever the cynical bitch had said that confessing her feelings to Hoseki could ruin their friendship. Touran, after she had yelled at Karan for eavesdropping, had thought about what she had said. It made sense, most of the things Karan said did.
Her friendship with Hoseki was a huge part in her life. What would she do without it? So Touran was quite.
She remained quiet when the daughter of a rich ningen family caught Hoseki's eye. She didn't say anything when Hoseki found her excitedly after his mating night and explained in great detail how much he loved Izayoi and how many children the two of them were going to have.
She said nothing as her heart silently broke.
(AN): Yes hello people. Are you in shock at the fastness of Kitsama's update? No need to answer. Of course you are.
Just to clear up one thing. Sesshoumaru is not Inuyasha's brother in this story. If you want to nag or politely ask me why not, head to my forum. If not, I'll think that you really don't care and I'll feel free to do anything. (Like make Inuyasha shave off all his hair…I'll do it! I'm crazy!)
Ahem…with this I leave you…
Read and Review (or don't). No I don't own Inuyasha (or do) and feel free to eat my chocolate maiden. She bleeds just for you.