49
Aligned Design
Ch 55
Bobby sat at the kitchen table, doing nothing, just sitting. Gleason came down the hall and stopped at the hall closet. Bobby stood up and stepped from the kitchen. He watched her take her wrap and adjust it around her shoulders. She bent for her shoulder bag on the floor behind his chair. Her hand was on the knob when he said softly, "Gleason," she stopped and he continued, "Honey, where are you going?"
She stood for a moment and then said, "I'm going outside, Bobby."
"Let me go with you. Ok?"
She turned and looked at him. He saw such sadness. "I'm going outside." She shut the door behind her.
Bobby sat in his chair in the gathering gloom with his right leg bent at the knee, his foot on the seat under him. His right elbow rested on his right knee and he chewed on his thumb. In all of their troubles, in all of his anxiety since they had been together, Bobby had never felt this kind of emptiness. He knew this just wasn't from having lost the baby, this emptiness was from what he had lost of Gleason; this was what his accusation had cut from her, from him.
Dr. Stephens had said Gleason would feel a pain greater than his. She said Gleason would feel a hollowness that he would have to help heal. But Bobby was not certain he could ever get back what they had had. He was so angry with himself. Angry at his anger. Where did this come from? Why did he go off like that? What was wrong with him? He loved Gleason above everything else in life. How could he say such a thing to her – accuse her of ending their child? He hated himself.
The gloom became darkness. Bobby got up, put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket, phone and keys and headed out. He wanted to find her. He stood outside his building and called her cell. He knew she wouldn't answer. He turned left, south, and headed down the block toward Nero's, a coffee shop. She might not have gone far.
He pulled open the door and saw her at a table with a pot of tea. She didn't see him come in. He crossed to her and she looked up as he pulled out the chair, then she looked away. She had been crying. Bobby reached for her hand and she slid it off the table, into her lap. Then she sat back, away from the table.
"Gleason," he started softly. He didn't know what else to say. There were no words to undo what he had done, what he had said.
The server started over and then stopped; she recognized the look, the posture, the pain. He's not going to want anything I can offer, she thought, and returned to her spot behind the counter.
Bobby squeezed his eyes with his right hand. "Gleason, I'm, I'm sorry."
Gleason was not strong enough to look at him. "Gleason . . . I am so sorry for thinking that you . . . that –," he couldn't finish. He looked down, searching for words and found none. "Gleason, I don't know what to say."
She looked up at him and saw him hurting. "Then what do you want me to say? What do you want me to do, Bobby?"
"Say you forgive me. Say you love me. Gleason, love me again." He hitched a sob. Pain was written on his face, in his eyes.
She looked at the man she would love for the rest of her life. Her heart filled, her soul warmed. Gleason moved her right hand from her lap and reached for his hand. He took her hand and held tight. His breathing quickened.
"I didn't do anything, Bobby. It happened by itself. I didn't do anything."
"Oh, God, Gleason, I know. I know. I am so sorry." They sat looking at each other for a long time.
Finally, Bobby said, "Let's go home."
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They both flew to Chicago the following Thursday afternoon. Gleason introduced Bobby to her friends at the Hilton Garden Inn in Evanston where they stayed. Antonio and Loomis took Friday off and helped Bobby look for an apartment for Gleason. Loomis had a cousin who was a realtor and the four of them spent the day in search of some place nice. Antonio and Loomis talked Bobby's ears off; speaking so highly of their Dr. W. Bobby listened, smiled and was happy these people loved her.
Gleason spent the day with her new colleagues, working on class schedules, course alignments and configuring syllabi content. Malcolm Conway sat across from her, stood beside her, and was always near her. Gleason felt his eyes on her. It made her uncomfortable.
That evening, a dinner in Gleason's honor, welcoming her to Northwestern, was held at the Athletic Club in downtown Chicago. Faculty of the four departments that Gleason would be shared among was invited, as were their spouses. Gleason proudly introduced Bobby to everyone. Everyone was enchanted to meet her beau. Gleason introduced Bobby to Malcolm. Bobby and Malcolm eyed each other and Bobby immediately knew the other man's intentions. It made him uncomfortable.
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Bobby and Lewis, his best friend, removed the second-hand furniture from Gleason's old apartment near campus. Lewis acquired a pickup truck and they took the furnishings to St. Michael's Men's Shelter. Father Picard was delighted to accept the items.
Gleason bagged up the few bits of linen – two sets of sheets, a few hand and bath towels, dishcloths and tea towels – and sent them along. She boxed up all the nonperishable foods and sent them as well. The dishes, cutlery, pots and pans went, too. She got back her deposit and made a gift of it to the shelter. Father Picard teared up.
It took less than two hours to remove any sign that she had ever lived there. Bobby was glad to return the keys to the manager.
Lewis offered to store Gleason's old Volvo. She just needed to keep it insured. He would cover it with a fitted cotton tarp and keep it in his heated garage. Lewis promised to drive it for an hour every week and maintain the fluids. Secretly, Lewis hoped to be Bobby's best man when that day came.
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Nineteen-year old Matt Baldwin received, the maximum sentence – fifteen to twenty-five years at Rikers for the rape of the minor, Julie Deakins, aged fifteen. He received an additional ten for the abduction and five more for the assault. The terms were to be served consecutively. He would be eligible for parole when he was nearly fifty. Jim Deakins was sorry it was not longer.
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Estella was quiet that first Saturday after Gleason's miscarriage. She saw that the pretty green, leading to yellow, ending in white colors were gone from Gleason's aura. She saw the pervasive blue. Estella knew that deh preddy ladee was sad, berry sad. She could see that way deep down, in a place where Gleason was not even aware of, Gleason had wanted that baby. Had the pregnancy continued, Gleason would have embraced the idea. As her belly would have grown, so would her love and excitement for this baby.
The baby had been a boy. He was a little boy with the curliest dark brown hair that would show red in the sunlight. His eyes were the ice blue of his maternal grandfather's eyes. He would have freckles like his mom and he would have his father's nose, height, and intellect. He would be a happy, good, kind child. He would have been loved.
But, that baby was an angel now. He would show up occasionally. His grandma could see him. She would talk with him, too. He would make her laugh. Everyone thought she was sick in the head, but he knew she could see him. He loved his Gran and she loved him. He was with her often. The man who would have been his dad was sad when the little boy's Gran would ask the man to bring her books that she could read to that little boy who came to visit.
The little boy did not understand why the man who would have been his dad, and the lady who would have been his mom could not see him as his Gran could see him. They could not see him when he played with the leaves that blew in the park. He did not understand why they would not put him in the swing when they were there. He would stand and push the empty swing as they walked by. He ran in the shadows, and danced in the sunlight. He splashed in the rain. He whispered with the trees at night. But they could not see him, could not hear him.
The little boy would visit the man and the lady in their sleep. The man could see him while the man was asleep and he would play with the little boy. They would chase and the man would lift him up high. They would laugh. The man was so happy when the little boy visited the man's sleep. The man always woke happy and calm.
The lady's sleep was less fun. She was always afraid in her sleep. And sad. Many times the lady could not find him. She would look and look, but she would not see him. The little boy did not visit the lady so much.
He watched over the man and the lady who would have been his mom and dad, though. He made sure they were happy and safe.
Estella could see so many things with her gift. She looked at Bobby for just a few minutes as he headed out the door that Saturday morning. But she could see that his pain over their loss was great. Her Midder Bobby felt things so deeply. Midder Bobby would recover, but his colors had changed slightly. He still had the gold of great love and silver of great intellect. But his bands were not as deep, nor as wide. This loss stole a great deal from him. He would recover, but he was a changed man.
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Julie Deakins saw a psychiatrist twice a week. She and her parents saw a psychiatrist together every other week. Julie was on a first course of antidepressants. Her mother had a prescription as well.
Julie asked to transfer to another school. Jim and Angie spoke to her shrink who said it was probably a good idea. Angie drove her daughter to the new school each day and picked her up afterward. Julie's grades came up and she made new friends.
Jim Deakins had another bout with Bell's palsy. This time it was worse and lasted longer. His blood pressure and cholesterol were elevated and he was put on medication for both.
The solve rate in his department slowly improved and the brass upstairs backed off a bit. Deakins was going to take his wife and daughter on a real vacation this year. They all needed to get away.
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Eames and Sledge continued to grow together. He still kept his place and she kept hers. They lived at her place three weeks out of every four. Sledge gained ten pounds eating Eames' cooking.
Sledge and Linda, his ex-wife, continued their friendship. They met for their weekend in Toronto as they had for years and would for years to come. Sledge and Eames spent a long weekend in Las Vegas. This would become an annual event as well.
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Bobby continued to see Dr. Stephens. He worked through so many issues with her help. Over time, his anger dissipated. He had fewer flares and was better able to extinguish them. Eventually, he was seeing Dr. Stephens every other Wednesday morning.
He was back at the shooting range and his score began to improve. Six weeks after having his weapon taken from him, he got it back. It felt wonderful, he felt complete. His and Eames' solve rate averaged seventeen days, the lowest at MCS.
Gleason moved to Chicago. She set up life in a small, cozy, furnished apartment Loomis' cousin found for her near campus. Dr. Manlowe arranged her class schedule to allow her to fly to New York late Friday morning and back to Chicago early Monday afternoon.
Bobby introduced Gleason to his mother. His mom and Gleason talked for a long time that first visit. Mrs. Goren told her son that she was happy he had finally found his one and only. She asked him when he and Gleason were going to be married, as she wanted to be there. Bobby was bothered when his mom started to ask for children's books to read to a little boy who would come and visit her. He spoke with the nurses and they said no children had been about. They promised to watch for this new manifestation. Gleason went with Bobby on his weekly visits to Carmel Ridge. Gleason and Mrs. Goren became as close as mother and daughter. Bobby and Gleason settled into a routine that allowed their love to grow.
Personal and private lives continued to improve for the folks who worked on the eleventh floor of One Police Plaza.
The End